When God Speaks...

...how well do you listen?
I can count on one, maybe two, fingers the amount of times that I feel I have heard God speak to me in a without-a-doubt-that-was-God-speaking-audible voice. I feel He speaks to me through different ways: music, books, other people by reminding me of things I need to hear or revealing things to me. I do not often hear a voice though. Maybe part of it is because I never know if it's God speaking or me going crazy and having voices in my head.
I have had a rough time lately as I have struggled through my thoughts on church. What is church, exactly? What is the purpose? Is the church (as an institution) what God intended? Is it fulfilling its purpose if it is? And on and on and on. I had a very personal and hurtful experience happen in my beginning college years involving my home/childhood church. It led me into two seperate counseling experiences which led me to forgiving my childhood pastor and overcoming my mistrust of pastors in general. Every once in awhile, however, I can feel the old thoughts coming back and I have to give them over to God again.
Within the past couple weeks I have started listening to Moody Bible Radio station often. In the past I have listened to Family Life on WCSG during lunch times. I love it. Then I stumbed across the Moody station and have found all sorts of new shows and speakers to listen to. It's been great. My sister-in-law, Deidra, also has been sending resources my way of books and articles to read, speakers to listen to, etc. A few years ago she was where I am now in the kind of question asking mode. Anyways, the past week has been great for me. I have let go (again) of bitterness toward the church as an institution. It's not perfect after all and never can be. I think this Sunday I was finally ready and willing to hear what had to be said during the sermon and God spoke to me...through what Paul had to say but more incredibly, through His voice that I could actually hear. As I was listening to Paul talk about how we don't do things through our strength but through God's (he was going over Isaiah 6:5-8) and so what kind of God leap are you going to take, I felt a voice press against my heart.
Write.
Um, sorry God. What? Was that even You?
Silence.
As we started to sing the last set of songs to close out the service, the first one was called "Found" by Hillsong. (By the way, I love Hillsong.)
Write.
There it was, pressed upon me again. Immediately tears came to my eyes.
I can't God.
Not on your own, but you can with my strength.
Enter chin quiver to accompany tears while praying people are too involved with singing to notice me in my little area against the wall.
What if I fail?
Write.
What do I write?
He brought to mind a prologue for a book I started back in September. I wrote it, showed it to Tim and a friend who both thought it was great and told me they couldn't wait to read more, then let fear take over me and haven't touched it since.
Well, ok, God. I'm going to trust You on this one.
"And I found myself in You, Lord..."
(Remember to pause music on the right side.)

Easy Gift Cards

I'm going to throw a little plug on here for two reasons.
#1. Who doesn't need/want gift cards?
#2. It's free and easy.

I was on moneysavingmom yesterday and read about something called Swagbucks. You can read her post here about it or you can see how one woman earned enough to do all her Christmas shopping here.
You register to use Swagbucks as your search engine and then you get Swagbucks when you do a search. Your swagbucks can be used toward gift cards. I installed the toolbar, started searching this morning and have already earned some bucks.
If you want to earn even more, then you can refer people and get extra swagbucks when they sign up. Hence, another reason I'm posting this on my blog. If you decide you want to look into and sign up for this, please use my referral code:
http://swagbucks.prodege.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=246394
I also like it because I use Google as my primary search engine and Swagbucks searches by Google and ask.com.

I'm off to search for some knitting patterns!

Read This Book

I just finished reading Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. I read it in college and then again afterwards and now I completed my third time reading it.
It is one of the best fiction books I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and...just, everything. I love it. I have read many, if not all, of Francine Rivers' books and this might be my favorite. I think it is.
So go read it. Now. Female, male - everyone should read it.
If you have read it already, what were your thoughts?

I Feel Like...

aldkjfoaihgonadgnounsdogfnweotnewwnrotrotnrtg

Do you ever feel like that? Just kind of jumbled? Like you're running from one thing to the next and the next and you just want to slow down? That's my today.
Life has been fairly calm lately. Just little stuff here and there...but today, ay yi yi. I was late getting out of the house to get Noah to preschool, came home and worked on his quilt the whole time. Then after picking him up I came home, shoved food into them and put them down for some nap/quiet times because at 1:30 we have to leave again, which means I am going to be waking them up from their sleep. I am typing this as I shove food into my own mouth (it's all about multi-tasking, right?) I have to run to the store, drop Noah off at Matt and Jeana's, go to my STATS meeting, tell some kids that their personal talks were rotten (actually, I'll be much nicer than that), go back to Matt and Jeana's, make some toffee for holiday gifts, have dinner, play, put the kids to bed over there, have our Love and Respect Bible study, and then roll on home sometime between 10 and 11:00.

All I really want to do is finish Noah's quilt because I'm so close. Then I want to make a cup of hot cocoa, sit down with my knitting, and put on some music to relax with.

But for now....asd;kljfwoaientoiwrengoirngo;irehoginrgoirenogin.

Clap On...

Ellie learned to clap last week. Now she does it all the time, especially when we say "Yea!" or "Good girl!"
You'll want to pause the music on the right and also, I apologize for my singing voice. =)

Heaven in the Eyes of a Child

Last Thursday Tim was meeting with the guys from our small group so I was left to put the kids to bed on my own. Ellie was crabby and tired so she went down earlier than usual. I was kind of glad because then this left me some time to play with Noah, just the two of us.
Later, while going through the bedtime routine, he picked out the book he wanted to read. It was a book of Bible stories and when we were done reading it I decided that I should probably start talking to him more about all of that. I was also inspired by my friend Rachel, who tried to talk to her son about it awhile ago.
I started with Creation and then skipped to Jesus as I could tell I was starting to lose him. I ended by telling him that someday, if he accepts Jesus into his life, he will not only be his friend but that Noah would be able to live in Heaven forever with Mommy and Daddy and (insert names of grandparents, aunts and uncles.) At this point he got very excited.
"And we will be able to watch "Dora" forever and ever!" he exclaimed.
Slightly thrown off, I said, "No. I don't think so. We will get to sing, though. We will get to sing songs to God as much as we want." I figured he would love this idea since he sings all day long.
"No, Mama. We watch "Dora" in Heaven. Together. Forever."
First of all, we don't even watch "Dora the Explorer" at our house so I'm not sure where she is even coming from.
Secondly, as my mom pointed out when I was telling her about our conversation, if we are watching "Dora the Explorer" for eternity than she is pretty sure we're in hell.
Well, I tried, right? It's all about planting the seeds....

Seven Prayers For Seven Days

I would encourage all you moms (and dads!) to read this post and do it with your kids. I have felt convicted lately of not praying enough for my children.

