No 7 Year Itch Here!

May 24, 2003


By the numbers for Tim and I in our marriage:
24 - of May 2003 was our wedding day.
7 - number of years we've been married
4 - pregnancies
3 - births
4 - times we've moved
2 - dogs we've owned
4 - vehicles we've owned
2 - houses we've owned (or pay mortgage on, I guess technically the bank owns it still)
2 - passing of grandparents (one mine, one his)
1 - passing of great-grandparent (mine)
2 - marriage conferences
2 - counselors I've seen (one after the miscarriage, one for dealing with a past issue)
6 - number of years Tim has been painting
220,000+ - miles on each of our vans (there are two)
4 - times we've flown places together.
6 - numbers of weddings in which one of us has served in the bridal party

There have been countless arguments, vacations, friends, life changes, weddings attended, dates and days of joy.

When you're a little girl, you dream of growing up and getting married to a prince and living in a castle.
Then you grow older and find out princes are hard to come by in America, so you settle for the dream of marrying a doctor, being rich and living in a big and beautiful home.
Then you find the man of your dreams and realize he wants to be a youth pastor.
Then he spends some time being a painter after you've been married for not even a year. He interns at a church and finds out it is not what he wants to do. But he loves painting and home restoration. He quits college after four and a half years of studying youth ministry and you settle into an even lower income than a youth pastor.
I realized along the way that my childhood dreams did not come true. My teenage dreams did not come true. Even the dreams I had as a young married woman did not come true.
Yet I would have missed out on so much if they had. So many lessons learned along the way that could only be learned by going through the circumstances we did. Our marriage being strengthened in ways that would not have been possible if things went the way I dreamed them to.
If things went the way we planned them to we would have missed out on Caleb.
We would have missed out on moving over to the lakeshore which would have missed many friendships.
We would still be weak and lukewarm Christians, not ever taking leaps of faith or strengthening our trust in the Lord.
I have loved every minute of our 7 years together because it has brought us to where we are now. I know we still have a lot of growing to continue to do, too, and I wouldn't want to do it with anyone but Tim.

Early May 2010

Guess Which Stage We've Entered...

While heading from the house to the van to take Noah to preschool this morning, the kids found a toad on the side of the driveway. When Ellie, Caleb and I left again to go pick Noah up, the toad was gone. The following transpired:
Ellie: Where toad?
Me: He's not there anymore.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he went home.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he wanted to take a nap.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he was tired from jumping around.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Hey, look, is that a tree over there?
Ellie (excitedly): Oooooh!! A tree!!

Thank God for when they're easily distracted.

Gardens Trip

There is a place in Grand Rapids called Frederik Meijer Gardens. It is beautiful and fun to visit. Tim and I had our wedding reception there. We thought since the majority of our guests were coming from out of town, it would be nice to have something fun for them to do while they were in town. Unfortunately, it rained all day and was cold so, while most enjoyed the indoor gardens, the outdoors was not quite as inviting. Theynow have a section for kids, too, making it enjoyable for everyone. We took a trip there Monday night. Our membership to the Children's Museum can be used at the Gardens this month so we wanted to take advantage of it.
Noah climbed a rock. Tim let him. The sign on the left side of the picture says "Do not climb this rock" with an arrow pointing to it. Tim said he did not see the sign. I think he was just being a dad. =)
Ellie loved this frog.
The fun little gate for the kids to go through to get to the Children's Gardens.

Me and Noah, sun shining in our eyes, with a Chihuly piece in the background. I love his work.
I'm surprised they didn't jump in to grab some pennies.


We brought their pajamas to change them in to, thinking they would fall asleep on the way home since it was their bedtime when we left. I think they were wound up from the fun they had running around. They ended up playing with their sunglasses thinking they were the most hilarious things ever.

Mother's Day vs. Saturday

I think there are different perspectives regarding Mother's Day.

1) Mother's Day should be spent with your children because you are their Mother and they are celebrating you and what you do for them.
2) Mother's Day is a day for Mom to pick what she wants to do and that may mean Mom runs away for some alone time (or time with other moms/girlfriends/woman family members.)

