Vacation Pictures

Me and my sisters-in-law, Deidra and Kristen

Tim introducing our Ellie to the woman she was named after, Grandma Eleanor. There were a couple moments over the weekend that felt like they were out of "The Godfather." This was one because it was like we were presenting her to the family matriarch for a blessing or something.

Ellie wearing a dress for the first time.
The ringbearer and flower girl: Carter and Anna.
Randy and Deidra were the wedding singers. Deidra sang Sara Groves' "Fly" and Randy sang "Beautiful" by Shawn McDonald.
The bride and groom, Heather and Brian.Celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary!

Tim and Noah riding in style with Jeremy and Brooklyn; you can see Wyndham and Holland in the back.The 3 E's: Nicknamed Big E, Little E and Baby E (or, Grandma Eleanor, Aunt Ellie and our Ellie.)

Home At Last

Today was our first full day at home after being gone for 12 days. Tim was back in the area for a few days to work but the kids and I stayed at my parents' house during that time to let him have a chance to have full nights of sleep before our big trip to Virginia. I am exhausted in just about every way possible and the fact Noah only took a 5 minute catnap in the car today (can you believe that, Carrie?? After days of playing so hard!) did not help much. He was so overtired tonight that bedtime was the worst night ever for us. He ended up exhausting himself to sleep while trying to fight it.
I can't believe how much has happened since I left: Tim and Christina move tomorrow morning. I said good-bye to them last night and everything in me felt like I should cry since they are such good friends...I just don't think I had the energy to. I also was telling Tim that I remember when Jack and Kelly moved to Indiana and I thought I would be much more emotional at the time. Unfortunately, it didn't really hit me until I realized I couldn't just drive down to Kalamazoo to see her when I wanted and that it was more effort to plan a visit.
Matt & Jeana officially have a daughter now! We can't wait until June 6th, when we get to meet her for the first time. We have been following their blog and things seem to be going well.
I had a nice time while at my parents'. It was great to get their help with the kids and to have a chance to get some extra rest when possible. My niece, Kailyn, was staying with them for 3 of the days we were there so I had a chance to spend some time with her. She and Noah love to play together so that is always a good thing. She is a charmer. Anytime she knew she should be disciplined for something she just looked at me with this adorable look on her face and, if I didn't have a son who does the same look, I could have easily been suckered by it. She's a smart one, too, so there were many songs she and Noah could actually sing together or play together even though there is a year difference between them. My mom spoiled us as usual and the kids came home with some summer clothes and I received the "Deceptively Delicious" cookbook which I am so excited about.
Our trip was fantastic. We stayed with Tim's cousin, Jeremy, and his family which consists of his wife, Carrie, and their three boys: Carter, Luke and Brayden. Carter is 5, Luke is 3 and Brayden is 1 so Noah was in heaven being able to play with other boys fairly close to his age. They are all early risers and as soon as breakfast was done it was a boy tornado through the house and then outside.
This is only the second time I have seen most of these family members, so I thoroughly enjoyed my visits with Carrie as I got to know her a bit more. Brayden is an adorable little boy who was born with some handicaps (you can check out their blog to the right - Jenkins family - if you want to know more) and I admire how normal their household seems to be. Noah has missed his cousins over the past couple days and is having a difficult time adjusting to our routine and boring life again. =)
The wedding was beautiful. Both the ceremony and reception were held at an old plantation. The food was good (although does anyone know if beef tenderloin is supposed to be served cold? We weren't sure if they just didn't heat it up enough or if that's the way rich people eat it? Everything else was warm and tasty.) The weather was perfect. I was happy with how I looked, so I would call the night a success.
The next day we all went over to Tim's Uncle Warren and Aunt Ellie's (the bride's parents) house for the afternoon. I think Warren has fantasies of being a farmer and as a result has built a chicken coop in the past year. He has three different types of chickens, I was told, as well as guineas (which are pretty ugly.) The little kids, Warren, Jeremy & Jonathan (Warren's sons) and Randy were checking out the chickens. While I was heading over to see them and check on Noah, word got out that they had found a snake. Deidra and I booked it over to tell our kids not to touch it when we ran into Jonathan, who told us they had all already pet it. As I walked over to find Warren holding a very long black snake (but don't worry - not poisonous), I saw Noah with part of the snake's body in a death grip in his fist. "Look, Mama!" he cried. "I pet the snake!" (Jen- think of how he tries to pet/grab your cats' tails...that type of grip.) After petting the snake he headed over to the chickens to show them to me. He ran around the pen with his arms stretched wide, trying to corner the chickens in an attempt to pick them up. "Come here chickens. I hold you," he informed them. Of course, this was not ok with the chickens who just ran around and by him. He ended up petting a chicken that Warren was holding for the kids and soon after I marched him back to the house where Tim took him inside and helped scrub his hands clean. Noah loves all animals apparently.
It was fun seeing my niece, Wyndham. She is so entertaining at the age of three. She informed me with hands swooping in the directions of the kids, "These are my cousins. I have many cousins." She also informed those around her that she is afraid of snakes...while petting it. And she's just so stinking cute that you can't help but laugh.
Ellie had her 1 month appointment today, although she will be 6 weeks on Saturday. She weighs 10 pounds, 1 ounce and is 22 1/2 inches long. That is almost 3 pounds and exactly 3 inches more than what she was at birth! The doctor said everything is looking great. She is in the 75th percentile for weight and 95th for height...so opposite Noah who was always in the 15th or 25th percentiles for the first year.
There are so many stories I would love to share but right now my bed is calling to me. Maybe over the next couple weeks as I think of them while blogging...

