I was looking at a blog today by a woman who I was in a moms group with after Noah was born. She had a link to another blog and was highly recommending it. So what do I do but go to check it out?
I spent the next 2 hours crying off and on and being saddened, inspired, encouraged, and any other emotion you can possibly experience...except maybe anger. I don't think I ever felt angry while reading it. Anyways, you should check it out: www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com. The story is heartbreaking, but the woman who writes the blog is incredible. She sounds like the kind of woman you could instantly become friends with.
So go read it, or at least some of it. And have a box of tissues handy. You'll need them.
Monday, April 28, 2008
My Biggest Worry as Mom of Two
I have heard many women say that they don't want to have a second child after their first because they can't imagine loving another one as much as their oldest. This was never a concern of mine. I know from watching my sister and myself that, even being the same gender, there are so many unique traits that make us individually who we are so it's not like you get two of the exact same kid and have to pick which one to love more.
At my 20 week ultrasound I found my biggest worry in having two children. When the technician told us it was a girl, we were thrilled - one of each and we only wanted two kids anyways! How much more American stereotypical family can you get?? (Well, we need a mortgage and a dog and then we'll be set.) Over the next couple weeks I found myself with a nagging thought: What if my problem isn't how do I love a second one as much, but what happens if I love my second one more?
As a woman who does love girly girl things (well, most. I do suffer as a result of pink and purple overload at times because they're not my favorite colors and now I'm surrounded by them because apparently baby girls can ONLY wear pink and purple as newborns) I was flooded with loads of thoughts: I can take Ellie to the American Girls store one day, we can have mom-daughter shopping trips, I can have tea parties with her (yes, I know boys can participate in tea parties as well, but it's not usually a first thought), we will have a bond that is special due to us both being in this mysterious world that is womanhood. Suddenly, all my thoughts seemed to revolve around Ellie's growing up years and I realized with alarm that I had forgotten Noah, my firstborn, the one I'm supposed to worry about loving more.
I struggled with this worry for a long time, especially since Noah is in the "terrible twos" and at times quite challenging. It made it easier to reflect upon my perfect unborn daughter. Then I started realizing many things.
Ellie is a girl. Yes, I will have fun things to do with her that Noah is not going to be interested in participating in, and since I am a girl they are things that I will most likely enjoy doing. However, Ellie is a girl. She is going to have mood swings, PMS, most likely be overdramatic like her mother, and we'll have to pay for a wedding someday. There are things you start to think about with a girl that don't cross your mind when you have a boy. And they are scary thoughts.
Besides that, I love my son. Oh, how I love him strongly. He has taught me the fun of playing with cars and trucks, trains and dinosaurs. He has forced me to loosen up as a mom and person because boys are daredevils (yes, I know some girls who are as well, but I was not one growing up.) He makes my heart stop when he jumps down stairs or I find him climbing places he should not be able to go. He has taught me the fun that comes with a boy and yet he has a sensitive heart as well. He is not a tough as nails boy with no feelings. He is at times scared and he likes to do things on his own terms. My mom was comparing him to a cat today. He likes to be left alone until he is ready to join in. He doesn't want to be forced to interact with other kids, yet when he is ready he has a blast with them. He is smart, but he will reveal that to you when he wants, not when you want him to. He is not a "performer" in the ways of parents showing off what their kids can do. We learned that one the hard way as the more we tried to get him to demonstrate how smart he is, the more he quiets down and retreats.
So not to say that my worry has automatically left, but it is lessening. That's one reason why I am so glad I have missed Noah as much as I have this weekend. I love my new precious daughter, but I have a bundle of fun waiting to storm through the door later and greet me with his infectious laugh and I am looking forward to it.
First Sponge Bath
It was a good weekend for us. My parents took Noah Friday morning so that Tim could go back to work and I could have the weekend to recover and try to kick these headaches. Noah was ready to go and quite excited to see Grandpa and Grandma again and we were thankful for their willingness to have him so soon after they had just stayed with him while we were in the hospital. Tim is meeting my parents tonight after work to pick him up. I have missed Noah since I feel like last week I was either in the hospital or on bed rest and not really able to enjoy seeing him.
We're still getting used to all the pink attire!
Yesterday I woke up without a headache! Today was also a success so it looks like we're getting somewhere. I'll get a very minor one usually in the afternoon or when I've maybe pushed my limits and should be resting, but they're not like they were so praise God! I have noticed a tenderness in my back the past couple days in the spot where they did the epidural and blood patch, so my final opinion - although I'm no doctor - is that it probably was a spinal and tension headache combination. But who cares? I'm feeling better and that's all that matters.
