Not Everyone Was Irish on St. Patrick's Day...

Like father, like son

Y'all Come Back Now...

Last weekend we had the great opportunity to visit Tim's sister, Kristen, her husband, David, and our nephews, Cameron, Owen, and Alec, in Tennessee. The weather was GORGEOUS. The day we arrived, the sun was shining and the temperature was 70 degrees. Flowers were starting to show and my allergies almost immediately started blooming. It was worth it.
On the way home, while driving through a particularly windy and mountainous part of West Virginia, we played the "O, Brother, Where Art Though?" soundtrack. There was something so cool about listening to some mountain music while taking in the beautiful sights. It was a fantastic weekend and we can't wait until the next time we go.

We took a nature walk at an historic park close to their home. This is Tim, me, Owen, and Noah.

This is the best we could get for a family picture. I like Cameron's thoughtful pose.

Noah and Alec eye each other's pacifiers.

At the park, Sycamore Shoals, they were having a "live museum" with many fun things to do and learn. Cameron and Owen tried their hand at the game "Going to Boston." Surprisingly, they beat their opponent the first time they played! I think the old man was in shock because he asked to play again. We also got to see a duel acted out over some cheating during a card game.
On the way home we stopped at my in-laws' home for the night. We look fairly refreshed despite the fact that by this time we had spent only 1 of 4 days NOT travelling and had a horrible night of sleep due to Noah not sleeping well....actually, at all.

Humiliation Stays With You

When you feel humiliated and embarrased, it stings. It can also bring back nasty memories.
I can remember one specific evening the summer after my eighth grade year. Actually, let me give some crucial background information first. I had a crush on the same boy since the first grade. Pretty much everyone knew about it and would tease me about it, but it didn't stop the fact that I liked him. He, on the other hand, liked to "go out with" girls in the grade ahead of us.
I was also a fairly gangly jr. higher. Frizzy hair, braces to fix a large overbite, poor posture to try to make myself feel the same size as the shorter friends around me, and stick skinny arms and legs. If you have seen "The Princess Diaries"....picture the main character pre-makeover. That was me.
Back to the summer after my eighth grade year: My family returned home one night and listened to the messages on the answering machine. A giggly girl's voice we didn't recognize came on. She was laughing while saying "Brooks will never like you. You have frizzy hair and those big buck teeth. Why do you think he would ever pay attention to you?" The insults dragged on for close to a minute. I still have my suspicions on who it was, though they've never been confirmed. I remember collapsing into my mom's arms and crying. For a young teenager with already low self-esteem to have someone actually verbalize how you felt about yourself was probably the most embarrased I have ever felt in my life...and I have had some embarrasing moments.
This is why I don't watch "American Idol" anymore. I know everyone thinks I'm crazy...and I don't think I'm better than anyone else who does watch it. When I watch it, though, I can only think of the auditions at the beginning that everyone gets such a kick out of. I mean, let's be honest...how many people watch it in the beginning solely for the auditions? I used to do the sae thing. Becoming a mother changed me because I started thinking about my childhood and what Noah's will be like. I don't ever want to see him in a position where people are laughing at him.
People watch the auditions and say, "They're so horrible! Do they not have friends and family members telling them not to do this?" What we should be realizing is, why are they being passed through 2 or 3 previous auditions with producers who then send them to the next level? They are being put on television specifically with the intent to be publicly laughed at.
It hurt enough for me to listen to the teasing on the answering machine in my own house surrounded only by my family. I can't imagine what it's like to have millions of people watching me and then talking about me the next day.
So why don't I watch the show now since the auditions are done? I just don't have any desire to. Tim is getting to the point where I can tell he wants to. I will just go into the bedroom to read while he watches it.
Twelve years later I can remember everything about that horrible evening for me. I did get the last laugh in the end when Brooks and I ended up seriously dating for three years in high school. Unfortunately, it still doesn't take the memories away.

