Fall Family Photos

We are blessed to have many friends who are photographers, both professional, and those who do it for fun because they have a good eye and a good camera. Our friend, Jeana, took some family pictures for us on an afternoon this week when we actually had a break from the rain. Here are some of our favorites. Thanks a ton, Jeana!

As any family with young children knows, it's hard to get a picture with everyone looking at the camera. In this picture, Noah demonstrates this point as he was gazing longingly at the playground equipment.

My little peanut.

My big pumpkin.

Mi amor, who has always had an obsession with putting flowers behind my ears. This day I received a leaf.

Honestly, it's weird for me to look at pictures and realize she's my daugher since she looks everything the miniature of her dad but nothing like me. I feel like I look at pictures of the two of us and say, "Oh, right. She's mine."

My two favorite guys. We had not seen the Nashes in a long time and Noah was so excited to get to play with Emma. They were collecting leaves in this basket Jeana brought along and then both picked it up to carry it over to a different playground. The picture was completely candid - nobody told them what to do. It just turned out to be one of those great moments.

A God Thing (some encouragement for the day)

The day before I left for the Hearts at Home conference, our blue van was in the shop to have some rattling noises checked out as well as have our very back door handle rigged back on since it was rusting off. The shop called to tell us that we had two problems going on. The first, which needed to be fixed immediately, was to get a new wheel bearing. They said it's a safety issue because if the bearing goes, the tire goes, too, right off the van. This would be about $175 to fix. The second problem, they said, did not have to be fixed immediately but in the very near future. This has something to do with our struts (or something like that) and would cost $X.
I told Tim that I didn't have a problem with the bearing but could we wait on the more expensive problem. We called around and found out that it is actually a great price to get it fixed for. The thing is that we're coming into "slow season" for Tim and he is possibly without work until sometime in November or December. I can already feel myself tightening down the budget and my fist closing around our money. We debated back and forth on it and finally he agreed to wait.
The night I returned home from the conference, Tim brought up the subject again. He said he felt like we needed to tithe the $X (the amount of repair) and trust that God was going to provide for the van to be fixed. He said he could tell that I was already trying to control the situation instead of trusting. Oh, to be reminded of my faults... He said that if we received a check later somehow for $X then it was to go to the van repair.
So the next morning we tithed the money I was trying to grasp. Later I told Tim that it was actually much easier for me to write a check for that amount to go to ministry than it was to think about writing it for a van that isn't going to last. We left that afternoon for Ohio where we have spent the past two weeks. The kids and I returned home on Saturday because I had meetings I had to be at on Sunday and Tim comes home today (yea!)
Last night I was checking my email and had one from an organization called Giving Anonymously. It said that someone wanted to send us a gift of money and could I verify my address so they could get it to us. It encouraged me to check out their website to make sure it wasn't a fraud. Believe me, it was the first thing I did because I was so convinced it was a scam. Giving Anonymously has been featured on news programs (popular well-known ones), radio programs, newpaper reports, etc. It checked out and I think it's a pretty awesome concept. I would definitely think about using it in the future to bless someone and if you're looking for a way to give completely anonymously, you should check it out. One of the things I think is awesome about this is that when you get the check, there is a number to call and leave a voicemail so that you can thank the giver for their gift. This is nice for those of us who have been on the receving end and wish that we could somehow thank whoever blessed us.
I emailed back to confirm my address and to ask, out of curiousity, how much the check was for. Tim and I have not told anyone about the cost of this car repair; I don't even know if we shared with more than my mom (who is not behind this) the fact we even needed a repair at all.
I think it is important that in life we listen to when God is telling us to do something. Tim obviously felt that God was speaking to him to release the money and that I needed to release my fear and control. I felt, through the peace God gave me in tithing, that He was going to take care of us even while I was writing a check that could cover my grocery, electric, gas and water bills for the month. Whether God is telling you to give up a certain amount of money, or to give up a job you may be miserable in but depend on to pay your bills, or to just give up your need to control every little thing and become anxious about every thing in life...it's crucial to listen to Him. He sees the big picture and what we don't.
So, anyways, this morning I received an email back with the amount of the check we're to expect:
$X. (The exact amount of the repair.)

When September Ends and Why It's Important To Do Your Kegels...

