Cherishing

I hate death.

Earlier this week while Tim and I were sitting and talking before falling asleep we started to discuss the economical situation our nation is in. I asked him if he thought it was a sign of the end times and he said maybe, but probably not, since God uses hard times to teach us lessons. I told him that I was scared of Heaven. He looked at me like I had three heads and asked why. I tried to explain what I meant - I'm not really scared of Heaven, I just am always nervous about the unknown. He reminded me that the Bible describes Heaven and that I also read the book "Ninety Minutes in Heaven."
"Yes I know," I said. "And I know that Heaven will be better than anything I can imagine and that I will feel no sadness or hurt or anger. I will be able to meet my lost baby and my brother or sister who was miscarried and my niece or nephew who just joined Heaven and also your brother or sister who was miscarried. But I like you...."
"We'll be friends in Heaven," he reassured me.
"But we won't be married. I want to grow old with you. I want to see our kids graduate, see what they do in life, celebrate their weddings and play with our grandchildren someday. I want Jesus to come back...just not until I'm about 85 years old."
This has always been a weird spot for me. I am excited about Heaven and the return of Christ, really I am. I just have a hard time comprehending it all. Sometimes I feel like a bad Christian because, selfishly, I want to spend some more time with my family - this man I have vowed to spend my days with, these kids I labored intensely to have. Am I alone in these feelings?
This past weekend a fellow Cornerstone alumnus died suddenly. He was a friend of Randy and Deidra's, and although I didn't know him personally, I went through college hearing his name often. I also have friends who did know him well and it hurts me to see them grieve. It also is just a reminder that nothing is for certain in life. Each day is a gift, as cliche as it sounds. He was young, not that much older than myself. He was married and now she is a young widow.
And so I hate death. Whether it is my ninety-eight year old great-grandmother, my unborn niece or nephew, or someone I met once or twice in passing. What a month.
I want to slap the kids who do stupid things that put their lives at risk. The teenagers who flirt with alcohol, drugs, tobacco and sex outside of marriage with multiple people. They are just knowingly throwing their health and their lives away for instant gratification, flirting with death constantly. Maybe it would be a quick death in the form of an overdose or DUI accident or maybe it will be slowly killing you by way of an STD or liver disease. I just want to tell them to start using their noggins a bit!
Last night I went to sleep more appreciative of my life, of my husband, of my children. I hugged Tim a little longer and a little tighter. We've only been given one body - take care of it. We have one life - live it well.
And pray for people all over who are grieving those they have lost.

Sounds Good to Me!

My friend, Dee, sent this to me earlier - she thought the timing was funny based on my last post of what I would do with $400,000. I'm all in favor of it, but I guess we would just be dreaming.

This idea sounds just crazy enough to possibly work, so naturally it won’t be given consideration. Bic Plan:
I'm against the $85,000,000,000.00 ($85 Billion) bailout of AIG. Instead, I'm in favor of the Bic Plan which gives the $85,000,000,000 to America in a ‘Who Better Dividend’.
To make the math simple, let's assume there are 200,000,000 legitimate U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.
So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a Who Better Dividend.
Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let's assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 ($25 Billion) right back to Uncle Sam.
But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife would have $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?
Pay off your mortgage - housing crisis solved.
Repay college loans - what a great boost to new grads
Put away money for college - it'll be there
Save in a bank - create money to loan to entrepreneurs.
Buy a new car - create jobs
Invest in the market - capital drives growth
Pay for your parent's medical insurance - health care improves
Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean - or else
Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back and, of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.
If we're going to re-distribute wealth let's really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ('vote buy') economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President.
If we're going to do an $85 Billion bailout, let's bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG - liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.
Here's my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn't. Sure it's a crazy idea that can 'never work.' But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom?
I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC
And remember, The Bic Plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.
Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest.
Kindest personal regards, Jeff ‘Bic’
A Citizen of the Republic
PS: Feel free to pass this along to your pals as it's either good for a laugh or a tear or a very sobering thought on how to best use $85 Billion!!

My Deep Thought of the Day...

