Amnesia

For the past three weeks our youth group has been talking about dating and relationships. I missed the first week because I was out of town for a baby shower. The second week was a movie night. Then came last night. The two jr. high female youth leaders both weren't able to make it so I had both groups on my own. I was a little nervous since I don't know the jr. high girls very well since I'm a high school leader, but they're a great group of chicas so it wasn't a problem. Because of the topic, the youth group was split into two groups: guys and girls.
Last night we talked about the "who, what, when, how, why, etc." of dating. We discussed why it's important to date another believer, what is the purpose of dating (to seek a spouse, not fulfill emotional or physical satisfactions) and other issues relating to relationships with boys. We had a brief talk about modesty and why it's important for them to be aware of how they dress. They balked a little at the fact they shouldn't be wearing bikinis to youth group related events (like pool parties or when we go to waterparks) so I had to really stress how much guys are visually stimulated and even though they might not be wearing the bikini with the intention of making a boy think naughty thoughts about them, boys are different from us and we have to accept that and be a help to them.
I didn't give "my talk" because it was something that Mandy, Elisabeth and I had wanted to all do together and I'm hoping we still have a chance at some point soon. However, it did come up in bits and pieces and at the end we had a small tearful moment.
I wanted to let them know why I am so passionate about making sure they keep themselves pure. I want them to be aware of the guilt and emotions they might have to wade through after a physical relationship ends. So I confessed something last night to them that I just this past week realized.

I can't remember my wedding night.

It wasn't because I had a drop of alcohol in me, either, because I didn't. I can remember parts of the day - getting ready in the morning, pictures, the ceremony, driving around in a convertible to the reception with the top down while it was raining and freezing, and some parts of the reception. I can remember Tim and I standing next to our bed fully dressed...
and then I can't remember anything until we were opening our gifts later that night (we had a morning wedding and everything was completely over and cleaned up by 4:00.)

I can remember every time one of my "firsts" happened though: my first kiss ever and every physical boundary I said I was never going to cross until I was married. I can remember my first time having sex: the room it was in, what time it was, how long it lasted, the way I sobbed afterward. Everything. Everything I want to forget is burned in my memory.

Yet I can't remember the night that really mattered to me. The night I want to have mental snapshots of.

As I cried I told the girls how it's not fair to Tim that I can't remember. I told them that they are going to remember their "firsts" and they're going to want that memory to be of their wedding night...because it really sucks otherwise. I also told them that the good news in all of this is we have a God who forgives us. No matter our sexual sins, or any sin, nothing is too big for Him to forgive. We, as humans, still hold our guilt and, unfortunately, our memories (which I think is part of the consequence for sinning) but He forgives us. He loves us.
Later when I got home and Tim asked how the night went, I told him everything. As he rubbed my feet (good husband that he is), he told me that he's sorry I have to experience that but all I have to do is ask him and he can tell me everything I need to know about our wedding night. He also said that it is probably better that I can remember other good intimate moments that we've had throughout our marriage because we've gotten better with time and experience. I'm so thankful that he is patient and understanding.
I don't know why I felt such a need to share this on here. Maybe so that if someone single stumbles across it, they can hear someone say that it's so much more worth the wait even if it's difficult to wait. That the grief that comes after isn't worth whatever pleasure you may feel in the moment.
It's just not worth it.

Lovely Lady Lump?

I think not.
I went to the doctor today for a sore throat and a pain under my right arm. I figured the sore throat is probably just part of a cold (it is.) I assumed the arm pit pain was a swollen lymph node.
It's not.
It's a lump. And it hurts like the dickens. It's at the tail end of my breast (which, were you aware that the breast is tear-shaped, not round?) Because of it's close proximity to my pectoral muscle, it causes pain when I move my arm due to the way it rubs against the muscle. The doctor said he was glad I came in so that we can keep an eye on it. Right now it's the size of a pea and he said he won't worry until it's the size of a fingernail. I'm not worried. My mom and mother-in-law have had their share of biopsies and lumps and all have come out clear. If the pain continues beyond the next few days or if the lump grows any larger than I have to go in again. Please pray that neither of those situations happen.

Now for FUN news: Eleanor is growing fast. In the past two weeks we have experienced the following:
*Her first 2 teeth (they are the bottom front ones)
*The tubes in her ears
*She waves consistently "hello" and "bye bye"
*She "dances" (wiggles and shakes around - she loves music almost as much as Noah)
*Pulls herself up on everything
*Goes from being on her tummy to sitting up
...and the big one...
*CRAWLING! She had been leading up to it with the inchworm/army crawl but since Saturday morning when she decided to just up and take off, there is no stopping her.

She keeps us on our toes, that's for certain.