Ellie was a rough sleeper over the weekend. Her days and nights have been mixed up, making for long, tiresome nights for us. Yesterday we worked hard at trying to keep her up during certain parts of the day and evening and it seemed to work because she nursed at 10:00pm, we all were sleeping by 10:30 and she didn't wake up again until 3:00am! It was the most wonderful feeling for us. She then stayed awake until almost 5:00, but hey, we're getting there.
She also had her first sponge bath at home last night (that could have helped with the sleeping I guess.) She cried through the whole thing; I remember Noah doing the same for his first. She smells nice and clean now so it was worth the noise. 
Start the screaming.
Tired out but clean.
Start the screaming.Tired out but clean.We're still getting used to all the pink attire!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
She's Here!!
Eleanor Lee Ross was born Saturday, April 19, 2008 at 6:46am weighing in at 7 lbs 7 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Here are all the details of her birth story and how our recovery is going so far.
Apparently between the earthquake and the full moon, she knew she didn't stand a chance. We joined our friends, The Lewises, for dinner Friday night at Hearthstone (very yummy) in Muskegon. After returning home, Noah was put to bed and Tim and I settled down to watch our Thursday night shows (since we watch them online we have to wait until the next day to catch up on them.) While watching "Scrubs" I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break. A couple minutes after sitting back down I realized I felt like I had peed my pants. Now, if you have ever been pregnant, you realize this is not the most uncommon sensation or happening so I didn't think much about it...just headed to the bathroom to see what was going on. While in there I realized I couldn't stop fluid from leaking out of me and called to Tim that my water was breaking. I called the hospital and they asked if it was a trickle or a gush. While replying it was a trickle, I suddenly felt a gush..."Um," I said. "Make that a gush. It definitely broke." They told us to come in within the next half hour to an hour. We called Matt & Jeana, our "on-call labor baby-sitters" for Noah. Jeana was speaking in hushed tones when she answered and when I asked where she was she told me they were at the movies. I told her my water broke and she replied with "I knew this was going to happen while we were here." They booked it over while we were getting our last minute things together. (They did get free passes for the movie after explaining the situation to the employees about why they had to leave.)
Tim and I arrived at the hospital around 10:30 and my contractions hadn't really started. They were completely bearable and 8 minutes apart. The nurse checked me at 3-4cm and 50-60% effaced so I hadn't progressed since my last appointment. Tim and I walked the halls for a loooong time before deciding we should maybe try to get some rest since it obviously looked like it was going to be a long night. We dozed off and on and at about 2:00 my contractions went from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart in an instant. They checked and found me to be only 5 cm dilated. By this point I was in intense pain and all dreams of natural childbirth were chucked out the window after I heard I still had 5 cm to go. The on-call doctor (who was not one of my doctors since all 3 of mine were out of town on the same weekend) decided to start pitocin to help me along. The nurse (whose name was Sonya and was fantastic) got an IV in me but before she could start the pitocin we realized I was making progress on my own...pretty quickly. I begged and begged for the epidural and between 4:30 and 5:00 finally received it. The woman who gave me the epidural poked me 3 times before finding the right spot and got mad at me the first two times I jumped. I wanted to yell at her that if she would get it in the right spot I wouldn't be jumping since I wouldn't feel like a knife was cutting down my leg. I will admit I was pretty mean prior to the epidural and I have a great husband for choosing to love me and stay with me after some of the things I said to him. After the epidural I resumed my old self and was able to relax a bit and even doze on and off again. Around 6:00 I asked them to check me because I was feeling lots of pressure (the epidural only took away the horrible pain; I could still feel the pushing area and my legs) and like I had to use the bathroom. They found me at 9cm and started getting stuff ready. At 6:30 I said, "I really have to use the bathroom or push or whatever this feeling is." The doctor told me to start pushing if I felt like it and after about 15 minutes, Ellie was in my arms. The doctor was certain I wasn't going to tear but then at the last moment Ellie decided to shove her arm out with her head and stretched me out a good deal, tearing me in the process. The good news is that it was along my scar line from where I tore with Noah, so since there are no nerve endings there anymore I am not in the pain I was after the first time around with Noah.
In relation to Noah's labor, Ellie's was a good deal shorter (only 9 hours start to finish instead of 21) however I would consider it more painful since it progressed so fast and went from la-dee-da to intense pain in a minute.
Shortly after the delivery I started developing a severe headache. The thought was that it was a spinal headache from the problems with the epidural and I was started on all sorts of medications and pain relievers. This made me drowsy to the point of falling asleep during conversations with visitors. I feel like a total goofball looking back on Saturday and remembering talking to Christina, then opening my eyes a moment later with her still staring at me expectantly. "I was talking wasn't I?" I asked. She just nodded and was very understanding. Sunday the on-call doctor decided it wasn't a spinal but just tense muscles and took me off everything but gave me a muscle relaxer. Although I felt a little better, I still had a good deal of pain in my head even though my neck was feeling looser.