I Chose Tim

I sat on the couch this evening snuggled next to my husband. Comfortable in my hooded sweatshirt and lounge pants, I was content with a book on my lap. Tim sat next to me reading his Wright Angles newsletter. The last rays of the day's sun were fading into the west and children's laughter could be heard even through the closed balcony door. Even though it can be difficult in the morning to adjust to the daylight savings time change, I relish the light early evenings. If I ignored the fact I was clothed head to toe and covered with a blanket, I could close my eyes and pretend it was summer based on the sounds alone. It has been so long since I've heard the kids from the apartments playing outside, riding their bikes and shrieking laughter while enjoying their childhood days.
I opened my eyes and continued to reading. I am, as my father-in-law called it, a "compulsive reader." He is, too, and I enjoy the connection I feel with him, as well as my mother-in-law, over books. We stayed at their house last night on the way home from Tennessee and today they sent me home with at least ten books to keep me occupied for awhile. The first one I picked up is called Home to Harmony, by Philip Gulley. They had informed me it was a light read and that is just what I needed during the drive home.
I finished the chapter I was reading and was struck by the last paragraphs. I re-read them twice more and read them aloud to my husband.

"We don't think people will love us as we are, so we pretend to be someone we're not.
My father pretending to be a Quaker.
Roger making believe he's a vegan.
Wrinkled women lifting their faces, chasing their youth.
Fat men sucking in their bellies.
Poor folks putting on airs.
Sinners acting like saints.
All of us keeping pace with our companions, stepping lively in this dance of deceit.
It is so hard, in this world, to be who we are.
My mother reached across and rubbed my father's shoulder. She said, 'I'd have married you whether you were a Quaker or not.'
'Really?' he asked.
'Really,' she said.
'How come?" he asked.
'Because you were worth loving,' she told him."
-Home to Harmony, by Philip Gulley, page 158

I thought about how true it is. When you first start dating someone, you do things to impress them. It might be dressing a certain way, spending more time on your hair or makeup, showing interest in things you could care less about.
Over time, our true selves of course begin to show. We can only keep up the charade for so long. My theory is that it starts to happen around six months. I call it the "Six Month Curse" and have seen just about every relationship I can think of, including my own, go through it. It makes or breaks your relationship.
Tonight I sat next to my husband. The one who broke my heart in college after six months of dating and then three days later presented his case for why I should date him again. After that there was no more acting. It was the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I thought about all the little things he knows about me. He knows the obvious from the foods I like and dislike, to the secretive - my fears, dreams, and goals that I only share with him. I believe that I look at him and know the same. Yes, we are always finding out new things about each other...we change as individuals as we grow and mature so it is always a learning process. Nothing in my life is secret from him, though. We can ask each other the most personal questions and know we will get an honest answer in return, even if it hurts.
Tim is worth loving. When we were married, I had his wedding ring engraved with the words, "I choose you." There are millions of people out there you can choose to marry and spend your life with. The choice is what makes it all the more important to be committed to your marriage. When you marry a person, you are saying, "I am choosing to love you. I am choosing to accept your strengths and weaknesses, your flaws, and the ways in which you show your love to me. I understand there will be hard times, but I am choosing to walk through those with you - hand in hand together."
I finished reading Home to Harmony tonight, just hours after I started reading it. What can I say...My name is Andrea and I am a compulsive reader. I enjoyed the book so much that I am thrilled it is just the first in a series and I can move on to the next one.
I loved sitting on the couch with Tim tonight. Both of us reading what interests us, the apartment quiet around us. There was no noise from the television or radio, just children's laughter outside. With the day's sunlight fading, it was just us on the couch...two people who had chosen to accept each other fully.