Out of My Hands

One of my goals for this year is to write a book. Pretty ambitious, eh? Yeah...I know. The book idea that I had been playing around with and trying to write was put on hold when another idea struck me. Tim and I were out on a date last Saturday night while visiting my parents (free babysitting, in other words.) We were eating dinner and I felt like in my mind this little car swerved around a corner and slammed into my brain. The car was representative of a new idea and I tried as hard as possible to listen to Tim afterwards. All I could think about was this story that was forming in my head! After dinner (which was at a restaurant called Cancun. It's in Okemos and if you're ever in that area you really should eat there. It's one of those hidden hole in the wall places that is DELICIOUS!) Anyways, after dinner we went to Schuler's and for a few minutes I hunkered myself down in front of the writing section and skimmed through books. The story kept forming and shaping itself in my head and I kept repeating certain sentences and phrases to myself to keep from forgetting them.
This past week I sat down and wrote out a quick outline. The challenge is going to be tearing myself away from the books I want to read in order to write it. I think I'm going to have to set up some type of schedule for myself. For example: naptime - read a book, after bed - write. Hmmm, where does Tim fit in then? Maybe I will write on Tuesdays and Thursdays during preschool time since Ellie naps at the same time. I can use weekends while Tim is home to steal away for a bit, too.
Anyways, like you care. So, in working toward this goal, Tim and I also thought I should have little goals along the way to help. While I paused and hesitated and tried to avoid the subject, Tim said, "By the end of the week you need to turn in an article to be published." I about choked but accepted his challenge.
Today I researched a magazine to find out how to go about the process. It turns out you have to write a query letter describing your idea, what its purpose is and what value it has to the reader, what qualifications you have to write about it, and some other little infomation. Then in about 8 weeks (8 weeks!!) they contact you to tell you whether they accept your query or not. Then you go about submitting your article and then they reject or accept it.
It sounds much harder than I pictured in my head for a magazine article but I accepted their challenge.
In a business envelope today I mailed away my first query letter. I shed a lot of nervous tears while praying over it. You would have thought it was a sick patient the way I was laying hands on it and then grasping it to my heart after printing it out. I realized while pressing the "print" button that we are almost out of ink and everything has been printing off all faded and weird lately. I took the letter out of my hands and it had printed perfectly. It was like one of those moments where the clouds break and the sun shines, but instead it was printer ink. Maybe it's a sign.
So pray for me. Each time I think about it, my stomach gets all knotted and I want to throw up. It's out of my hands both literally and figuratively.

Tasty Treat Tuesday

I realize I've missed the last couple weeks on this one and I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if I would get it today either, but my children are BOTH sleeping still for their naps. Usually they would have been up at least 15 minutes ago. It must be the fresh air!

Today I'll give you a super easy recipe with no measurements that would be a perfect Valentine's Day treat (because it's red.) It's also a classic so I wouldn't be surprised if you already knew it.

Red Hot Applesauce

In a saucepan, dump in however much applesauce you want to use. Add to it however many red hot candies you desire. Stir while heating. This will turn the applesauce a pretty red color and make it yummy cinnamon delicious! You'll have to experiment to find out how much of everything works for you.

It's that easy. We're going to have our's served alongside pork tenderloin.

Blizzard of Books Reading Review

Here are the books I have read so far for the library's Blizzard of Books adult reading club (complete with prizes for every 5 read!) I thought I would keep you guys updated in case any strike your fancy and you feel like a good read.

*Dawn's Light by Terri Blackstock - it's the last in the Restoration series. They're Christian suspense, easy reads. I wouldn't say to read them before you die someday, but they didn't feel like a waste of time either.

*Thursdays at Eight by Debbie Macomber - I really enjoy Debbie Macomber's books. This one didn't disappoint. I like that her characters feel like real people to me, not the untouchable and idealistic personalities that can only be written.

*Home to Holly Springs by Jan Karon - I highly recommend reading the Mitford series and then travel on to this one. They're so good.

*Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott - Pass. Unless you like reading books in which the author claims God is a woman, fetuses are not babies which makes abortion ok, and having numerous sexual partners gets you through life. These are her beliefs that the rest of us Christians should accept into our lives, in her opinion. You can find this one at your local Christian bookstore, ironically.

*The Trophy Wives Club by Kirsten Billerbeck - enjoyable. A light read. Very girly. I'm waiting for the sequel to come available in the library. (Side note: Daniella, I could see you enjoying this one!)

*A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini - He also wrote The Kite Runner, which I recommend. I would also encourage you to read this one. I think I might have liked it a bit more since it's from the perspective of a woman. You will learn much about Afghanistan history and culture and you will appreciate your life. To quote my friend, Jen, who pestered me to read these books until I relented, "If I had to use one word to sum up Kite Runner, it would be redemption. If I had to pick one word for A Thousand Splendid Suns it would be beauty. You'll see why." You guys can now go find out for yourselves!

*Stealing Buddha's Dinner by Bich Minh Nguyen - I just finished this one minutes ago. I would actually highly recommend it. It is the memoir of a woman whose family migrated from Saigon in 1975 when she was 8 months old. They settled in Grand Rapids and the book recounts how she felt being Vietnamese and growing up in blond Dutch country over here. For those of you who live/have lived in West Michigan, you'll recognize many of the streets, stores and places she talks about, which makes it fun to read.

*Girl With a Pearl Earring by Tracy Chevalier - Blah. It wasn't the most horrible book I've read but I was fairly bored through most of it. I've heard the movie is kind of dull as well.

*Firstborn by Robin Lee Hatcher - I thought this one was a decent read. It's another Christian fiction so you can probably guess the ending just by reading the back of the cover.

*Brushstrokes by Laurraine Snelling - See above description for Firstborn and insert here.

In my Trader Joe's bag lies even more books waiting to be read. I'm going to take the rest of today off from reading as well as tomorrow because I'll be visiting my friend, Rachel, and her boys for the day. Thursday will resume nerdiness. =)

Has anyone read any of these or have any other recommendations to throw out there?

Tube-ular Ellie

Does anyone else remember the phrase "tubular" from the '80s? Or was it early '90s? Oh, well.

I took Eleanor in to see the ENT specialist yesterday. She has so much fluid behind her ear drums that they (the ear drums) barely move. Her hearing is perfect, however. She passed that test with flying colors. The specialist kept telling me it's a problem with "her plumbing" of the ears. She has enlarged tonsils and adenoids and so nothing is able to drain out properly from what it sounds like. It explains why she's a mouth breather and a snorer. There is a large possibility the tonsils and/or adenoids will have to come out in the next couple years.

The solution: She is having surgery to put tubes in her ears on Friday morning. I understand that this is the fastest and most common surgical procedure and that I know at the very least five kids that have, or have had, tubes.