Dairy Free - Not For Me

I made a tough decision last night. I'm putting Eleanor on soy formula. I can't bear to see her in so much physical pain while the dairy clears out of my system and I don't like who I've become while not having dairy the past few days (coveting Noah's animal crackers, glaring at Tim while he eats Cheez-its, etc.) I know it's possible but for the sake of my sanity and my family I have decided to just switch her over.
It's weird because when I switched Noah he was 7 weeks old and I did not give it a second thought. I just put him right on it and didn't even consider the no-dairy for me option. With Ellie it has taken me a few days to make the decision, I have consulted 3 different people as well as forced Tim to tell me what he thinks (he wanted to just support whatever I decided but I wanted to know his thoughts: he votes formula because it's easier on all of us.) In the end, 1 friend said to go for the formula because Noah's fine and we were formula-fed babies and are fine, 1 said to try the dairy-free diet because she did that and although hard - it gets easier, and 1 said to do formula during the day and nurse before bed and in the morning. I guess I covered the spectrum.
I didn't expect to grieve the process the way I am since I didn't with Noah. I think it's because this has been an all-around different postpartum process for me and I have had the baby blues longer than with Noah (I don't think it's into postpartum depression though.) I am excited for many of the things that formula offers...such as freedom, the ability to let others feed her, my own sanity. Yet I am going to be sad about others such as the fact that she nurses great it's just the after-effects it has on her and I am thinner now than when I became pregnant and I think the weight will come back on (I guess that should be motivation to work out.) I think the thing that makes it hardest is that for the first week she was home nursing her was the only thing keeping me from falling into a dark pit. I was suffering from those wretched spinal headaches and couldn't even get out of bed to change her diaper, yet I could nurse her. It was the only thing making me feel somewhat competent as a mom and nurturer. It was the only thing I could do for her that no one else could. I think that is where my grieving stems from.
Anyways, that's where we are now. I was telling Christina last night about the thought of switching her over. Christina is lactose intolerant and knows the miserable effects dairy can have on someone. She was recommending a book that a friend of her's read called "Skinny Bitch." I guess it's written by these 2 young women who are vegetarians and they tell all these details about what happens in butcher shops and what's really in the milk you drink, etc. I guess her friend has always been a milk lover and is now considering switching to soy. I want to read it because I'm intrigued...yet I like my meat and am scared that if I read it I will want to become a vegetarian.
Today I had a cheese quesadilla dipped in sour cream for lunch. Welcome back, dairy.

Random Ramblings

It's been a good week in comparison to last week. Noah has been better behaved. Ellie is getting more on a feeding schedule. We're all still alive and here so that has to be good for something.
Not too much is new on our front. I have to cut out dairy for the next few days to see if that is what is causing Ellie to be so gassy. She screams in pain much like Noah did before we found out he was allergic to dairy. I'm praying that's not it, but if it is then so be it. We've at least been through it before and this time around will know what foods and snacks she can and cannot have until she outgrows it. I have been semi-grumpy today since just about everything I go to eat either has milk or cheese or butter in it and I have to put it away again. It will be better when I can get to the store and pick up some rice milk and foods I can actually eat. I might actually try almond milk. I've heard the chocolate flavor is really good. I don't like soy so I'll stay away from that.
We are going to Virginia for Tim's cousin's wedding in 2 weeks. We are so excited. We'll be seeing all his cousins and their families as well as my in-laws and Randy, Deidra and Wyndham AND his sister is coming with the youngest of her boys. We'll miss seeing her husband and the other 3 boys, but we're glad to at least see a couple members from that clan. While we're down there we're going to head on into DC again. Now that Noah is all about dinosaurs we think he'll enjoy the Smithsonian a little more than last year. And since last year we saw all the monuments (I had never been to DC before) we can concentrate more on visiting the different Smithsonian museums. We're staying with his cousin, Jeremy, and his family. Noah will enjoy that because they have 3 boys. It's going to be a great time.
Our friends, Matt & Jeana, leave for China on May 21st. Their "Gotcha Day" is May 26. Jeana sent me an email earlier and is ecstatic to have dates. What a long, emotional and awesome ride this has been for them. God has shown Himself in so many ways in providing for them. We can't wait to meet Emma Rain when they return.
Our friends, Tim & Christina, move on May 29th. What a month this is turning out to be!
Other than that, same old stuff here. I am really thankful for the people in our lives. I have had a nice week with phone calls catching up with people and emails from others that are just very encouraging. This has been a hard adjustment for me going from one child to two children and I appreciate everyone - especially because no one probably even knew I was having a rough couple days last week - who just let God use them as support without knowing it.
Don't forget to call your mothers and/or mothers-in-law to wish them a happy Mother's Day this Sunday! We do hard work and it's nice to know we're appreciated by our children.

Ellie Sneak Peek

To see a sneak peek of newborn pictures that Christina took of Ellie this past week, check out her blog at www.gracedesignsphotography.blogspot.com. Or you can click on the link on the right side of this page for Grace Designs Photography.

Thanks to Lacey Rumley...

...I got my hair cut today! After checking out the Rumley family's blog recently and seeing Lacey's cute new haircut the idea has been on my mind. I originally was planning on growing it out through October because I'm in a wedding in July and another in October and figured it would be easier to create an updo with longer hair. Well, to be realistic...I'm just not a long hair person. The ease of a ponytail is great and I'm glad I could do that during my first couple weeks at home with 2 kids. On the other hand, I love trying new hair styles and I feel stunted with a ponytail. What I really wanted to do today was go very short, but I went to a cosmetology school and when I got there I didn't trust my hair fully in their hands. And this is why...

