Let's Talk About Sex

Interesting, eh? You might wonder what you're about to read. Well, I will put your mind at ease right now by telling you it is nothing concerning details about sex, how it works, etc. It more concerns a chapter in a book I'm reading.
Our friend, Matt, let Tim borrow a book he just finished called "Confessions of a Pastor" by Craig Groeschel. Out of curiousity I picked it up the other night and am now having a hard time putting it down. I would highly recommend it. Groeschel is very funny as he writes so it keeps you interested and feels like you're having a conversation with him.
I read Chapter 2 yesterday, "I Have to Work Hard to Stay Sexually Pure." I was interested in seeing what he had to write because you don't often hear a pastor confessing something like that, yet you know they are human and tempted like the rest of us. I loved the chapter. I love what he wrote, how he wrote it, and how it spoke to and challenged me.
You see, I was not a virgin when I met Tim. Sorry if this embarasses or lets any of you down...but I feel the need to be honest. I had a 3 year long, very serious and very physical relationship in high school. We never actually had intercouse yet "did everything but" which I see now is what you tell yourself to feel less guilty. After breaking up with him, I had a quick physical rebound fling with a co-worker. "Makeout buddies" you could say. Then I settled into a one-month long disaster of a relationship, again physical. For some reason after we broke up, we still continued to see each other and that ended up leading to sex. I was fresh graduated from high school and he was still in it. Away I went to a Christian college and yet on weekends I came home, still found myself sleeping with him (why do they call it "sleeping together" anyways? Not much sleeping is done...) I think I kept continuing on in this self-destructive pattern because I actually hated sex and thought maybe it would get better. It didn't. I would just go back to Grand Rapids at the end of the weekend feeling trashy. Finally we called it off (actually we had a big fight and never spoke again.) I told myself I was not going to date anyone until I got myself together and started working on my relationship with the Lord.
That is when Tim came into my life. It was February of 2000 and we had two classes together and in our Speech class were put in a group project together. That is when we became friends. I felt a strong attraction to him over time, but still wasn't sure if I wanted to get into another relationship. It wasn't until the end of September that we finally had our "Define the Relationship" talk. I told him within a couple weeks that I was not a virgin and so if he was looking for a pure angel, he was going to have to look somewhere else. We had already talked about our desire that each of us had individually to try to abstain even from kissing until engagement (that lasted a whole 3 weeks.)
Tim and I worked very hard for almost 3 years to not let things ever get beyond kissing. We set many boundaries like: no kissing while laying down, no taking naps laying next to each other, no putting ourselves in situations where things could get out of hand, etc. Somehow, they worked. It was tough, but we did actually wait until our wedding night and I entered into marriage having the utmost respect for him because he respected me and I knew that he truly cared for me and not what he could get from me.
Now that you know my history (which was long, I do apologize) let me explain why the book touched me so. I have single friends who struggle physically in relationships. Oftentimes I do not know what to tell them. I don't agree with them when they tell me about the things they are doing in their relationships, yet I don't know how to express it in a way that doesn't sound like "I'm holier than thou because I waited with Tim." They can always shoot my past back in my face as well because most of them know about it. So instead I either laugh with them, or say nothing.
This is what Craig Groeschel has to say:
"For me, sexual purity has become a profoundly big deal. It should be for you, too. Why am I so serious about purity? Because God's serious about it. Ephesians 5:3 says, 'But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.'
Not even a hint.
What is a hint of sexual impurity? Certainly looking lustfully at someone in a magazine, on television, or in person would fall somewhere north of the "hint" mark, wouldn't it? Jesus said that just to look lustfully at someone is the same as committing adultery. Yet I know many people who say, 'I'm just window shopping, not buying.'
How's your thought life? Do you catch your mind wandering to sexually explicit thoughts about someone besides your spouse? Impurity. Laughing at that sexual joke in the break room at work? Impurity. Are you honoring God by reading women's magazines with articles like, "73 Sinful Ways to Drive your Man Crazy in Bed?" Or by droppingsexual innuendos? Or masturbating? The list could go on and on.
You have to quit playing your little rationalization games. You know you're justifying sin. It's wrong. Worse, it's dangerous.
What if you're a single person? What should your standard of purity be? Just fooling around? You know, "doing everything but"? A quick game of naked Twister? How about a sleepover? We won't mess around. We'll just cuddle in bed.
WARNING! BOUNDARY VIOLATION!
Why are those things wrong? Because they're intimate acts reserved for marriage. Sex. Undoing bras or zippers. Messin' around. All these are appropriate for marriage...but none are appropriate outside of marriage.
Not even a hint."