Monday morning I awoke and as I got up to use the bathroom I fell back on the bed and started sobbing. The pain was so severe and intense I thought I was going to black out. I had to rest my head between Tim's shoulderblades as he led me to the bathroom. I cried as I went to the bathroom and sobbed as I sat in the bathtub with Tim washing my hair and helping me out of the tub and into my clothes. My nurse came in as I was getting back into bed in tears and ran out to get me more pain relief. A couple hours later we managed to check out with me feeling a little better after the medicine kicked in.
That night I got a call from my doctor (who was finally back) telling me that the pathology lab had found inflammation around the placenta, which can be a sign of impending infection and Tim was off to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. She mentioned that if I had the headache still in the morning then I was to go to the ER and have a blood patch done because she didn't think it was tense muscles like the other doctor did.
I woke up with the headache at its worst and after Tim's brother, Randy, came over to watch Noah we were off with Ellie to the ER. That is where we have spent most of today. They pumped 3 bags of fluids in me and gave me a blood patch. A blood patch is what they do for a spinal headache, which I guess I did end up having as a result of the bad epidural experience. They took blood from my arm and then put it into my back in the spot where my epidural was. This blood then clots up in the spot where the hole is that is leaking the spinal fluid, closing it up. Not a pleasant experience, but it seems to have worked as I am not having pain anymore.
Getting ready to walk the halls in the fashionable birthing unit gown.
Noah holding his little sister for the first time. Although he is giving us attitude, he absolutely adores her.
Noah with his friends, Leighton and Maddie, while their family was visiting us on Sunday.
We're still working on a family picture.
A proud and exhausted dad, mom and daughter.
Apparently between the earthquake and the full moon, she knew she didn't stand a chance. We joined our friends, The Lewises, for dinner Friday night at Hearthstone (very yummy) in Muskegon. After returning home, Noah was put to bed and Tim and I settled down to watch our Thursday night shows (since we watch them online we have to wait until the next day to catch up on them.) While watching "Scrubs" I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break. A couple minutes after sitting back down I realized I felt like I had peed my pants. Now, if you have ever been pregnant, you realize this is not the most uncommon sensation or happening so I didn't think much about it...just headed to the bathroom to see what was going on. While in there I realized I couldn't stop fluid from leaking out of me and called to Tim that my water was breaking. I called the hospital and they asked if it was a trickle or a gush. While replying it was a trickle, I suddenly felt a gush..."Um," I said. "Make that a gush. It definitely broke." They told us to come in within the next half hour to an hour. We called Matt & Jeana, our "on-call labor baby-sitters" for Noah. Jeana was speaking in hushed tones when she answered and when I asked where she was she told me they were at the movies. I told her my water broke and she replied with "I knew this was going to happen while we were here." They booked it over while we were getting our last minute things together. (They did get free passes for the movie after explaining the situation to the employees about why they had to leave.)
Tim and I arrived at the hospital around 10:30 and my contractions hadn't really started. They were completely bearable and 8 minutes apart. The nurse checked me at 3-4cm and 50-60% effaced so I hadn't progressed since my last appointment. Tim and I walked the halls for a loooong time before deciding we should maybe try to get some rest since it obviously looked like it was going to be a long night. We dozed off and on and at about 2:00 my contractions went from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart in an instant. They checked and found me to be only 5 cm dilated. By this point I was in intense pain and all dreams of natural childbirth were chucked out the window after I heard I still had 5 cm to go. The on-call doctor (who was not one of my doctors since all 3 of mine were out of town on the same weekend) decided to start pitocin to help me along. The nurse (whose name was Sonya and was fantastic) got an IV in me but before she could start the pitocin we realized I was making progress on my own...pretty quickly. I begged and begged for the epidural and between 4:30 and 5:00 finally received it. The woman who gave me the epidural poked me 3 times before finding the right spot and got mad at me the first two times I jumped. I wanted to yell at her that if she would get it in the right spot I wouldn't be jumping since I wouldn't feel like a knife was cutting down my leg. I will admit I was pretty mean prior to the epidural and I have a great husband for choosing to love me and stay with me after some of the things I said to him. After the epidural I resumed my old self and was able to relax a bit and even doze on and off again. Around 6:00 I asked them to check me because I was feeling lots of pressure (the epidural only took away the horrible pain; I could still feel the pushing area and my legs) and like I had to use the bathroom. They found me at 9cm and started getting stuff ready. At 6:30 I said, "I really have to use the bathroom or push or whatever this feeling is." The doctor told me to start pushing if I felt like it and after about 15 minutes, Ellie was in my arms. The doctor was certain I wasn't going to tear but then at the last moment Ellie decided to shove her arm out with her head and stretched me out a good deal, tearing me in the process. The good news is that it was along my scar line from where I tore with Noah, so since there are no nerve endings there anymore I am not in the pain I was after the first time around with Noah.