I went to Nuvo Cosmetology School in Muskegon, well, Norton Shores. I wasn't going to reveal where I went, but for any of you who live in the area and are ever thinking about trying it out...I thought I should be honest so you can know what to expect. I decided to go to a school because we're still being careful with our finances and a hair cut is only $6. I had called the French Academy in Spring Lake but they were booked for the day yet Nuvo could get me in. I have already tried Booker in Muskegon and didn't want to go back. Now, some of you might think I'm ridiculous for even trying a school, but please understand: my mom is an esthetician (someone who does facials, waxings, skin care, etc.) and she went to school to do this while I was in high school. She went to Douglas J in East Lansing and while she was there, I would go there to get my hair cut. Douglas J is a fantastic cosmetology school. They are a bit pricier for being a school, but you're paying for an experience as well. It is set up like a high-end salon, you don't tip the students, and they use Aveda and OPI products, 2 of my favorites. Once while getting my hair cut at Panopolous in Grand Rapids, I got to talking about Douglas J with the stylist working on my hair and she called it "the Ivy League of cosmetology schools in Michigan." So that is what I am used to when I think of cosmetology schools. They just opened a Douglas J institute in Grand Rapids and I can't wait to try it out and see if it's operated like the one in East Lansing.

Anyways, I get to Nuvo and am in the chair at 11:00, which is my appointment time, so this pleases me that I do not have to sit and wait. I have realized by this time that Nuvo is more along the lines of Booker than Douglas J, but I have confidence in my stylist who goes by "T."

When she asks what I want to do with my hair, I make a split-second decision in my head to go for an A-line, which is kind of like a Victoria Beckham style where it is short at the nape of the neck and then angled toward the chin, stacked in the back. This is what Tim mentioned when I was leaving is his favorite hair style. I have a favorite that I like to fall back on, but he hates it, so I went with his choice today since I was so thrilled to just be cutting it after 9 months of growth.

I describe what I want, not using the term "A-line" to see if she says anything about it being called that. In a way I am testing the waters to see what she knows. "Oh, so you want an A-line with a 45 degree stack?" she asks. First point for her! Well, second, since she got me in at my actual appointment time.

We go back to the sink so she can wash my hair. She starts telling me about an updo she had for a wedding that morning and how picky the woman was, how she didn't like it in the end and it took every instructor working on it to finally get it how she wanted it. The problem was, in T's mind, the fact the woman had long, thick hair. I have thick hair. I start hoping she can handle it. T then calls over Berta, another student, and starts talking to her about the picky, thick-haired woman. I hear her say, "I mean, come on, this is a school. What does she expect?" At this point, my muscles start to tense a bit. Is she purposely going to botch my hair, or not care, since it is only a school? Berta at this point asks what is being done to my hair and T replies, "A-line, 45 degree stack." "Oooooh," Berta says in amazement. "Have you ever done an A-line?" Now my muscles are very tense. "Oh, yeah," T assures her. "I haven't," Berta says. "I think I might watch if I don't have any appointments coming in." Great. Now I have an audience

Back in the chair, I am there for a very long time while T slowly and patiently works on my hair. At a regular salon I know I would be in and out with the cut I want in half an hour. I have no idea at this point how long it's going to take or if I will end up with anything resembling what I have described, even if she does know the terms.

Awhile later another student sits down in a shampoo chair across from the station I am at. She starts talking to T about where they should go for lunch. She then asks what is being done on my hair and T tells her. She adds in, "She just had a baby 2 weeks ago and needs something easy to do." I did tell her this when I first sat in the chair. Other student, who I notice has piercings in her face (something Douglas J would probably have never allowed) asks me if it's a boy or girl. I tell her it's a girl and that I already have a 2 1/2 year old son.

"Same guy or different baby daddy?" she asks.

I am stunned by the question as I have never in my life been asked it before and she is whiter than white and has just used the term "baby daddy." "Same guy," I reply. "We've been married for 5 years this month."

They both reply in unison, "WOW! That is such a long time!" At this point I am saddened that a 5 year marriage is long to them.

Fast forward to 12:30. Yes, an hour and a half later I am still sitting in that blasted chair. An instructor has been called over to check the work and is now trimming little pieces here and there. She asks T if she would like to razor the ends on one side to help it curl under (for some reason, the hair on one side of my head likes to curl under and the other side curls up.) Piercing girl, who is back in a chair, speaks up "No! T needs to go to lunch with me now. She can't be doing this girl's hair all day."

This cannot get worse, I think to myself. At this point I am considering opening my own cosmetology school to teach how to act professional while being a hair stylist. But it does get worse after I make the comment that I should really be going because I have a baby at home that needs to be fed.

"Oh, you're breastfeeding?" the instructor asks. I reply that I am. "You have a 2 month old?" No, I correct her. 2 weeks old and a 2 1/2 year old. "I hope you're married or have some help," she says. I tell her I am married. She says, "I ain't been with a man in I don't know how long." I start feeling very uncomfortable as this is the INSTRUCTOR, not just a student, talking like this in front of me.

Piercing girl then speaks up and says something so crude I cannot even write it, but it involved a vibrator. I am now appalled and have decided I am definitely never coming back even if it turns out I love my hair.

Which I don't. Tim loves the way it turned out, so that is good. It didn't turn out bad, it just isn't one of my favorites. However, I do like it better than what I had when I walked in that morning AND it was only $6, so I can't complain.

I did learn that I won't compromise my hair experience again. Sometimes it might be worth it to pay more at a regular salon and get an experience that leaves you feeling pretty and refreshed, not one that leaves you with tense muscles and embarrassed.