Perfect Days

Well, except for the outcome of the election.
Saturday was beautiful fall weather. I cleaned the inside of the house like crazy - it just felt like one of those days where it should be done. By that afternoon, with the sun shining inside so brightly and everything dusted and swept and scrubbed, my place looked sparkling! Tim did outside work while I was inside. I helped him rake leaves for a bit in the afternoon. We had so many all over the backyard. Of course, by Sunday afternoon, the leaves were getting their revenge already. Today I raked the front yard because the tree in front decided to drop almost all its leaves at the same time this morning. I couldn't even see the grass by this afternoon. I did it so Tim wouldn't have to pull in from work and see all the leaves. I already catch him mumbling out the back door window at the leaves sometimes. He feels so defeated by them.
Today was another good day, except I woke up to find that Obama is our next president AND that the proposals passed in Michigan. I have to admit I was more upset about the approvals of the proposals than Obama. Proposal One was for the legalization of marijuana for medical purposes. I am completely against this because I think that things are going to get out of hand. Proposal Two was for the support of embryonic stem cell research. I am against this for so many reasons that I don't even know where to start...especially after it has been proven that there are stem cells from other areas that are more effective for research! I won't go so far as other people who I have talked to who are convinced that this is all the beginning of the end times but it makes one think, I'll say that. I don't think that we can predict when Christ will return and any guess is a poor one. Every day we wake up brings us closer to the end no matter what else is going on in the world. I do know that Paul and Timothy in the Bible thought they were also living in the end times.
So back to my otherwise perfect day. I worked out. I'm trying to work out 3 times a week. Last week I worked out twice. So far this week...once. But hey, I still have three days left. This afternoon I raked all those leaves so it was almost like a double workout today. Noah works out with me...kind of. He likes to try some of the moves, although he never does the entire thing. It is amazing to me the flexibility that preschoolers have. He was correcting me on some of my lunges! "No, mama. Like this." Then he would perfectly demonstrate it. Maybe he'll be the future trainer of "The Biggest Loser."
I got along with my kids today. That always make for good times. We went on a walk this morning. Noah rode his tricycle and I pushed Ellie in the stroller. When Noah is on his bike we never go very far or fast, but he loves it and I find it nice to be outside in great weather.
I called Deidra and we ended up talking for three and a half hours. It always goes like that. We don't talk often on the phone but when we do it's never for less than two hours. I'm not kidding. Today we talked politics, religion, and a little bit about family. She picks my brain and gives me things to think about. Today she said something that really struck me which I can't put on here because it's still sinking into my head but when I brought it up with Tim tonight he agreed with my thoughts. Let's just say it was one of those moments where you feel like you've been hit in the head and you say, "Oh! That's my problem! That's what's wrong with me right now!" So thanks, Deidra (I don't even know if you're aware of it.)
Monday night Tim was at a Coldplay concert on the other side of the state. Matt won tickets and took Tim with him (it was an early birthday present for Tim, who turns 28 in a couple weeks. I don't know how I'm supposed to come up with something better than that!) He didn't get back until after 1:30 in the morning. I do not sleep well without him. Especially when I'm the only adult in the house. I stayed up for a long time reading blogs and on Facebook. Then around midnight I tried to fall asleep while keeping the nightstand lamp on. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being but was still scared. I decided to read my Bible for a little bit in hopes of being calmed. I'm reading through the Bible right now and am currently in the Psalms. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to open it because you never really know what you're going to get in Psalms. David might be fearing for his life while hiding from King Saul. It might be a chapter on being in a pit of despair and surrounded by enemies. It might be praise. You never really know. I tentatively opened it to Psalm awaiting me and laughed when I found God speaking directly to me:
Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."
Sure, the first couple verses start out with him being chased by his enemies. However, this verse makes me laugh because Noah has a CD and DVD by Steve Chapman (not to be mistakenwith Steven Curtis Chapman) that are full of Bible passages made into songs. This, to me, is great because Noah LOVES music and singing and it's an easy way to teach him verses and help him memorize them. On the DVD are videos: they are very early 90s and extremely cheesy, but again - Noah loves them. One of the songs is Psalm 56:3. In the video there is a little girl in her bed and she wakes up because of a thunderstorm. She is afraid and notices her Bible on her nightstand. She reads Psalm 56:3 and then bows her head in prayer. The songs says, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you. When I am afraid I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise." There are a couple more lyrics, but not many.
After reading some more Scripture and praying, allwhile having the song run constantly through my head, I turned off the light and was asleep in seconds. Tim came home a half hour later and I briefly woke up but not for long.
I think it's funny how God speaks to us sometimes to tell us exactly what we need to hear.

I Voted

Today I voted after dropping off Noah at preschool. I voted outside of the Republican and Democrat candidates and went third party this year. I felt great afterwards. I get so tired of comments like "I'm going to vote for the lesser of two evils" or the assumption that Christians have to vote Republican and whatnot.
I researched the candidates and found one that I felt I could stand behind. I think that in this election people are voting passionately. I was not passionate about McCain or Obama. I did know I was NOT for Obama, but McCain makes me feel jittery for some reason. I know many people who are passionate toward one or the other. My husband voted McCain; this might be the only time we have voted differently in an election. He thinks I wasted my vote yet at the same time respects why I did it.
I, personally, cannot wait for this election to be done. I think it's going to be closer than what the polls are predicting. Seriously, when are people going to stop looking at the polls? Take a peek back to the last couple elections when first Gore and then Kerry were supposed to have the presidency with no problems. I'm never polled and I don't know anyone who has been so I don't even know where they come up with these percentages!
By the way, didn't Madonna or Barbara Streisand or someone say they were going to leave the country if Bush won in 2004? Why are they still here? I guess Democrats can't always make good on their promises...

Trick or Treat!

Noah was a "painter like daddy" for Halloween this year. Ellie borrowed a dress up outfit from my mom's house and was a butterfly. It was perfect weather for some trick or treating.

Ellie did great and was cheerful the whole time (until we tried to take these pictures then it was a little close to the bottle time - hence the binky in the mouth.) People gave extra candy even though we said she wouldn't be able to eat it.

Noah collected his goods in a paint can and people thought he was cute and creative. Tim and I separated the candy last night after he was in bed. We left him about 5 or 6 pieces and decided to limit to one a day. Yes, we are "those parents." I was telling Tim this week that I don't even know why we take him out since we don't actually let him have candy but he reminded me that it's (a) fun and a way to meet neighbors and (b) the candy is for the parents at this age.

Preschool

Today was a Halloween party at Noah's preschool. It was optional for the kids to dress up. Noah did not want to. He informed me that he can only wear his costume tomorrow night when he gets candy. Instead, he wanted to wear the Halloween shirt that my parents bought him. It has Tigger on it and a pumpkin that lights up when the shirt moves. My mom apologized when she bought it because she knows I am not a fan of clothes with cartoon characters on them but she thought it was too cute to pass up. I'm fine with it because he loves the shirt. Even though he wasn't wearing a costume the kids were as fascinated with his shirt as he was with their outfits.
After circle time (during which I have to admit I became teary-eyed because I realized how fast he continues to grow up in front of me...I know...I'm a sap) the kids lined up and then paraded around the church to show the staff members and collect candy. They then came outside to where we parents were waiting and paraded on the sidewalk around the church.
After the parade, Ellie and I headed a couple blocks over to the library. While there I ran into a mom whose daughter is in Noah's classroom. She was finishing reading "The Shack" and so we struck up a conversation about it. It's actually the second time she read it. We then talked about the churches we attend and a little about family. It was nice to sit and visit with someone I don't know but who shares a common bond through being a preschool mom, as well as a sister in Christ.
Tuesday is Picture Day. I was telling my mom I didn't even know they had picture day. I thought it was a kind of silly thing for preschoolers. She told me that my preschool had picture day and then I recalled a certain picture of me from when I was four. Now I have to figure out what to dress Noah in. The note said there is no obligation to buy any of the pictures. Yeah, right. What mom of a preschooler passes up her child's first picture day pictures?
While we were waiting outside for the kids to parade out, a mom shared with us that her husband died three weeks ago. All of us were slightly stunned and then she really shocked up by telling us he committed suicide. He has battled depression for years and they were in counseling, and she is still numb and confused as to how he could do it and leave her and Brooke. For the next half hour a bunch of us moms just stood and listened to her as she shared with us her grief and anger. We would have stood longer but she told us she had to go. What do you do? We all offered help with taking Brooke to school or picking her up. Her church told her they wouldn't have his funeral there because they believe that since he wasn't a member of the church then he wasn't actually in heaven. Whoa.
I am thinking of sending her a card and letting her know that if she wants to grab a cup of coffee while the kids were at school one day, then to let me know. I don't know if she has a community of people to help her. She said that her family is not in the area and that her in-laws are, but that they've been mean and hard to handle. She kept looking at me while she was talking, almost like a silent plea. Maybe it's because we've chatted a couple times since the kids started and then I hadn't seen her in the last couple weeks. She said she's been late dropping Brooke off and picking her up because she can hardly drag herself out of bed some mornings. I personally don't think I could get myself out of bed. I think she is coping with this much better than I probably would, yet I don't know. I hope to never find out. I felt God moving me to do something; I just don't know what beyond starting with a card and maybe coffee. Does anyone have any advice or experience in this area? What do you say to someone who is grieving? What do you say when a woman has lost her high school sweetheart, her husband and partner of fifteen years? How do you make yourself accessible?