I know this was long, but I just wanted to share. I felt convicted. I feel challenged. I tend to be more of a bold person when it comes to speaking my mind (if you know me well, you probably just let out a laugh and "yeah, you sure are. Too much sometimes.") I haven't been as much so on this when it comes to those close to me. I feel like I have let God down by not saying something, especially when it concerns a Christian brother or sister who knows what they are doing is wrong but has convinced themself otherwise, or rationalized it in some way.
I think I know now why I used to hate sex: it was not in the context of marriage. It was not mine to enjoy. Yet as soon as Tim placed the wedding ring on my finger and we said our vows, we became one. God has blessed us. I see now that sex is great...within marriage. I also see that sex is more than just intercourse, it's so much more. It involves your eyes, lips, ears and mind. It involves your hands. It is what you see and say and hear and do that puts yourself, your spouse (either present or future), and others at risk of intentional sin.
Not even a hint.

Summertime Fun

We just returned from vacation this evening. Our friends, the Lewises, accompanied us to Ohio for a long weekend. We had some great weather, conversations, and moments. Here are some pictures from our trip:

Noah is "helping" his dad drive the pontoon boat. He looks like he belongs there.

A trip to the Cleveland Zoo brought elephants...

Giant tortoises...

And...Dinosaurs??...
He has not fallen asleep in a stroller since he was an infant. But after 5 fun-and-animal-filled hours, I guess it's not a surprise.
What other way to end the weekend but with an adventure filled canoe ride? I think the guys re-thought their decision about 10 minutes into it. I'm glad we didn't know about it until we saw them paddling away.

Answered Prayers

God has just been amazing Tim and me with answering prayers, opening and closing doors, showing us how BIG He is and that He can do what He says He can do. Our biggest answered prayer right now is that when our lease is up in August, we have somewhere new to live. It is a small duplex in Grand Haven that has been completely updated and remodeled. It is on a quiet road on the outskirts of town and has a yard with trees and lots of shade (yippee!) The landlord seems close to our age and is a really nice guy. He travels more often than he is home so he said it will feel as if we have the place to ourselves most of the time. One of the best parts is that it is $200 cheaper than what we pay at our apartment AND we won't have to pay water and sewer like we do now. Most people at this point ask, "How can it be so much cheaper if you are going to be in a nice area, in a remodeled duplex and it has a washer and dryer?" To which we can only respond, "God did it. We were praying a God-size prayer for cheaper housing, yet hopefully not in an apartment complex because it would be nice for Noah to have a yard to play in. God is the only One who could have worked this out."
He also has been opening doors for Tim to expand on his business. It has been his dream to someday operate his own home restoration business. As of now, he works with 4 other guys. One of them is leaving for college in the fall, one is moving more full-time into the position of youth pastor at his church, one is basically gone already doing a Pepperidge Farm truck route (or something along those lines) and one (Tim's brother) was offered his own dream job in Ohio (which means we are experiencing happiness and some sadness) as a youth pastor. This leaves just Tim, who is at this point the only one whose passion is the home restoration. At the moment, the dream is for him and our other friend, Tim, to partner up and run the business. At this point, it's all a matter of timing...but God keeps opening doors.
It is funny to see how God's plans are so much different from our own. Just back in April, we were so excited about the prospect of moving to Ann Arbor but then felt uneasy about it. Since making the decision to stay in West Michigan, God has been providing Tim with so much work that he has actually had to turn down jobs because he can't fit them into the schedule by the time they want the work done!
Then we were so sure of wanting to move back to Grand Rapids when our lease was up. Slowly, as the time has drawn nearer, the uneasy feeling started creeping back in again. God led us to a home that is just what we were looking for and now we have nothing but peace about it.
We also read a book last week (well, I read it and then briefed Tim on what it said) called "The Treasure Principle" by Randy Alcorn. It has changed our views on giving and how much importance we place on material possessions. I think it was the perfect time to read the book because, as we prepare to move into a smaller space and have a garage sale with some friends, it is easier to go through and pick what items we need to sell. Don't get me wrong, there are some things that you would have to pry out of my cold dead hands before I would get rid of them, but then there are other things that we realize are just taking up space in our home. We have realized the importance of eternal rewards in relation to the temporary earthly things. I looked through the Pottery Barn catalog over the weekend when it came in the mail. It might be the first time I have ever looked at it and not felt a want for anything in there. It all seemed overpriced to me.
So God has been working in the lives of Tim and me. We are so thankful for all He has shown us, for the awesome friends and family He has blessed us with, and for the adventure that He has in store for us.