I hate taking pictures of myself but you can at least get an idea of how it looks.

Cowboy and Butterflies

Noah found Tim's "cowboy" hat the other night and wanted to wear it while brushing his teeth.

That same night I had broke down and bought some of the stretchy headbands from Target for Ellie. I always walked the line of wondering whether or not these were kind of cheesy but after having a girl I decided they can be cute.

Modeling the headband the night I bought it.

And wearing it yesterday with a different outfit. Notice the purple outfits. Today she is also wearing purple and it also has a butterfly on it. My grandma and her boyfriend came to visit today and meet Ellie. They brought her a couple pairs of pajamas and a dress. One of the pajamas has a purple butterfly on it. I wanted to laugh.

Noah also had his hair cut by Tim last night. He told me yesterday that he wanted his hair cut "like Daddy's" so now they are both walking around with it cut pretty short.Before

After

For A Good Cry...

I was looking at a blog today by a woman who I was in a moms group with after Noah was born. She had a link to another blog and was highly recommending it. So what do I do but go to check it out?
I spent the next 2 hours crying off and on and being saddened, inspired, encouraged, and any other emotion you can possibly experience...except maybe anger. I don't think I ever felt angry while reading it. Anyways, you should check it out: www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com. The story is heartbreaking, but the woman who writes the blog is incredible. She sounds like the kind of woman you could instantly become friends with.
So go read it, or at least some of it. And have a box of tissues handy. You'll need them.

My Biggest Worry as Mom of Two

I have heard many women say that they don't want to have a second child after their first because they can't imagine loving another one as much as their oldest. This was never a concern of mine. I know from watching my sister and myself that, even being the same gender, there are so many unique traits that make us individually who we are so it's not like you get two of the exact same kid and have to pick which one to love more.

At my 20 week ultrasound I found my biggest worry in having two children. When the technician told us it was a girl, we were thrilled - one of each and we only wanted two kids anyways! How much more American stereotypical family can you get?? (Well, we need a mortgage and a dog and then we'll be set.) Over the next couple weeks I found myself with a nagging thought: What if my problem isn't how do I love a second one as much, but what happens if I love my second one more?

As a woman who does love girly girl things (well, most. I do suffer as a result of pink and purple overload at times because they're not my favorite colors and now I'm surrounded by them because apparently baby girls can ONLY wear pink and purple as newborns) I was flooded with loads of thoughts: I can take Ellie to the American Girls store one day, we can have mom-daughter shopping trips, I can have tea parties with her (yes, I know boys can participate in tea parties as well, but it's not usually a first thought), we will have a bond that is special due to us both being in this mysterious world that is womanhood. Suddenly, all my thoughts seemed to revolve around Ellie's growing up years and I realized with alarm that I had forgotten Noah, my firstborn, the one I'm supposed to worry about loving more.

I struggled with this worry for a long time, especially since Noah is in the "terrible twos" and at times quite challenging. It made it easier to reflect upon my perfect unborn daughter. Then I started realizing many things.

Ellie is a girl. Yes, I will have fun things to do with her that Noah is not going to be interested in participating in, and since I am a girl they are things that I will most likely enjoy doing. However, Ellie is a girl. She is going to have mood swings, PMS, most likely be overdramatic like her mother, and we'll have to pay for a wedding someday. There are things you start to think about with a girl that don't cross your mind when you have a boy. And they are scary thoughts.

Besides that, I love my son. Oh, how I love him strongly. He has taught me the fun of playing with cars and trucks, trains and dinosaurs. He has forced me to loosen up as a mom and person because boys are daredevils (yes, I know some girls who are as well, but I was not one growing up.) He makes my heart stop when he jumps down stairs or I find him climbing places he should not be able to go. He has taught me the fun that comes with a boy and yet he has a sensitive heart as well. He is not a tough as nails boy with no feelings. He is at times scared and he likes to do things on his own terms. My mom was comparing him to a cat today. He likes to be left alone until he is ready to join in. He doesn't want to be forced to interact with other kids, yet when he is ready he has a blast with them. He is smart, but he will reveal that to you when he wants, not when you want him to. He is not a "performer" in the ways of parents showing off what their kids can do. We learned that one the hard way as the more we tried to get him to demonstrate how smart he is, the more he quiets down and retreats.

So not to say that my worry has automatically left, but it is lessening. That's one reason why I am so glad I have missed Noah as much as I have this weekend. I love my new precious daughter, but I have a bundle of fun waiting to storm through the door later and greet me with his infectious laugh and I am looking forward to it.

First Sponge Bath

It was a good weekend for us. My parents took Noah Friday morning so that Tim could go back to work and I could have the weekend to recover and try to kick these headaches. Noah was ready to go and quite excited to see Grandpa and Grandma again and we were thankful for their willingness to have him so soon after they had just stayed with him while we were in the hospital. Tim is meeting my parents tonight after work to pick him up. I have missed Noah since I feel like last week I was either in the hospital or on bed rest and not really able to enjoy seeing him.

Yesterday I woke up without a headache! Today was also a success so it looks like we're getting somewhere. I'll get a very minor one usually in the afternoon or when I've maybe pushed my limits and should be resting, but they're not like they were so praise God! I have noticed a tenderness in my back the past couple days in the spot where they did the epidural and blood patch, so my final opinion - although I'm no doctor - is that it probably was a spinal and tension headache combination. But who cares? I'm feeling better and that's all that matters.

Ellie was a rough sleeper over the weekend. Her days and nights have been mixed up, making for long, tiresome nights for us. Yesterday we worked hard at trying to keep her up during certain parts of the day and evening and it seemed to work because she nursed at 10:00pm, we all were sleeping by 10:30 and she didn't wake up again until 3:00am! It was the most wonderful feeling for us. She then stayed awake until almost 5:00, but hey, we're getting there.