Ellie's 6 Month Checkup

She turned 6 months about a week and a half ago, but Ellie just had her well child visit yesterday. She is in the 32nd percentile for weight and the 72nd percentile for height so she is long and skinny. I still can't get over how different this is from Noah's at that age, where he was in the 25th percentile or below for height and between 25 and 50th for weight. At 6 months, Noah was still wearing 0-3 month clothes. Ellie is in 6-9 or 12 months (depending on brand.) I guess it just proves (again!) that all kids are different.

He said she is perfect and he can't find anything wrong with her. He also said she could stand to take a couple months off for a break since she is advanced developmentally. He asked if she rolled from stomach to back and I told him she goes all the way across the floor and around the room. He asked if she could sit up for about 30 seconds and I told him it was more like 30 minutes and then I told him she is also trying to inchworm around - not always, but often. He was pretty impressed and said that most babies don't start diong those things until around 8 months or so. Tim said he knew she was doing things sooner than Noah, but when I checked Noah's baby book he was actually doing these things at the same ages. I think the only thing she is doing that he wasn't at this point is chattering non-stop. He made screeching noises and happy sounds, but she is doing the "da-da", "ba-ba" stuff, which he didn't do until around 7 1/2 months. I'm not looking at his baby book to compare them to each other, just because I can't remember when to expect certain things! It is amazing how much you forget even after just a couple years.

So there is our Eleanor update. She is a joy to our home and family. Her personality is one of extremes - she's usually either very happy or very cranky. There's not really an inbetween with her.

Tim and I were watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" the other night and it was about a boy named Job who spent 6 years in and out of hospitals for leukemia, a double lung transplant and I can't even remember what else - and he's only 10 years old now! As soon as we heard the name, I said, "Well, what in the world did they expect by naming him Job?!" A minute later they were doing the little interview part with the mom and she was talking about how they had gotten grief from family members when they chose to name him Job because everyone kept pointing out Job in the Bible and that his name means "suffering." She said they lean on the latter part of Job's life where he was more blessed during the second half of his life than the first. Tim and I started talking about names and what our's mean and our kids'. We personally, checked the meaning of the names for our children after finding ones we liked. We wanted to know out of curiousity, but also because Biblically people were named for significant reasons and we wanted to honor that as well.

Noah means "calm, peace." He was very much like this as a baby although he is quite the preschooler now. However, I still find him to be peaceful and calm often. He is content to play on his own for awhile, he travels well in the car for looong periods of time, and he is not one to pick a fight and only fights back when defending himself against physical harm. He also brought us a sense of peace when we found out he was a healthy pregnancy after going through our miscarriage. Tim and I discussed how the Biblical Noah went through ridicule while building the ark but he still went through with following God. We pray that our Noah is the same way, even if he is made fun of throughout school for his beliefs (if he so chooses to follow the Lord.) Edwin means "rich friend." We'll see about that rich part and if it means monetary. That name actually came from my grandfather.

Eleanor means "light." Though she is named after Tim's grandmother, we are praying she is a light in the world. Lee means "meadow." I like meadows, but that middle name was also my grandma's middle name.

Timothy means "to honor God." I would say he fits it pretty well. Andrea means "womanly" which is a joke to me because since becoming a mom I don't feel very womanly. I guess if you look at it in the sense of being a wife and mother, however, I have that one covered.

What about your name? What does it mean? What do the names of your children mean? Did you take name meaning into consideration when naming your children? Do you think it's important?

Updated Video Montage

*Update* It looks like the video below switched to the new music as well (Over the Rhine's "Hush Now.") I'm sorry not all of you could enjoy the David Bowie music. ** =)

This video montage is with the correct music. If you want to watch the one posted below with the awesome '80s music by David Bowie ("As the World Falls" from the movie Labyrinth) go for it.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

A Tribute and Trivia

While watching a video today that Lydia made for her precious new baby, Beatrix Sparrow, I decided to try to make my own. This is a brief recap in photos of the last five and a half years with Tim. You'll want to pause the Project Playlist music to the right.
Also, I uploaded the wrong song but then kept it because I thought it was funny. Can anyone guess who sings it or what it's from? Hint: Think eighties.

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Have You Thanked...

...your mother-in-law lately?

Every so often I like to thank my in-laws for their son. I write a quick email to let them know what a fantastic husband and father he is. I let them know details or little things he does to make us all feel special and loved. I thank them for raising a hard worker and instilling good values in him.

I do this because I am thankful for Tim. I'm sure there were times when he was growing up that he was not an easy child. I'm thankful for the prayers they said to help him grow into a godly man. I am thankful they welcomed me into their family. In marrying Tim I immediately gained an extra set of parents, a kind and generous older sister, wise brother-in-law and two wonderful nephews, and a thoughtful and beautiful older brother and sister-in-law that I was blessed to have spent the first few years of our marriage in close proximity to.

Is Tim's family perfect? No, of course not. Neither is mine. We all have our flaws and weak spots. I can't choose the family I was born into. I could choose the family I married in to. I think they're pretty incredible overall. Since I married Tim I have also gained two more active nephews and two adorable nieces. Who knows how many more may come (that one is up to you, Deidra, since I think Kristen feels done with four.) =)

So if you haven't done so yet - go thank your mother-in-law (or your father-in-law, too.) You may not have a good relationship with her or you may count her as a close friend. Regardless of how you get along with her, she brought your husband into this world and raised him. That in itself deserves your appreciation and gratitude.

Also, I want to wish my mother-in-law a very happy birthday. We love you!

Trying Something New

I am reading through the Psalms right now and this one stuck out to me.

Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God;

the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

Day after day they pour forth speech;

night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language

where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,

their words to the ends of the world.

In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

which is like a bridegroom coming

forth from his pavilion,

like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It rises at one end of the heavens

and makes its circuit to the other;

nothing is hidden from its heat.

The law of the Lord is perfect,

reviving the soul.

The statues of the Lord are trustworthy,

making wise the simple.

The precepts of the Lord are right,

giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant,

giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is pure,

enduring forever.

The ordinances of the Lord are sure

and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold,

than much pure gold;

they are sweeter than honey,

than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned,

in keeping them there is great reward.

Who can discern his errors?

Forgive my hidden faults.

Keep your servant also from willful sins;

may they not rule over me.

Then will I be blameless,

innocent of great transgression.

May the words of my mouth and

the meditation of my heart

be pleasing in your sight,

O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

This passage doesn't really have anything to do specifically with my post. I just thought I would share it. I love that the Bible revives the soul, makes wise the simple, gives joy to the heart, gives light to the eyes, endures forever and is altogether righteous.

I have had quite a few "mommy moments" lately that I am not proud of. At times it has been my voice going from just raised to plain yelling. Sometimes it is wanting to hop in the van and drive away. I have thoughts of dropping them in a daycare and finding a job so someone else can spend the day with them.

That thought is the one that always seems to get me thinking clearly again. I know when I get to that one I need to stop and breathe. Do I really want my life any other way? Some women would kill to be in my position to stay home with their kids. Tim and I make sacrifices so that I am able to do it: we drive junky vehicles, don't eat out often and when we do we are extremely conscious of the prices of what we're ordering, we buy new clothes for ourselves maybe twice a year and for the kids as needed (thankfully they have had some hand-me-downs.)

But would I trade those things for me to go back to work? Do I wish we had more money than just paycheck-to-paycheck so that I could go buy some new clothes? Of course I wish that. Do I wish we could get some money in our emergency fund and actually keep it there longer than a month before something else breaks? I sure do. But would I trade my days at home for those things?

I don't think so.

I think one reason I have been so crazy with my kids lately is distraction. I like to talk on the phone. I like catching up with friends and family and I need some sort of adult communication during the day. Lately, though, I have been doing it a lot while they are awake and then not answering the phone during naptime because that is "my" time. Noah acts out while I'm on the phone and we usually spend the rest of the day bickering. He is crying out for my attention and I have been neglecting him.

Today I realized how horrible I feel and how selfish I am. Am I selfish for being a stay-at-home mom who wants some "me" time? No, I don't think so. I believe I need that time alone to rejuvenate and stay sane. However, could I be doing things I enjoy doing, like talking on the phone, checking my email, or reading books during their naptime instead of while they're awake? Yes. (I seem to be asking a lot of questions during this post...)

