With the beginning of the school year, I could start to see the lesson God was going to teach me.
Sacrifice.
I've been part of a Wednesday morning Ladies Bible Study at church for the past three years. I was looking forward to this year and the book being covered (third in the series we started last year.) The study ended up being moved to Thursday mornings and I found myself with a choice to make:
Participate or not?
Now, the answer seemed obvious. I didn't have any other plans on Thursday mornings, besides school with the kids. Why wouldn't I go to Bible study?
It wasn't that simple, actually. Caleb has speech therapy Mondays and Wednesdays right now. Ellie has piano lessons on Tuesday mornings. We only do school Mondays-Thursdays. That leaves Thursday as the only day during the week where we don't have to be somewhere at a certain time. Did I want to take our only unscheduled school day and change it up, filling up one more day with something to do?
Not really.
Over the past year I also was in a small group over Google chat with my sisters-in-law and another friend every other Thursday night. Recently one of the girls brought up switching the study to every other Sunday night. Again, a decision to be made.
We are home on Sunday nights. It would be obvious that I am available do it that night, especially if it's only once or twice a month. However, that is our family night. After the kids go to bed, I go over everything planned for the week, making sure I have school lessons in place and notes for the week prepared. Then Tim and I sit down and have time with each other. It's a night for us to unwind from the weekend and re-energize for the coming week. Did I want to start a habit of taking away that time, even just once or twice month?
Not really.
I felt the word sacrifice in my head and my life. One of the definitions of this word is: "To forfeit (one thing) for another thing considered to be of greater value."
I am a selfish person. Really. I like my "me time." I like to do what I want to do. Honestly, since having the kids, they've been the one to probably feel it the most. There are days where I just want to get away from them. I would rather spend time with my friends or my husband then my kids.
I am sure these are feelings that I'm not alone in. At least it doesn't sound like it from conversations I've had with other mothers. However, my life right now does not - or will not ever- just contain me in it. I have four children. They need me right now, especially with the ages they are at.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying some "me time" for moms isn't a good thing. It's a very good thing if that mom wants to stay out of the asylum. However, I think that my time for myself was being placed higher and higher and more often than my kids. Here's what I realized:
I needed to forfeit some of the things I was placing as more important than my kids for my kids. Spiritual growth is important and I think small groups and Bible studies are great. It's ok to be in just one, though. Last year I was in three. I cut back to just the church small group we host at our house and it's been great. Thursday mornings are our best school morning and I think it's because we are all relaxed and many times still in our pajamas.
The choice to educate at home means I'm giving up some "me time." I'm not going to lie, some days are really challenging. It seems like God always sends a good day next, or a reminder for why this is important for our family right now, as an encouragement when those tough days are getting me down and I'm ready to enroll everyone back in school.
I do still get "me time." Because I'm home with the kids all day every day, I get a night during the week where I get to leave and do whatever I want (well, within reason.) I can go to a bookstore or coffee shop or walk around Target alone. I also still take advantage of nap time. Noah and Ellie typically spend this time in the playroom and they play really well together during that time, praise God. Caleb and Zeke sleep. I get to eat my lunch and relax and re-energize for the afternoon.
I don't know if this is just a season for our family. I think the question that is most frustrating from people is when they ask how long we plan on homeschooling. The truth is - I really don't know. There are people who can say they're going to do it through high school, or junior high, or whatever. We're committing to take it year by year and continue to look for God's direction. This may be a season for us, as the Lord teaches us certain lessons we need to learn.
For me, so far it has been looking at my kids and realizing how important they are. They are a greater value than every day being "me time" right now. I can only speak for myself. You could listen to me talk and say, "Well, Andrea, all moms feel this way." I wouldn't doubt it. But you can't look in my heart and see how deep my selfishness really goes, what my thoughts have been. Only I can see that. And only I can make the changes I know need to be made.
Lesson {being} learned.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Old Chair, New Life
Purchased from a thrift store in Grand Haven for $2.99
A coat of primer, 2 coats of off-white, some fabric, and a few hours later:
I did it all by myself, never having re-upholstered furniture or used a staple gun before. Never underestimate a woman with an idea in her head. =)
A coat of primer, 2 coats of off-white, some fabric, and a few hours later:
I did it all by myself, never having re-upholstered furniture or used a staple gun before. Never underestimate a woman with an idea in her head. =)
Surprises and Thankfulness
After I wrote the title for this post, I realized I should quickly clarify that this is not a post about the last couple times of "surprise" God brought into mine and Tim's life - I'm NOT pregnant.
