I love living in Michigan at this time of the year.
True, during dinner yesterday, it was raining, sunny, and cold all at the same time. That's what makes it fun, right? The weather is a guessing game when you live in Michigan.
The temperature, though, in the 60s, is perfect to me. The mix of sun and clouds throughout the day are a great balance. After such a hot, sunny summer, it's nice to have a little bit of a dreary day that makes you want to grab a blanket and curl up.
I'm eating leftover loaded baked potato soup that I made in the crockpot yesterday. There is a pumpkin-nutmeg scented candle that is lit on the dining room table. My neck is being kept warm by a fall scarf - not too bulky, not too light - that I've had for years, and my toes are cold. I tried putting socks on them yesterday but they came off after a couple hours. I'm just not there yet. The first batch of pumpkin chocolate chip muffins just came out of the oven and I'm having to hold myself back from diving into them.
All I can do is look around, breathe in the scents, and think,
God is good. I mean, really good.
It doesn't always seem like it. Not in my life, not in the lives of others, not in the news. There are times it seems like God is absent. But he's not. He's there, even if He's quiet. He's good, even when life doesn't feel like it. He can't be anything else.
That is such a hard concept to get. I don't always get it. There are days like today when it is easier to take in than others. There are days when our prayer requests seem more numerous than our praises. It doesn't change the fact that HE IS GOOD.
Always.
"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him." -Nahum 1:7
Have you taken the time to notice God's goodness today in your life?
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Confession Time
I have a confession.
Or maybe you can relate.
Before I had kids, I used to love purses and shoes. I loved shopping for them and wearing them and having different ones to choose from.
Then I had kids.
My purses have to meet requirements now. I don't use a diaper bag because I don't want to be carrying around multiple bags, and by the time your fourth baby comes, you realize what you do and don't need to carry around with you. Can I fit multiple diapers in 2 different sizes in my purse? Can I fit a travel wipes case? Can I fit my wallet? Can I throw in a sippy cup or extra pair of kids' undies? How about pockets for my phone and pacifiers?
I have resigned to the fact that right now cute purses and shoes are not necessities and can wait. A large part of this is not because I want to be a frumpy mom, but due to finances. It's not easy- or cheap- to be a family of 6!
The last purse I bought was a couple years ago from Target. It is now falling apart. This summer I decided to give it a rest and use a bag I had sewn years ago. It's cute and summery, but it's not summer anymore. It fit the requirements of a large enough bag to hold most of the stuff I need to take with me, but it doesn't have pockets or compartments or organization so it's like a giant black hole. That was fine for the flexible summer, but not so much now that we have places to be at certain times and I have to keep my head on straight.
Last week, in a very long and twisty series of events that started out on craigslist looking for a used boys bike for Noah (his recently broke), I ended up on Kate Spade's website. There I found this purse.
The Vanston Stripe Quinn
Now I can't stop thinking about it! And it amazes me the games my mind starts to play now. Here's the thing: I would never go into Target or any store and think $131 is ok for me to spend on a purse. Yet I saw this, and my first thought was, Oh, wow. It's such a good price. It's marked down from $328! That's almost $200 less than the original price. That's great!
Now, if you live in a world where you have that kind of extra money to spend, then that probably IS a great price! For us, though, it's just not possible at this point.
But it has compartments.
And a middle zippered compartment (my favorite!)
It's lined with green fabric. My favorite color is green.
And such cute stripes.
Argh!
Does anyone else feel where I'm coming from? Has anyone experienced those moments where you go from being totally content with everything, then it comes to needing something new (I mean, my purse/bag is actually falling apart...although, as Tim mentioned, I do know how to sew and can mend it up) and you start wanting things you can't have or afford or that aren't practical?
I was trying to explain the issue around this purse to him. I don't know if it's because it feels like an adult purse, like a grown-up purchase. I don't know if it's the fact I could buy it from somewhere that doesn't also sell diapers, shampoo and Cheez-Its. I don't know if it's because I think I would feel more feminine by carrying this purse? As if my appearance would suddenly say, "Hello. I am more than a mom. I am also a woman." Are there any others out there who wrestle with these thoughts???