In relation to Noah's labor, Ellie's was a good deal shorter (only 9 hours start to finish instead of 21) however I would consider it more painful since it progressed so fast and went from la-dee-da to intense pain in a minute.
Shortly after the delivery I started developing a severe headache. The thought was that it was a spinal headache from the problems with the epidural and I was started on all sorts of medications and pain relievers. This made me drowsy to the point of falling asleep during conversations with visitors. I feel like a total goofball looking back on Saturday and remembering talking to Christina, then opening my eyes a moment later with her still staring at me expectantly. "I was talking wasn't I?" I asked. She just nodded and was very understanding. Sunday the on-call doctor decided it wasn't a spinal but just tense muscles and took me off everything but gave me a muscle relaxer. Although I felt a little better, I still had a good deal of pain in my head even though my neck was feeling looser.
Monday morning I awoke and as I got up to use the bathroom I fell back on the bed and started sobbing. The pain was so severe and intense I thought I was going to black out. I had to rest my head between Tim's shoulderblades as he led me to the bathroom. I cried as I went to the bathroom and sobbed as I sat in the bathtub with Tim washing my hair and helping me out of the tub and into my clothes. My nurse came in as I was getting back into bed in tears and ran out to get me more pain relief. A couple hours later we managed to check out with me feeling a little better after the medicine kicked in.
That night I got a call from my doctor (who was finally back) telling me that the pathology lab had found inflammation around the placenta, which can be a sign of impending infection and Tim was off to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. She mentioned that if I had the headache still in the morning then I was to go to the ER and have a blood patch done because she didn't think it was tense muscles like the other doctor did.
I woke up with the headache at its worst and after Tim's brother, Randy, came over to watch Noah we were off with Ellie to the ER. That is where we have spent most of today. They pumped 3 bags of fluids in me and gave me a blood patch. A blood patch is what they do for a spinal headache, which I guess I did end up having as a result of the bad epidural experience. They took blood from my arm and then put it into my back in the spot where my epidural was. This blood then clots up in the spot where the hole is that is leaking the spinal fluid, closing it up. Not a pleasant experience, but it seems to have worked as I am not having pain anymore.
**Update on Wednesday** The headache was back again this morning, though not as severe, so it must not have been spinal related or the clot was knocked loose at some point in the night. We are now just asking for prayers that it goes away quickly and we can know how to combat it.
Now for the fun stuff: pictures!Getting ready to walk the halls in the fashionable birthing unit gown. Noah holding his little sister for the first time. Although he is giving us attitude, he absolutely adores her.
Noah with his friends, Leighton and Maddie, while their family was visiting us on Sunday.We're still working on a family picture.A proud and exhausted dad, mom and daughter.
Friday, April 18, 2008
I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet
Apparently today is the day for me to use song lyrics as post titles. This one is from Carole King. The one below, I discovered, is from Credence Clearwater Revival, but I screwed it up - sorry! It's actually "there's a bad moon on the rise." Oh, well.
Anyways, this morning I couldn't sleep (welcome to the most recent 3 months of my life.) I tend to get up around 3:30 and not fall back asleep until around 5:30 or 6:00, which stinks because Noah is up around 7:00. So as I awake this morning and sitting in the living room researching the correlation between a full moon and going into labor (I'm a nerd, I know) I felt shakey. I thought I was going to pass out or something. Then I realized our house was slightly shaking. I thought this was all in my head until I looked over at our windows and the blinds were moving back and forth. At this point, not knowing what was going on and not really caring to find out (honestly, I will say my first thought was that somewhere close something had been blown up or exploded and we were feeling effects from it) I quickly put the laptop away and crawled back into bed next to Tim figuring that if we were going to die then I wanted to die next to him. My thoughts and imagination can be slightly dramatic...especially when tired.
My mom mentioned the earthquake in Illinois while we were talking this morning and I got online to check out the news. I felt my first earthquake this morning! Silly thing to get excited about, I know, but when your days are spent with a toddler and waiting for a baby to come...an earthquake can be quite the excitement of the day. I must say, though, that after finding out it was an earthquake I was disappointed it did not shake me into labor. Guess I'll wait on that moon still to see if that comes through for me.