Tim and I have been in an interesting time lately, kind of a crossroads with his work. He's taken a little over a month away from the company he's usually contracted with to do some side jobs. During that time, some little things have been happening and we've been in a waiting room of sorts for what the next step is going to be. We should know more tomorrow afternoon and are praying for God's clear direction.
Anyways, that being said, my husband has been in a spot I've not seen him before. He's been struggling a little with frustration, depression, and stress. There has been an obvious, and odd, role reversal as he has been the one who is more stressed out and I've been more calm and laid back. A couple weekends ago, I was sharing with him some blessings I had seen over the days preceding.
I had taken Ellie to my parents' house for the weekend and a friend had joined me. My parents live near an outlet mall and my mom had said she would babysit the kids while Kerin and I visited the outlets. I was only planning on window shopping, until my mom surprised me with some money and very direct orders and a promise to only spend the money on myself. It also turns out that Kerin, like myself, is a frugal shopper - although she was finding deals that were slipping by my eyes. I think she helped me stretch the money twice as far as it would have gone if I had been by myself. The outcome of the trip was a fun surprise AND, while trying on clothes and finding ones that actually fit, I realized I have actually dropped a size. Woo-hoo! It looks like doing P90X actually worked. =)
The next day was Saturday, and Tim and I ran around the house all morning deep cleaning like crazy. We were hosting what our church calls Lunch With A Bunch, where people sign up for lunch at a host house and bring a dish, etc etc etc. We were trying to get it all done before heading to Grand Rapids to visit some friends. After our cleaning frenzy, I got out of the shower to answer a call from our friend that she wasn't feeling well and would have to cancel. While we were bummed that we wouldn't get to visit with them, and our kids were sad to not play with their friends, it ended up being a really great evening at home as a family and an in-home date night for Tim and I after the kids went to bed. Chinese take-out and a movie - yea! Sometimes a turn of events ends up being something your family needs more.
I have to admit that I wasn't too thrilled about hosting lunch the next day. Especially because I had also offered to bake and bring cookies to the STATS retreat and help with their morning registration at 8:45 AM. Even though I'm not part of the program anymore, I still support it fully and loved the opportunity to see everyone again. After church, we had 13 people, in addition to our family of 5 (since Ellie was still with my parents) stuff into our house and we had a great Lunch With A Bunch. People stayed for almost 4 hours! It was fun fellowship and good food. God surprised me with that because all I wanted to do was take a nap, yet I got to learn more about other people in our church community, and I am thankful for that opportunity.
The next morning, I drove to the meeting spot we have with my parents to pick up Ellie. After saying good-bye to my mom, we drove just north of Grand Rapids to pick up the second volume of The Mystery of History, which is the history curriculum I use with the kids. This was a huge surprise to find on Craigslist because I had such a hard time finding anyone selling the first volume and right before I was going to order it new from a website, it came up on Craigslist. I didn't expect to find the second one, and then someone told me about it finding a posting for it. I emailed the person 5 days after they posted it, expecting it to be gone, but it was still available! More surprises and blessings!
One of my biggest surprises came when someone dear to me told me they had wanted to buy me the Kate Spade purse. She said that she had been waiting and wanting to get me something that was above and beyond what I would do for myself. She said until I told her about the purse, I had never really talked about anything I wanted (besides things like a break from my kids, a nap, a date, things you can't really buy for someone else.) I told her that I actually was cured of the Kate Spade purse because I had read the reviews posted on the website about how it had come with a horrible chemical smell that people had to air outside for days before it stopped smelling. Another person said she had hers for a month before it started fading. Cute purse, yes. Worth the trouble, no. However, she knew how much I was longing for a purse, and that there was another one I would NEVER in a million years buy for myself, and she bought it for me.
It is very easy for me to give to others. I love doing that - buying gifts for people, giving money, giving time, watching their kids so they can have a break. I'm not very good on the receiving end. I appreciate it so much, but always feel clumsy because there are no words or way I can express how thankful I feel. It was such a generous and beautiful gift and I smile every time I sling it over my shoulder. One more surprise.
When times feel overwhelming, I like to look for the little (or big) things God puts in my life to remind me He is there. I know it sounds cliche, but I really think you can always find at least one thing to be thankful for. I've heard it said that you can't feel more than one emotion at a time. If you spend your time focusing on being thankful or grateful or finding something to take joy in or looking for the little smile God places in your day...it's a place to start.
Have you been surprised lately or found something to be thankful for? How did it change your day?