Yet I am still nervous. She's nine months old and they have to put her under anesthesia. I'm a wreck, quite honestly, when I think about it. What mom wouldn't be? I didn't go under anesthesia for the first time until I was almost 23 years old and it was a gas mask for my wisdom teeth. The only other time was when I had my D&C after my miscarriage and that was through an IV and then I was almost 24.

But nine months? I need prayer, people. Please pray for Eleanor - that she will be safe and that this will help her. Also pray for me (and Tim), that our nerves will be calmed and that we will continue to place our child in God's hands and trust Him with every moment.

Noah will be going to my parents' house tomorrow (Thursday) afternoon and will be spending the night. We already had plans to go there this weekend for a baby shower that I'm attending and so he'll just get a longer stay. I know this will be good for him because it has been a long time since he has had one-on-one time with my parents and they have missed each other.

I will give an update on Friday to let you know how she's doing! Oh, and on a side note - her first tooth appeared! Tim was the first to feel it Saturday night when she grabbed his finger and bit down on it. It explains the rough nights she has been having recently.

Time is Flying

Eleanor turned nine months old last Monday (the 19th.) I was going to write a little update on her then, but decided to wait until after her well-child check-up this morning.

First of all, time moves much faster when you have two kids. I thought it sped up when I had Noah, now I'm pretty sure we're on warped speed. My baby is nine months old! Can you believe it? Technically, in less than three months I'll have a one year old. I don't know whether to cry about how quickly she's growing up or cheer that we've almost made it through this first year. On her birthday I have a feeling I'll be doing a bit of both. =)

We visited her pediatrician today. Dr. Warmoth is fantastic. If you live in the Grand Haven/Spring Lake/even Muskegon area, I would highly suggest him. He is patient, knowedgeable, and really interacts with the kids, which I feel is a pretty important quality to have if you're going to be a pediatrician. Anyways, it was not the best of visits and it started while we were in the waiting room.

I had brought along a blanket to set out on the floor and put her on it with some toys. The girl is active. She doesn't just sit. If you're trying to just hold her on your lap - it's not going to happen. She twists and turns and flings her upper body back to look at you. She grabs for your hair, jewelry, ears, etc. If you turn in her direction, you'll find her face centimeters from yours before she tries to cover your nose with her mouth. We try to constantly have something in her hands so she's not destructive.

So she is sitting on her blanket playing with her toys when along comes a little boy who is probably about two years old. He stops and crouches down to look at her and babble. His mom comes behind him, grabs him up and tries to politely tell him not to play with the sick baby: "See the poor baby. She's sick. Look how sick she looks honey. You don't want to touch her."

My baby is not sick. She's here for a well-child visit. She has no runny nose, she's not coughing or sneezing. She is also sitting in the healthy child area and not the sectioned off sick kid area. I don't tell her this because (a) I'll probably never see her again so does it really matter? and (b) I don't know her or her boy and don't want him touching Ellie anyways. Maybe he's sick!

I continue watching Ellie play as the little boy comes from another direction and tries to hug her. His mom again snatches him away (which I am relieved by because that means I don't have to pull Ellie away while trying to explain that he really shouldn't hug babies he's never met) and explains again not to touch the sick baby.

At this point I tell her that she is not sick, she's here for her 9 month check-up. Thankfully, they are called in for their appointment before she can respond. Saved by the nurse. Although now I am wondering if I have a sickly looking daughter.

We're called back and the nurse takes Ellie's measurements. Her head is in the seventy-fifth percentile (she and Noah are big head babies - I know this personally because I pushed them out.) She weighs 17 pounds 1 ounce and has dropped from 50th to 16th percentile. She is 27 1/4 inches, putting her from 75th to 35th percentile. Later, Dr. Warmoth tells me this is not uncommon as the first 24 months are spent kind of all over the place for some kids on the growth charts.

When Dr. Warmoth came in we talked about how she is doing developmentally. I had questions because by this age Noah was crawling, pulling himself up on furniture, and walking around furniture. Ellie is not doing any of the above. I don't want to compare them though because I know every kid is different. She does, however, sit unassisted for really long periods of time (which she has been doing since 5 months) and yesterday she started going from the sitting position to laying on her stomach and she decided to become an inchworm overnight. This morning I sat her down on the floor, she pulled herself over until she got on her stomach and then took off across the room like a caterpillar. Not quite crawling, but pretty darn close. The baby gates are going to be coming out soon enough. Dr. Warmoth said that he's seeing more and more kids not pulling up onto furniture until 10 or 11 months and expects her within the next 6 weeks to have mastered that.

Here's the bummer part of the visit: she has her fourth ear infection in four months. We've had one a month since October. They're always double ear infections, too. So now we have a referral for the Ear Nose Throat Specialist to talk about tubes. Yippee.

Other than all that stuff that I'm so sorry to have just bored you with, here are the things we love about Eleanor:

*She is a chatterbox. She does Mama and Dada and recognizes me and Tim while saying it. She's not just babbling. She also does Baba for bottle and Nana for Noah, although that's a new one she's still working on. She is constantly talking or screeching to the people and toys around her.

*She is still a bit of a diva, but either she's getting better or we're just getting used to it. She's demanding.

*She has Tim completely wrapped around her finger.

*As I said before, she is active. Until this inchworm thing, she would lay on her belly and then spin herself in circles with her arms. She looked like a bottle in the Spin-the-Bottle game. She also loves her Johnny-jump-up or whatever the modern name for it is. Her feet look like a ballerina's when she jumps because they go out to the sides when she pushes off and then as she comes down, she lands with them perfectly turned out and heels together, knees bent. Then she pushes off again and again and again.

