Stop the Hormonal Rollercoaster...I Need to Get Off

My emotions during this pregnancy have been pretty in-check. I'll admit, on Christmas night at my in-laws', each family took a different chapter to read from The Jesus Storybook Bible (we each had a copy with us. I think it's kind of funny that we all even own a copy of the same Bible for our kids!) that revolved around the Christmas story. I read aloud first and it was the chapter about Jesus being born. Yeah, try to get through that one without crying. I was a mess.
That has pretty much been the extent of my emotionalism. (Is that a word?)
Until a couple Saturdays ago, when I became the Jekyll/Hyde of pregnancy. All I can say is that I'm thankful my husband is patient and wise.
I returned home from a quick Meijer trip and found the kids had already finished their lunches, been cleaned up and were down for their naps. I was looking forward to making a bowl of Campbell's Tomato Soup and loading it down with Townhouse crackers...because, as Tim says, I tend to eat more along the line of crackers with some soup rather than soup with some crackers. Anyways...
I heated up my soup and poured it in the bowl. Tim was in the kitchen cleaning up from lunch still as I opened the cabinet and pulled out the box of crackers which seemed very light. I looked inside.
Empty.
I turned to Tim and asked, "Where are the crackers?"
Not noticing the possible eruption ahead he said, "Oh, I gave the rest to the kids with their lunch today."
"Why is there an empty box in the cupboard?"
"I must have forgotten to throw it away."
3...2...1...
"How am I supposed to eat my tomato soup with no crackers?! Why would you put an empty box back into the cupboard? I can't eat my soup without my crackers!"
At this point, he stops wiping off the dining room table to actually look at me. "Well, I saved you some leftovers meatballs if you want those instead."
I opened the fridge and pulled out said meatballs. There were a few. I looked for the mashed potatoes. None.
"Where are the mashed potatoes?" I asked.
"I finished them off with lunch," Tim answered, his voice growing afraid.
"I can't eat these meatballs without the mashed potatoes and I can't eat my soup with crackers!"
At this point I am seriously crying and at the same time wondering what has possessed my body to make me act this way as even I can tell I'm being truly ridiculous. Yet I can't seem to overcome it.
Tim bravely suggested, "Maybe you should lay down on the couch for a few minutes."
Still sobbing, I threw myself on to the couch and covered myself with a blanket (because I'm so not dramatic.) I lay there crying for a minute.
I woke up an hour later. I don't even remember falling asleep but I must have been out of it pretty hard because Tim said I was snoring. And I don't snore. Except while pregnant with this baby.
I was so embarrassed when I woke up and quickly apologized to Tim for my irrational behavior. He forgave me and said he knew I just needed some sleep. This was, obviously, true.
This pregnancy has been something else. Two months to go and I'm hoping to be able to overcome "crazy, pregnant Andrea" within that time.
We'll see.

My Most Recent Enjoyment...

Not just eating bread...goodness, that's always been one of my favorite things to do.
No, it's baking my own bread that I am enjoying. And, oh, is this recipe delightful. I honestly don't think I'll ever buy store bought bread again. We had some as a snack, yum. I used some for a tuna fish sandwich for lunch, yum. We had some with our dinner tonight, yum. I doubled the recipe to make two loaves and it's probably a really good thing I did.
I don't have a bread machine, which is what the recipe called for, so I was thrilled to find a woman who wrote a review with the modifications to do it by hand. I really can't get enough of doing it by hand. For me, there is something about kneading the dough that is so incredibly necessary for me. I think it teaches me a couple life lessons:
Be still - When you have to stand in one place at a counter to knead dough for anywhere from 5 to 8 minutes depending on what kind you're making, you have to kind of still your body. Obviously, you can't walk around the kitchen while kneading so you're put in one place for what feels like a long time. This is good for me because I am not usually the type of person who can just stand. When I'm kneading, I can pray, I can think, I can sing - I can enjoy a few minutes of keeping my legs in one spot.
Patience - For this recipe in particular, when I was finished kneading the dough, I had to let it rise for an hour while it doubled. Then I had to punch it down and let it rise for another 45 minutes while it doubled again. Then I had to put it in the loaf pans and let it go for another 20 minutes before then baking it for 40 minutes. Within the first 10 minutes it was in the oven, my house smelled so delicious I wanted to take the bread out prematurely and devour it based on smell alone. Baking bread teaches you delayed gratification rather than instant. Sure, it takes a few hours, but it is so worth it when you slice into that warm loaf and then butter and honey it up.
So if you like to bake bread, try the recipe! It you haven't ever baked bread before - give it a try! Try different kinds until you find one you like. This one is a definite winner for our family. Some of my goals for this year include getting into the habit of baking bread on a regular basis so we don't have to buy it from the store - this way I can control what I put in it as well. I also want to try doing some canning this year and we're going to give our garden another go now that we have had a year to see what grows well in our soil and what doesn't. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong era. I would be totally happy stepping quite a way back from how far everything has come to just return to some simplicity.