I'm not a Green Day fan, but their song title "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was appropriate for me last month.
September is usually an interesting month anyways. Kids are heading back to school. The seasons start changing (maybe - in Michigan you never really know what it will be like.) It kind of feels like a time of beginnings with everything starting up again. It is also an emotional month for me.
This past September was especially exhausting. Noah started 4-year old kindergarten. I struggled with morning sickness, had a break at the end of the month and then Round 2 of morning sickness started up a week ago. I've never had that kind of experience before. With Noah my nausea stopped at 12 weeks exactly. Eleanor caused me to throw up every morning until I was 16 weeks along. With this one I never know if I'm going to throw up or not and two weeks ago I thought I was in the clear with it. What is going on inside that womb?
It was a rough month emotionally. A friend of mine miscarried September 12th at 14 weeks along. The next day was my sister and brother-in-law's 6th wedding anniversary, their daughter's 3rd birthday party and the first anniversary of their own miscarriage. Three days later on the 16th was the 5th anniversary of my miscarriage which was really hard for me this year, maybe because of everything else going on around me.
That week I also received word that a friend from college had thyroid cancer and a friend from our old church had a brain tumor (non-cancerous, thank God.) They both had surgeries the following week, my friend, Moriah, having her thyroid removed on Tuesday and Virginia having the tumor removed Thursday. Both went well, praise God.
The Ladies Bible Study at our church started the same week of the surgeries on that Wednesday. I am so thankful for it. I haven't been in one since the Moms Group a friend invited me to at her church when we lived in Grand Rapids. I was telling Tim the night before that I wonder if men really understand why we women need these kinds of things. He said he understood but probably only because he has seen firsthand the positive effect it has had on me. In GR, I joined it a few months after Noah was born and I was fighting postpartum unhappiness because new motherhood was NOT what I thought it would be. This new (to me) Bible Study is proving to be something that will challenge me, encourage me, hold me accountable, and love me. To be in a group of other women - with ages spanning those who are on their first baby to those who have great-grandchildren - is what every woman should have in her life. It is led by our pastor's wife and she is a strong, wise woman who isn't afraid to speak it like it is in the Bible. No sugar-coated Truth coming from her mouth. She is Spirit-filled and you can tell she spends a lot of time in prayer and in the Word.
The last weekend of the month was...eventful? You could say. Tim had spent the week working 12-14 hour days and had to work over the weekend as well so he was not home. The kids were bathed and just kind of hanging out playing and watching a movie while I cleaned up. I had spent the day cleaning the house, grocery shopping, etc. because I finally had my first burst of energy since entering my second trimester.
*If you are a man reading this - you may want to stop now. Just a warning.*
I went to the bathroom and while wiping thought something felt a little...wrong...down there. Out of curiousity, I put my hand down to feel a little more and there was definitely something hard coming out from between my legs. Quickly I washed my hands and ran upstairs, where I squatted over a mirror to see what was going on. I screamed after seeing something protruding between my legs.
I called Tim and told him I thought I might possibly be miscarrying. He asked if I was bleeding. No. Was I cramping? No. But there is definitely something coming out from a place only babies travel out of.
I then called my midwife/doctor's office, which was of course closed and wrote down the contact number for urgent questions for the on-call doctor. I called her, left a message with the nurse, and the doctor called me back soon after. She asked me what was wrong. The following is our conversation, not word-for-word, but you'll get the gist of it:
Me: I believe I am either miscarrying or delivering an alien baby.