She also had her first sponge bath at home last night (that could have helped with the sleeping I guess.) She cried through the whole thing; I remember Noah doing the same for his first. She smells nice and clean now so it was worth the noise. Start the screaming.Tired out but clean.

We're still getting used to all the pink attire!

She's Here!!

Eleanor Lee Ross was born Saturday, April 19, 2008 at 6:46am weighing in at 7 lbs 7 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Here are all the details of her birth story and how our recovery is going so far.


Apparently between the earthquake and the full moon, she knew she didn't stand a chance. We joined our friends, The Lewises, for dinner Friday night at Hearthstone (very yummy) in Muskegon. After returning home, Noah was put to bed and Tim and I settled down to watch our Thursday night shows (since we watch them online we have to wait until the next day to catch up on them.) While watching "Scrubs" I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break. A couple minutes after sitting back down I realized I felt like I had peed my pants. Now, if you have ever been pregnant, you realize this is not the most uncommon sensation or happening so I didn't think much about it...just headed to the bathroom to see what was going on. While in there I realized I couldn't stop fluid from leaking out of me and called to Tim that my water was breaking. I called the hospital and they asked if it was a trickle or a gush. While replying it was a trickle, I suddenly felt a gush..."Um," I said. "Make that a gush. It definitely broke." They told us to come in within the next half hour to an hour. We called Matt & Jeana, our "on-call labor baby-sitters" for Noah. Jeana was speaking in hushed tones when she answered and when I asked where she was she told me they were at the movies. I told her my water broke and she replied with "I knew this was going to happen while we were here." They booked it over while we were getting our last minute things together. (They did get free passes for the movie after explaining the situation to the employees about why they had to leave.)


Tim and I arrived at the hospital around 10:30 and my contractions hadn't really started. They were completely bearable and 8 minutes apart. The nurse checked me at 3-4cm and 50-60% effaced so I hadn't progressed since my last appointment. Tim and I walked the halls for a loooong time before deciding we should maybe try to get some rest since it obviously looked like it was going to be a long night. We dozed off and on and at about 2:00 my contractions went from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart in an instant. They checked and found me to be only 5 cm dilated. By this point I was in intense pain and all dreams of natural childbirth were chucked out the window after I heard I still had 5 cm to go. The on-call doctor (who was not one of my doctors since all 3 of mine were out of town on the same weekend) decided to start pitocin to help me along. The nurse (whose name was Sonya and was fantastic) got an IV in me but before she could start the pitocin we realized I was making progress on my own...pretty quickly. I begged and begged for the epidural and between 4:30 and 5:00 finally received it. The woman who gave me the epidural poked me 3 times before finding the right spot and got mad at me the first two times I jumped. I wanted to yell at her that if she would get it in the right spot I wouldn't be jumping since I wouldn't feel like a knife was cutting down my leg. I will admit I was pretty mean prior to the epidural and I have a great husband for choosing to love me and stay with me after some of the things I said to him. After the epidural I resumed my old self and was able to relax a bit and even doze on and off again. Around 6:00 I asked them to check me because I was feeling lots of pressure (the epidural only took away the horrible pain; I could still feel the pushing area and my legs) and like I had to use the bathroom. They found me at 9cm and started getting stuff ready. At 6:30 I said, "I really have to use the bathroom or push or whatever this feeling is." The doctor told me to start pushing if I felt like it and after about 15 minutes, Ellie was in my arms. The doctor was certain I wasn't going to tear but then at the last moment Ellie decided to shove her arm out with her head and stretched me out a good deal, tearing me in the process. The good news is that it was along my scar line from where I tore with Noah, so since there are no nerve endings there anymore I am not in the pain I was after the first time around with Noah.


In relation to Noah's labor, Ellie's was a good deal shorter (only 9 hours start to finish instead of 21) however I would consider it more painful since it progressed so fast and went from la-dee-da to intense pain in a minute.

Shortly after the delivery I started developing a severe headache. The thought was that it was a spinal headache from the problems with the epidural and I was started on all sorts of medications and pain relievers. This made me drowsy to the point of falling asleep during conversations with visitors. I feel like a total goofball looking back on Saturday and remembering talking to Christina, then opening my eyes a moment later with her still staring at me expectantly. "I was talking wasn't I?" I asked. She just nodded and was very understanding. Sunday the on-call doctor decided it wasn't a spinal but just tense muscles and took me off everything but gave me a muscle relaxer. Although I felt a little better, I still had a good deal of pain in my head even though my neck was feeling looser.


Monday morning I awoke and as I got up to use the bathroom I fell back on the bed and started sobbing. The pain was so severe and intense I thought I was going to black out. I had to rest my head between Tim's shoulderblades as he led me to the bathroom. I cried as I went to the bathroom and sobbed as I sat in the bathtub with Tim washing my hair and helping me out of the tub and into my clothes. My nurse came in as I was getting back into bed in tears and ran out to get me more pain relief. A couple hours later we managed to check out with me feeling a little better after the medicine kicked in.


That night I got a call from my doctor (who was finally back) telling me that the pathology lab had found inflammation around the placenta, which can be a sign of impending infection and Tim was off to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. She mentioned that if I had the headache still in the morning then I was to go to the ER and have a blood patch done because she didn't think it was tense muscles like the other doctor did.