Emotionally Spent

I'm spent. Not just physically, thanks to my latest exercise attempt, but emotionally.
Tim and I spent the weekend debating where to live, which ended in a breakdown of tears for me. It is hard when he works in 2 different cities, so it really doesn't matter where we choose because either way he will be driving farther part of the time. So then it comes down to who do we want to live by or where do we want to raise Noah or what city offers more for the development of our family?
Have you ever been in a position where you have had to answer these questions? It is not easy. At all. I know that if we say we're going to stay in Muskegon, then we let down people in Grand Rapids who are looking forward to the possiblity of us moving back. However, we have become closer to people in Muskegon in the past few months, our church is here and we LOVE it, and our friends Matt & Jeana are moving here from California at the end of the month. We have friends in both places. In relation to schools, we don't want Noah in Grand Rapids public or Muskegon public. We would probably try to send Noah to a slightly smaller school district that is still good. Grand Rapids has Meijer Gardens and the Children's Museum, as well as a host of other fun places. Muskegon has Lake Michigan and we are a family who would live in the water if possible. Muskegon also has family, for as long as they decide to live here.
So what do you do? This is what caused my breakdown. The hard part is that I started feeling the wear and tear of upkeeping relationships. I feel like we are going to let people down no matter where we choose.
Maybe we'll just live where we can find the cheapest rent.
Now I am emotionally spent.
Hey, that rhymes.
On top of that, I got an email out of the blue from someone yesterday accusing me of things I never said or did months ago! He said I did not attend the events surrounding his marriage because of my disapproval of him (I have known his wife since college) and that I hurt his wife. I felt like I was in high school again. When I sent a reply email explaining the reasons behind why I could not attend their wedding (which was in Florida) or reception (which was also out of town on a night we were not able to find a babysitter), I also told him that if he wanted to continue the discussion, he would have to call or do it to my face because I wasn't going to email back and forth about it. He sent me a nastier email, followed a couple hours later by a disturbingly sweet email. I have had suspicions he is emotionally abusive, and I'm seeing them confirmed through what he has written. What is sad is that his poor wife emailed to apologize because she couldn't believe he wrote what he did. I feel that he has driven a wedge between his wife and me and I just don't have the energy to deal with it. I did email him back after the sweet email and gave him my phone number and told him to call if he felt the need. For crying out loud, I'm 26 and a wife and mother, not some 16 year old high schooler that fights over email!
On a positive note, there is just over a week until we get to go on our mini-vacation with Matt, Stephani, and Emma. I am looking forward to getting away, jetskiing, pontoon boating, sitting and staring at the lake, etc. Bring it on!