I started wondering today how Noah's attitude and behavior might be different if I was spending more time with him, not just being in the same room but actually doing things with him.

So this is what I decided, my little experiment. For the next week I am going to not talk on the phone unless it is during naptime. If you call before 1:00 in the afternoon and after 3:00 and my kids are awake, I will not be answering.

This might sound silly to some of you. Maybe you don't have this problem. That's great - I have to keep from envying you. =)

Maybe the passage above does tie into my post. I don't think the words of my mouth or the meditations of my heart have been very pleasing lately. It might be from my lack of time spent in the Word. When I sat down and read today during the kids naptime (well, actually during Noah's naptime and while I was feeding Ellie) it was amazing how different I felt after. After confessing my sinful thoughts and actions to the Lord and then reading the Bible I felt renewed and ready for a new start.

So here we go...

Already?!

Do you see Monday's forecast? That, my dear friends, is snow. I'm not ready. I need more fall! By the way, what's all this global warming stuff? Move to Michigan.

One Reason I Won't Vote Obama

Ah, the election draws nearer and I still wrestle who I will cast my vote for. I know one thing I am sure of though. I won't vote for Obama. (I'm wrestling between McCain and an independent.) I know that there are many factors that go into voting - many issues that need to be looked at and evaluated. From foreign policy to economics to education and so on. Then there is the abortion issue. This is more a moral issue and I think some people find it silly to cast a vote based on something they find to be not a major issue. It's a major isse to me, though.
I have been very pro-life since I was young enough to learn what abortion was. In high school, I wrote papers on it and presented them in class. You would probably never find me picketing outside an abortion clinic - that's not really my style of handling any issue.
I wonder how many women who are pro-choice have actually had an abortion. It seems that women whom I have heard speak that have had abortions carry scars and emotional guilt years later. I remember being at a conference called Hearts at Home a couple years ago and listening to a speaker named Lysa TerKeurst. She had all of us women thankful that there were tiny packages of Kleenex in our conference bags. She told her story that involved abortion.
About a month ago at a retreat for a program called STATS that I am a team leader for at Reeths-Puffer high school (groups of high schoolers go into local middle schools to talk about abstinence from drugs, tobacco, alcohol and sex until marriage) we listened to one of the team leaders share her story that involved drugs, alcohol, and an affair with a married man that landed her pregnant. She had that baby and went through college as a single mom. She married and had another son. Her husband was abusive to both her and her kids and the week that she finally found the courage to leave him, she found out she was pregnant. Not wanting to be a single, pregnant woman with other children or stay in an abusive marriage and have another baby, she ended up having an abortion. I watched as she stood up in front of us and cried while explaining that twenty years later - even though she knows God has forgiven her - she can't forgive herself for her abortion because she knows in her heart it was murder.
I have heard countless stories of women intent on abortions who go into a pregnancy center and end up receiving an ultrasound. Almost 90% of women who see this ultrasound end up changing their mind and either keep the baby themselves or give the child up for adoption.
I believe that life begins at conception. I saw Eleanor's tiny heart beating at 7 weeks. Though she looked like no more than a peanut, there was a constant flutter in her chest. I think any time a heart stops beating, it's a sign of death. I am pretty sure an abortion causes a heart to stop beating and because it was deliberately performed, I consider it murder.
I think that we need to be a nation that advocates adoption. I mean, for those of us who are going to stand against abortion, we have to have more than just that. We can't just encourage a woman to have a baby and then leave her. She might not be able to raise a child, whether because of single, or finances, or being in a relationship she herself does not want to be a part of. She has to know, though, that she is not alone during that time and that there is adoption. That way, twenty years later when she thinks about her baby, she can know that he or she was given a chance at life instead of regretting her decision and living with guilt.

I'm It

I was tagged by Erin last week but didn't see it until I was catching up today. I did a post awhile ago when I was tagged but this one is different so here we go...
4 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. My senior year of high school
2. Was on Homecoming Court (me, too, Erin!)
3. Was in my third year dating Brooks and ready to break up
4. Working at the Fossil store in the outlet mall

4 things on my to do list for today:
1. Make lasagna for dinner
2. Fold laundry
3. Meet Sara & Stephani at Hage's
4. Snuggle with my husband on the couch later and watch last night's Extreme Home Makeover

4 jobs I have had:
1. Taco Bell (my first job besides babysitting)
2. Fossil
3. Cornerstone University - Phone team and Admissions Counselor Assistant
4. Kregel Used Books

4 Movies I have seen more than once:
1. Sense and Sensibility
2. Pride and Prejudice (both newer and BBC versions)
3. Waiting for Guffman
4. Sleeping Beauty

4 places I have lived:
1. Fowlerville, MI
2. Grand Rapids, MI
3. Muskegon, MI
4. Grand Haven, MI

4 places I have been (this year):
1. Waterford, VA
2. Malvern, OH
3. Toledo, OH
4. St. Ignace, MI

4 TV shows I watch
*We have to watch all our shows online since we don't have TV*
1. The Office
2. Lost
3. House
4. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
(If I had cable there would be a lot more shows on here!)

4 things you may not know about me:
1. I would love to go back to school for journalism or something with copywriting/editing. I actually take a pen and edit the newspaper sometimes. It drives Tim crazy. If I could get paid to do it, that would be a dream!
2. I don't know if anyone besides a couple friends know this one: I LOVE to type. Sometimes, when I'm listening to someone, I'm actually mentally typing out their words in my head. My fingers love the feeling of a keyboard.
3. I am a highly self-conscious person and easily hurt, which is why I tend to be harsh with others sometimes (it's a fault I've been praying about and trying to give over to God.)
4. I do not actually enjoying going to church; I only go because Tim makes me. I love Jesus and have a relationship with him that I take very seriously. I just don't like church. I get more out of a small group Bible Study setting where there is interaction and actual studying of the Bible.

4 things I love about my husband:
1. He's the most good-looking man I've ever laid eyes on. =)
2. He challenges and encourages me, loving and accepting me despite my faults
3. He is an honest man and hard worker
4. He is a godly husband and father

4 people I tag: (your turn if you want!)
1. Daniella (ha! another one)
2. Sara T.
3. Deidra
4. Deanna
And whoever else wants to!

Ellie Belly

That's mine and Noah's nickname for her. He gets a kick out of calling her that, though when he says it, for some reason he says "Bewwy Ewwy." I think he might inherit his dad and my dad's dyslexia.

Eleanor Lee turns 6 months on Sunday. I can't believe how fast the time is flying with her. In the past two weeks she has been sitting up consistently on her own, inchworming along the floor, rolling all over the house, and chattering like a little bird. Yesterday she got her first tooth! I was checking out her mouth and there it was on the bottom - you can tell it had just poked through.

Today I took her into the doctor because she was wheezing when she woke up this morning. She has a "cold with a wheeze." The doctor described it as a little more than a cold because it's in her chest as well, but not showing any signs of RSV or something more serious. He gave me three things to watch for. The real kicker is what she was diagnosed with that I had no idea of - a double ear infection! Poor girl. She doesn't seemed bothered by it but is on some amoxicillin now. I have to confess: I used to love that stuff as a child. When I picked up the prescription from Meijer and brought it home I almost wanted to open it and take some myself. Weird, I know.

So there's the latest on our girl. She will hopefully be dedicated in November, but I haven't heard any dates for it yet so I don't know if they're still planning on one or not.

Remembering

I didn't know there was such a day, but after checking out Angie Smith's blog last night, I learned that today (October 15) is National Day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss. I have blogged about my miscarriage before. I also have my other blog (that has unfortunately been neglected for awhile but will be updated this afternoon) that focuses on the healing of those who this day is for. Today I will be remembering not only my baby, but others as well. Today I will pray for women in general, but also specifically for

Stephanie, my sister

My mom

My mother-in-law

Jen

Lydia

Daniella

Sherri

Sherry

Jody, my cousin

Cheryl

Kat

Carrie

Kari

Melissa

Jaren

Whether they know I am praying for them or not is unimportant, but the fact that I take the time to remember them is. These women have touched my life in one way or another whether they realized it or not.