This year's Mother's Day was a bit abnormal for me. We spent the weekend at my parents' house, which is not entirely abnormal to do on a holiday (Hallmark or real.) Originally we were going there to attend a bridal shower for someone, but that wedding was called off a couple weekends ago so the plans changed a bit. We still went so that we could see my family as well as see our friends, the Bakers, who have moved back to Michigan for a job for Jack (imagine that - moving TO Michigan for a job!)
Anyways, we went to visit the Bakers Saturday morning and had a great time with them. We returned home and a short time later, my sister and I took my mom out to dinner at a local restaurant we all love. (Mmmm....Tomato Brothers....) It was a really fun time, just the three of us. I think the men were a bit surprised that we wouldn't all want to go out to celebrate my mom together but that was how things went this year. My mom admitted to my sister and me that she was glad it was just us and not the whole family.
I barely saw my mom on Sunday. She and my aunts took breakfast to my grandma's house and they went through old photo albums together and had their own time together. We went to church where I grew up then stopped and saw my dad's dad to visit and show him Caleb and then went to my grandma's to introduce Caleb to her and my aunts that were there with my mom. By the time we left there, went back to my parents' to pack up and take off to go back home (stopping in Lansing for a nursing break along the way), we had enough time to eat dinner and give the kids a bath before putting them to bed. Then the rest of the night was a disaster but we won't even touch that.
So when I was asked today how my Mother's Day was, I answered, "As a regular day, it was great. As Mother's Day, it stunk." My mom was making French Toast for the kids that morning so that was a yummy start to the day and Tim stopped at Rite-Aid on our way home to buy me a Mother's Day card and fill it out in the store and that was the extent of it. I think Tim knew I was annoyed because last night he told me to pick a day to celebrate Mother's Day this week. I told him Mother's Day was done and he said, "No, this wasn't Mother's Day. It was your mother's Mother's Day, it was your grandpa's day and your grandma's day but it was never your day."
I think that I, like other moms I'm sure, set ourselves up to be disappointed on Mother's Day. I have this vision of how the day will go and it never goes that way. Maybe that's why, when it comes to Mother's Day, I fall into the #2 pick of how I want to celebrate it anymore. I want a day off. I love my children dearly and am incredibly thankful for them. I also know that being a stay-at-home mom is exhausting and if someone asked, "What do you want to do on Mother's Day?" I would answer, "I want a nap. An uninterrupted shower. A day with no fighting between kids, time-outs, or a schedule for the day." Realistically, that's not Mother's day here. It never has been. Probably because it's on a Sunday and we're always rushed to get out of the house, causing fights and time-outs.
But Saturday in our household...now that is my Mother's day. Not every Saturday, but we started building a habit that we like to stick to as much as possible. I wake up and throw breakfast in the oven, be it a breakfast casserole or baked french toast or cinnamon rolls or whatever. I start a pot of coffee for Tim because it's the only time he drinks it (unless we're at someone's house and it's offered, but he just never drinks it at home.) I take the laptop and a movie upstairs to the kids and they sit in Noah's bed and watch it. I head back to our bedroom, feed Caleb and then either fall back asleep (while Tim has barely stirred all this time) or just lounge in bed with a book or having an uninterrupted conversation with Tim. When the timer goes off, I head back to the kitchen, start hot water for my tea, get breakfast on plates, call everyone into the dining room and we sit and eat breakfast together. This only happens on Saturday mornings or the occasional day Tim has off of work. When we finish, the kids play together in the living room while Tim and I finish our coffee and tea and talk about whether or not there is anything we want to do that day. Then the rest of the day goes from there and most of it is spent outside if the weather is nice, working on projects together around the house, and making sure everyone takes a nap to refresh. Very very soon it will include family trips to the Farmers Market and who doesn't love that? Sometimes the evening holds dinner with friends, and that's always a fun addition. Typically, on those days, we don't deal with time-outs or fighting because the atmosphere is laid back and no one is stressed.
That is my ideal day. And that's what we get on empty Saturdays. I wouldn't trade one of those Saturdays for a million Mother's Days. My kids don't even need to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" or make me cards or anything. Just having fun together is all the "thank you" I need.
I guess because I feel like Mother's day is kind of a Hallmark holiday, I wouldn't feel bad for making the choice to go out and do something by myself or with friends. We have our real family fun on other days of the year. This way I stop setting myself up for being let down for the Mother's Days that include the fighting, stress, and pressure that my kids have of making sure I have one good day of the year to appreciate being a mom.
Give me Saturday.