I know that my value isn't found in this purse. I know that I really don't need it. I especially don't need it to be happy. I do think it's funny that I really have to guard my thoughts with it because I can easily see where if I continue to dwell on this purse it could cause me to be discontent and I don't want that. My husband works hard and a painter only gets paid so much. I would never want to give him the impression that what he does isn't good enough or doesn't provide a good life for us. We have great times as a family and with those around us. More of the things that bring us joy in life are relationships we have, not the material things.
Good-bye, Vanston Stripe Quinn. I guess I had to write my way through a self-therapy lesson to remember that you don't determine my value. Would I enjoy using you as an accessory to my outfits? Yes. But I can't keep spending what little spare time I have thinking about you....
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." ~Proverbs 4:23
Is there anything you catch yourself thinking about that could cause discontent in your life if you spent too much time dwelling on it?
Or maybe you can relate.
Before I had kids, I used to love purses and shoes. I loved shopping for them and wearing them and having different ones to choose from.
Then I had kids.
My purses have to meet requirements now. I don't use a diaper bag because I don't want to be carrying around multiple bags, and by the time your fourth baby comes, you realize what you do and don't need to carry around with you. Can I fit multiple diapers in 2 different sizes in my purse? Can I fit a travel wipes case? Can I fit my wallet? Can I throw in a sippy cup or extra pair of kids' undies? How about pockets for my phone and pacifiers?
I have resigned to the fact that right now cute purses and shoes are not necessities and can wait. A large part of this is not because I want to be a frumpy mom, but due to finances. It's not easy- or cheap- to be a family of 6!
The last purse I bought was a couple years ago from Target. It is now falling apart. This summer I decided to give it a rest and use a bag I had sewn years ago. It's cute and summery, but it's not summer anymore. It fit the requirements of a large enough bag to hold most of the stuff I need to take with me, but it doesn't have pockets or compartments or organization so it's like a giant black hole. That was fine for the flexible summer, but not so much now that we have places to be at certain times and I have to keep my head on straight.
Last week, in a very long and twisty series of events that started out on craigslist looking for a used boys bike for Noah (his recently broke), I ended up on Kate Spade's website. There I found this purse.
The Vanston Stripe Quinn
Now I can't stop thinking about it! And it amazes me the games my mind starts to play now. Here's the thing: I would never go into Target or any store and think $131 is ok for me to spend on a purse. Yet I saw this, and my first thought was, Oh, wow. It's such a good price. It's marked down from $328! That's almost $200 less than the original price. That's great!
Now, if you live in a world where you have that kind of extra money to spend, then that probably IS a great price! For us, though, it's just not possible at this point.
But it has compartments.
And a middle zippered compartment (my favorite!)
It's lined with green fabric. My favorite color is green.
And such cute stripes.
Argh!
Does anyone else feel where I'm coming from? Has anyone experienced those moments where you go from being totally content with everything, then it comes to needing something new (I mean, my purse/bag is actually falling apart...although, as Tim mentioned, I do know how to sew and can mend it up) and you start wanting things you can't have or afford or that aren't practical?
I was trying to explain the issue around this purse to him. I don't know if it's because it feels like an adult purse, like a grown-up purchase. I don't know if it's the fact I could buy it from somewhere that doesn't also sell diapers, shampoo and Cheez-Its. I don't know if it's because I think I would feel more feminine by carrying this purse? As if my appearance would suddenly say, "Hello. I am more than a mom. I am also a woman." Are there any others out there who wrestle with these thoughts???
I know that my value isn't found in this purse. I know that I really don't need it. I especially don't need it to be happy. I do think it's funny that I really have to guard my thoughts with it because I can easily see where if I continue to dwell on this purse it could cause me to be discontent and I don't want that. My husband works hard and a painter only gets paid so much. I would never want to give him the impression that what he does isn't good enough or doesn't provide a good life for us. We have great times as a family and with those around us. More of the things that bring us joy in life are relationships we have, not the material things.