If we were to cut the salaries of athletes and movie stars maybe there would be more money to get our nation out of debt.
On a serious note, I'm quite sick of hearing how much celebrities make because it just causes me to become bitter and frustrated. I read recently that Hugh Laurie who plays Dr. House (which, I do love that show) is the second highest paid TV star and he makes $400,000 per episode. PER EPISODE! I'm sorry, but if Tim continues to make what he does right now, it will be more or less 8 years before we see that much money. And he makes it for one episode! So I started to think today about how I would spend $400,000:
$400,000
- 40,000 (split 10% tithe between The Journey/charity/people we know who need it)
- 20,000 (Emergency Fund)
- 125,000 (pay off house & related costs)
- 30,000 (for new used vehicles for me & Tim - our's currently have problems more than not)
- 50,000 (to invest, split between Roth IRA and toward kids college educations)
- 35,000 (for a boat and other fun items)
- 100,000 (give $20,000 to each family: my parents, sister, Tim's parents, brother & sister)
_________
$0

How would you spend your's?

Women - Read This Post!

OK all of you women - I found this informational and funny post on a blog I randomly check.
Maybe you don't need it - but I know I do!

http://chuckandjoshiella.blogspot.com/2008/09/fashion-mommyhood-saving-money-and.html

Traci, did you ever figure out how to do that link thing? I need to learn, too!

Nothing Much New

I haven't really blogged much lately because nothing really exciting has happened to blog about. Noah still loves preschool. Ellie has started on baby cereal - rice cereal made her constipated so we're doing oatmeal. She seems to like the taste of it better and it's been traveling through the system better as well.
Tim has some time off before they start the next house they're working on so he has been doing some side jobs. At first it was scary to hear the words, "We don't start the next house until the end of October" and brought back memories of last year and all the months with no work, but thankfully he has had some people waiting for a break in his schedule to have some work done on their houses. However, his side jobs only go until next week, so be praying for 2 more weeks of work to come after that please!
I briefly mentioned before in a blog that I became a vegetarian. It has been over 3 weeks now and it's going very well. I have not missed meat at all. I've cut down on my dairy a drastic amount and only eat it here and there, mostly when it's unavoidable in a meal. My cheese consumption has gone WAY down - which, did you know that cheese has morphine in it and is actually addictive? So all that time I thought I was addicted to cheese and couldn't live without it - I was! Cheese is harder to give up just because it's in so much also, but I have noticed that when I have a meal with it in it now, I get really sick later. As a result, I don't have a desire for it anymore. Go figure. Now chocolate...I haven't given that up and have no desire to. We have switched to eating only organic snacks also.
So I feel a bit like a hippie with my cloth diapering and vegetarianism/partial veganism. I know some people think we're (or "I'm" since Tim is still eating meat when he can get his hands on it) crazy, but after seeing how good and healthy I feel, it just affirms to me how what we eat really affects us. I have also found changes with Noah. I still offer him meat, but he doesn't really want to eat it. I tell Tim that Noah was born to be a vegetarian because when we offer him a veggie burger or fake-chicken (veggies & soy) he LOVES it. Tonight I'm making Tofu Nuggets so we'll see how those go over. Anyways, everyone told us that the three's are worse than the two's and I have found the past month to be better than the past year for Noah. Sure, he has three year old moments here and there in terms of seeing if he can get away with a demanding voice, etc. but overall, when we are at home he has been obeying, going to sleep easier, getting along great with Ellie and wanting to play with her all the time, not picking fights like before, etc. I wonder how much of it is due to what he is eating (or not eating), as well as probably being in preschool. I did notice that at small group last night he wasn't listening very well to us, but like I said - he does have the occasional moment. I don't expect him to be perfect by any means.
So that's about it. Just little stuff popping up here and there. I finished sewing Noah's quilt top today (finally!) and have been in cleaning mode. When the kids wake up from their naps we're going to go grocery shopping, I have to fold laundry and clean up the kitchen still and then I think tonight I'm running away to Barnes and Noble by myself for a couple hours. The last book in the Karen Kingsbury series came out today and Tim said we don't have the extra money to buy it right now. So I'm going to go sit and read it in Barnes, I think. A little me time away.
Anything exciting new with anyone else?

For you Bekah & Jen & Rachel...

A little "Twilight" fun...

Up and Running

My other blog is official up and running. You can find it at www.emptybuthealing.blogspot.com. It is my hope and dream that God will take this blog and use it to help heal women who have lost babies through miscarriage, stillbirth or soon after birth. I hope it becomes a circle of women who are healing together and connecting with each other in the process, bringing women from all over geographically to find a common place.
Please inform others about it. Word of mouth is always the best recommendation! Post it on your blogs if you have one, or link to it. The layout itself is still a work in progress. Pray that it may reach the women who need it most.
Thank you!