*She is just an absolute joy to our family. She is a challenge as we learn her personality, which has been so different from Noah's yet at the end of the day we're so thankful for her. She belly laughs like Noah does and speaking of him, she cannot get enough of her big brother.

*We get many comments on her eyes and the shape of them. I had noticed they were different when she was a newborn and a nurse had commented once on her "beautiful eyes. They're so unique." Well, who knows what to expect when you hear the word "unique"? Anyways, I listen to people comment on how they don't look like mine (or Tim's if he's around, and then they look at me for an explanation of why that might be. I don't know but I can tell you that Tim IS the dad!) Our friend, Kerin, was over last weekend and finally placed a shape on them - teardrops. I don't know what side of the family they come from, but we think they're beautiful.

So that's our Ellie. Yesterday I cranked up the heat for a couple hours and put them in their bathing suits and we had our own "beach party" in the kitchen with a picnic for lunch. It was a good way to beat the cabin fever for a little bit. That's why she's wearing a bikini in the above picture even though it's the end of January. Also - you can see at the top of her head a little bit her very first ponytail. I am trying to post more pictures from our fun, but blogger is being difficult so they'll have to wait for another time. And yes, Deidra, I must have a thing for chubby baby bellies in bikinis because I did get Wyn her's and now Ellie's. Next up is Sophie!

It Never Fails...

So it has been a week since I've blogged last. For some people that is not a big deal, but for those who are like me - who like to write and find release in doing it - it feels like a long time. I felt out of touch with life last week. Tim worked really long days Wednesday and Friday and had Tuesday and Thursday off. On Wednesday and Friday nights he did not get home until 10:00pm (they were working almost 2 hours away.) On those nights I would put the kids in bed and have about 2 1/2 hours all to myself...to do anything I wanted. The difference between this and naptime is that with naptime, I have no guarantee of how long it will last or if they will even sleep. With bedtime, they go down quickly and I know they're asleep until morning (except for those random cries out for a binky from Ellie.) On Wednesday night I spent the time writing. I worked a bit more on my novel. I also wrote up a couple...articles? I don't really know how to describe them. They're just little 3 page thoughts I guess. On Friday night I read. It was wonderful.

I have been reading a lot lately. After all, I have the Blizzard of Books at the library going on so I constantly have my nose in a book. Last Thursday I turned in my first 5 and went home with a box of chocolates.

They're gone.

Tim helped.

No, really, he did. We also threw out the last three because they were coconut and we don't like coconut.

Our friends, Unty and Kerin, came over Saturday night. They brought over some ingredients and we combined them with what we had and made a Mexican buffet. It was yummy. After the kids went down we made funnel cakes with a mix my sister had bought me for my birthday. That was an adventure but they turned out just like at a carnival. Greasy and delicious.

Today Jen and I spoke at Calvin College. Every year for the past three years we have talked to the interim Women's Health class about sex. We share our past sexual/physical relationship stories and talk about God's forgiveness, the importance of boundaries and accountability partners, and that if you haven't had sex - don't until you're married - and if you have or are - it's not too late to stop and start over. I think it went well. Every year on our way to the car afterward, we criticize ourselves, praise each other and lament on how the previous year seemed to go better. Then we remind ourselves that every year we have the same conversation and if just one woman has been touched, it's worth it. We spend time leading up to the morning praying that God would open hearts and guide our words and that's all we can do. The professor asks us back each year so we must make some type of impact. The girls are then required to write a response paper and the professor sends us their papers for us to read. We then are able to take their thoughts or questions and use them to help shape our talk for the next year.

On a different note. I got a package in the mail today from a close friend from college. She sent a very sweet note with it and in it pointed out all the neat ways that God has been providing things for us - little things especially. It prompted me to reflect on some of those ways and how cool God really is. I wanted to share some because I thought maybe it would prompt your heart to also reflect on the little ways that are easy to go unnoticed that God has provided in your own life. Maybe you can take the time to thank Him.
*We did not think we would be able to buy a Christmas tree this year because they are expensive! Seriously, I had no idea since we hadn't bought one for the past two years. Our realtor sent us a card in the mail for a free Christmas tree from a place in Grand Haven. We had a beautiful Douglas Fir (my favorite and we've never had one) for Christmas.
*Tim brought home roses in December for me. He had a coupon for a free dozen and when he went to get them, he found out the coupon had expired the week or so before (that's what happens when he forgets things.) He persuaded them to honor the coupon and they did. He's good when it comes to bargaining/bartering/haggling (is that what they call it?)
*Speaking of those three words above, Tim had to file a claim for a new cell phone. I accidentally washed his (the one time I forget to check the pockets in his jeans - thank God we have insurance on our phones.) No one told us that he had 30 days to file the claim. We were waiting for some extra money because we knew it was going to cost $50 to file it. When he filed the claim just after the New Year they told him he was outside of the 30 days. He talked to a manager and fought his case and they honored the $50. After all, if it's not written anywhere on the paperwork and no one tells you, how are you supposed to know? So that saved us the cost of a new cellphone
*An old friend from high school asked if I wanted a pair of jeans that were too short for her. They were my size and so over the weekend I got a package in the mail with a new pair of jeans! They fit perfectly and are a brand I could not afford myself at this time. Thanks, Bekah!
*We thought we were going to have $50 to live the next two weeks on - and that would have to cover groceries and gas (with Tim driving to GR every day.) I had one day of panic mode, but I was also PMS so the hormone center was already pretty much in hyper-overdrive. The next day I again gave it over to God telling Him I had no idea how He was going to pull this one off, but I couldn't wait to see it. In my head I was making a mental note of where to donate plasma and what things in the house we could sell off. Sunday brought about an email for an interior designer wanting Tim to paint her and her husband's master bedroom this week on his days off. And again God has provided.
*Before we painted the kids' bedroom, we were visiting our friends, Chris and Rachel. I was trying to describe the color I was envisioning to Rachel and she actually had a scrapbook paper (with birds on it even!) that she showed me. It was the exact color I was trying to describe! She ended up giving it to me, along with another piece that had birds on it that look like the ones I wanted on the tree mural. Tim took in the one piece and had Sherwin Williams color match it for the paint for their room and then Rachel came and painted her birds (that the scrapbook paper ones looks like) on the tree I painted. Recently I framed the two pieces of paper as artwork for their room and it looks great on the wall.
*And last for now, but certainly not least, I'm just getting very sleepy, the friend that sent me the package (Kelly) had sent some facial products that weren't working for her skin. One of the products, a skin revitalizer, I already use and know it doesn't make me break out. The other one is a foundation primer that I have yet to try.