I woke up with the headache at its worst and after Tim's brother, Randy, came over to watch Noah we were off with Ellie to the ER. That is where we have spent most of today. They pumped 3 bags of fluids in me and gave me a blood patch. A blood patch is what they do for a spinal headache, which I guess I did end up having as a result of the bad epidural experience. They took blood from my arm and then put it into my back in the spot where my epidural was. This blood then clots up in the spot where the hole is that is leaking the spinal fluid, closing it up. Not a pleasant experience, but it seems to have worked as I am not having pain anymore.

**Update on Wednesday** The headache was back again this morning, though not as severe, so it must not have been spinal related or the clot was knocked loose at some point in the night. We are now just asking for prayers that it goes away quickly and we can know how to combat it.

Now for the fun stuff: pictures!Getting ready to walk the halls in the fashionable birthing unit gown.

Noah holding his little sister for the first time. Although he is giving us attitude, he absolutely adores her.Noah with his friends, Leighton and Maddie, while their family was visiting us on Sunday.
We're still working on a family picture.

A proud and exhausted dad, mom and daughter.

I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

Apparently today is the day for me to use song lyrics as post titles. This one is from Carole King. The one below, I discovered, is from Credence Clearwater Revival, but I screwed it up - sorry! It's actually "there's a bad moon on the rise." Oh, well.
Anyways, this morning I couldn't sleep (welcome to the most recent 3 months of my life.) I tend to get up around 3:30 and not fall back asleep until around 5:30 or 6:00, which stinks because Noah is up around 7:00. So as I awake this morning and sitting in the living room researching the correlation between a full moon and going into labor (I'm a nerd, I know) I felt shakey. I thought I was going to pass out or something. Then I realized our house was slightly shaking. I thought this was all in my head until I looked over at our windows and the blinds were moving back and forth. At this point, not knowing what was going on and not really caring to find out (honestly, I will say my first thought was that somewhere close something had been blown up or exploded and we were feeling effects from it) I quickly put the laptop away and crawled back into bed next to Tim figuring that if we were going to die then I wanted to die next to him. My thoughts and imagination can be slightly dramatic...especially when tired.
My mom mentioned the earthquake in Illinois while we were talking this morning and I got online to check out the news. I felt my first earthquake this morning! Silly thing to get excited about, I know, but when your days are spent with a toddler and waiting for a baby to come...an earthquake can be quite the excitement of the day. I must say, though, that after finding out it was an earthquake I was disappointed it did not shake me into labor. Guess I'll wait on that moon still to see if that comes through for me.
I have LOVED this warm spring weather we're having. We are outside with Noah multiple times a day. Usually I take him out before lunch, after a nap and then Tim takes him outside after dinner until bedtime which gives me a chance to rest inside with some quiet. And having the windows open! Oh, the fresh air...it's so nice to clear out a closed-up-all-winter-stuffy-house. When my niece, Wyndham, was born (3 years ago tomorrow) the weather was warm the day she was born. I can remember swinging by the hospital while Deidra was in labor and wearing capris and a short-sleeve shirt. When she came home a couple days later, we had been dumped on with more snow and it was cold again. I really hope to have and bring Ellie home during some nice weather. I can't wait for her to come! I'm getting impatient...

There's a Full Moon on the Rise

Isn't that a lyric from an old song? I'll have to look that one up later.
Anyways, here is the latest update. I'm still pregnant so membrane stripping can be a load of bull and just a painful experience for some people. I do think it might have helped get some things rolling in that my body is showing some more signs of being prepared.
My non-stress test went well yesterday. I had to stay on the monitor longer than usual because Ellie has slowed down so much the past few days she slept the whole time I was hooked to it. The nurse had to come in and kind of move my belly around and press on it so she would wake up. That did the trick apparently and after another 10 minutes they took me off. When the doctor (a different one than I've had the past couple weeks) came in to review the test with me, she told me that she's convinced I'll go into labor this weekend. Part of the reason is because I am having so many signs it's close and part of it is because there is a full moon this weekend. She said that although she is not superstitious after all her years delivering babies she has noticed the trend that when there is a full moon, there is a packed labor and delivery ward...something about barometric pressure although she doesn't know why it affects a pregnant woman. She said that if I actually make it to my appointment on Monday she will shocked and we'll have to look at a next step to get this baby out. I am NOT having my membranes stripped again so we'll see what she has in mind.
My ultrasound also went well. The tech asked if Noah had a big head when he was born and I told her yes, even one of the pediatricians had commented on its size (NOT a good thing to say to a new mom. I cried because I, of course, thought he was perfect.) She told me to expect another big one, very round she said. Wonderful. Maybe that's why she's not coming out. Yesterday the ultrasound predicted the weight at 8 lb. 2 oz. and had the due date at yesterday - which was obviously wrong as I am sitting here right now still quite pregnant.
So that's the latest. I have no idea how all my kidney tests went and the tech didn't say anything during my kidney ultrasound yesterday so I guess I will find out sooner or later.
As for now...I'm waiting to see about this whole full moon theory.

Ouch!

I had another non-stress test and OB prenatal appointment today. Tim and Noah accompanied me. The NST went great - Ellie gave the reactions they hoped for. I talked to my OB about possibly inducing since my protein is still high (although it has gone down a little bit) and I am concerned about it. She said that proteinuria on its own is not reason enough to induce. After checking me and finding me at almost 4 cm and hearing how strong and how often my braxton hicks are she decided to strip my membranes to "naturally" help things progress. Ouch! That is one painful process.
She told me she wanted me to be tested for a bunch of things related to my kidneys to see if that is what is causing the proteinuria. While saying good-bye she informed me that with how far dilated I am, effaced and how my braxton hicks are, the membrane stripping should take effect and we could have a baby in the next 24-48 hours. Woo-hoo! Although if she is wrong and it doesn't take...I'm going to be highly disappointed.
Stay tuned!

