When God Speaks...

...how well do you listen?
I can count on one, maybe two, fingers the amount of times that I feel I have heard God speak to me in a without-a-doubt-that-was-God-speaking-audible voice. I feel He speaks to me through different ways: music, books, other people by reminding me of things I need to hear or revealing things to me. I do not often hear a voice though. Maybe part of it is because I never know if it's God speaking or me going crazy and having voices in my head.
I have had a rough time lately as I have struggled through my thoughts on church. What is church, exactly? What is the purpose? Is the church (as an institution) what God intended? Is it fulfilling its purpose if it is? And on and on and on. I had a very personal and hurtful experience happen in my beginning college years involving my home/childhood church. It led me into two seperate counseling experiences which led me to forgiving my childhood pastor and overcoming my mistrust of pastors in general. Every once in awhile, however, I can feel the old thoughts coming back and I have to give them over to God again.
Within the past couple weeks I have started listening to Moody Bible Radio station often. In the past I have listened to Family Life on WCSG during lunch times. I love it. Then I stumbed across the Moody station and have found all sorts of new shows and speakers to listen to. It's been great. My sister-in-law, Deidra, also has been sending resources my way of books and articles to read, speakers to listen to, etc. A few years ago she was where I am now in the kind of question asking mode. Anyways, the past week has been great for me. I have let go (again) of bitterness toward the church as an institution. It's not perfect after all and never can be. I think this Sunday I was finally ready and willing to hear what had to be said during the sermon and God spoke to me...through what Paul had to say but more incredibly, through His voice that I could actually hear. As I was listening to Paul talk about how we don't do things through our strength but through God's (he was going over Isaiah 6:5-8) and so what kind of God leap are you going to take, I felt a voice press against my heart.
Write.
Um, sorry God. What? Was that even You?
Silence.
As we started to sing the last set of songs to close out the service, the first one was called "Found" by Hillsong. (By the way, I love Hillsong.)
Write.
There it was, pressed upon me again. Immediately tears came to my eyes.
I can't God.
Not on your own, but you can with my strength.
Enter chin quiver to accompany tears while praying people are too involved with singing to notice me in my little area against the wall.
What if I fail?
Write.
What do I write?
He brought to mind a prologue for a book I started back in September. I wrote it, showed it to Tim and a friend who both thought it was great and told me they couldn't wait to read more, then let fear take over me and haven't touched it since.
Well, ok, God. I'm going to trust You on this one.
"And I found myself in You, Lord..."
(Remember to pause music on the right side.)

Easy Gift Cards

I'm going to throw a little plug on here for two reasons.
#1. Who doesn't need/want gift cards?
#2. It's free and easy.

I was on moneysavingmom yesterday and read about something called Swagbucks. You can read her post here about it or you can see how one woman earned enough to do all her Christmas shopping here.
You register to use Swagbucks as your search engine and then you get Swagbucks when you do a search. Your swagbucks can be used toward gift cards. I installed the toolbar, started searching this morning and have already earned some bucks.
If you want to earn even more, then you can refer people and get extra swagbucks when they sign up. Hence, another reason I'm posting this on my blog. If you decide you want to look into and sign up for this, please use my referral code:
http://swagbucks.prodege.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=246394
I also like it because I use Google as my primary search engine and Swagbucks searches by Google and ask.com.

I'm off to search for some knitting patterns!

Read This Book

I just finished reading Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. I read it in college and then again afterwards and now I completed my third time reading it.
It is one of the best fiction books I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and...just, everything. I love it. I have read many, if not all, of Francine Rivers' books and this might be my favorite. I think it is.
So go read it. Now. Female, male - everyone should read it.
If you have read it already, what were your thoughts?

I Feel Like...

aldkjfoaihgonadgnounsdogfnweotnewwnrotrotnrtg

Do you ever feel like that? Just kind of jumbled? Like you're running from one thing to the next and the next and you just want to slow down? That's my today.
Life has been fairly calm lately. Just little stuff here and there...but today, ay yi yi. I was late getting out of the house to get Noah to preschool, came home and worked on his quilt the whole time. Then after picking him up I came home, shoved food into them and put them down for some nap/quiet times because at 1:30 we have to leave again, which means I am going to be waking them up from their sleep. I am typing this as I shove food into my own mouth (it's all about multi-tasking, right?) I have to run to the store, drop Noah off at Matt and Jeana's, go to my STATS meeting, tell some kids that their personal talks were rotten (actually, I'll be much nicer than that), go back to Matt and Jeana's, make some toffee for holiday gifts, have dinner, play, put the kids to bed over there, have our Love and Respect Bible study, and then roll on home sometime between 10 and 11:00.