I have LOVED this warm spring weather we're having. We are outside with Noah multiple times a day. Usually I take him out before lunch, after a nap and then Tim takes him outside after dinner until bedtime which gives me a chance to rest inside with some quiet. And having the windows open! Oh, the fresh air...it's so nice to clear out a closed-up-all-winter-stuffy-house. When my niece, Wyndham, was born (3 years ago tomorrow) the weather was warm the day she was born. I can remember swinging by the hospital while Deidra was in labor and wearing capris and a short-sleeve shirt. When she came home a couple days later, we had been dumped on with more snow and it was cold again. I really hope to have and bring Ellie home during some nice weather. I can't wait for her to come! I'm getting impatient...
Anyways, this morning I couldn't sleep (welcome to the most recent 3 months of my life.) I tend to get up around 3:30 and not fall back asleep until around 5:30 or 6:00, which stinks because Noah is up around 7:00. So as I awake this morning and sitting in the living room researching the correlation between a full moon and going into labor (I'm a nerd, I know) I felt shakey. I thought I was going to pass out or something. Then I realized our house was slightly shaking. I thought this was all in my head until I looked over at our windows and the blinds were moving back and forth. At this point, not knowing what was going on and not really caring to find out (honestly, I will say my first thought was that somewhere close something had been blown up or exploded and we were feeling effects from it) I quickly put the laptop away and crawled back into bed next to Tim figuring that if we were going to die then I wanted to die next to him. My thoughts and imagination can be slightly dramatic...especially when tired.
My mom mentioned the earthquake in Illinois while we were talking this morning and I got online to check out the news. I felt my first earthquake this morning! Silly thing to get excited about, I know, but when your days are spent with a toddler and waiting for a baby to come...an earthquake can be quite the excitement of the day. I must say, though, that after finding out it was an earthquake I was disappointed it did not shake me into labor. Guess I'll wait on that moon still to see if that comes through for me.
I have LOVED this warm spring weather we're having. We are outside with Noah multiple times a day. Usually I take him out before lunch, after a nap and then Tim takes him outside after dinner until bedtime which gives me a chance to rest inside with some quiet. And having the windows open! Oh, the fresh air...it's so nice to clear out a closed-up-all-winter-stuffy-house. When my niece, Wyndham, was born (3 years ago tomorrow) the weather was warm the day she was born. I can remember swinging by the hospital while Deidra was in labor and wearing capris and a short-sleeve shirt. When she came home a couple days later, we had been dumped on with more snow and it was cold again. I really hope to have and bring Ellie home during some nice weather. I can't wait for her to come! I'm getting impatient...
There's a Full Moon on the Rise
Isn't that a lyric from an old song? I'll have to look that one up later.
Anyways, here is the latest update. I'm still pregnant so membrane stripping can be a load of bull and just a painful experience for some people. I do think it might have helped get some things rolling in that my body is showing some more signs of being prepared.
My non-stress test went well yesterday. I had to stay on the monitor longer than usual because Ellie has slowed down so much the past few days she slept the whole time I was hooked to it. The nurse had to come in and kind of move my belly around and press on it so she would wake up. That did the trick apparently and after another 10 minutes they took me off. When the doctor (a different one than I've had the past couple weeks) came in to review the test with me, she told me that she's convinced I'll go into labor this weekend. Part of the reason is because I am having so many signs it's close and part of it is because there is a full moon this weekend. She said that although she is not superstitious after all her years delivering babies she has noticed the trend that when there is a full moon, there is a packed labor and delivery ward...something about barometric pressure although she doesn't know why it affects a pregnant woman. She said that if I actually make it to my appointment on Monday she will shocked and we'll have to look at a next step to get this baby out. I am NOT having my membranes stripped again so we'll see what she has in mind.
My ultrasound also went well. The tech asked if Noah had a big head when he was born and I told her yes, even one of the pediatricians had commented on its size (NOT a good thing to say to a new mom. I cried because I, of course, thought he was perfect.) She told me to expect another big one, very round she said. Wonderful. Maybe that's why she's not coming out. Yesterday the ultrasound predicted the weight at 8 lb. 2 oz. and had the due date at yesterday - which was obviously wrong as I am sitting here right now still quite pregnant.
So that's the latest. I have no idea how all my kidney tests went and the tech didn't say anything during my kidney ultrasound yesterday so I guess I will find out sooner or later.
As for now...I'm waiting to see about this whole full moon theory.
Anyways, here is the latest update. I'm still pregnant so membrane stripping can be a load of bull and just a painful experience for some people. I do think it might have helped get some things rolling in that my body is showing some more signs of being prepared.