My Dear One...

Today would have been your due date, but back in 2005. It is such a bittersweet day since I know that if you had made it full-term, your little brother, Noah, wouldn't be here with us. I want you to know that I do think of you still and Daddy does as well. He doesn't remember the dates of things like I do, but he said he thinks of you and what you would have been like and how he felt when we found out I had miscarried you. I have never seen him cry in such pain like he did when he called your Papa and Grandma Joycie to tell them what happened.
I may have never felt your first kicks or somersaults and hiccups but I at least got to see your tiny body-though lifeless- on an ultrasound, which is more than what some people are able to experience when they lose their child through miscarriage. I occasionally take out the ultrasound pictures and look at them to keep you close to my heart. I find that I do it less every year, which I assume is part of the healing process.
Sometimes I wonder - since I don't really know how it works in Heaven - if God allows you a glimpse of us. Do you know that you have a younger brother? Or a sister who is supposed to be born soon? I had really hoped that maybe she would come today and share your date. Your cousin, Kailyn, was born on the anniversary of your miscarriage. It was a step of healing for me as I could start approaching the day with a joy rather than grief. I had hoped maybe the same for this day. Not that it would ever erase you from my memory, but I know that you're not sad in Heaven and that you wouldn't mind.
I miss you so much and wonder what you would have looked like or how your personality would have been. I am excited to see you in Heaven one day and be able to spend eternity seeing you.
Love, Mom

Baby Update

I had an appointment yesterday and it went quite well. My protein is still high, but stable in that it didn't change from the week before. I hate going to an office where you have to see 3 different doctors because it seems that one of them is concerned and the other two are kind of neutral about it and you never know what you're going to get! My non-stress test was great. Ellie hates it so she is always especially active during that time which gives them the results they want to see. She also always gets the hiccups when it's being done, which is interesting to hear through the monitor. The doctor checked me and said, "You're dilated to 2 centimeters...oh, wait. If I stretch a little bit you're a at a 3." I'll take the 3, that's much more encouraging. That's 3 centimeters I don't have to worry about while in labor. I'm also 50% effaced.
So at this point in time I'm still supposed to keep doing all the tests and waiting for a baby. Technically there are 2 more weeks but I'm so uncomfortable I'm still praying it happens sooner.

I'm Exhausted!

Today is one of those days where being a wife and mom is exhausting. It's one of those days where you want your mom to be the mom of your household and you want to just be responsible for sitting down to eat dinner with the rest of the family and help clean up a bit afterwards.
I started full-force potty training with Noah today. Last week was our re-introduction week. I would ask if he had to use the potty and he wore pull-ups. He used it about 3 or so times a day. Today...he wore "big boy undies" for the first time. They have Lightning McQueen from the movie "Cars" on them. He was pretty excited about it. He started wearing them around 8:30 this morning and his first accident was just an hour later. He seemed kind of startled by the fact he could feel he was wet and it wasn't absorbed by anything. The rest of the morning went well. He used the potty every hour and was thrilled. After lunch I took him in there again and noticed he had wet a little bit in his underwear. I think maybe he had started and then stopped himself because after he used the potty that time there was a tiny lake in it. He wore a pull-up during his nap and when he woke up it was dirty. He came into my room and announced "My pull-up is dirty. I want dry undies." I felt that was a bit of an accomplishment at least in that he wanted to wear the underwear again.
The rest of the afternoon was a disaster. We quickly made it to the last pair of underwear based on small accidents. I will admit that part of it was due to my being negligent in asking him or taking him to the bathroom because I was trying a new recipe for dinner and it occupied a good hour of my time in which the potty was not part of my thoughts. At the moment he is yelling at Tim because he does not want to use the potty and Tim is trying to get him ready for bed. So although we had a good start to the day...it went downhill by the end. I guess tomorrow is a new day and I will spend this evening washing underwear to get ready for it.
Noah is at such a difficult point in life right now in that he is trying to exercise his independence and what he can and cannot get away with it. He will tell us he wants one thing and then when we get it for him he decides he wants something else. This doesn't fly with either Tim or I and so we tell him he already made his decision and if he doesn't want it then he doesn't get anything. This works in that he realizes we aren't going to waiver...but he has to test EVERY area of life: food, beverages, toys, clothes, anything you can make a decision in. It's exhausting. And yes, I know it will get even harder when I have the baby and there are two children demanding my time.
So between spending half the day in the bathroom or cleaning up accidents, dealing with painful braxton hicks contractions, preparing-eating-and cleaning dinner, and just going through the everyday toddler challenges, I think I'm the one that should be getting ready for bed. Now I just need to see if Tim will read me a story, pray with me and tuck me in.

Oh, this little one...