They are encouraging everyone to light a candle at 7:00 tonight in rememberance of these babies. There will be one in our window.

SITSta...SITSta...There were never such devoted SITStas...

So on the right hand side of my blog is a little link for something called The Secret is in the Sauce (aka SITS.) This is kind of a blog community, a fun way to find other new blogs to check out. Today they are having a blogathon. Everyone involved in it is posting links on their blog to 5 of their favorite ones they have found through SITS.
Here are my 5 favorites. Check them out and also check out the SITS site! They have great giveaways each month as well. October's giveaway is the new Photoshop program.

*Pennies In My Pocket - I love finding blogs that feature deals and ways to save money!
*Cherry's Jubilee - She's crafty and I got lots of fun holiay decorating ideas from this blog.
*Tale of a Kansas Girl - She's a single Christian woman with some fun stories.
*Mrs. Mouthy - She has a son just younger than Noah so I enjoy reading her very funny blog and am able to relate to many of her tales.
*I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made - This is very dear to me because it is written by my "cousin-in-law", Carrie (Tim's cousin's wife.) She is the mother to a very handsome and charming son with some special needs. If you check out any of these blogs, please read her's and keep their family in your thoughts and prayers as they live daily life differently from many of us. We love Brayden!

Have fun peeking around!

Stress Knot

I'm feeling kind of down today, to tell you the truth. It's not too bad. I'm just coming off a rough last week and a horrible weekend. This morning hasn't had the energetic start I was hoping for, but at least my children are napping.
I volunteer as a team leader for a local high school program. The program sends groups of high school students, who have interviewed and been accepted, into local middle schools to talk to the students about abstinence from drugs, sex, alcohol and tobacco. Last week I had to sit down a girl on my team and find out she had lied during her interview and there are other things involved that I can't really get into. I had to be part of the decision to take her off the team and out of the program. I thought drama was mostly for high school students...until this weekend, that is.
I was in my cousin's wedding this weekend. It was horrible. The groomsmen were completely drunk and obnoxious. They had a "party bus" to take the wedding party from the ceremony to the reception. I didn't realize this meant we would be driving around for an hour wasting time so people could get wasted. At one point I was so disturbed by the things going on that I almost asked the bus driver to stop and let me off at a gas station. I figured I could just call Tim and have him come pick me up. In the end, I thought it would probably be safer for me to just ignore what was going on around me on the bus then having to be alone in the middle of a city I'm not familiar with while being dressed up in a strapless bridesmaid dress.
The best man speech was so humiliating, raunchy and inappropriate that after 15 minutes (yes, 15 minutes) the groom finally asked him to stop. I think the main reason he asked him to stop was because people started yelling at him to "shut up and sit down" or "hand over the mic" among other heckling. The best man was extremely disappointed and said he had so many other stories to share. When will best men realize that they're being asked to give a toast to the couple - not a roast of the groom? That should be covered at the bachelor party. Even that 15 minutes contained charming words like: fornication, penis, gay (mentioned several times) as well as music and a striptease (I'm so glad they stopped him when they did!)
The rest of the time I was there was a disaster and I won't go into the details because they still hurt. My time there was cut short because my kids were starting to fall apart by 9:30 and we still had an hour and a half drive back to my parents', so we left right after dinner.
So, besides all the other morals of this story that I can't get into - if you are a guy, don't give dumb best man speeches. Just say "So-and-so and so-and-so are great for each other. It's fantastic to see the love between them. I wish them all the best. Cheers." Also, don't drink. It's so unattractive as well as nothing but empty calories. I used to have a drink every once in a while when around friends, but I don't think I have any desire to touch any form of alcohol again.
I have this knot in my back, behind my right shoulder that flares up when I'm extremely stressed. It surprisingly has been dormant for some time, but since last Friday it has been non-stop pain. I need a massage therapist. Or a lot of heat on it. I think I prefer the massage therapist.

If You Want To Know What I'm Really Like....

As I've moved to new places, I've been able to kind of control what people know about me. It's not that I'm actually hiding things from them, just that certain characteristics or passions of mine aren't always able to be displayed.
This past August our church did something a little different than our usual Sunday service. We did a "Family Experience" and performed a program from Kids Stuf, which is held once a month at Andy Stanley's church, North Point (look - I learned how to link!) The kids and adults were all in the service together and it was great fun. We learned aout patience.
I was excited to be able to indulge in one of my passions - acting. I think most everyone was shocked to see this side of me as I have kept it well hidden. Here is a video that was put together from that Sunday. That character that comes on around the 40 second mark in the nerdy outfit as the game show host- yup, yours truly. Enjoy! (Sara, go use the bathroom so you don't almost wet your pants this time around.) =)

Did Anyone Else Notice?

We watched the VP debates at Matt and Jeana's last Thursday. We go over there to watch "The Office" - which was obviously not on due to the debates. There was a comment made that we all thought for sure would be pointed out in the news the next day but none of us ever heard anyone else mention it and people we asked didn't notice it. Since they have DVR, we had replayed it to make sure we heard right.
Did no one else notice that in one comment Sarah Palin called Joe Biden "Senator Obiden?"
I mean, overall they both had their fair share of mistakes, miscalculations, and overexaggerations but we thought that one was funny.
Just wondering...

My Perfect Afternoon

So last Thursday God must have known how much I needed a break after Wednesday's fiascos (which included the kids NOT napping that afternoon and Tim working late again.) I put the kids down for their naps on Thursday and they both fell right asleep and slept for a little over 2 hours. During that time I made a bowl of Campbell's Tomato soup and topped it with lots of crushed Target brand-Ritz like crackers. I followed this with a leftover apple dumpling I made the day before (my first time making them - they are sooo good and I will definitely make them again) and a cup of hot cocoa.
I settled in on the couch and popped a movie into the laptop. My choice? My favorite ever - Sense and Sensibility. For a couple hours I lost myself in the stories of Elinore, Marianne, Edward, Colonel Brandon, Willoughby, and all the rest. I just sat there and sipped my liquid chocolate, curled up under a blanket on a cold and rainy day, and let myself be captured.
I love this movie. We named Eleanor after Tim's grandma, but I have to confess that a small part of me is thrilled she shares the name of my favorite book character.
The part of the whole thing that I hate is that I don't actually own the movie. I'm just borrowing it from Jeana. I'm hoping that this is the year Tim buys it for me for my birthday or Christmas. The past couple years it is really the only specific thing I ask for - except that the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack has joined the wish list- and every year it is not under the tree. It's not as if he hasn't looked. Last year he went to a ton of different stores - I know because I was in the car waiting as he stopped everywhere on a "Secret Mission" - and couldn't find either of my requests. He was so disappointed but he came up with good back-up gifts, so it was all ok. Maybe this is my year.
In other news - I used a coupon for a free hair service and got my hair highlighted on Saturday. I'm really happy with it. They're a caramel color and actually look perfect for fall since my hair is so dark. It was probably my best coupon ever since they would have been $50 without the coupon. This means I will probably never be able to have them done again, but that's ok. At least my hair will look good for the wedding I'm in this weekend. Well, the color will look good. Who knows what fight my hair will put up when I try to style it?
Here's a food recommendation for the day: Morningstar Ginger and Teriyaki Veggie Cakes. They are extremely tasty. I love them for lunch with some fruit on the side. Mmmm.
Well, that's all the randomness for today. Kids are napping (thank you, God! They didn't yesterday.) My house is trashed and I really should clean, but you know how sometimes you just need a day of no housework coming off the weekend? This is my day.
Enjoy yours!

For Aunt Deidwa

Noah loves to sing. He sings about everything. He sings songs that he has learned and he sings songs he has made up. He sings this one when he is in the bathtub and the water is draining. We call it the "No More Bubbles" song.

So It's Going To Be One of Those Days...