Dr: I'm pretty sure you're not delivering an alien baby. Are you bleeding, cramping, in pain?
Me: No. What is going on? I have something coming out of me!
Dr: Can you describe it?
Me: Well, I guess it's kind of round, muscle-y looking maybe? Is the baby ok? Am I ok?
Dr: Well, it sounds like something that happens occasionally. Do you have kids already? Were they vaginal births?
Me: Yes, two of them.
Dr: Most likely - and this is not really common, but it's not uncommon either - your vaginal walls are caving in.
Silence.
Me: What?!
Dr: Talk to your doctor about it the next time you go in. There is no harm to you or the baby. Any other questions?
Me: Um, no, thanks. Bye.
Are there any other questions?! Yes! Like, why have I never heard of this before? Is my vagina always going to be falling out? When I joke around about all the pressure down there while I'm pregnant and say, "Oh, it feels like my crotch is falling out" I didn't really mean it literally!
My friend, Carrie, who was in town for the night came over shortly after to visit. She is a nurse and has worked the labor/delivery ward before. When I told her about it, she just stared at me and said, "Annie, I have never heard of that before."
Great.
So after she left and Tim was still not home yet, I did the next thing any curious and confused woman with no answers does. I googled, "mass protruding from between legs during pregnancy." That is when I came across multiple websites about uterine prolapse, which basically means the uterus is falling out. I should have stopped reading but instead was filled with the information of bedrest, preterm delivery, and hysterectomies being the only treatment for Stage 4 uterine prolapse, which, obviously, I had to have based on the fact stuff was coming out of me.
I went to bed unsettled and woke up with nothing coming out from between my legs anymore. Whew. I called my mom - which one should never really do before having concrete information about something - and told her my theory to which she of course freaked out. She already knew about uterine prolapse because my great-grandmother had it and was contantly having to go into the doctor in her old age to have her uterus put back in after it fell out. Oh, great. Not what I wanted to hear.
The next morning I called the office and got to meet the doctor that day. He is married to the midwife, who I saw the first time we went in. He asked a bunch of questions, did a pelvic exam and asked me to cough and then said, "Oh, yeah, I see what is going on."
Can I just break here and say how uncomfortable it is to be a woman and have your legs spread apart while you're laying on a table with a male OB/GYN you've never met before pretty much stating that it's obvious there is something wrong with your woman area. Anyways...
It turns out that, thankfully, it is not uterine prolapse, but cervical/vaginal prolapse. My uterus was at a size at the time where most of the weight was resting on my vaginal walls. Because my walls are weak from having those vaginal deliveries, not doing Kegels and the fact that everything else on me is weak so why not?, they were having trouble supporting the uterus and were caving in as a result. The good news is - and this has already happened - as the uterus grows, it rests on the pelvic bone and the weight is taken off the vaginal walls. The bad news is that at the end of the pregnancy when the baby's head drops down it will rest on those walls again and I will be in the same situation I was then.
"So what was actually coming out of me?" I asked him.
"Oh, that was your cervix. When you start to feel the pressure again, get off your feet as soon as possible."
"Why do pregnant women not talk about this? I'm pretty sure it's not in the pregnancy books, is it?"
"Well," he answered. "I think most women are embarassed by it. It's more common than you would think, however."
On a side note, everything is going well other than that with the pregnancy. My due date is actually April 1st, but we think he or she will make the appearance in late March.
So, ladies of childbearing age, I am here to tell you this story not to gross you out or make you afraid of having children, but to encourage you to do your Kegels.
And to not freak out if you're pregnant and something is protruding from your legs.
It's probably just your cervix.