What is a little way that God has blessed you?

Free Baby Food at Meijer!

Even though I make my own baby food, I still keep an eye out for good deals because when we travel it's easier to just bring some jars along.
That is why I was super excited to find Beechnut baby food on sale at Meijer this week 4/$1. I heard there is a coupon in a recent Smart Source insert that was $1/10 jars, making them a total of $1.50. I have that insert but it didn't contain a coupon! Bummer. So I decided to look on Beechnut's website to see if they have printable coupons.
You have to sign up for their e-newsletter (I have a separate email account for coupons and junk mail) and you get a coupon for $1 off 3 products. You can print this coupon twice. My Meijer let me use the extra 25 cents from the coupon (since it's only for 3) toward another jar so I ended up with 8 jars of baby food for absolutely free!
If you have the $1/10 coupon AND the two dollar off coupons, you could spend $1.50 for 18 jars of baby food, which would make them eight cents each!

Big Step

Tim's meeting yesterday did not go as we thought, BUT it was a very clear closed door and obvious answer to prayer. Aaron (the guy he met with) would like to hire him on as permanent full time but can't past the house they start next week because he doesn't have work lined up after that. He works with 10 builders and, with our present economy, none of his builders are building right now. There is a second part to it as well in that to put Tim in the position he wanted to, he would have to let go of the guy who is there now. This was already an ucomfortable feeling for Tim because he knows the guy from college and Aaron does as well. Aaron is going to be talking to the guy this week to find out if he's serious about staying on and if he can maybe start working a little harder.
Talk about a closed door.
Now this is where it gets really interesting for both Tim and myself. We felt nothing but peace after finding all this out. When Tim told me on the phone what happened, at any other time in my life I would have started crying, hyperventilating, freaking out and stressing about how we're going to survive. Instead I got off the phone with him and said, "Ok, God. You know. I don't. You have always provided, and I know You will continue to, so we'll see how You are going to work in this." I didn't rush to the computer to check out jobs online or call a friend (or my mom) and vent about everything.
I just started trusting Him. After all, Tim has work. That in itself is amazing - especially in his line of work and the fact this is Michigan. As he and I talked last night we realized that with the crew he has been with for the past year, they have 3 houses lined up starting in February. That should carry them through to May. Tim has had two former clients whose interiors he painted for side jobs call him in the past couple weeks and want him to paint the exteriors of their houses this summer. So, really, he has work provided through the summer. He and a couple of the other guys are going to sit down again with the "boss" and talk numbers because the $5/hour paycut won't work for any of them since they all have families to provide for, but maybe they can meet somewhere in the middle.
I don't say this to brag "look how good a Christian I am because I don't worry" because I do struggle with worry. I worry about everything from Tim getting in an accident on his way to and from work. I worry about my kids: are they developmentally where they should be? Why isn't Ellie crawling yet? Is Noah being nice to kids at preschool? Are kids being nice to him? I worry about myself: is this tightness in my chest a heart attack or just anxiety? If I eat this cookie dough am I a failure?
I tell you this to show that God can grow us! He does grow us. I've never in my life been able to respond to any financial or job situation without severe anxiety attacks and tears. Yet yesterday, I felt His peace - truly felt it and was calmed because I took my worries and gave them to Him. All I can do is live today moment by moment knowing that He holds my tomorrows.
And if I can do it, anyone can so there is hope for all of us worriers yet.

Tasty Treat Tuesday

Are you ready for this? It's deeeeelicious! We have had it for breakfast, and when we're in the mood, we have had it for dinner and made it a heartier meal by serving it with some scrambled eggs and sausage or bacon. I don't think it's healthy, but it sure is tasty!

Puffed Pancake with Fruit Sauce
4 eggs
1 c. all purpose flour
1 c. milk
2 T. sugar
1/4 t. salt
1/2 t. cinnamon
1 1/2 T. butter or margarine
2 T. sifted powdered suga
1/2 t. cinnamon

Topping
3-4 c. fresh or frozen fruit of your choice (the recipe actually calls for blueberries but we usually make it with frozen strawberries - yum!)
1/2 c. water
1 c. sugar
1 t. lemon juice (I don't think I've ever actually used lemon juice and it still came out fine)
2 T cornstarch mixed with a little cold water

Combine first 6 ingredients in a large mixing bowl; beat until smooth at medium high speed of electric mixer. Place batter in freezer while skillet is heating.
Place butter in a 10 in. oven-proof skillet; place in a 425 degree oven for 4 minutes or until butter sizzles and skillet is hot.
Pour batter immediately into hot skillet. Bake 27-34 minutes or until puffed and golden. DO NOT OPEN OVEN BEFORE 25 MINUTES. Combine powdered sugar and cinnamon and sift over hot pancake. Serve immediately with topping. Use whipped cream if so desired.
For topping: Steam berries with water until soft. Add sugar and lemon juice. Continue to cook about 2 minutes. Wisk in cornstarch mixture - just enough to thicken slightly. Stir until thick and bubbly.
This recipe is from the Grand Rapids Baptist Schools Cookbook: Volume 2.