Whew

I can't believe how the last 5 weeks since Caleb's birth have flown right by!
Things have been transitioning well. In my opinion it's easier to go from 2 to 3 than it was 1 to 2, but much of that may be related to life circumstances at the differing times. Or the fact that Caleb is a laid back, calm and mellow boy as opposed to a tornado of energy like his older sister.
I took him in for his one month appointment last week and he weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces (put on a whopping 2 pounds from birth weight!) and 21 3/4 inches (grew over 2 inches in a month.) He's doing great. Last week he went through a growth spurt and I wasn't sure I was going to survive it. He wanted to nurse every 1 1/2 hours. My body was so exhausted after a few days I wanted to give up, but then we came out of it. He continued eating every 2 hours or so I and just kept feeding him on demand. I again started feeling exhausted and depleted and took a trip to the library for "Babywise" because I forgot how/when to start a schedule. I did a schedule with both Noah and Ellie and both were sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. Today I started Caleb on a schedule and, hopefully, in the next few weeks we'll get some good night time sleep. I forgot about the whole eat/play/sleep routine and was just basically nursing him to sleep all day long. He wasn't a very alert baby. Then he started doing this:
Sorry it's blurry; I took it with the camera on my phone and it obviously lacks quality.
Anyways, he started smiling and I realized he is quite fun while awake. So we've been interacting (as much as an infant can) today and it's been enjoyable.
He went to his first concert on Tuesday night. Kind of. Tim knows the original members of the Christian band, Relient K, from high school - one of them more than the others because they went to high school and youth group together for awhile - and when they come to town on tour we go support them. Usually we stop by and say a quick "hi" to his friend, Matt, before the concert but this time we actually went in a couple hours early and visited which was nice. Tim enjoyed having a longer amount of time to catch up. Anyways, because we didn't think it would be wise to bring a one month old into such a loud venue, Caleb and I waited on the tour bus while they played so Tim could go in and watch. So he kind of went to his first concert.
What else have we gone through this first month? It feels like a blur. Well, he has already had his first ultrasound. I took him into the doctor for what I thought was reflux and they sent me for an ultrasound to see if it was something I can't even remember the name of now. But if he had had it, he would have had to go in for surgery to repair it. Thankfully, all checked out fine and it really is just reflux. So we're dealing with that.
A few days later he had his first visit to the ER. I was changing his diaper that morning and noticed his belly was all bruised looking, black and blue and purple. I asked Tim what he thought and he wanted me to call the doctor. Since it was a Sunday afternoon we got the on-call pediatrician who advised us to go in to the ER since he wasn't even 3 weeks old yet. The ER doctor told me it was a broken blood vessel from when his umbilical cord fell off. We discovered a few days later it wasn't even that! When I had taken him into the pediatrician's office about the reflux, his umbilical cord fell off while we were there. Instead of a nice, clean break off, it was gooey and interesting looking and the pediatrician said there was a granuloma forming (or something like that) and he put some silver nitrate on it. Now, I didn't see him put iodine on it but he must have and the stain from it must not have shown up right away or something because that's what we think the coloring was from. I know this only because there came a day where I was giving him a bath and the "bruise" started coming off when I was bathing him. Now, we had tried washing it off before to see if maybe it was just that but nothing happened.
Basically my son likes to stretch us with funny little oddities.
The kids have adjusted well to him. Noah went through a phase where he started doing "silly faces" or saying "silly words" or doing "look at me" type things. I know part of this is being a 4-year old boy but you can tell when you watch him that it also involves him feeling like he doesn't want to be lost in the chaos of Ellie and a new baby. Ellie went through a phase where she was quite needy and clingy. I think that as much as Noah didn't want to be forgotten, Ellie wanted to make sure she is still loved. There have been lots of extra "I love you"s and hugs going around as well praise for Noah.
We are excited for spring and summer! The list of projects has already started forming and indoor projects have been started. Outdoor projects are still being dreamed up - they're always being dreamed up as we look outside or get ideas. The other afternoon, though, we had some gorgeous weather and were playing outside and staring at the back of our lot which is actually almost separate from the rest of our backyard by a chain link fence. We like to throw out ideas for what to do with it and I think, eventually, it will become mainly garden/food related. It will be a slow transformation, that's for sure, but one we're excited about. Right now we have an apple tree back there, but the past couple years something has been getting to it and destroying it before fruit is produced, so we want to start spraying it. We also have some raspberry bushes from a shoot my aunt gave us last year and some strawberry bushes we are excited about.
There is change going on all around us right now it seems. Some dear friends of ours, Matt and Jeana, are moving back to California (boo.) Our close friends, Jack and Kelly, just completed a move up to Spring Arbor for a teaching job Jack got at the college (yea!) Our brother-in-law quit his job to start his own business. It is a scary time for them financially with going through this, but God already is blessing them and the process has strengthened their faith.
I look forward to what the coming months will bring. Changes in seasons. Changes in lives.