I'm Not Laughing, God

Dear God,
Today was a hard day. I thought that when I agreed to watch these boys it was because You had divinely orchestrated everything to the most minute detail. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe I was reading into things that weren't there.
Maybe You're giving me the hardest possible time so that later everything seems easy...or maybe You're just messing with me this week.
Well guess what? I'm not laughing.
As if it was not rough enough waking up after just below average hours of sleep, Noah was still sick. All night either Tim or I struggled out of bed to go calm our whimpering child, wipe his nose, and rub his back while telling him everything was ok.
Then the backup for the kids I baby-sat for couldn't do it today because she had a doctor's appointment and then had to work. So over to my house trot an energetic 4 year old and a teething and sick 9 month old.
You watched as my sick child wanted to cling to me for comfort and as he fought the 9 month old for my attention. You watched as the 9 month old wailed everytime I set him down. You watched as I sat in the bathroom crying during one of the two times I was able to use the toilet.
And it all happened on the day I started my cycle, with cramps ripping through the front of me and pain stabbing my lower back.
Still not laughing.
After they were picked up, I headed to my chiropractor's appointment while Tim took Noah to the pediatrician's office. It was at my appointment that I saw the x-ray pictures of my back and what horrible shape my lower back and upper neck are in. No wonder my lower back has such pain. Now I have to see the chiropractor three times a week for the next month.
I called Tim to find out how Noah's appointment was. I thought for sure he just had a cold. No, instead he had his very first ear infection. Not only that, but he has bronchialitis and has to use an Albuterol inhalor with a spacer mask.
All on the day before we're supposed to leave for Tennessee.
I would like to cry again.
No, God, I'm not laughing today. Not close. However, I will now take some time to look at the good in my day to see where You were at.
I thank You that we took Noah to the doctor instead of just trying to "wait it out" to see if it was a cold. You were with me giving me strength through the day to keep going, when all I wanted to do was give up. You are able to heal Noah's illnesses and the shape of my spine. You were doing a happy dance with me as I found out that Amoxicillin is free at Meijer and we got some awesome discounts with our HSA on the spacer mask.
You showed me that blessings come in small packages through a 4 year old who was a mother's helper today. Without Sam I would have gone crazy with the two younger boys. He was able to distract them for short amounts of time so I could fix lunches, give a bottle, change diapers, etc.
Even though I'm not laughing tonight as I reflect on the day, I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I can still see You within the moments when I feel as if You are not there.
Please heal my son. Please let tomorrow go better. Please give Tim and I rest tonight.
Thank You for another day to praise You.
Amen.

From bald to mullet to buzzed

When I was in labor with Noah, we were of course anticipating what he would look like. As I was pushing Tim and I were throwing in our differing opinions of how much hair he would have. Tim said, "Little hair and light brown." I said, "Massive amounts of dark hair" because that's what I had. He came out pretty bald and what little he did have was strawberry blond.

I don't know exactly when it happened, but it seemed like we looked at him last fall and suddenly he had hair. We trimmed it up a couple times, but it grows so fast! Recently we looked at him and found that a mullet had made its home atop his head. If you look closely, you can see it taking over the back of his neck.

Today we decided the mullet had to go. It was starting to grow over his ears and I almost put it into a ponytail. Noah had his first big boy haircut. Tim buzzed it off.

Surprisingly, Noah did very well with the clippers. We set his high chair in front of the television and put on a Baby Einstein video. Baby Einstein always seems to do the trick. Thank God for Julie Aigner-Clark and creating that one.

We put some gel in it for the fun of it. Now I have a little punk rocker. Actually, I doubt this will be a daily thing for him. I can't believe how fast he is growing! He loves to brush his teeth.

It's hard to belive that 17 months ago, he was this small. This little boy I am holding is Leighton and he is the son of a good friend of mine. We had a little "welcome Leighton" party over the weekend. He is 6 weeks old now. We had a party scheduled at the beginning of February, but had to postpone because we ended up having a blizzard that day. It was nice to hold a snuggly baby again...although I still feel no desire to give birth to any more.

Today I met the boys I'm going to be baby-sitting for. They are good kids and I am looking forward to it. Noah got along great with them, although he was pretty jealous whenever I held Ben, the 9 month old. I think this will be a good experience for him. Pray for me!