I had a morning where you look up at Heaven, not knowing whether to laugh or cry, and ask God, "Really? Can I just have a break for a moment?"
I thought the start to the morning was great. Ellie actually slept in until 8:00 and Noah slept until 8:30. This has not been done in a long time...maybe never. I had promised Noah last night that if he went to bed like a good boy at Matt and Jeana's (who baby-sat him for a little bit and then we visited for awhile after returning to get him) then he could have chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. He went to bed with no problems and so this morning I made pancakes. After cleaning up the breakfast mess, I started on dinner because I am making potato soup in the crockpot today (it's the first day of October, perfect fall weather...what better than a crock pot meal?) At the same time I am talking to Jeana and not hearing any crying so I'm assuming things are good throughout the house.
Right before getting off the phone with her and right after finishing throwing all the soup ingredients in the crock pot, I look at Noah who is singing and dancing around the kitchen. He is dressed only in his underwear and pajama top and instead of pants, his legs are covered with blue marker. There are stripes drawn up and down one leg and the other leg is covered with dots. I sigh and am thankful tonight is a bath night.
Finally I drag myself into the shower. As I am in the shower the lights start going on and off. Oh, yes, that's my son playing with the light switch. Grrr. There is only so much I can do with shampoo suds covering my head so I tell him firmly to stop and even start to count. Before I can get to "three" the lights he is playing with go off completely. Well, isn't that great? I remember the difficulty Tim had last time he was messing around with the circuit breaker trying to do something in the bathroom and that was with me helping by yelling down the stairs "no" every time a light other than the bathroom one went off. Not wanting to deal with it by myself, I figure I can use the bathroom in the dark until he gets home.
After I shower I give Ellie her bottle. Now, she is a baby who spits up quite a bit, although as she has started eating more baby cereal it has gotten a (little) bit better. I have actually been able to make it through a full day with both of us in the same outfits we started it in. Today she smiles and laughs at me and then spits up all over the front of her outfit as well as my own (which, thankfully, was just a t-shirt.)
I take her upstairs and, as I am changing her, Noah - who has joined us by this time - stops jumping on his bed and starts to make a grunting noise that I know well. I am frustrated because not one hour before this, we had been clapping and cheering and eating a cookie due to the fact he pooped in the potty all by himself and then told me afterwards. Plus, he is (and this might be too much information if you're not a mom but if you are, you understand) a regular pooper. Once in the morning, once in the afternoon and that's it. Today he has started the day with an explosion in his diaper as soon as he woke up. This was followed by his potty poop and now this! I tell him to stop and go use the potty but by this time it is too late. I tell him instead to stand in one place until we can go into the bathroom, so that it doesn't get mushed around in his undies. I turn back to Ellie and finish buttoning her outfit, which is a bit too big because I don't have many long sleeve shirts in her size. I put her in a 6-12 month outfit instead and figured, who cares if the legs are only a little too long and the sleeves are over her hands? It just helps them stay warm, right?
I put her in her crib and she promptly starts to scream because it means she is not going to be held at the moment (future diva?) I turn back to Noah and he is wiping his hand back and forth across his nose. It takes me a moment before I notice his hands, cheeks and nose are covered in blood. He gets frequent nosebleeds just like I did as a child (and still do when the weather becomes drier.)
"Look, Mama, a nosebweed," he informs me. He is an expert at this time with them.
So I pick him up under his arms and, holding him at arm's distance, carry him into mine and Tim's bathroom. I first take care of the nosebleed and then the dirty underwear fiasco.
What a morning, what a morning. I'm kind of nervous to see how the afternoon will go.

On a side note, what do you think of the new blog design? I was checking my friend, Traci's, today and saw she did a makeover on her's. I went to the same site and found one I liked (her's is super cute - it's a background called Warm Cider. Mmmmm.)

Cherishing

I hate death.

Earlier this week while Tim and I were sitting and talking before falling asleep we started to discuss the economical situation our nation is in. I asked him if he thought it was a sign of the end times and he said maybe, but probably not, since God uses hard times to teach us lessons. I told him that I was scared of Heaven. He looked at me like I had three heads and asked why. I tried to explain what I meant - I'm not really scared of Heaven, I just am always nervous about the unknown. He reminded me that the Bible describes Heaven and that I also read the book "Ninety Minutes in Heaven."
"Yes I know," I said. "And I know that Heaven will be better than anything I can imagine and that I will feel no sadness or hurt or anger. I will be able to meet my lost baby and my brother or sister who was miscarried and my niece or nephew who just joined Heaven and also your brother or sister who was miscarried. But I like you...."
"We'll be friends in Heaven," he reassured me.
"But we won't be married. I want to grow old with you. I want to see our kids graduate, see what they do in life, celebrate their weddings and play with our grandchildren someday. I want Jesus to come back...just not until I'm about 85 years old."
This has always been a weird spot for me. I am excited about Heaven and the return of Christ, really I am. I just have a hard time comprehending it all. Sometimes I feel like a bad Christian because, selfishly, I want to spend some more time with my family - this man I have vowed to spend my days with, these kids I labored intensely to have. Am I alone in these feelings?
This past weekend a fellow Cornerstone alumnus died suddenly. He was a friend of Randy and Deidra's, and although I didn't know him personally, I went through college hearing his name often. I also have friends who did know him well and it hurts me to see them grieve. It also is just a reminder that nothing is for certain in life. Each day is a gift, as cliche as it sounds. He was young, not that much older than myself. He was married and now she is a young widow.
And so I hate death. Whether it is my ninety-eight year old great-grandmother, my unborn niece or nephew, or someone I met once or twice in passing. What a month.
I want to slap the kids who do stupid things that put their lives at risk. The teenagers who flirt with alcohol, drugs, tobacco and sex outside of marriage with multiple people. They are just knowingly throwing their health and their lives away for instant gratification, flirting with death constantly. Maybe it would be a quick death in the form of an overdose or DUI accident or maybe it will be slowly killing you by way of an STD or liver disease. I just want to tell them to start using their noggins a bit!
Last night I went to sleep more appreciative of my life, of my husband, of my children. I hugged Tim a little longer and a little tighter. We've only been given one body - take care of it. We have one life - live it well.
And pray for people all over who are grieving those they have lost.

Sounds Good to Me!

My friend, Dee, sent this to me earlier - she thought the timing was funny based on my last post of what I would do with $400,000. I'm all in favor of it, but I guess we would just be dreaming.

This idea sounds just crazy enough to possibly work, so naturally it won’t be given consideration. Bic Plan:
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 ($85 Billion) bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of the Bic Plan which gives the $85,000,000,000 to America in a ‘Who Better Dividend’.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 legitimate U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a Who Better Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 ($25 Billion) right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife would have $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back and, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we're going to do an $85 Billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.' But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC
And remember, The Bic Plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards, Jeff ‘Bic’
A Citizen of the Republic
PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

My Deep Thought of the Day...

If we were to cut the salaries of athletes and movie stars maybe there would be more money to get our nation out of debt.
On a serious note, I'm quite sick of hearing how much celebrities make because it just causes me to become bitter and frustrated. I read recently that Hugh Laurie who plays Dr. House (which, I do love that show) is the second highest paid TV star and he makes $400,000 per episode. PER EPISODE! I'm sorry, but if Tim continues to make what he does right now, it will be more or less 8 years before we see that much money. And he makes it for one episode! So I started to think today about how I would spend $400,000:
$400,000
- 40,000 (split 10% tithe between The Journey/charity/people we know who need it)
- 20,000 (Emergency Fund)
- 125,000 (pay off house & related costs)
- 30,000 (for new used vehicles for me & Tim - our's currently have problems more than not)
- 50,000 (to invest, split between Roth IRA and toward kids college educations)
- 35,000 (for a boat and other fun items)
- 100,000 (give $20,000 to each family: my parents, sister, Tim's parents, brother & sister)
_________
$0

How would you spend your's?

Women - Read This Post!

OK all of you women - I found this informational and funny post on a blog I randomly check.
Maybe you don't need it - but I know I do!

http://chuckandjoshiella.blogspot.com/2008/09/fashion-mommyhood-saving-money-and.html

Traci, did you ever figure out how to do that link thing? I need to learn, too!