Was I Staring?

This past weekend I met up with two of my dear friends from college and we attended the Hearts at Home conference in Grand Rapids. We started planning it in January when Kelly came up with the idea after hearing the founder, Jill Savage, speak at her mom's group. After 10 months of waiting, the weekend came. You could say we were a bit, um, excited.
I left a few minutes earlier because I couldn't wait any longer (read: I was anxious to get away from my kids and husband) and also made better time than I thought getting to the place where I was going to pick Kelly up from her husband, Jack. I was almost ten minutes early and, lo and behold, I saw the Baker van already waiting in the parking lot. Kelly jumped out before I had the van turned off and loaded up her bag. After picking up some Subway for dinner, we were off to the Docter household to rescue, I mean, pick up, Jen. We were early and, surprise surprise, she was waiting at the door with her bags. I guess when Mommy needs a getaway, she needs it badly. =)
We checked in to our hotel and then walked over (in the rain) to the DeVos center to pick up our conference bags complete with Saturday Workshops schedule, a travel pack of Kleenex and chocolate. After comparing our schedules and cheering over receiving the workshops we had hoped for, Jen bid us an adieu to head back to the hotel to get ready for a wedding reception she was attending with her husband, which was, thankfully at The B.O.B., right down the street from our hotel.
After sitting through a small concert by the children's group Go Fish, we left soon after the comedian started. OK, now I attended this conference three years ago in Lansing and Sara Groves was the featured artist. She's not only incredible, but she's a mom! Her songs and stories could connect with each of us sitting in the audience. I understand that Go Fish doesn't use marketing or advertising, but through word-of-mouth (by moms mostly) and it makes sense why they would then be there. And they were quite good; I think that my kids would love the music...but do I really want to be singing children's songs on my night AWAY from my kids? No. The concert was followed by a comedian who we didn't really find that funny, so we decided to just leave early. I mean, it was 8:00 by that point and we felt close to bedtime. Actually, we didn't really want to walk back to the hotel in the cold, dark rain any later than that.
Before leaving we decided to wander on over to the resources tables to check out some of the books. Ever since hearing Julie Barnhill on Focus on the Family recently talking about her book, "She's Gonna Blow!", I have been waiting to pick it up at the conference and praying I would get her session (I did, along with 350 other women who apparently struggle with feeling like an angry mom.) I found her section of the table and Kelly found her favorite speaker's section right next to it. The woman behind Julie's books told me to let her know if I had any questions regarding the books. I told her I found what I was looking for and handed it to her so I could purchase it.
She laughed at my quickness and asked me if I was going to go back to my hotel and read it all night. I laughed with her while fishing out my payment. I looked at the other books while she rang it up and then, instead of giving the book back to me, took out a pen.
"What's your name?" she asked.
I told her and looked up at her face, then down at the book in front of me I had been looking at, then back up at her.
"Oh my goodness, you're her!" I exclaimed.
We ended up talking for a few minutes while I told her about how I had literally sat on my couch and sobbed during her interview with Dr. Dobson and how I felt like someone had put words to the emotions inside me that worried me so.
After thanking her again, I strolled a couple feet over to where Kelly stood talking to the woman behind the next section. She looked up at me, "Annie, this is Juli Slattery, who I told you about." I laughed and, gesturing to the woman who had followed me over to the discussion, said, "And this is Julie Barnhill!" The four of us talked for a few more minutes and then Kelly and I headed back to the hotel.
As Kelly and I floated on air, we talked about how we felt like we were meeting big celebrities because these are speakers we hear on Moody Bible Radio's programs all the time. (Side note: I would highly recommend going to Focus on the Family's website and listening to both Julie Barnhill's broadcast, which was Sept. 8 and 9, as well as Juli Slattery's, which was within the last couple weeks. They were so good and Dr. Slattery's was actually rated the top broadcast of 2009 for Focus on the Family.)
Anyways, I felt we handled ourselves quite well in meeting our "celebrities." Then the next day came and I'm pretty sure I cancelled out my gracefulness.
Between the lunch break and my second workshop (which was by Dr. Slattery) I was walking through a doorway to get to the next meeting room. It was at that point that I looked up and saw the main session speaker, Dr. Kevin Leman, walking past me. It was at that point I tripped over myself while staring and felt like a total moron.
I have admired Dr. Leman for years. When Tim and I were first married, my mom gave us the book, "Sheet Music" to read through. I laughed through most of it because he is so funny. Then I read "First Time Mom" while expecting Noah and "Making Children Mind Without Losing Your's" when we entered the toddler years. Noah has his children's book, "My Firstborn, There's No One Like You."
I decided, after finishing my lunch, to go to his section of the table and check out the books. I really didn't think he would actually be there, but he was! After purchasing a couple books for the kids, he signed one of them. Now, with Julie Barnhill, I had no trouble talking to her. With Dr. Leman, I ended up saying, "Hi" as I handed him the book.
Tell him how much Tim enjoys the fact I read "Sheet Music" I thought. No. That's weird.
He's the king of knowledge regarding birth order. Ask him what in the world to do with Ellie. No, I can't take up that much of his time.
How about any of the other books? No words came to my head.
"Who do you want me to make this out to?" he asked. I looked at what book I handed him, which was "My Youngest, There's No One Like You."
"Well, I'm not sure," I answered. Then I realized I sounded even more like an idiot. "I mean, we don't know what the gender is yet. We weren't actually planning on having any more kids. This is our little surprise." Great, genius, way to say too much.
He laughed and said, "Oh, I have three of those."
I laughed a little too hard in response, I think.
He handed the book back and said, "Good luck."
"Thanks," I mumbled and turned away. He probably thinks I need a visit to a psychologist for myself.
Anyways, overall the conference was fantastic. I sat through four really good workshops and, best of all, had an incredible time with my girls. It took me a good two days of early bedtimes and napping to catch up on my four hours of bad sleep from Friday night, but I don't regret it. We can't wait until next year, although we decided that from now on - two nights away are going to be the requirement.