For the past three weeks our youth group has been talking about dating and relationships. I missed the first week because I was out of town for a baby shower. The second week was a movie night. Then came last night. The two jr. high female youth leaders both weren't able to make it so I had both groups on my own. I was a little nervous since I don't know the jr. high girls very well since I'm a high school leader, but they're a great group of chicas so it wasn't a problem. Because of the topic, the youth group was split into two groups: guys and girls.
Last night we talked about the "who, what, when, how, why, etc." of dating. We discussed why it's important to date another believer, what is the purpose of dating (to seek a spouse, not fulfill emotional or physical satisfactions) and other issues relating to relationships with boys. We had a brief talk about modesty and why it's important for them to be aware of how they dress. They balked a little at the fact they shouldn't be wearing bikinis to youth group related events (like pool parties or when we go to waterparks) so I had to really stress how much guys are visually stimulated and even though they might not be wearing the bikini with the intention of making a boy think naughty thoughts about them, boys are different from us and we have to accept that and be a help to them.
I didn't give "my talk" because it was something that Mandy, Elisabeth and I had wanted to all do together and I'm hoping we still have a chance at some point soon. However, it did come up in bits and pieces and at the end we had a small tearful moment.
I wanted to let them know why I am so passionate about making sure they keep themselves pure. I want them to be aware of the guilt and emotions they might have to wade through after a physical relationship ends. So I confessed something last night to them that I just this past week realized.
I can't remember my wedding night.
It wasn't because I had a drop of alcohol in me, either, because I didn't. I can remember parts of the day - getting ready in the morning, pictures, the ceremony, driving around in a convertible to the reception with the top down while it was raining and freezing, and some parts of the reception. I can remember Tim and I standing next to our bed fully dressed...
and then I can't remember anything until we were opening our gifts later that night (we had a morning wedding and everything was completely over and cleaned up by 4:00.)
I can remember every time one of my "firsts" happened though: my first kiss ever and every physical boundary I said I was never going to cross until I was married. I can remember my first time having sex: the room it was in, what time it was, how long it lasted, the way I sobbed afterward. Everything. Everything I want to forget is burned in my memory.
Yet I can't remember the night that really mattered to me. The night I want to have mental snapshots of.
As I cried I told the girls how it's not fair to Tim that I can't remember. I told them that they are going to remember their "firsts" and they're going to want that memory to be of their wedding night...because it really sucks otherwise. I also told them that the good news in all of this is we have a God who forgives us. No matter our sexual sins, or any sin, nothing is too big for Him to forgive. We, as humans, still hold our guilt and, unfortunately, our memories (which I think is part of the consequence for sinning) but He forgives us. He loves us.
Later when I got home and Tim asked how the night went, I told him everything. As he rubbed my feet (good husband that he is), he told me that he's sorry I have to experience that but all I have to do is ask him and he can tell me everything I need to know about our wedding night. He also said that it is probably better that I can remember other good intimate moments that we've had throughout our marriage because we've gotten better with time and experience. I'm so thankful that he is patient and understanding.
I don't know why I felt such a need to share this on here. Maybe so that if someone single stumbles across it, they can hear someone say that it's so much more worth the wait even if it's difficult to wait. That the grief that comes after isn't worth whatever pleasure you may feel in the moment.
It's just not worth it.
Last night we talked about the "who, what, when, how, why, etc." of dating. We discussed why it's important to date another believer, what is the purpose of dating (to seek a spouse, not fulfill emotional or physical satisfactions) and other issues relating to relationships with boys. We had a brief talk about modesty and why it's important for them to be aware of how they dress. They balked a little at the fact they shouldn't be wearing bikinis to youth group related events (like pool parties or when we go to waterparks) so I had to really stress how much guys are visually stimulated and even though they might not be wearing the bikini with the intention of making a boy think naughty thoughts about them, boys are different from us and we have to accept that and be a help to them.
I didn't give "my talk" because it was something that Mandy, Elisabeth and I had wanted to all do together and I'm hoping we still have a chance at some point soon. However, it did come up in bits and pieces and at the end we had a small tearful moment.
I wanted to let them know why I am so passionate about making sure they keep themselves pure. I want them to be aware of the guilt and emotions they might have to wade through after a physical relationship ends. So I confessed something last night to them that I just this past week realized.
I can't remember my wedding night.
It wasn't because I had a drop of alcohol in me, either, because I didn't. I can remember parts of the day - getting ready in the morning, pictures, the ceremony, driving around in a convertible to the reception with the top down while it was raining and freezing, and some parts of the reception. I can remember Tim and I standing next to our bed fully dressed...
and then I can't remember anything until we were opening our gifts later that night (we had a morning wedding and everything was completely over and cleaned up by 4:00.)
I can remember every time one of my "firsts" happened though: my first kiss ever and every physical boundary I said I was never going to cross until I was married. I can remember my first time having sex: the room it was in, what time it was, how long it lasted, the way I sobbed afterward. Everything. Everything I want to forget is burned in my memory.
Yet I can't remember the night that really mattered to me. The night I want to have mental snapshots of.
As I cried I told the girls how it's not fair to Tim that I can't remember. I told them that they are going to remember their "firsts" and they're going to want that memory to be of their wedding night...because it really sucks otherwise. I also told them that the good news in all of this is we have a God who forgives us. No matter our sexual sins, or any sin, nothing is too big for Him to forgive. We, as humans, still hold our guilt and, unfortunately, our memories (which I think is part of the consequence for sinning) but He forgives us. He loves us.
Later when I got home and Tim asked how the night went, I told him everything. As he rubbed my feet (good husband that he is), he told me that he's sorry I have to experience that but all I have to do is ask him and he can tell me everything I need to know about our wedding night. He also said that it is probably better that I can remember other good intimate moments that we've had throughout our marriage because we've gotten better with time and experience. I'm so thankful that he is patient and understanding.
I don't know why I felt such a need to share this on here. Maybe so that if someone single stumbles across it, they can hear someone say that it's so much more worth the wait even if it's difficult to wait. That the grief that comes after isn't worth whatever pleasure you may feel in the moment.
It's just not worth it.
6 comments:
Annie,
Once again you have brought me to tears while reading your post. I tell myself that this time it isn't going to happen and it does. I so appreciate how your writing encourages me and challenges me to live for Jesus more and more each day. I am really thankful for you and Tim and I am excited for Emma to grow up and know you and see Jesus in you!
Matt Nash
It is wonderful that you can be so honest and open about your experiences. It is so genuine. You sharing the truth...in many ways will have a huge impact on those girls and possibly those reading your blog!
I have no words. That was wonderful, Andrea! I pray daily that He redeems what I chose to give away at the wrong time for the wrong reason, and be a better mom to my Chuck because of it. One of the reasons I cried when we found out our first baby is a girl, is because I didn't want her to go through the same pain I did. I didn't want her to be part of such a fallen world and make mistakes like me. It's not guaranteed that it won't happen to her and that Satan won't have such a grip on her insecurities and weaknesses, but I DAILY pray for wisdom and discernment to raise a young woman with a pure heart for the God that created her.
Thanks for sharing! I still need to share my story with you. One of these days....
thank you for your courage to share that with your girls at church. they needed that openness and honesty.
Powerful!
Oh my gosh, you are so, so right! Thank you so much for sharing this and when I think back over my life it is the same way for me. But I would not have thought to present it this way to my girls! (over from Blog Guild)
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