My word of caution: REMEMBER that the pan, having been in the oven, will be hot for a long time afterward. I have burned myself a few times in the hurry to get everything served and grabbing the pan without thinking. Please think. =)

I Love This Book

One of my goals for 2009 is to finish reading the Bible. I'm reading it straight through from Genesis to Revelation because that is how I read any book. Right now I am in Proverbs (this is a goal that is ongoing from last year.) Yesterday I came across a verse that made me jump for joy. Ready?
Proverbs 16:31 - Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.
I have quite a few strands of gray woven into my brown hair. I have always said that as I age and gray I don't want to highlight, dye or cover it up. It is expensive and time consuming to keep up! I have watched my mom do it for years, both with at-home kits and salon appointments. In October I had my hair highlighted at the Douglas J institute in Grand Rapids. I did this because I had a coupon for a free service and who would turn down FREE highlights, when they're normally upwards of $50 minimum. Tim has always supported my plan to gray gracefully (since it saves him money in the end.) Every once in awhile I wistfully wonder if I should pick up a box of L'Oreal at the grocery store. I never do and now I at least have a verse to back me up in my graying. My grays are the start of my crown, or maybe they start at my crown...

I also came across another verse yesterday that I have heard before, but you know how it is when you read it at a time that God has really prepared you for?
Proverbs 16:3 - Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.
Now, I'm not going to go all Joel Osteen on all of you and say that we should strive for wealth and worldly success because I don't think that is what life is about (Right, Renee? Renee loooves Joel - and that is complete sarcasm.) But isn't it nice to know that the Lord's hand is in what we do when we ask Him for guidance and follow? I was checking out the verse in Tim's Bible because his is a Study Bible and has little footnotes at the bottom and for this verse it says: Commit. Lit., roll. Roll your burdens on the Lord; although they may cause you anxiety, they are not too great for Him.
It is such a refreshing reminder. "Nothing, nothing, absolutely nothing...nothing is too difficult for Thee." (Did anyone else sing that in church?)
While we're on a spiritual post today, I'd like to ask for prayer for a few things.
1. Our friends, Josh and Sara Troast. Sara is 28 weeks pregnant with her second baby, a boy who will be named Jacob. She is starting to show strong signs of preeclampsia. She had it with their daughter, Elaine, and delivered her at 30 weeks. Please keep the health of Sara and baby Jacob in your prayers as well as guidance for the doctors in making decisions.
2. Tim has a meeting today for work. His job could be changing as he might start working with another crew. We're praying for a good interview today as well as guidance in the decisions ahead. The crew he has been working with were told they were going to have to take a $5/hour paycut and, after looking at our budget, we simply cannot live on that. We would be scraping by just to pay our bills, gas and groceries and we don't even have debt! However, with this new job, he gives up being self-employed which means, above all, he couldn't take off work to do side jobs and that is where he makes good money and builds contacts.
3. Hmmm. I thought I had another one. I guess it slipped my mind if I did. Oh, well. I would appreciate your prayers on the first two and will keep you posted on God's answers. Thanks!

My Heart Will Go On, Leonardo...

Create your own FACEinHOLE

My friend, Jen, sent me a picture of her face in a Twilight advertisement. I jumped on the website and made some creations of my own.
I am sad to tell you that in high school I saw "Titanic" three times in the movie theater.
"Neeeeeeaaaaarrrrrrr, faaaaaarrrrrrrr, whereeeeeeeeeeeever you are, I believe that the heart does go ooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn."

One Good Thing About Winter

I was telling this story to Tim the other night and he got a kick out of it, especially the fact it gave him something to laugh at me about...because that's what marriage is all about, right? Laughing at each other's oddities.

When I was young, my sister and I often played with the neighbor girl, Sarah. Often means every day in the summer and as much as possible on the weekends during the school year. I grew up on ten acres of land and Sarah's family had probably about the same amount so we spent our days exploring and playing in forts.

There was one game in particular that I remember well. We would go up to a small tree and pretend it had buttons on it. These buttons would take us to whatever land the chooser decided. We would then explore the land and head back to the tree to find a new land.

Stephanie and Sarah would groan when it was my turn to pick the land because they knew one place that we would inevitably have to travel to.

Book land.

That's right. Book land.

With overwhelming excitement (on my part) I would press the buttons and say "Book land!" and we would twirl around, our eyes closed, only to open them again and find ourselves in a land full of books wherever you turned.

Book land was always cut short as Stephanie or Sarah would run back over to the tree to push the buttons to travel somewhere else.

"So you're fantasy land was a library?" Tim laughed.

This is what a nerd I am. This is how much I love to read. My childhood was spent either playing outside or reading books indoors. My dad would become so frustrated as our family vacations in Florida were spent with me on the sand, my nose buried in a book. What can I say? I hate salt water. If we were at Lake Michigan I was in the water the whole time. Gulf of Mexico? No, thank you.

Tim has learned to live with and accept my book fetish. He even encourages it at times, helping me to look for old books at antique stores that might interest me. He can't understand why I would want to own old Nancy Drew books because "they don't look very old or interesting" to him but to me...oh, to me Nancy Drew symbolizes summers in the library looking for new ones to be returned. It was a young girl's way of being a detective and catching the bad guys. He won't let me buy the Nancy Drew books yet. I'm still working on him.

When he comes home and finds me reading a Karen Kingsbury book, he knows that most likely dinner is not on the table, Ellie's diaper has not been changed and Noah's movie may or may not be on repeat. There is almost always a clump of tissues next to me on the couch that have been soaked in my tears. I'm trying to change, people, I really am. I'm trying to limit to naptime and bedtime but sometimes when you start reading during naptime and get all caught up in it....