Good-bye, Vanston Stripe Quinn. I guess I had to write my way through a self-therapy lesson to remember that you don't determine my value. Would I enjoy using you as an accessory to my outfits? Yes. But I can't keep spending what little spare time I have thinking about you....
"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." ~Proverbs 4:23
Is there anything you catch yourself thinking about that could cause discontent in your life if you spent too much time dwelling on it?
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Back to the Basics: Fun With Sidewalk Chalk
"Oh, what a world this life would be
Forget all your Technicolor dreams
Forget modern nature
This is how it's meant to be."
~Sondre Lerche, 'Modern Nature'~
Monday, September 10, 2012
This Man
I love this man.
Some days I don't like him at times. I know deep down, though, that as the moment passes and both our tempers cool down, we're still standing side by side, hand in hand.
I love that he was courageous enough to let go of his college education, four and a half years in, to provide for his family at that time. God blessed him by showing him that what he was seeking a degree in was not what he wanted to spend his life doing. Instead he wanted to paint. Restore. Build. Create. Use his hands and tools. Use the talent he has been given. Leave a white collar world for a blue collar status and be happy in it.
I love that he interacts with our kids. He gets down and plays with them. He listens to them. He gives them baths, reads them a story, prays with them, and puts them to bed at night. He disciplines them. He takes them to the store, gives them a piece of wood to draw on or build a robot out of. He involves them in what he's doing as much as they are able to. He teaches them.
I love that every single time in the delivery room, he was in tears. It didn't matter if it was our first baby or fourth baby, the wonder and awe of a life being brought forth was overcoming to him. I love that the first thing he did was lean down and kiss my head every time and tell me what an amazing job I did. I love the coach he was.
I love that he thinks I'm beautiful whether he comes home to find me in my yoga pants and a t-shirt with a bare face, or in jeans and a nice shirt with make-up and earrings on. And he tells me every single day. I love that he can see past my inside ugly moments and know there is beautiful in there struggling to come out. There are days I don't even like myself, but he loves me still.
I love the passion he has for seeing others grow in their faith. He wants others to see their potential in Christ, to know that in life the best parts are taking the leaps of faith. They are scary moments for sure, but he has experienced God's awesome blessings and provisions by walking forward, believing that God will come through on His promises. He loves rejoicing with others who get to experience those miracles as well.
I love his hugs. I love falling asleep next to him. When I experience an anxiety attack, I lay my ear on his chest and listen to his rhythmic, steady heartbeat and it calms my own. I love when we spend an evening laughing together, or an evening in quiet while in the same room, as we are now, each doing his or her own thing. The occasional comment or question aloud, but with a soundtrack of silence.
I love this man.
How Do You Spell "First Day of Homeschool?"
Let me answer that title question for you:
D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R
Disaster.
We decided to start on Labor Day. Tim was home, we had no plans, the kids kept asking how much longer until we start, so I thought, Hey, why not? It's as good a time as any.
I started to freak out as we went downstairs. Caleb was a mess. Zeke was a mess. Tim was locking himself in bathrooms to clean them for me, good husband that he is. Noah compared everything we did to how he did things in the public school. Ellie wanted to learn but was distracted by her crying brothers.
Almost an hour later we moved outside for a change or scenery.
A half hour later, I was holding Zeke outside the bathroom, crying (me, not Zeke) and telling Tim that I was going to quit.
Noah was outside, crying, after asking if he could go back to "real school" the next day.
Ellie, soft heart that she has hidden under all that stubbornness, wrapped her arms around me to comfort me. She really is a blessing and I am reminded of that in unexpected moments.
Thank God Tim had the day off because he took over the kids for the rest of the afternoon. I, however, opened the blog, Confessions of a Homeschooler, and remained on there for the following five hours. I nailed down our problem pretty quickly.
One of the beautiful things about homeschooling is that you can tailor it to your family's needs. I had been told by many families to not have any expectations and to be flexible. I took it a bit too literally and went in pretty much unprepared, thinking I could just open the books and follow the directions.