I Hurt

We had some really good, fun parts to our weekend that I will blog about later. But for now I want to ask for prayer for my sister and her husband. They called us to announce they were pregnant last Wednesday. They weren't going to tell people, but my mom flat out asked her and so they decided to tell just parents and us. Saturday - their 5th wedding anniversary - Stephanie started to miscarry. She is now still going through the process. At the moment she is in a doctor's appointment and they are going to talk about performing a D&C to make sure things are cleaned out and kind of wrap up the process (a miscarriage can take up to 2 weeks.) Their daughter, Kailyn's, birthday is tomorrow and her birthday party is this coming weekend.
I blogged recently about how after I miscarried, Bebo Norman's song "Nothing Without You" was a comfort to me. I was somehow not completely surprised when we sang it at church yesterday, almost as if God was reminding me.
Please pray for them as they go through this difficult time and grieving process. It has been the motivation I needed to really get my new blog going and I am going to start working on it tomorrow during Noah's preschool time.

First Day of School!

The day had finally come. I woke up this morning with butterflies in my stomach, fighting the urge to vomit out of pure nervousness. I think I was more nervous for Noah to enter preschool than for any of my first days of classes.

He woke up extremely excited asking if it was time to go yet about every fifteen minutes. We made pancakes for breakfast, putting chocolate chips in some and blueberries in others. Finally the big moment came. He grabbed his backpack, we grabbed the diaper bag, Ellie in her car seat, the information papers and the camera.

He stood on the front porch waiting for me to take a picture. I turned the camera on to find a flashing battery with the words "Battery Empty" sprawled below it.

After dashing back inside, yelling in horror - which then sparked Tim to freak out as well and start yelling - I found three batteries. Using one of the old ones that was still in there, I threw in the other three and ran back outside.

It turned on.

I have maybe never felt such relief.

I got a couple shots of him outdoors and then we loaded everyone into the van. The school is less than a mile from our house so we were there in about two minutes. He waited his turn after two other kids to get his picture next to the Kinderkirk Preschool sign (all of us parents were armed with cameras and/or video cameras.) Then we headed inside.

Tim took him to use the potty after we got into the building. Afterwards, it took much persuasion from the both of us to get him to hang up his backpack, promising it would still be there when he finished school. He marched into the classroom, turned around and said "Come on MomDad." (He refers to us as "MomDad" when talking to the both of us or when not really paying attention to who he is talking to.) We started to explain that we couldn't go to school with him but he was already off playing with cars. We had to actually go into the classroom to say good-bye to him, during which he barely looked up to give us a kiss.

I got a bit teary, although not as bad as last night when I sat in bed and bawled to Tim.

During our parents' meeting after we dropped them off, I was the only one to raise my hand when asked if anyone cried that morning.

Talk about feeling like an idiot.

Our meeting lasted about a half hour and then Tim and I killed time by running errands in Grand Haven and stopping at Great Harvest Bread Co. for a slice of bread (Pecan Swirl for him and Apple Crumble for me) and some hot chocolate.

We picked him up to the words of, "I have fun at preschool."

He told us he sang songs, played with toys, had a snack (yogurt, crackers and juice) and colored. He showed us his pictures and talked about how much he loved preschool.

I hope he realizes this isn't an every day thing.

I also can't wait until Thursday when I can drop him off and then come back and actually enjoy myself during the two hours without wondering how he is doing the entire time.

I feel like I can breathe again.