Nothing Much New

I haven't really blogged much lately because nothing really exciting has happened to blog about. Noah still loves preschool. Ellie has started on baby cereal - rice cereal made her constipated so we're doing oatmeal. She seems to like the taste of it better and it's been traveling through the system better as well.
Tim has some time off before they start the next house they're working on so he has been doing some side jobs. At first it was scary to hear the words, "We don't start the next house until the end of October" and brought back memories of last year and all the months with no work, but thankfully he has had some people waiting for a break in his schedule to have some work done on their houses. However, his side jobs only go until next week, so be praying for 2 more weeks of work to come after that please!
I briefly mentioned before in a blog that I became a vegetarian. It has been over 3 weeks now and it's going very well. I have not missed meat at all. I've cut down on my dairy a drastic amount and only eat it here and there, mostly when it's unavoidable in a meal. My cheese consumption has gone WAY down - which, did you know that cheese has morphine in it and is actually addictive? So all that time I thought I was addicted to cheese and couldn't live without it - I was! Cheese is harder to give up just because it's in so much also, but I have noticed that when I have a meal with it in it now, I get really sick later. As a result, I don't have a desire for it anymore. Go figure. Now chocolate...I haven't given that up and have no desire to. We have switched to eating only organic snacks also.
So I feel a bit like a hippie with my cloth diapering and vegetarianism/partial veganism. I know some people think we're (or "I'm" since Tim is still eating meat when he can get his hands on it) crazy, but after seeing how good and healthy I feel, it just affirms to me how what we eat really affects us. I have also found changes with Noah. I still offer him meat, but he doesn't really want to eat it. I tell Tim that Noah was born to be a vegetarian because when we offer him a veggie burger or fake-chicken (veggies & soy) he LOVES it. Tonight I'm making Tofu Nuggets so we'll see how those go over. Anyways, everyone told us that the three's are worse than the two's and I have found the past month to be better than the past year for Noah. Sure, he has three year old moments here and there in terms of seeing if he can get away with a demanding voice, etc. but overall, when we are at home he has been obeying, going to sleep easier, getting along great with Ellie and wanting to play with her all the time, not picking fights like before, etc. I wonder how much of it is due to what he is eating (or not eating), as well as probably being in preschool. I did notice that at small group last night he wasn't listening very well to us, but like I said - he does have the occasional moment. I don't expect him to be perfect by any means.
So that's about it. Just little stuff popping up here and there. I finished sewing Noah's quilt top today (finally!) and have been in cleaning mode. When the kids wake up from their naps we're going to go grocery shopping, I have to fold laundry and clean up the kitchen still and then I think tonight I'm running away to Barnes and Noble by myself for a couple hours. The last book in the Karen Kingsbury series came out today and Tim said we don't have the extra money to buy it right now. So I'm going to go sit and read it in Barnes, I think. A little me time away.
Anything exciting new with anyone else?

For you Bekah & Jen & Rachel...

A little "Twilight" fun...

Up and Running

My other blog is official up and running. You can find it at www.emptybuthealing.blogspot.com. It is my hope and dream that God will take this blog and use it to help heal women who have lost babies through miscarriage, stillbirth or soon after birth. I hope it becomes a circle of women who are healing together and connecting with each other in the process, bringing women from all over geographically to find a common place.
Please inform others about it. Word of mouth is always the best recommendation! Post it on your blogs if you have one, or link to it. The layout itself is still a work in progress. Pray that it may reach the women who need it most.
Thank you!

I Hurt

We had some really good, fun parts to our weekend that I will blog about later. But for now I want to ask for prayer for my sister and her husband. They called us to announce they were pregnant last Wednesday. They weren't going to tell people, but my mom flat out asked her and so they decided to tell just parents and us. Saturday - their 5th wedding anniversary - Stephanie started to miscarry. She is now still going through the process. At the moment she is in a doctor's appointment and they are going to talk about performing a D&C to make sure things are cleaned out and kind of wrap up the process (a miscarriage can take up to 2 weeks.) Their daughter, Kailyn's, birthday is tomorrow and her birthday party is this coming weekend.
I blogged recently about how after I miscarried, Bebo Norman's song "Nothing Without You" was a comfort to me. I was somehow not completely surprised when we sang it at church yesterday, almost as if God was reminding me.
Please pray for them as they go through this difficult time and grieving process. It has been the motivation I needed to really get my new blog going and I am going to start working on it tomorrow during Noah's preschool time.

First Day of School!

The day had finally come. I woke up this morning with butterflies in my stomach, fighting the urge to vomit out of pure nervousness. I think I was more nervous for Noah to enter preschool than for any of my first days of classes.

He woke up extremely excited asking if it was time to go yet about every fifteen minutes. We made pancakes for breakfast, putting chocolate chips in some and blueberries in others. Finally the big moment came. He grabbed his backpack, we grabbed the diaper bag, Ellie in her car seat, the information papers and the camera.

He stood on the front porch waiting for me to take a picture. I turned the camera on to find a flashing battery with the words "Battery Empty" sprawled below it.

After dashing back inside, yelling in horror - which then sparked Tim to freak out as well and start yelling - I found three batteries. Using one of the old ones that was still in there, I threw in the other three and ran back outside.

It turned on.

I have maybe never felt such relief.

I got a couple shots of him outdoors and then we loaded everyone into the van. The school is less than a mile from our house so we were there in about two minutes. He waited his turn after two other kids to get his picture next to the Kinderkirk Preschool sign (all of us parents were armed with cameras and/or video cameras.) Then we headed inside.

Tim took him to use the potty after we got into the building. Afterwards, it took much persuasion from the both of us to get him to hang up his backpack, promising it would still be there when he finished school. He marched into the classroom, turned around and said "Come on MomDad." (He refers to us as "MomDad" when talking to the both of us or when not really paying attention to who he is talking to.) We started to explain that we couldn't go to school with him but he was already off playing with cars. We had to actually go into the classroom to say good-bye to him, during which he barely looked up to give us a kiss.

I got a bit teary, although not as bad as last night when I sat in bed and bawled to Tim.

During our parents' meeting after we dropped them off, I was the only one to raise my hand when asked if anyone cried that morning.

Talk about feeling like an idiot.

Our meeting lasted about a half hour and then Tim and I killed time by running errands in Grand Haven and stopping at Great Harvest Bread Co. for a slice of bread (Pecan Swirl for him and Apple Crumble for me) and some hot chocolate.

We picked him up to the words of, "I have fun at preschool."

He told us he sang songs, played with toys, had a snack (yogurt, crackers and juice) and colored. He showed us his pictures and talked about how much he loved preschool.

I hope he realizes this isn't an every day thing.

I also can't wait until Thursday when I can drop him off and then come back and actually enjoy myself during the two hours without wondering how he is doing the entire time.

I feel like I can breathe again.

To Hymn or Not To Hymn

The issue of worship has been on my mind a lot. First of all, when did the word "worship" become linked only to music? And why is some Christian music considered "worship" while some is not?
I remember a few years ago listening to the radio while an interview with Nichole Nordeman was playing. The interviewer was saying that he thought the CD contained more worship music than her other's. She responded by stating she hoped all her music would be considered worship as it was a state of her heart when she wrote the lyrics. That has always stuck with me.
Now, if you want worship music you look for Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, Tim Hughes, Passion, Delirious, etc. Not all Christian music is good. There are some songs that, in my opinion, I am not sure how it got on the radio at all.
But if I am listening to Sara Groves, should I not consider her music to be a form of her worshipping God or a way that I can worship my Savior by singing her lyrics? I think that her music - her lyrics - are the most raw and pure I have heard.
And why is the time that we sing in church considered "worship" as opposed to the rest of the service? Most churches have the "worship team" to lead the singing. And Tim is on one of the teams at our church and I know he struggles with the name as well, but that has just become the way it is known worldwide and so we just accept it like we do all things the church as an institute gives us.
And why the absence of hymns in modern churches today? At my great-grandma's funeral a woman stood up to sing "It Is Well (With My Soul)" and I thought, Ugh. I've never been a fan of this one. Then my sister leaned over and asked "Do you know the story behind this song?" I shook my head. She told me about how the writer, Horatio Gates Spafford, had lost a great deal in the fire of Chicago, his only son had died, and then a couple years later his four daughters were killed when the ship they were getting ready to sail on sunk. He penned the hymn afterwards.
What strength.
I think some of our greatest hymns of the past have risen out of tragedy or the writer's longing to feel close to his or her Savior and Lord. So why do we not sing them still today, unless it is at the funeral of a ninety-eight year old woman.
I'm not saying that I think the music of today is less than the hymns of the past. I am just wondering why we now are quick to pass up some of the old greats. Or why is it a big deal when a Christian band puts out a CD that covers hymns or why they are maybe inspired to put out a "worship" CD?
Worship comes from the heart. You can worship through song, dance, prayer or even reading the Bible. I think that it is what you give to God and a place where your heart connects with His. It can be as simple as a moment or a walk outdoors to thank God for His creation.