This may work for some families, but I found out quickly it does not work for ours. I like routine and schedules, my kids do as well. We are flexible and we love a lazy day where plans pop up along the way, but during the week we like to know what's going on. The more I read the Confessions website, the more ideas I came across, and the more I accomplished, especially the idea of Work Boxes. Since I don't have boxes, though, we use Work Folders and this is the favorite part of the kids' day. They LOVE them!
Enter Day 2:
How do you spell the second day of homeschool?
S-U-C-C-E-S-S
Success. Halfway through the morning, Noah made the comment, "Hey, I think I really like homeschooling."
Using play-dough to try to create Adam and Eve. We had to remember to "remove" Adam's rib to craft Eve out of it.
Me, too, Noah. Me, too.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3: 20-21
D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R
Disaster.
We decided to start on Labor Day. Tim was home, we had no plans, the kids kept asking how much longer until we start, so I thought, Hey, why not? It's as good a time as any.
I started to freak out as we went downstairs. Caleb was a mess. Zeke was a mess. Tim was locking himself in bathrooms to clean them for me, good husband that he is. Noah compared everything we did to how he did things in the public school. Ellie wanted to learn but was distracted by her crying brothers.
Almost an hour later we moved outside for a change or scenery.
A half hour later, I was holding Zeke outside the bathroom, crying (me, not Zeke) and telling Tim that I was going to quit.
Noah was outside, crying, after asking if he could go back to "real school" the next day.
Ellie, soft heart that she has hidden under all that stubbornness, wrapped her arms around me to comfort me. She really is a blessing and I am reminded of that in unexpected moments.
Thank God Tim had the day off because he took over the kids for the rest of the afternoon. I, however, opened the blog, Confessions of a Homeschooler, and remained on there for the following five hours. I nailed down our problem pretty quickly.
One of the beautiful things about homeschooling is that you can tailor it to your family's needs. I had been told by many families to not have any expectations and to be flexible. I took it a bit too literally and went in pretty much unprepared, thinking I could just open the books and follow the directions.
This may work for some families, but I found out quickly it does not work for ours. I like routine and schedules, my kids do as well. We are flexible and we love a lazy day where plans pop up along the way, but during the week we like to know what's going on. The more I read the Confessions website, the more ideas I came across, and the more I accomplished, especially the idea of Work Boxes. Since I don't have boxes, though, we use Work Folders and this is the favorite part of the kids' day. They LOVE them!
Enter Day 2:
How do you spell the second day of homeschool?
S-U-C-C-E-S-S
Success. Halfway through the morning, Noah made the comment, "Hey, I think I really like homeschooling."
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." -Ephesians 3: 20-21
Thursday, September 06, 2012
Running Away
I remember when I was young and tried to run away, around 6 or 7 years old. I told my mom as I left the house that I was going to live with my grandparents and was walking there (in reality, they lived less than 10 minutes away.) I made it almost to the end of our driveway when my mom called, "What will you do about the dogs?"
Dogs?
"The mean dogs you find along the way. How will you protect yourself?"
And with that I changed my mind and decided it wouldn't be too bad to continue living at home.
Today I got to experience the other side of the situation, as the mom.
We have had a big week with starting to homeschool, writing out house rules, and introducing a chore chart along with discipline cards. This morning was going well until Noah came in contact with a discipline card, the first one to be used. Actually, two cards because he broke a rule twice. He drew the cards for "Wipe light switches" and "Wash dinner dishes." Ellie, who loves to clean (I may have to come up with different discipline cards for her!), was intrigued by this.
"I want a discipline card," she said.
"No, Ellie. You don't just get one." I told her.
"Well, fine," she answered back, the sassy tone creeping in. "Then I will not do my schoolwork today." Now, I knew two things: (1) She was acting this way in the hopes of getting a discipline card and (2):
"Ellie, you already finished all your schoolwork."
"Fine. Then I will NOT listen to Noah read the story," she tried back.
"You don't have to. It's part of Noah's school work to read to me, not yours."
A short time later she announced:
"I guess you will just have three boys because I am not going to be your girl anymore."
"Is that so?" I asked her. "Whose girl are you going to be?"