A Day in the Life

Many times when I talk to people and they find out I am a stay-at-home mom, they pause, look at me, and then ask, "What do you DO all day at home?" I wonder if they think that Noah is this electronic monitoring ankle bracelet (much like what Paris Hilton is sporting now) that doesn't let me leave the house. Or maybe they picture me sitting on the couch in my pajamas, eating a bag of chips and watching morning talk shows and afternoon soap operas while my son runs around the house destroying things. I decided to blog a typical day for me, and chose yesterday as my sample.
6:38 - Raise head and open one eye to look at clock, nudge Tim out of bed, go back to sleep
7:02 - Wake up and have my quiet/prayer time
7:25 - Eat a bowl of cereal while watching the local morning news blip during Good Morning America, kiss Tim good-bye, check email
7:38 - Noah wakes up and has breakfast
8:10 - Clean up kitchen from breakfast
8:20 - Do toning exercises while Noah finishes "Little Einsteins" and starts "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and runs around the room dancing and singing along
8:40 - Put on sweats and t-shirt, dress Noah, brush teeth, put shoes on, get stroller
9:05 - Start walk/jog intervals
9:55 - Arrive back at apartment, put away stroller, drain a very large, very cold glass of water while Noah has a snack
10:05 - Shower, dress, debate wearing make-up and decide to pass (except for mascara), debate actually doing something with my hair or throwing it in pigtails and decide on actually doing it
10:47 - Look in the mirror and think, "What is this? I actually like the way I look today. That doesn't usually happen." Decide that it must be a good day.
10:48 - Chase Noah down to put his shoes on, grab purse and head out to run errands (Meijer, bank, etc.)
12:09 - Arrive home, make lunch, eat lunch while listening to "Family Life" on WCSG
12:35 - Decide to clean apartment. Noah "helps" where possible
1:30 - Noah goes down for nap
1:33 - Respond to emails, read some blogs, research prices of Quickbooks, web domains, and the cost of getting a builders license for Tim
2:30 - Sit down to read, start a Jane Austen biography but realize I should finish the book I have already started so I pick up "Making children mind without losing yours."
3:38 - Noah wakes up, spend the next hour and a half playing, singing, eating a snack
4:59 - Tim calls to say he will be home in about 15 minutes
5:00 - Re-heat leftover chicken and broccoli casserole for Noah and I for dinner
5:20 - Tim gets home, changes clothes and we run out to look at an apartment complex in Spring Lake
6:00 - Return home, have heated discussion, Tim reheats leftovers for himself, Noah plays on his slide (it's small and plastic so we have it in the living room), I look for more ideas where to live
6:30ish- Noah and I play on the Noggin channel website and sing, Tim looks over his disability insurance packet that came in the mail
7:00 - Tim begins the bedtime ritual that he has with Noah, I sit down and for the first time in months watch "Inside Edition"
7:30 - Tim joins me after having put Noah to bed and then showered and we watch a show about Hawaii on the Travel Channel, drool over the fresh fruits they talk about
8:00 - Watch the funniest episode I have ever seen of "Everybody Loves Raymond", it is about sexual "power" in the bedroom. Tim and I are laughing to the point of tears and poking each other in the sides occasionally.
8:30 - Flip between "Raymond" and "Samantha Brown's Passport to Latin America", by this point I am talking to Tim again
9:00 - I watch the first few minutes of "So You think You can Dance" while Tim falls asleep
9:15 - Decide to go to bed early, brush teeth, go through bedtime routine
9:30 - Tim and I discuss the day's events, why I feel frustrated, etc.
10:00 - Sleep calls

So you can see that although I am not a very exciting person while at home with my son, while he is awake I do not really watch TV (unless it is a children's show.) We do usually eat dinner all together and then play afterwards, but yesterday was kind of off with going to look at the apartment complex. So what do I DO all day? You can see for yourself.

I love life

True, life can be a bit overwhelming at times. However, I genuinely love my life. I'm not rich, I rent an aparment, I could stand to lose 10-15 pounds, and I have a 21 month old who has decided to hit the "terrible twos" a bit early. On the other hand, I am alive, I have wonderful family and friends, I have dreams and goals that the Lord has placed in my heart, I am healthy (as far as I know), I have a phenomenal husband and a very loving son. We had a really fun weekend and it just reminds me how much joy surrounds me.


This is from a Murdery Mystery Dinner party we went to Friday night. From left to right are: Lindsey (8 1/2 months pregnant!), Weston, Tony, Britton, Joe, Melissa, Noah (snuck into the picture), Tim and me. Lindsey turned out to be the "murderer." She was a jilted lover.


This handsome guy is Nehemiah. We went to church in GR with his parents and this is the first time we've seen him since he was born. His hair is incredibly soft.


Saturday night we were invited over to Matt & Stephani's so Noah and Emma could play in the pool together. Afterward, we went to K2, the top of the Kirby House, and had some yummy pizza.
Sunday night we celebrated Deidra's birthday at her parents' house. After dinner, Noah and Wyndham danced to "The Body Song" (Head, shoulders, knees and toes.)


And this is one of Wyndham's funny faces. Look at those curls!!


Life is good. God is great.