To Hymn or Not To Hymn

The issue of worship has been on my mind a lot. First of all, when did the word "worship" become linked only to music? And why is some Christian music considered "worship" while some is not?
I remember a few years ago listening to the radio while an interview with Nichole Nordeman was playing. The interviewer was saying that he thought the CD contained more worship music than her other's. She responded by stating she hoped all her music would be considered worship as it was a state of her heart when she wrote the lyrics. That has always stuck with me.
Now, if you want worship music you look for Chris Tomlin, Hillsong United, Tim Hughes, Passion, Delirious, etc. Not all Christian music is good. There are some songs that, in my opinion, I am not sure how it got on the radio at all.
But if I am listening to Sara Groves, should I not consider her music to be a form of her worshipping God or a way that I can worship my Savior by singing her lyrics? I think that her music - her lyrics - are the most raw and pure I have heard.
And why is the time that we sing in church considered "worship" as opposed to the rest of the service? Most churches have the "worship team" to lead the singing. And Tim is on one of the teams at our church and I know he struggles with the name as well, but that has just become the way it is known worldwide and so we just accept it like we do all things the church as an institute gives us.
And why the absence of hymns in modern churches today? At my great-grandma's funeral a woman stood up to sing "It Is Well (With My Soul)" and I thought, Ugh. I've never been a fan of this one. Then my sister leaned over and asked "Do you know the story behind this song?" I shook my head. She told me about how the writer, Horatio Gates Spafford, had lost a great deal in the fire of Chicago, his only son had died, and then a couple years later his four daughters were killed when the ship they were getting ready to sail on sunk. He penned the hymn afterwards.
What strength.
I think some of our greatest hymns of the past have risen out of tragedy or the writer's longing to feel close to his or her Savior and Lord. So why do we not sing them still today, unless it is at the funeral of a ninety-eight year old woman.
I'm not saying that I think the music of today is less than the hymns of the past. I am just wondering why we now are quick to pass up some of the old greats. Or why is it a big deal when a Christian band puts out a CD that covers hymns or why they are maybe inspired to put out a "worship" CD?
Worship comes from the heart. You can worship through song, dance, prayer or even reading the Bible. I think that it is what you give to God and a place where your heart connects with His. It can be as simple as a moment or a walk outdoors to thank God for His creation.

Yes, Please...No, Thank You

I am so tired of the lack of respect, morals, and decency from society in our current times. This morning I drove home from spending an exhausting half-week at my parents' We had my great-grandma's viewing and funeral and it was just two days of a lot of non-stop going and conversation. On top of that, I have chosen to become a vegetarian and have been detoxing this past week, leading to some frustrating moments (as anyone who has ever had their body detox would know...It really is amazing how much crap must have been stored in my body that is now trying to be fought out.)
Anyways, so I'm driving back this morning and I'm about a half hour from home. I am in the process of passing a semi and I'm going about 75 mph. Suddenly a little white car comes up out of nowhere and is right on my butt. I mean heissthisclosetome. If I had to come to a sudden stop for any reason he would be right through my rear and sitting between my kids and we're in a mini-van. I gently (yes, gently, I'm not being sarcastic) tap on my breaks to politely tell him to back off. He doesn't. I finally get all the way past the semi and then switch lanes to let this speed demon by. He flies past me, glaring at me in the process and then cuts me off in my lane and gives me the finger.
Seriously.
I have children in the car. I am already going about 5 mph over the speed limit, technically giving up my right to be pulled over as I'm breaking a law...if you want to get technical. Don't get mad at me that you think you're so important you need to speed pass everyone else and put us in danger of your irresponsible driving. I don't think people realize the importance of safe driving, especially when there are vehicles on the road with KIDS in them that are being put in danger by poor drivers.
I spent the rest of the drive thinking about how rude that finger was which led me to thinking about the lack of respect and manners in this world. I was watching an episode of "Leave it to Beaver" with my mom while I was there. At first I was laughing about all of it: how Mrs. Cleaver was wearing a dress and pearls around the house and putting on gloves to go out, Mr. Cleaver dressed in his suit at the dinner table, the kids washing up, dressing nicely and combing their hair before they went downstairs for dinner. But then I started thinking: Is that so wrong?
Is it bad for us to expect our kids to know, "Please", "Thank You", "No, sir", "Yes, Ma'am", "May I be excused?" etc. Although I always think it unrealistic that my house should be clean when Tim gets home, the kids looking nice and dinner on the table...would it really be that hard? Honestly, I'm a bit of a slacker when it comes to all that. Tim is lucky to find me with makeup on and my hair looking anywhere near nice when he gets home. I will admit, I have him call me on his way home from work so that I know when to start dinner so it is close to done if not done when he arrives home. I do try to tidy up the house a little bit so it doesn't look like a total disaster when he walks through the door.
I want my kids to have manners. I want them to respect their elders. I think we have become too far removed from the days of the fifties when things like that were expected. I don't think we should go back to any extremes; I think there should be balance. I don't want to wear a light pair of white gloves or pearls, but I really should take the time to look nice when Tim gets home, even if it is just putting normal clothes on rather than pajama pants.
Thoughts?