My non-stress test went well yesterday. I had to stay on the monitor longer than usual because Ellie has slowed down so much the past few days she slept the whole time I was hooked to it. The nurse had to come in and kind of move my belly around and press on it so she would wake up. That did the trick apparently and after another 10 minutes they took me off. When the doctor (a different one than I've had the past couple weeks) came in to review the test with me, she told me that she's convinced I'll go into labor this weekend. Part of the reason is because I am having so many signs it's close and part of it is because there is a full moon this weekend. She said that although she is not superstitious after all her years delivering babies she has noticed the trend that when there is a full moon, there is a packed labor and delivery ward...something about barometric pressure although she doesn't know why it affects a pregnant woman. She said that if I actually make it to my appointment on Monday she will shocked and we'll have to look at a next step to get this baby out. I am NOT having my membranes stripped again so we'll see what she has in mind.
My ultrasound also went well. The tech asked if Noah had a big head when he was born and I told her yes, even one of the pediatricians had commented on its size (NOT a good thing to say to a new mom. I cried because I, of course, thought he was perfect.) She told me to expect another big one, very round she said. Wonderful. Maybe that's why she's not coming out. Yesterday the ultrasound predicted the weight at 8 lb. 2 oz. and had the due date at yesterday - which was obviously wrong as I am sitting here right now still quite pregnant.
So that's the latest. I have no idea how all my kidney tests went and the tech didn't say anything during my kidney ultrasound yesterday so I guess I will find out sooner or later.
As for now...I'm waiting to see about this whole full moon theory.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Ouch!
I had another non-stress test and OB prenatal appointment today. Tim and Noah accompanied me. The NST went great - Ellie gave the reactions they hoped for. I talked to my OB about possibly inducing since my protein is still high (although it has gone down a little bit) and I am concerned about it. She said that proteinuria on its own is not reason enough to induce. After checking me and finding me at almost 4 cm and hearing how strong and how often my braxton hicks are she decided to strip my membranes to "naturally" help things progress. Ouch! That is one painful process.
She told me she wanted me to be tested for a bunch of things related to my kidneys to see if that is what is causing the proteinuria. While saying good-bye she informed me that with how far dilated I am, effaced and how my braxton hicks are, the membrane stripping should take effect and we could have a baby in the next 24-48 hours. Woo-hoo! Although if she is wrong and it doesn't take...I'm going to be highly disappointed.
Stay tuned!
She told me she wanted me to be tested for a bunch of things related to my kidneys to see if that is what is causing the proteinuria. While saying good-bye she informed me that with how far dilated I am, effaced and how my braxton hicks are, the membrane stripping should take effect and we could have a baby in the next 24-48 hours. Woo-hoo! Although if she is wrong and it doesn't take...I'm going to be highly disappointed.
Stay tuned!
Thursday, April 10, 2008
My Dear One...
Today would have been your due date, but back in 2005. It is such a bittersweet day since I know that if you had made it full-term, your little brother, Noah, wouldn't be here with us. I want you to know that I do think of you still and Daddy does as well. He doesn't remember the dates of things like I do, but he said he thinks of you and what you would have been like and how he felt when we found out I had miscarried you. I have never seen him cry in such pain like he did when he called your Papa and Grandma Joycie to tell them what happened.
I may have never felt your first kicks or somersaults and hiccups but I at least got to see your tiny body-though lifeless- on an ultrasound, which is more than what some people are able to experience when they lose their child through miscarriage. I occasionally take out the ultrasound pictures and look at them to keep you close to my heart. I find that I do it less every year, which I assume is part of the healing process.
Sometimes I wonder - since I don't really know how it works in Heaven - if God allows you a glimpse of us. Do you know that you have a younger brother? Or a sister who is supposed to be born soon? I had really hoped that maybe she would come today and share your date. Your cousin, Kailyn, was born on the anniversary of your miscarriage. It was a step of healing for me as I could start approaching the day with a joy rather than grief. I had hoped maybe the same for this day. Not that it would ever erase you from my memory, but I know that you're not sad in Heaven and that you wouldn't mind.
I miss you so much and wonder what you would have looked like or how your personality would have been. I am excited to see you in Heaven one day and be able to spend eternity seeing you.
Love, Mom
I may have never felt your first kicks or somersaults and hiccups but I at least got to see your tiny body-though lifeless- on an ultrasound, which is more than what some people are able to experience when they lose their child through miscarriage. I occasionally take out the ultrasound pictures and look at them to keep you close to my heart. I find that I do it less every year, which I assume is part of the healing process.
Sometimes I wonder - since I don't really know how it works in Heaven - if God allows you a glimpse of us. Do you know that you have a younger brother? Or a sister who is supposed to be born soon? I had really hoped that maybe she would come today and share your date. Your cousin, Kailyn, was born on the anniversary of your miscarriage. It was a step of healing for me as I could start approaching the day with a joy rather than grief. I had hoped maybe the same for this day. Not that it would ever erase you from my memory, but I know that you're not sad in Heaven and that you wouldn't mind.