"I will go to another family."
"Oh, really. Whose?"
"Ummm.....Leighton and Maddie's" she spoke triumphantly.
"Maddie is only 10. She's not old enough to have a little girl," I countered back.
"Well, then I'll be Jen's girl." (Jen is one of my dearest friends, and Maddie and Leighton's mom.)
I called Jen and told her Ellie did not want to be part of our family anymore but would like to join theirs.
Jen laughed and said, "Fine, but tell her our rules are the same as yours."
I relayed the message and Ellie went upstairs, I thought, in defeat.
A short time later she came outside, overstuffed backpack not dragging her down and announced she was ready. After a quick check in her backpack to find winter pajamas, long sleeve shirts, shorts, and undies, I asked her how she was going to get to Jen's.
"You can drive me."
"No."
"Jen can come get me."
"She wants gas money."
"I have money in my piggybank. Actually, I will drive myself."
Enter the voice of lawfulness (Noah): "Ellie, if you drive yourself, then you will get pulled over by the police and you will get a ticket and thrown in jail!"
"Fine," the fight not weakening in my stubborn 4 year-old. "I will walk."
"Eleanor," I told her. "It takes us almost 45 minutes to drive to Jen's house. Do you really think you can walk that far? You're not even wearing shoes!"
She sulked off into the house.
I found her inside, putting her shoes on. Noah was wiping light switches at this point. I put Zeke down with some toys. I was in the kitchen, the gate up and blocking the way to the side stairs and door, when Noah announced that Ellie and Caleb had gone out the back door and were headed through the gate to the driveway. I somewhat hurdled over the gate, opened the side door, and grabbed Caleb, swinging him over to the other side of the gate. Ellie looked at me and walked on.
I grabbed the camera.
I know, I know. Some moms might think that was a horrible thing to do. I, however, knew she wouldn't follow through with running away. I wasn't going to let her run away. But I sure was going to document the process so that one day, when she has the daughter just like her that I've threatened her with, and she calls me and is all up in arms about what to do with that daughter, I am going to pull out those pictures and share these stories.
Because I choose to believe that she will be able to outgrow this stubborn and difficult behavior and mature into a lovely, godly, young woman some day. (Please, Lord, let that day be soon.)
And that lovely, godly, young woman might need to learn one day why her mother's hair turned gray so early on in years.
I stood in the front door, unseen by her for a little bit, as she walked to the end of the driveway and turned right down the sidewalk.
The door opened behind me and Noah, tears streaming down his face, pleaded at me, "MOM! She can't run away. You can't let her run away!" I reassured him that no such thing was going to happen but that she had to try this, learn her lesson.
She made it to our neighbor's driveway, stopped, contemplated, and turned back.
She walked home.
And then kept right on walking past our driveway.
She stopped right past it, looked at me, and announced she was headed in that direction.
I took her picture.
Then Caleb pushed past Noah at the door and took off running after her. Which made Ellie shriek with laughter and run down the sidewalk, her little brother chasing her. I passed the camera off to Noah and took off after both of them. I snatched Caleb up - again - and told Ellie, maintaining a calm and quiet voice so the neighbors couldn't hear through their open windows, "Get inside the house now or you will be going to take a nap without eating lunch first."
She came home, much to the delight of her brothers.
And mother.
Dogs?
"The mean dogs you find along the way. How will you protect yourself?"
And with that I changed my mind and decided it wouldn't be too bad to continue living at home.
Today I got to experience the other side of the situation, as the mom.
We have had a big week with starting to homeschool, writing out house rules, and introducing a chore chart along with discipline cards. This morning was going well until Noah came in contact with a discipline card, the first one to be used. Actually, two cards because he broke a rule twice. He drew the cards for "Wipe light switches" and "Wash dinner dishes." Ellie, who loves to clean (I may have to come up with different discipline cards for her!), was intrigued by this.
"I want a discipline card," she said.
"No, Ellie. You don't just get one." I told her.