All I really want to do is finish Noah's quilt because I'm so close. Then I want to make a cup of hot cocoa, sit down with my knitting, and put on some music to relax with.

But for now....asd;kljfwoaientoiwrengoirngo;irehoginrgoirenogin.

Clap On...

Ellie learned to clap last week. Now she does it all the time, especially when we say "Yea!" or "Good girl!"
You'll want to pause the music on the right and also, I apologize for my singing voice. =)

Heaven in the Eyes of a Child

Last Thursday Tim was meeting with the guys from our small group so I was left to put the kids to bed on my own. Ellie was crabby and tired so she went down earlier than usual. I was kind of glad because then this left me some time to play with Noah, just the two of us.
Later, while going through the bedtime routine, he picked out the book he wanted to read. It was a book of Bible stories and when we were done reading it I decided that I should probably start talking to him more about all of that. I was also inspired by my friend Rachel, who tried to talk to her son about it awhile ago.
I started with Creation and then skipped to Jesus as I could tell I was starting to lose him. I ended by telling him that someday, if he accepts Jesus into his life, he will not only be his friend but that Noah would be able to live in Heaven forever with Mommy and Daddy and (insert names of grandparents, aunts and uncles.) At this point he got very excited.
"And we will be able to watch "Dora" forever and ever!" he exclaimed.
Slightly thrown off, I said, "No. I don't think so. We will get to sing, though. We will get to sing songs to God as much as we want." I figured he would love this idea since he sings all day long.
"No, Mama. We watch "Dora" in Heaven. Together. Forever."
First of all, we don't even watch "Dora the Explorer" at our house so I'm not sure where she is even coming from.
Secondly, as my mom pointed out when I was telling her about our conversation, if we are watching "Dora the Explorer" for eternity than she is pretty sure we're in hell.
Well, I tried, right? It's all about planting the seeds....

Seven Prayers For Seven Days

I would encourage all you moms (and dads!) to read this post and do it with your kids. I have felt convicted lately of not praying enough for my children.