Life Update

The excitement of the Ross household...where to begin?? OK, not really. We're fairly dull when it comes to details lately.
Tim started a side job today, has one lined up for afterward, another for after that and then received a call from his very first boss that taught him how to paint 6 years ago who wants him for some upcoming work as well. Praise the Lord, He is providing! There is also a very large job on hold. His bid was accepted by an older couple that wanted him to start this month when they left for Floria and re-do (paint, etc.) their entire home but then the woman's two sisters (who are both fighting cancer) took a horrible turn for the worse and everything has been delayed. So we wait on that while remembering them in our prayers.
I have been labeled as "high risk for preterm labor" as of my last prenatal appointment, which was last Monday. I will be 29 weeks tomorrow and my cervical prolapse returned the week before Christmas. I am not officially on bed rest but have to get off my feet whenever possible. I also get to wear this super attractive (total sarcasm there) belly support band that feels like a brace and supposedly helps to hold my belly/baby up a bit to relieve some of the pressure. I'm not enjoying it and I honestly don't know if it's helping at all, but I'll do what I have to in order to keep this baby in for at least another 8 weeks. Aaaagh! 8 weeks until I'm technically full-term!! So much to do and so little time...
Noah is a blast. Challenging at times, as I think any mother of a 4-year old would say, but such a joy. I cannot believe how fast he is growing up. He is a huge help to me right now when Tim is gone. He wants to do whatever he can and loves to help set the table, clear the table, "help" clean (he takes a baby wipe and cleans walls, cupboard doors and whatever else is at his height) and "parent" Ellie ("No, Ellie. Don't do that. Get down from there. Don't touch that. Be careful next to Mama's belly, etc. etc. etc.") At the moment, Tim and I are going back and forth with whether to proceed in putting him in kindergarten next year or doing a Young-5s/Pre-K program instead. In my thoughts, it was always, "You turn 5, you go to kindergarten." In Tim's eyes (that repeated kindergarten because there was no pre-k program) it would be more beneficial to hold a boy off a year and have him go through kindergarten an entire year at age 6 than age 5. Noah turns 5 right before the school year starts and, although we know he is academically smart enough and ready for kindergarten, his size is small for his age and he is a sensitive kid. I think in this matter I need to listen to Tim's opinion seriously because he is a boy (obviously) and has been there and knows the working of a man's world whereas I never will. So if he thinks it would be better to hold Noah off a year and put him in Young-5 then I respect that. It also helps that I talked to two of my friends who are teachers and got their opinions on it and they both agreed with Tim, bringing up how boys don't mature socially and emotionally as quickly as girls do, so even if they seem smart enough for kindergarten, it doesn't necessarily mean they're ready.
Ah, the decisions of parenting...The boy loves maps, globes and things that look like the earth. I am learning a lot about geography from him actually...

He also loves sledding and all things outdoors-related. He is a mini-Tim in the making.

And Eleanor is...Eleanor. Actually, after a rough beginning and difficult time bonding with her (which is hard when you have mother/daughter bond expectations), I have lately found myself looking at her with the love-that-makes-you-want-to-burst. She is stubborn, strong-willed, temperamental, dramatic and wonderful. I have gone from wanting to give her away often to someone else to raise to now loving the moments I get to spend with her. Her favorite words are "cookie" and "hot cocoa" and I think she has a cookie-6th sense. Yesterday I broke a piece off a peanut butter cookie to nibble on it while I was in the kitchen and as I turned around to put it in my mouth, her little body popped up around the corner as I heard her voice saying "Cookie. Cookie." Now here is the thing: with Noah we have always been a bit stern when it comes to what kind of sweets, etc. to give him. We're loosening up a bit, but he still has never had pop or gum, his juice is on a limited intake and Halloween candy was limited to one piece a day. Like I said, we're starting to loosen up, so don't go policing me on being an unfair mom. I can at least say that he had a perfect dental appointment last week (besides the fact he'll need braces because he has no spaces between his baby teeth right now.) Anyways, now Ellie. All she has to do is look at me with her big blue eyes and sweetly say, "Cookie" and next thing I know I'm breaking off a piece of cookie to give to her. Which I then have to give Noah the other half or else I'm a bad, unfair mom. =) So my dear Eleanor Lee has finally become a joy and breath of laughter to my life. Actually, she probably always has been...it just took me a long time to realize it.

Mmmmm....Cookie....

Life isn't always perfect here, far from it in fact. Oftentimes I fall into bed at night feeling like I should kick myself for all the wrong things I did as a mother that day. Don't we all feel that way as parents at one time or another? There are times where the kids go to bed at night and I think the day has been a success if I made it through without giving any time-outs or spanking warnings or wanting to ship Ellie off to a boarding school for toddlers.
Tim and I haven't had any explosive fights in a long time, but it's not to say we don't have our disagreements, or that I don't envy him for the strong faith he holds when, as a woman, mine wants to falter when I think of finances. Thankfully, he pulls me back with Scripture and life reminders quickly so that I don't stay in that spot of weakness.
Life isn't perfect. We have walked through many valleys to be brought to the mountaintops we are experiencing in life. The view is good...

Belated

Merry Christmas
and a Happy New Year!!

Here's a taste of what our Christmas was like:

8 kids under the age of 9 years old in the same house for 4-5 days...it was loud, rambunctious and full of laughter and joy.

There will be more to blog in coming days but for now I'm exhausted!