A Perfect Orchestration

I love looking back on a string of events to see how God was orchestrating them to a particular moment.
Last October I attended a moms conference, Hearts at Home, in Lansing. I went with my sister-in-law, Deidra, and...this might sound confusing...the church of her friend's sister. When filling out our registration forms we had to mark workshops we were interested in attending. Most of the group I was with was separated throughout the day for workshops and then we would come together for the large sessions. For lunch we could run through a room and pick up sack lunches. I had tried to call Deidra to see where they were eating but couldn't get ahold of her. I found later she had tried to call me, but I couldn't hear the phone ring with all the noise in the room. I grabbed my sack lunch and found a table with an empty seat. The women invited me to join them. While introducing ourselves, I noticed two of the women were from Muskegon, like me! We had moved there only two months before and so, besides Deidra and her family, we didn't know anyone else. One of the women invited me to her church's moms group, Fruit of the Womb.
Once back in Muskegon, I attended Fruit of the Womb only a couple times. Noah switched his nap schedule so it came directly during the time of the group and there was no way I was going to mess with that and have a grumpy child the rest of the day. By the time he dropped his morning nap altogether, I started taking a class at the Y, so I was still unable to attend. However, I still get mass emails sent out by the Fruit of the Womb leader.
Wednesday of this past week I stopped at a health club down the road from us, Norton Pines, to fill out an application for an evenings and weekends child care attendant. I don't need to work right now, but I thought it would be nice to make some extra money to get our emergency fund filled up. They asked me to fill out the application there and so I did. When I turned it back in to the women at the desk she kept staring at me. "You look so familiar," she said. "I don't know how I know you." "I just moved here from Grand Rapids a few months ago," I told her. "So unless I know you from there...I don't know either." "That's it!" she cried. "You went to Fruit of the Womb at Kainay! We met once." I told her I had and that it didn't work out for me to attend regularly. After having that connection, I could remember meeting her.
She lowered her voice as she looked at my application, "Would you mind if I took your phone number? I am actually going to be looking for daytime childcare." I told her that would be fine.
She called me the next afternoon. She told me that she has been working at Norton Pines for awhile during the evenings and she had recently been promoted to a daytime position. She has three boys, and would need childcare for the younger two, ages 4 years and 9 months. It came out to be only 20 hours a week, which was right up my alley since I wasn't looking for anything full-time. She told me she would bring them to our apartment and include their snacks and lunches. She also said that she has people for back-up in case I am sick one day, or Noah, or we have appointments or things going on. Then she told me the price she could afford.
It isn't much. Then again, I'm at home all day anyways and not making a penny, so any amount is more than I'm getting now. We said we would talk later in the weekend and try to set up a time on Sunday for her to bring the kids over.
I called Tim to tell him and when I told him the money amount he said, "No way. That is not enough for watching two boys in addition to your own and keeping your sanity." I told him we would talk about it later. Inside I felt crushed because for some reason I felt so strongly about taking this no matter the pay.
Then it hit me about a half hour later. Her name kept running through my mind and I suddenly remembered one of the mass emails I had been sent from Fruit of the Womb's leader almost exactly a month before. This woman's husband had suddenly died unexpectedly. He was in his mid-thirties and now she was left a young widow with three sons under the age of six.
I knew I had to take this job. The Bible tells us to care for the orphans and the widows. I can't even imagine the pain she is experiencing after losing her husband. In one moment she is thrown into being the sole provider for her sons. I don't know what I would do in a situation like that.
Tim and I talked when he got home, and even though he still isn't fond of the amount, he said I could at least try it, as long as I'm honest with her if I do find that I have a hard time taking care of the all the kids.
All night long I could feel God telling me so clearly, "Do this and trust me." I believe...and I am not doing it for this reason...but I believe that by obeying God in this that He will bless me. Maybe it will be by giving me the strength to get through an afternoon with someone else's kids, maybe it will be in growing me, but I believe that He is speaking to me.
Please pray for this family. Pray for me that I know how to respond to these young boys who have lost their father. The 9-month old will only know his dad through pictures and stories. It breaks my heart to think he will have no memories to replay through his mind. Even the 4 year old will probably have only a few. Thank God that their father was a Christian who is now spending his days worshipping in the presence of the Lord.
I look back on the events that got me to this point.
If I had found Deidra and the rest of the group for lunch, I would not have met those women from Muskegon.
I would not have been invited to attend the moms group.
I only attended the group twice but met Lori once.
I randomly decided to apply at Norton Pines, seeing Lori.
She actually remembered me.
She told me she feels like God has answered her prayers.
I believe He was orchestrating it from the beginning.