Anyways, one of the things I love about January through March is that our local libraries run a winter reading program for adults. For every five books you read, you get a small prize and a chance to be entered for the Grand Prize. The small prizes are things like a box of chocolate, a containter of nuts, a certificate for a free car wash or video rental, etc.

Today I went to get my first books for the reading program. I chose:

*Dawn's Light by Terri Blackstock - It is the fourth in her RESTORATIONovel series. I read the first three and then forgot about this one until I saw it today. Unfortunately, they didn't have it on the regular shelf but they had it in large print. Again, how desperate am I? I'm reading a large print novel because the regular one is checked out.

*Thursdays at Eight by Debbie Macomber - I really liked her Shop on Blossom Street books. They included a lot on knitting within the story lines. I thought I would give this one a try. It's about a small group of diverse women who meet together for breakfast on, you guessed it, Thursdays.

*Home to Holly Springs by Jan Karon - I enjoyed her Mitford series books. They are so funny and yet always have the life lessons woven in. This is the first in her spinoff series about Father Tim.

*Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott - This one I'm actually least excited about. I was not crazy about her book Traveling Mercies. She is very funny, yes, and very honest and raw. However, I found her spiritual beliefs to be kind of pick-and-choose-what-you-like-about-the-Bible and focus on those. I figured I would give her another try to see if her thoughts on faith have changed or if they remain the same.

Now I am off to read! It's naptime and I have a little over an hour before I have to wake them up to head to an appointment. Now I have to figure out which one to start with...

Tasty Treat Tuesday

At the suggestion of Daniella I have decided to try making Tasty Treat Tuesday a weekly feature.
Today's Tasty Treat is actually a meal and you can find it on my other blog (click on the link and will it take you straight to the post with the recipe.) It is super yummy, easy to make, and healthy.
Let me know if you try it out and how you like it!

Can It Really Be 2009?

Wow! What a whirlwind year this has been!
I have been thinking about what I learned this past year. Here are some things I have come up with (you can pick and choose, obviously, which posts you want to go back and read):
January - God can speak through others to tell you what you need to hear. Read this for proof.
February - God has provided me with a fantastic husband.
March - Kids tend to mimic just about everything...including giving their toys time-outs.
April - Don't ever expect your second pregnancy, labor or delivery to be like your first...but you can love your second child just as much as your first and in a way that is unique to the individual. Welcome, Eleanor.
May - Research before going just anywhere for a haircut. Although, if you're very brave (or dumb) you can be like me and do the "Recession Special" haircut and do it yourself! (Although when I did this in November it turned out to be my favorite!)
June - I cannot reach perfection. Also, I still think running is dumb.
July - There is spiritual battle all around us.
August - Cloth diapers are not only easy, but very economical. So is making your own baby food. I can't believe I was ever intimidated by these things! Although after trying a couple different kinds, I would highly recommend the BumGenius 3.0 for cloth diapers. It's a one size fits all (6-36 pounds) so you make your upfront investment and never worry about buying diapers again!
September - I don't need a million dollars to be happy....just $400,000. =)
October - Many times God will give you a perfect afternoon that makes up for the day you want to run away. He never gives us more than we can handle, right?
November - God is in control. God is faithful. God provides. There are times when God speaks directly to your heart. I need to keep listening and especially overcome this writer's block.
December - Christmas this year just amazed me. God amazed me. He reminded me of how much He wants to be in relationship with me.

I also was reminded of how important family is all throughout the year. We were blessed to be able to take a trip in Ohio that allowed us to visit with Tim's parents, Randy, Deidra and Wyndham. We took a vacation over Labor Day with my family. We took two trips to Virginia and were able to not only visit with lots of family members (and even meet some!) but stay with Jeremy, Carrie and their kids whom we really have enjoyed being able to spend time with.

It was a year of babies for us: we brought Eleanor into our family. We welcomed Sophia into Randy and Deidra's. Eli joined Matt and Stephani and Emma. Silvia made her appearance into Jack and Kelly's. Our friend, Sara, announced her second pregnancy. I mourned a niece or nephew as my sister miscarried and rejoiced with them at Christmas when they announced their current pregnancy. I checked Lydia's blog for news of Beatrix's birth. I will check Lacey's in a few months for news around her expected little one. We also watched with joy as Matt and Jeana became parents to Emma, the precious girl they have long prayed for and waited to hold. What fun it has been to watch their family adapt and transform.

The internet has brought about friends both new and old. I have reconnected with my old friend, Renee, who I have known for YEARS but didn't stay in touch with after she moved in high school. We stay in close contact now through Facebook and phone. I am so thankful for God bringing her back into my life and for the ways in which she has challenged me. There are college girls that I didn't know well who I feel I have formed blog-relationships with. Just check my side-bar for any number of them! And I have even made new friends through blogging - like Daniella!

Even though I love music but am not musically talented in real life, I can still be a rockstar. =) We spent New Year's Eve at the Lewis' and lost track of time while playing Guitar Hero/Rockstar or Rock Band or whatever the heck it is. I just know it's great fun and, depending on the song and how serious I take it, I can sing well enough for a 90% or bad enough for a 65%. Or I can fail out. But that's ok. Because I'm a rockstar, baby! Plus, I can tear it up on the guitar.

God has blessed us with so much in 2008. We have had our share of difficult times that He has brought us through and taught us during. We have had our share of blessings. He is ever faithful and because of Him and knowing He never leaves us, I welcome 2009.