I miss you so much and wonder what you would have looked like or how your personality would have been. I am excited to see you in Heaven one day and be able to spend eternity seeing you.
Love, Mom
Baby Update
I had an appointment yesterday and it went quite well. My protein is still high, but stable in that it didn't change from the week before. I hate going to an office where you have to see 3 different doctors because it seems that one of them is concerned and the other two are kind of neutral about it and you never know what you're going to get! My non-stress test was great. Ellie hates it so she is always especially active during that time which gives them the results they want to see. She also always gets the hiccups when it's being done, which is interesting to hear through the monitor. The doctor checked me and said, "You're dilated to 2 centimeters...oh, wait. If I stretch a little bit you're a at a 3." I'll take the 3, that's much more encouraging. That's 3 centimeters I don't have to worry about while in labor. I'm also 50% effaced.
So at this point in time I'm still supposed to keep doing all the tests and waiting for a baby. Technically there are 2 more weeks but I'm so uncomfortable I'm still praying it happens sooner.
So at this point in time I'm still supposed to keep doing all the tests and waiting for a baby. Technically there are 2 more weeks but I'm so uncomfortable I'm still praying it happens sooner.
Monday, April 07, 2008
I'm Exhausted!
Today is one of those days where being a wife and mom is exhausting. It's one of those days where you want your mom to be the mom of your household and you want to just be responsible for sitting down to eat dinner with the rest of the family and help clean up a bit afterwards.
I started full-force potty training with Noah today. Last week was our re-introduction week. I would ask if he had to use the potty and he wore pull-ups. He used it about 3 or so times a day. Today...he wore "big boy undies" for the first time. They have Lightning McQueen from the movie "Cars" on them. He was pretty excited about it. He started wearing them around 8:30 this morning and his first accident was just an hour later. He seemed kind of startled by the fact he could feel he was wet and it wasn't absorbed by anything. The rest of the morning went well. He used the potty every hour and was thrilled. After lunch I took him in there again and noticed he had wet a little bit in his underwear. I think maybe he had started and then stopped himself because after he used the potty that time there was a tiny lake in it. He wore a pull-up during his nap and when he woke up it was dirty. He came into my room and announced "My pull-up is dirty. I want dry undies." I felt that was a bit of an accomplishment at least in that he wanted to wear the underwear again.
The rest of the afternoon was a disaster. We quickly made it to the last pair of underwear based on small accidents. I will admit that part of it was due to my being negligent in asking him or taking him to the bathroom because I was trying a new recipe for dinner and it occupied a good hour of my time in which the potty was not part of my thoughts. At the moment he is yelling at Tim because he does not want to use the potty and Tim is trying to get him ready for bed. So although we had a good start to the day...it went downhill by the end. I guess tomorrow is a new day and I will spend this evening washing underwear to get ready for it.
Noah is at such a difficult point in life right now in that he is trying to exercise his independence and what he can and cannot get away with it. He will tell us he wants one thing and then when we get it for him he decides he wants something else. This doesn't fly with either Tim or I and so we tell him he already made his decision and if he doesn't want it then he doesn't get anything. This works in that he realizes we aren't going to waiver...but he has to test EVERY area of life: food, beverages, toys, clothes, anything you can make a decision in. It's exhausting. And yes, I know it will get even harder when I have the baby and there are two children demanding my time.
So between spending half the day in the bathroom or cleaning up accidents, dealing with painful braxton hicks contractions, preparing-eating-and cleaning dinner, and just going through the everyday toddler challenges, I think I'm the one that should be getting ready for bed. Now I just need to see if Tim will read me a story, pray with me and tuck me in.
I started full-force potty training with Noah today. Last week was our re-introduction week. I would ask if he had to use the potty and he wore pull-ups. He used it about 3 or so times a day. Today...he wore "big boy undies" for the first time. They have Lightning McQueen from the movie "Cars" on them. He was pretty excited about it. He started wearing them around 8:30 this morning and his first accident was just an hour later. He seemed kind of startled by the fact he could feel he was wet and it wasn't absorbed by anything. The rest of the morning went well. He used the potty every hour and was thrilled. After lunch I took him in there again and noticed he had wet a little bit in his underwear. I think maybe he had started and then stopped himself because after he used the potty that time there was a tiny lake in it. He wore a pull-up during his nap and when he woke up it was dirty. He came into my room and announced "My pull-up is dirty. I want dry undies." I felt that was a bit of an accomplishment at least in that he wanted to wear the underwear again.