Yes, Please...No, Thank You

I am so tired of the lack of respect, morals, and decency from society in our current times. This morning I drove home from spending an exhausting half-week at my parents' We had my great-grandma's viewing and funeral and it was just two days of a lot of non-stop going and conversation. On top of that, I have chosen to become a vegetarian and have been detoxing this past week, leading to some frustrating moments (as anyone who has ever had their body detox would know...It really is amazing how much crap must have been stored in my body that is now trying to be fought out.)
Anyways, so I'm driving back this morning and I'm about a half hour from home. I am in the process of passing a semi and I'm going about 75 mph. Suddenly a little white car comes up out of nowhere and is right on my butt. I mean heissthisclosetome. If I had to come to a sudden stop for any reason he would be right through my rear and sitting between my kids and we're in a mini-van. I gently (yes, gently, I'm not being sarcastic) tap on my breaks to politely tell him to back off. He doesn't. I finally get all the way past the semi and then switch lanes to let this speed demon by. He flies past me, glaring at me in the process and then cuts me off in my lane and gives me the finger.
Seriously.
I have children in the car. I am already going about 5 mph over the speed limit, technically giving up my right to be pulled over as I'm breaking a law...if you want to get technical. Don't get mad at me that you think you're so important you need to speed pass everyone else and put us in danger of your irresponsible driving. I don't think people realize the importance of safe driving, especially when there are vehicles on the road with KIDS in them that are being put in danger by poor drivers.
I spent the rest of the drive thinking about how rude that finger was which led me to thinking about the lack of respect and manners in this world. I was watching an episode of "Leave it to Beaver" with my mom while I was there. At first I was laughing about all of it: how Mrs. Cleaver was wearing a dress and pearls around the house and putting on gloves to go out, Mr. Cleaver dressed in his suit at the dinner table, the kids washing up, dressing nicely and combing their hair before they went downstairs for dinner. But then I started thinking: Is that so wrong?
Is it bad for us to expect our kids to know, "Please", "Thank You", "No, sir", "Yes, Ma'am", "May I be excused?" etc. Although I always think it unrealistic that my house should be clean when Tim gets home, the kids looking nice and dinner on the table...would it really be that hard? Honestly, I'm a bit of a slacker when it comes to all that. Tim is lucky to find me with makeup on and my hair looking anywhere near nice when he gets home. I will admit, I have him call me on his way home from work so that I know when to start dinner so it is close to done if not done when he arrives home. I do try to tidy up the house a little bit so it doesn't look like a total disaster when he walks through the door.
I want my kids to have manners. I want them to respect their elders. I think we have become too far removed from the days of the fifties when things like that were expected. I don't think we should go back to any extremes; I think there should be balance. I don't want to wear a light pair of white gloves or pearls, but I really should take the time to look nice when Tim gets home, even if it is just putting normal clothes on rather than pajama pants.
Thoughts?

She's Gone

My great-grandmother, Olive Seitz, passed away this aternoon. It's interesting for me because she may be the first grandparent who I have not cried over when finding out. I remember when Tim's Grandma Ross passed away and he didn't cry. I was stunned, but he said, "She has had Alzheimer's for awhile and I haven't seen her in a long time and as bad as it sounds - she's been dead in my mind already." I thought he was so harsh but now I kind of understand what he meant.
She was a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman with a fiery passion for the Lord. She will be missed.

Sad Call

The vacation posts have been interrupted for a short time until I can get to them again. On a sidenote, my mom just called to say that my other great-grandma, Olive, will most likely be passing away this week. She is in a home and has dementia and a variety of other health issues - besides old age, blindness and deafness. The last time hospice said this was back in March and she obviously proved them wrong but my aunt went to see her today and said it's the real thing this time. Her lips are blue, she's not eating anymore, she won't get out of bed and she has "the death rattle." Please be praying for our family this week and for a quick passing for her from this earth to her heavenly home where she will be able to see Jesus and be reunited with my great-grandfather after nine years since his being called Home.

Vacation Day #1

We had a fantastic family vacation this past weekend. We joined my parents, sister and her family for a visit to my great-grandma in Vulcan (over by Iron Mountain in the Upper Peninsula.) Thursday night we all met up in St. Ignace and stayed the night at my aunt & uncle's vacation home there. It's an old Victorian house that they have spent years (seriously, since I was in elemenary school) gutting and remodeling. It's still in the works and every time we go up there some new progress has been made.

Friday morning we woke up, got ready and had breakfast at our favorite place, The Galley. It is tradition to go there for at least one breakfast while visiting. After that, we hit the road.

Ellie settles into her carseat after breakfast at The Galley.

Our first stop was the beach because my mom wanted to get pictures of the kids and families by the water. I spent a lot of summer time in St. Ignace while my grandparents lived there and we were at Lake Michigan playing most of the days. It was just going to be a quick stop for pictures, but Noah - who must have had to really use the potty but didn't tell us - had an accident as soon as he heard/saw/felt the water on his feet. We stripped his bottom half naked and he played in the water. Quickly, he and Kailyn were wet and we ended up stripping all their clothes off to let them run free.

Nudey Noah takes a run on the beach.

Ellie, Noah & Kailyn taking their first "cousins" picture ever together.

After getting back on the road we traveled until it was time for Ellie to eat, which coincided with our lunch as well. We were trying to make it to Manistique but she was screaming in the carseat so we stopped off at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Because Tim & I were trying to stay within a very small budget for the weekend, we had packed a cooler full of food to take along. Dustin, Stephanie and Kailyn went on to Manistique to eat and we had a picnic on the grass near the gas station. My mom stayed to feed Ellie and Dad joined us for some lunch.

After (again) getting on the road we stopped at Fayette. This was out of the way a little bit, but I'm so glad we stopped. It's a historic state park, basically a ghost town that is being renovated. It's over by Big Bay du Noc. It was a town with a factory that smelt iron ore and when the factory shut down the whole town pretty much did as well. There were all sorts of fun things to see and learn there.

The whole family (from a bit of a distance): Noah, Tim, me w/Ellie, Dad, Mom, Stephanie, Kailyn & Dustin in front of a kiln that was used for smelting iron ore.
Kailyn & Noah

That was our last stop before finishing the trip to my great-grandma's (who I am now just going to refer to as "grandma" from this point on as it can get long to always have the "great" in front.) I haven't seen her in well over 10 years, probably closer to 15 so it was great to have the opportunity to visit her again and introduce her to my family. She turned 93 in mid-September and has a memory that is super sharp. My sister credits it to the fact she doesn't own a microwave. I almost wonder if there is some truth to that as well. She can tell you all about her childhood, the places she has lived and people she has met, and even random facts like Lawrence Welk quitting school in the third grade.

So Friday was spent mostly traveling and doing fun stops along the way. My grandma lives in a house (by herself still, cooking her own meals and doing her own cleaning and all that) with a driveway that is crossed by train tracks. Friday night, the guys took the kids to go put pennies on the tracks, that were smashed by the trains going through that night (yes, quite annoying while you're sleeping and it feels like they're coming through the house at you) and happily found the next morning.