Pictures from Christmas

Here are a few pictures from last week. My sister and brother-in-law both had to work on Christmas Eve, although my sister only had to work a half day. My sister's mother-in-law usually watches Kailyn but my mom took her for the morning so she and Noah could play together. They made a gingerbread house and Kailyn hosted a tea party in the playroom upstairs.
My mom was the first victim of the tiara and feather boa. Kailyn, dressed in her stylish purple cat glasses, took frequent trips to the "store" (bedroom across the hall) for necessities such as ice cream and also to Home Depot for wood.

She dressed me in a fireman's hat and sweet '80s glasses.

Even Uncle Tim joined in although he was able to escape costume.

I think Ellie was disappointed the food wasn't real. It's her first tea party, though!

This was the best picture I could get of the three of them on Christmas day. I wish Ellie's teeth would come through so she wasn't such a waterfall of drool.

We actually went to the beach in Grand Haven for a few minutes on Sunday. Ellie and I stayed in the car while Tim tried to take Noah for a closer look at all the ice. They didn't last long. It was a very cold day. The waves were much bigger than we thought they would be although you can't tell from this picture.

New Blog!

My good college friend, Jen, and I decided to start a blog. It's meant to be one of accountability for a healthy lifestyle. Whether to you that means weight loss, exercise, healthy eating or whatever - it encompasses all of them.
We decided that we're tired of sitting around talking about how we wish we could lose weight, tone up, eat better, etc. Yet we realize that accomplishing these things are easier when you have someone alongside you. We assumed others probably feel the same way, so why not all connect together over this world wide web?
You set a goal. For instance, my goal is to work out three times a week. Every day that I work out I'll leave a comment on that day's post saying what I did for exercise. This way, because I know that Jen is going to expect me to reach my goal, she is holding me accountable even if it's not in person.
We're also going to feature recipes, healthy snack ideas, exercise tips and whatever else is suggested by people participating with us.
It's kind of like a Weight Watchers or fitness program except that it is free.
Are you trying to lose weight or lead a healthier lifestyle, too? Most people choose some type of health related New Years Resolution. If you are, too, join with us at Beyond Bottles and Burpcloths! If you know others who could use some encouragement, motivation and accountability, tell them too!
I just posted for the first time today and haven't had a chance to really work on the layout and set-up so excuse us as we navigate our way through this for a couple weeks.

Tasty Treat Tuesday

Like my Triple-T title?
Noah and I have stumbed upon a yummy and healthy snack this week that I thought I would share. You'll need an apple, peanut butter, honey, oats and an apple corer.
1. Core the apple, making sure to leave it whole (for instance - don't use the corers that also slice the apple.)
2. Mix some peanut butter, honey and oats together. I don't have measurements because I just eyeball all of it and use more or less of certain items. Your goal is to have enough to fill the space left by the core of the apple....leading to the next step...
3. Fill the middle of the apple with the peanut butter mixture. Pack it in tight.
4. Slice the apple crosswise.
Voila! Apple rings with a yummy middle.
This snack can be messy and it might take a couple times making it before you get the right combo and everything. The first time we made it I didn't stuff the middle enough and so when I sliced it, the filling pretty much fell out of the rings. In this case, we just scooped up the mixture with our apple slices and enjoyed it just the same!

Pop!

We had a pretty great Christmas. Just one piece of exciting news from the past week - my sister is pregnant. Some of you may remember me posting and asking for prayer back in September as she miscarried. She has a daughter who is two years old. Kailyn was a high-risk pregnancy, and after the miscarriage, Stephanie's doctor is again paying close attention to her. She is now 7 weeks along and has already had two appointments, an ultrasound and has another appointment this coming week. Things are looking great so far and she is feeling very sick, which is always a blessing and a curse when you're experiencing it.
Tim and I were able to go on a date Tuesday night. It was the best part of the entire week I think. We used some Christmas money to go to dinner at Tomato Brothers, one of our favorite restaurants. They have the best breadsticks you will ever taste. It was soooo good. Before dinner we went over to the outlet mall and I updated my wardrobe thanks to some birthday money. I haven't clothing shopped for myself since the weekend I found out I was pregnant with Ellie, so that was a long time ago. I did go once at the beginning of my pregnancy to get a couple shirts but that was it. Anyways, we found some great deals at the outlet mall and I came home with three sweaters, a long sleeve shirt, a tank top for next summer (or to wear under a sweater or cardigan now), and a cami. I know money doesn't buy happiness...but it sure boosts the self-esteem when you can wear some clothes that aren't covered in spit up or have holes.
Christmas day was beautiful weather. We spent some time sledding, riding snowmobiles, playing in the snow and inside we played the Wii and visited. I beat my sister in bowling but my mom killed me in tennis. She does have an advantage since it's her Wii.
My birthday was yesterday. The big 2-8. The older I get, the less exciting my birthday is. It just becomes like any other day. Tim really tried, though, to make it feel like it was a day off for me. He insisted on getting the kids' breakfasts, cleaning up, etc. so that I could just sit and do what I wanted. Unfortunately, my dad had to work and my mom had come down with the flu and had quarantined herself to their room in the basement so it felt kind of weird but that's ok. We came back home in the afternoon and met the Nashes for dinner at Applebee's. They gave me a great birthday present - some food from Trader Joe's (I have never been to one so Jeana was giving me a "preview" for when I get a chance to get over to the one in Ann Arbor) and the Sara Groves' Christmas CD, which is great! It really is a wonderful CD. After the kids went to bed last night Tim let me pick what movie to watch. We had borrowed "Music & Lyrics" from Matt and Jeana awhile ago and hadn't watched it yet so I picked that one. It was cute. It's one of those movies that's good for snuggling up with the one you love, but don't expect it to lead to any thought-provoking discussions. Just a cutesy movie. However, I will confess that I do love '80s music and, as a result, I will leave you with this clip from the movie. Enjoy!