"Well, fine," she answered back, the sassy tone creeping in. "Then I will not do my schoolwork today." Now, I knew two things: (1) She was acting this way in the hopes of getting a discipline card and (2):
"Ellie, you already finished all your schoolwork."
"Fine. Then I will NOT listen to Noah read the story," she tried back.
"You don't have to. It's part of Noah's school work to read to me, not yours."
A short time later she announced:
"I guess you will just have three boys because I am not going to be your girl anymore."
"Is that so?" I asked her. "Whose girl are you going to be?"
"I will go to another family."
"Oh, really. Whose?"
"Ummm.....Leighton and Maddie's" she spoke triumphantly.
"Maddie is only 10. She's not old enough to have a little girl," I countered back.
"Well, then I'll be Jen's girl." (Jen is one of my dearest friends, and Maddie and Leighton's mom.)
I called Jen and told her Ellie did not want to be part of our family anymore but would like to join theirs.
Jen laughed and said, "Fine, but tell her our rules are the same as yours."
I relayed the message and Ellie went upstairs, I thought, in defeat.
A short time later she came outside, overstuffed backpack not dragging her down and announced she was ready. After a quick check in her backpack to find winter pajamas, long sleeve shirts, shorts, and undies, I asked her how she was going to get to Jen's.
"You can drive me."
"No."
"Jen can come get me."
"She wants gas money."
"I have money in my piggybank. Actually, I will drive myself."
Enter the voice of lawfulness (Noah): "Ellie, if you drive yourself, then you will get pulled over by the police and you will get a ticket and thrown in jail!"
"Fine," the fight not weakening in my stubborn 4 year-old. "I will walk."
"Eleanor," I told her. "It takes us almost 45 minutes to drive to Jen's house. Do you really think you can walk that far? You're not even wearing shoes!"
She sulked off into the house.
I found her inside, putting her shoes on. Noah was wiping light switches at this point. I put Zeke down with some toys. I was in the kitchen, the gate up and blocking the way to the side stairs and door, when Noah announced that Ellie and Caleb had gone out the back door and were headed through the gate to the driveway. I somewhat hurdled over the gate, opened the side door, and grabbed Caleb, swinging him over to the other side of the gate. Ellie looked at me and walked on.
I grabbed the camera.
I know, I know. Some moms might think that was a horrible thing to do. I, however, knew she wouldn't follow through with running away. I wasn't going to let her run away. But I sure was going to document the process so that one day, when she has the daughter just like her that I've threatened her with, and she calls me and is all up in arms about what to do with that daughter, I am going to pull out those pictures and share these stories.
Because I choose to believe that she will be able to outgrow this stubborn and difficult behavior and mature into a lovely, godly, young woman some day. (Please, Lord, let that day be soon.)
And that lovely, godly, young woman might need to learn one day why her mother's hair turned gray so early on in years.
I stood in the front door, unseen by her for a little bit, as she walked to the end of the driveway and turned right down the sidewalk.
The door opened behind me and Noah, tears streaming down his face, pleaded at me, "MOM! She can't run away. You can't let her run away!" I reassured him that no such thing was going to happen but that she had to try this, learn her lesson.
She made it to our neighbor's driveway, stopped, contemplated, and turned back.
She walked home.
And then kept right on walking past our driveway.
She stopped right past it, looked at me, and announced she was headed in that direction.
I took her picture.
Then Caleb pushed past Noah at the door and took off running after her. Which made Ellie shriek with laughter and run down the sidewalk, her little brother chasing her. I passed the camera off to Noah and took off after both of them. I snatched Caleb up - again - and told Ellie, maintaining a calm and quiet voice so the neighbors couldn't hear through their open windows, "Get inside the house now or you will be going to take a nap without eating lunch first."
She came home, much to the delight of her brothers.
And mother.
Monday, September 03, 2012
Our Second Home
"At the Sea-side"
By Robert Louis Stevenson
When I was down beside the sea,
A wooden spade they gave to me
To dig the sandy shore.
My holes were empty like a cup.
In every hole the sea came up,
Til it could come no more.
Saying Goodbye to Summer With Food
A goodbye-to-summer dinner
Good-bye summer.
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