Tim and I have been in an interesting time lately, kind of a crossroads with his work. He's taken a little over a month away from the company he's usually contracted with to do some side jobs. During that time, some little things have been happening and we've been in a waiting room of sorts for what the next step is going to be. We should know more tomorrow afternoon and are praying for God's clear direction.
Anyways, that being said, my husband has been in a spot I've not seen him before. He's been struggling a little with frustration, depression, and stress. There has been an obvious, and odd, role reversal as he has been the one who is more stressed out and I've been more calm and laid back. A couple weekends ago, I was sharing with him some blessings I had seen over the days preceding.
I had taken Ellie to my parents' house for the weekend and a friend had joined me. My parents live near an outlet mall and my mom had said she would babysit the kids while Kerin and I visited the outlets. I was only planning on window shopping, until my mom surprised me with some money and very direct orders and a promise to only spend the money on myself. It also turns out that Kerin, like myself, is a frugal shopper - although she was finding deals that were slipping by my eyes. I think she helped me stretch the money twice as far as it would have gone if I had been by myself. The outcome of the trip was a fun surprise AND, while trying on clothes and finding ones that actually fit, I realized I have actually dropped a size. Woo-hoo! It looks like doing P90X actually worked. =)
The next day was Saturday, and Tim and I ran around the house all morning deep cleaning like crazy. We were hosting what our church calls Lunch With A Bunch, where people sign up for lunch at a host house and bring a dish, etc etc etc. We were trying to get it all done before heading to Grand Rapids to visit some friends. After our cleaning frenzy, I got out of the shower to answer a call from our friend that she wasn't feeling well and would have to cancel. While we were bummed that we wouldn't get to visit with them, and our kids were sad to not play with their friends, it ended up being a really great evening at home as a family and an in-home date night for Tim and I after the kids went to bed. Chinese take-out and a movie - yea! Sometimes a turn of events ends up being something your family needs more.
I have to admit that I wasn't too thrilled about hosting lunch the next day. Especially because I had also offered to bake and bring cookies to the STATS retreat and help with their morning registration at 8:45 AM. Even though I'm not part of the program anymore, I still support it fully and loved the opportunity to see everyone again. After church, we had 13 people, in addition to our family of 5 (since Ellie was still with my parents) stuff into our house and we had a great Lunch With A Bunch. People stayed for almost 4 hours! It was fun fellowship and good food. God surprised me with that because all I wanted to do was take a nap, yet I got to learn more about other people in our church community, and I am thankful for that opportunity.
The next morning, I drove to the meeting spot we have with my parents to pick up Ellie. After saying good-bye to my mom, we drove just north of Grand Rapids to pick up the second volume of The Mystery of History, which is the history curriculum I use with the kids. This was a huge surprise to find on Craigslist because I had such a hard time finding anyone selling the first volume and right before I was going to order it new from a website, it came up on Craigslist. I didn't expect to find the second one, and then someone told me about it finding a posting for it. I emailed the person 5 days after they posted it, expecting it to be gone, but it was still available! More surprises and blessings!
One of my biggest surprises came when someone dear to me told me they had wanted to buy me the Kate Spade purse. She said that she had been waiting and wanting to get me something that was above and beyond what I would do for myself. She said until I told her about the purse, I had never really talked about anything I wanted (besides things like a break from my kids, a nap, a date, things you can't really buy for someone else.) I told her that I actually was cured of the Kate Spade purse because I had read the reviews posted on the website about how it had come with a horrible chemical smell that people had to air outside for days before it stopped smelling. Another person said she had hers for a month before it started fading. Cute purse, yes. Worth the trouble, no. However, she knew how much I was longing for a purse, and that there was another one I would NEVER in a million years buy for myself, and she bought it for me.
It is very easy for me to give to others. I love doing that - buying gifts for people, giving money, giving time, watching their kids so they can have a break. I'm not very good on the receiving end. I appreciate it so much, but always feel clumsy because there are no words or way I can express how thankful I feel. It was such a generous and beautiful gift and I smile every time I sling it over my shoulder. One more surprise.
When times feel overwhelming, I like to look for the little (or big) things God puts in my life to remind me He is there. I know it sounds cliche, but I really think you can always find at least one thing to be thankful for. I've heard it said that you can't feel more than one emotion at a time. If you spend your time focusing on being thankful or grateful or finding something to take joy in or looking for the little smile God places in your day...it's a place to start.
Have you been surprised lately or found something to be thankful for? How did it change your day?
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