She's Gone

My great-grandmother, Olive Seitz, passed away this aternoon. It's interesting for me because she may be the first grandparent who I have not cried over when finding out. I remember when Tim's Grandma Ross passed away and he didn't cry. I was stunned, but he said, "She has had Alzheimer's for awhile and I haven't seen her in a long time and as bad as it sounds - she's been dead in my mind already." I thought he was so harsh but now I kind of understand what he meant.
She was a strong, intelligent and beautiful woman with a fiery passion for the Lord. She will be missed.

Sad Call

The vacation posts have been interrupted for a short time until I can get to them again. On a sidenote, my mom just called to say that my other great-grandma, Olive, will most likely be passing away this week. She is in a home and has dementia and a variety of other health issues - besides old age, blindness and deafness. The last time hospice said this was back in March and she obviously proved them wrong but my aunt went to see her today and said it's the real thing this time. Her lips are blue, she's not eating anymore, she won't get out of bed and she has "the death rattle." Please be praying for our family this week and for a quick passing for her from this earth to her heavenly home where she will be able to see Jesus and be reunited with my great-grandfather after nine years since his being called Home.

Vacation Day #1

We had a fantastic family vacation this past weekend. We joined my parents, sister and her family for a visit to my great-grandma in Vulcan (over by Iron Mountain in the Upper Peninsula.) Thursday night we all met up in St. Ignace and stayed the night at my aunt & uncle's vacation home there. It's an old Victorian house that they have spent years (seriously, since I was in elemenary school) gutting and remodeling. It's still in the works and every time we go up there some new progress has been made.

Friday morning we woke up, got ready and had breakfast at our favorite place, The Galley. It is tradition to go there for at least one breakfast while visiting. After that, we hit the road.

Ellie settles into her carseat after breakfast at The Galley.

Our first stop was the beach because my mom wanted to get pictures of the kids and families by the water. I spent a lot of summer time in St. Ignace while my grandparents lived there and we were at Lake Michigan playing most of the days. It was just going to be a quick stop for pictures, but Noah - who must have had to really use the potty but didn't tell us - had an accident as soon as he heard/saw/felt the water on his feet. We stripped his bottom half naked and he played in the water. Quickly, he and Kailyn were wet and we ended up stripping all their clothes off to let them run free.

Nudey Noah takes a run on the beach.

Ellie, Noah & Kailyn taking their first "cousins" picture ever together.

After getting back on the road we traveled until it was time for Ellie to eat, which coincided with our lunch as well. We were trying to make it to Manistique but she was screaming in the carseat so we stopped off at a gas station in the middle of nowhere. Because Tim & I were trying to stay within a very small budget for the weekend, we had packed a cooler full of food to take along. Dustin, Stephanie and Kailyn went on to Manistique to eat and we had a picnic on the grass near the gas station. My mom stayed to feed Ellie and Dad joined us for some lunch.

After (again) getting on the road we stopped at Fayette. This was out of the way a little bit, but I'm so glad we stopped. It's a historic state park, basically a ghost town that is being renovated. It's over by Big Bay du Noc. It was a town with a factory that smelt iron ore and when the factory shut down the whole town pretty much did as well. There were all sorts of fun things to see and learn there.

The whole family (from a bit of a distance): Noah, Tim, me w/Ellie, Dad, Mom, Stephanie, Kailyn & Dustin in front of a kiln that was used for smelting iron ore.
Kailyn & Noah

That was our last stop before finishing the trip to my great-grandma's (who I am now just going to refer to as "grandma" from this point on as it can get long to always have the "great" in front.) I haven't seen her in well over 10 years, probably closer to 15 so it was great to have the opportunity to visit her again and introduce her to my family. She turned 93 in mid-September and has a memory that is super sharp. My sister credits it to the fact she doesn't own a microwave. I almost wonder if there is some truth to that as well. She can tell you all about her childhood, the places she has lived and people she has met, and even random facts like Lawrence Welk quitting school in the third grade.

So Friday was spent mostly traveling and doing fun stops along the way. My grandma lives in a house (by herself still, cooking her own meals and doing her own cleaning and all that) with a driveway that is crossed by train tracks. Friday night, the guys took the kids to go put pennies on the tracks, that were smashed by the trains going through that night (yes, quite annoying while you're sleeping and it feels like they're coming through the house at you) and happily found the next morning.