Perfect Days

Well, except for the outcome of the election.
Saturday was beautiful fall weather. I cleaned the inside of the house like crazy - it just felt like one of those days where it should be done. By that afternoon, with the sun shining inside so brightly and everything dusted and swept and scrubbed, my place looked sparkling! Tim did outside work while I was inside. I helped him rake leaves for a bit in the afternoon. We had so many all over the backyard. Of course, by Sunday afternoon, the leaves were getting their revenge already. Today I raked the front yard because the tree in front decided to drop almost all its leaves at the same time this morning. I couldn't even see the grass by this afternoon. I did it so Tim wouldn't have to pull in from work and see all the leaves. I already catch him mumbling out the back door window at the leaves sometimes. He feels so defeated by them.
Today was another good day, except I woke up to find that Obama is our next president AND that the proposals passed in Michigan. I have to admit I was more upset about the approvals of the proposals than Obama. Proposal One was for the legalization of marijuana for medical purposes. I am completely against this because I think that things are going to get out of hand. Proposal Two was for the support of embryonic stem cell research. I am against this for so many reasons that I don't even know where to start...especially after it has been proven that there are stem cells from other areas that are more effective for research! I won't go so far as other people who I have talked to who are convinced that this is all the beginning of the end times but it makes one think, I'll say that. I don't think that we can predict when Christ will return and any guess is a poor one. Every day we wake up brings us closer to the end no matter what else is going on in the world. I do know that Paul and Timothy in the Bible thought they were also living in the end times.
So back to my otherwise perfect day. I worked out. I'm trying to work out 3 times a week. Last week I worked out twice. So far this week...once. But hey, I still have three days left. This afternoon I raked all those leaves so it was almost like a double workout today. Noah works out with me...kind of. He likes to try some of the moves, although he never does the entire thing. It is amazing to me the flexibility that preschoolers have. He was correcting me on some of my lunges! "No, mama. Like this." Then he would perfectly demonstrate it. Maybe he'll be the future trainer of "The Biggest Loser."
I got along with my kids today. That always make for good times. We went on a walk this morning. Noah rode his tricycle and I pushed Ellie in the stroller. When Noah is on his bike we never go very far or fast, but he loves it and I find it nice to be outside in great weather.
I called Deidra and we ended up talking for three and a half hours. It always goes like that. We don't talk often on the phone but when we do it's never for less than two hours. I'm not kidding. Today we talked politics, religion, and a little bit about family. She picks my brain and gives me things to think about. Today she said something that really struck me which I can't put on here because it's still sinking into my head but when I brought it up with Tim tonight he agreed with my thoughts. Let's just say it was one of those moments where you feel like you've been hit in the head and you say, "Oh! That's my problem! That's what's wrong with me right now!" So thanks, Deidra (I don't even know if you're aware of it.)
Monday night Tim was at a Coldplay concert on the other side of the state. Matt won tickets and took Tim with him (it was an early birthday present for Tim, who turns 28 in a couple weeks. I don't know how I'm supposed to come up with something better than that!) He didn't get back until after 1:30 in the morning. I do not sleep well without him. Especially when I'm the only adult in the house. I stayed up for a long time reading blogs and on Facebook. Then around midnight I tried to fall asleep while keeping the nightstand lamp on. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being but was still scared. I decided to read my Bible for a little bit in hopes of being calmed. I'm reading through the Bible right now and am currently in the Psalms. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to open it because you never really know what you're going to get in Psalms. David might be fearing for his life while hiding from King Saul. It might be a chapter on being in a pit of despair and surrounded by enemies. It might be praise. You never really know. I tentatively opened it to Psalm awaiting me and laughed when I found God speaking directly to me:
Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."
Sure, the first couple verses start out with him being chased by his enemies. However, this verse makes me laugh because Noah has a CD and DVD by Steve Chapman (not to be mistakenwith Steven Curtis Chapman) that are full of Bible passages made into songs. This, to me, is great because Noah LOVES music and singing and it's an easy way to teach him verses and help him memorize them. On the DVD are videos: they are very early 90s and extremely cheesy, but again - Noah loves them. One of the songs is Psalm 56:3. In the video there is a little girl in her bed and she wakes up because of a thunderstorm. She is afraid and notices her Bible on her nightstand. She reads Psalm 56:3 and then bows her head in prayer. The songs says, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you. When I am afraid I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise." There are a couple more lyrics, but not many.
After reading some more Scripture and praying, allwhile having the song run constantly through my head, I turned off the light and was asleep in seconds. Tim came home a half hour later and I briefly woke up but not for long.
I think it's funny how God speaks to us sometimes to tell us exactly what we need to hear.

I Voted

Today I voted after dropping off Noah at preschool. I voted outside of the Republican and Democrat candidates and went third party this year. I felt great afterwards. I get so tired of comments like "I'm going to vote for the lesser of two evils" or the assumption that Christians have to vote Republican and whatnot.
I researched the candidates and found one that I felt I could stand behind. I think that in this election people are voting passionately. I was not passionate about McCain or Obama. I did know I was NOT for Obama, but McCain makes me feel jittery for some reason. I know many people who are passionate toward one or the other. My husband voted McCain; this might be the only time we have voted differently in an election. He thinks I wasted my vote yet at the same time respects why I did it.
I, personally, cannot wait for this election to be done. I think it's going to be closer than what the polls are predicting. Seriously, when are people going to stop looking at the polls? Take a peek back to the last couple elections when first Gore and then Kerry were supposed to have the presidency with no problems. I'm never polled and I don't know anyone who has been so I don't even know where they come up with these percentages!
By the way, didn't Madonna or Barbara Streisand or someone say they were going to leave the country if Bush won in 2004? Why are they still here? I guess Democrats can't always make good on their promises...

Trick or Treat!

Noah was a "painter like daddy" for Halloween this year. Ellie borrowed a dress up outfit from my mom's house and was a butterfly. It was perfect weather for some trick or treating.

Ellie did great and was cheerful the whole time (until we tried to take these pictures then it was a little close to the bottle time - hence the binky in the mouth.) People gave extra candy even though we said she wouldn't be able to eat it.

Noah collected his goods in a paint can and people thought he was cute and creative. Tim and I separated the candy last night after he was in bed. We left him about 5 or 6 pieces and decided to limit to one a day. Yes, we are "those parents." I was telling Tim this week that I don't even know why we take him out since we don't actually let him have candy but he reminded me that it's (a) fun and a way to meet neighbors and (b) the candy is for the parents at this age.