The rest of the afternoon was a disaster. We quickly made it to the last pair of underwear based on small accidents. I will admit that part of it was due to my being negligent in asking him or taking him to the bathroom because I was trying a new recipe for dinner and it occupied a good hour of my time in which the potty was not part of my thoughts. At the moment he is yelling at Tim because he does not want to use the potty and Tim is trying to get him ready for bed. So although we had a good start to the day...it went downhill by the end. I guess tomorrow is a new day and I will spend this evening washing underwear to get ready for it.
Noah is at such a difficult point in life right now in that he is trying to exercise his independence and what he can and cannot get away with it. He will tell us he wants one thing and then when we get it for him he decides he wants something else. This doesn't fly with either Tim or I and so we tell him he already made his decision and if he doesn't want it then he doesn't get anything. This works in that he realizes we aren't going to waiver...but he has to test EVERY area of life: food, beverages, toys, clothes, anything you can make a decision in. It's exhausting. And yes, I know it will get even harder when I have the baby and there are two children demanding my time.
So between spending half the day in the bathroom or cleaning up accidents, dealing with painful braxton hicks contractions, preparing-eating-and cleaning dinner, and just going through the everyday toddler challenges, I think I'm the one that should be getting ready for bed. Now I just need to see if Tim will read me a story, pray with me and tuck me in.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Oh, this little one...
I had my 37 week appointment today. The doctor went over my protein results from last Friday's 24 hour collection and they were...not good. My protein was even higher this time than last. However, because my blood pressure is still normal (yea!) and I'm not swollen, there is not a way she can diagnose me with preeclampsia. I have to have something else in conjunction with the high protein. So now I am being watched carefully. Instead of just the once a week check-ups, I now have those AND twice weekly non-stress tests for fetal monitoring, once a week ultrasounds to check the amniotic fluid level and I have to do bloodwork and the 24 hour protein urine collections once a week. I was also dilated to just over a centimeter, which is more than I was with Noah at this point although I don't put much stock in how far you are dilated having an effect on when you actually go into labor. I wasn't dilated at all before I went into labor with Noah and I know people who have walked around for weeks being a few centimeters dilated. That's why my doctor in Grand Rapids never even checked her patients until the 39 week appointment. She said too many first time moms are broken hearted. I just figure the more I can dilate now, the less I have to do later, right?
Noah woke up from his nap with a slight fever. He was having a good morning and then right before lunch he curled up in my lap and wanted to snuggle...that's when I started suspecting something might be going on. He practically fell asleep in his lunch, hardly ate, and then asked to take a nap (at that point I was thinking something was definitely wrong.) I was surprised that he didn't nap as long as usual and when he came and woke me up from my nap, his cheeks were extremely flushed and warm and when I felt his forehead he felt warmer than usual. After taking his temperature I put in a quick call to his pediatrician's office to speak to the nurse. She said it was probably a small bug or cold since he has no other symptoms - no cough, no runny nose...just tired and a slight fever - so she had me give him some children's Motrin. I think that actually gave him a small burst of energy, but the rest of the afternoon and evening he was just not himself. He again curled up in my lap on the couch tonight and snuggled. Tim said he was asleep before they were even done with their usual bedtime routine. I hope it doesn't turn into anything more serious.
That's about all new here. I am excited to see my little girl on an ultrasound next Friday (I would like more to see her in person by that time, but we'll see...) My sister told me that ultrasounds are not as exciting late in the pregnancy because by that time the baby is so big you just see a head or part of the body instead of the entire little being. I wish I could see whether or not she has hair.....
Noah woke up from his nap with a slight fever. He was having a good morning and then right before lunch he curled up in my lap and wanted to snuggle...that's when I started suspecting something might be going on. He practically fell asleep in his lunch, hardly ate, and then asked to take a nap (at that point I was thinking something was definitely wrong.) I was surprised that he didn't nap as long as usual and when he came and woke me up from my nap, his cheeks were extremely flushed and warm and when I felt his forehead he felt warmer than usual. After taking his temperature I put in a quick call to his pediatrician's office to speak to the nurse. She said it was probably a small bug or cold since he has no other symptoms - no cough, no runny nose...just tired and a slight fever - so she had me give him some children's Motrin. I think that actually gave him a small burst of energy, but the rest of the afternoon and evening he was just not himself. He again curled up in my lap on the couch tonight and snuggled. Tim said he was asleep before they were even done with their usual bedtime routine. I hope it doesn't turn into anything more serious.
That's about all new here. I am excited to see my little girl on an ultrasound next Friday (I would like more to see her in person by that time, but we'll see...) My sister told me that ultrasounds are not as exciting late in the pregnancy because by that time the baby is so big you just see a head or part of the body instead of the entire little being. I wish I could see whether or not she has hair.....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)