I had my 37 week appointment today. The doctor went over my protein results from last Friday's 24 hour collection and they were...not good. My protein was even higher this time than last. However, because my blood pressure is still normal (yea!) and I'm not swollen, there is not a way she can diagnose me with preeclampsia. I have to have something else in conjunction with the high protein. So now I am being watched carefully. Instead of just the once a week check-ups, I now have those AND twice weekly non-stress tests for fetal monitoring, once a week ultrasounds to check the amniotic fluid level and I have to do bloodwork and the 24 hour protein urine collections once a week. I was also dilated to just over a centimeter, which is more than I was with Noah at this point although I don't put much stock in how far you are dilated having an effect on when you actually go into labor. I wasn't dilated at all before I went into labor with Noah and I know people who have walked around for weeks being a few centimeters dilated. That's why my doctor in Grand Rapids never even checked her patients until the 39 week appointment. She said too many first time moms are broken hearted. I just figure the more I can dilate now, the less I have to do later, right?
Noah woke up from his nap with a slight fever. He was having a good morning and then right before lunch he curled up in my lap and wanted to snuggle...that's when I started suspecting something might be going on. He practically fell asleep in his lunch, hardly ate, and then asked to take a nap (at that point I was thinking something was definitely wrong.) I was surprised that he didn't nap as long as usual and when he came and woke me up from my nap, his cheeks were extremely flushed and warm and when I felt his forehead he felt warmer than usual. After taking his temperature I put in a quick call to his pediatrician's office to speak to the nurse. She said it was probably a small bug or cold since he has no other symptoms - no cough, no runny nose...just tired and a slight fever - so she had me give him some children's Motrin. I think that actually gave him a small burst of energy, but the rest of the afternoon and evening he was just not himself. He again curled up in my lap on the couch tonight and snuggled. Tim said he was asleep before they were even done with their usual bedtime routine. I hope it doesn't turn into anything more serious.
That's about all new here. I am excited to see my little girl on an ultrasound next Friday (I would like more to see her in person by that time, but we'll see...) My sister told me that ultrasounds are not as exciting late in the pregnancy because by that time the baby is so big you just see a head or part of the body instead of the entire little being. I wish I could see whether or not she has hair.....

Triage and he's back...

We picked up Noah tonight. We met my parents about halfway between in Portland, a little over an hour drive for us. He was thrilled to see us until we put him in the carseat to leave. The rest of the ride home was filled with him either crying or being crabby and angry. Unfortunately, it does usually take a day or two for him to get over his attitude of feeling like we "abandoned" him with Grampa and Gramma, even though he has the time of his life there. Hopefully tomorrow will run smoother than tonight.
Yesterday morning I spent in triage at the hospital. No, I wasn't having false labor or even thought I was in labor (though it would be nice...) I woke up and started to eat a bowl of cereal. Out of nowhere I developed this massive headache and started seeing small white spots all over. The headache was something my doctor had advised to watch for. I was supposed to ride into GR with Tim so that I could drop him off at work and then spend the day visiting people and getting last minute things I need for when Ellie arrives. Since Tim was supposed to be at work before my doctor's office even opened, I decided to call the hospital's birthing unit. After explaining the situation I asked if I could swing in and have my blood pressure checked, decided that if it was normal it was probably some worse than usual pregnancy headache and I could still go in to GR for the day.
We got to the birthing unit and the very nice nurse took us into triage where she then hooked me up to the fetal monitors and the blood pressure cuff. Explaining we would probably only be there for a few minutes, she took my blood pressure which turned out to be great. Ellie's heart rate was also holding steady in the mid-140s. The nurse then left to call my doctor.
She came back and explained that my doctor wanted me to remain hooked to the blood pressure cuff for a short amount of time to check it at certain intervals to monitor it to make sure it stayed low. She also said that since my bloodwork and protein test were now considered "old" (they had been taken 2 weeks before!) I had to get new ones. And I couldn't leave until the results from my bloodwork were processed.
What became a "few minute" check turned into two and a half hours. Tim and I watched "Good Morning America" and after that was done we switched over to the "Today Show" (of whose morning team I really do not like but they were interviewing Whitney Cerak and her family and the VanRyns so I did want to see that.) We watched Ellie's heartrate and the computer also monitor my contractions, which I was glad to see that my pain was actually registered as contractions - they're just not regular yet so they're not "real." The nurse came back and said they had to see Ellie's heartrate accelerate about 15 beats and stay that way for about 15 beats a certain amount of times before I could leave. They wanted to make sure her nervous system is mature by her moving causing her heartrate to go up to make sure everything was working together. This wouldn't usually be a problem except that Ellie had already had an active morning and was at that point sleeping, or at least resting. As soon as the nurse left, Tim tried singing to my belly. I have to confess I grew quickly annoyed by not being in the mood to hear "Row row row your boat" sung at my stomach. So I did what I thought would work. I began to move and sway my stomach as jerkingly as I could from side to side. That did it! Tim told me Ellie was going to be mad at me but I told him as long as her heartrate went up I didn't care where or how hard she wanted to kick me.
Finally, after getting the bloodwork results back and finding everything looked good, seeing an accelerated heartrate a certain amount of times and watching my blood pressure continue to actually lower while we were there...they let me leave. Along with a plastic bag containing the jug in which to collect my urine for 24 hours. Oh, the joy. So while everything else is looking good, I now wait until Thursday to see the results of my protein and whether it is still high like last time.
By then I will be 37 weeks and hopefully she decides to come soon. I don't know how much longer I can wait!

Relaxing Week

I figured I would blog more this week, having more free time to do it with Noah being gone. I guess there just hasn't been much to blog about.
It has been a very relaxing, and at times boring, week. I'm starting to really miss Noah, especially when I call my mom and can hear his little voice in the back. She said yesterday was a hard day for him in that he was highly sensitive and emotional and seemed to be asking about us a lot. I guess the time limit on all of us missing each other is 5 days, which is the longest we've ever been apart. So we might end up getting him tomorrow. We're going to play it by ear.
I got all of Ellie's stuff set up and clothes washed so she can come now. If only it worked like that. I do still have to pack our suitcase but I figure that part is easy, especially since I realize how much I overpacked the first time around. There are splashes of pink around now, between receiving blankets and clothes and whatnot. Tim is almost adjusted to it.
It has been a pretty non-eventful week. Tuesday night I visited with Stephani while the guys went and played basketball. I was able to fulfill the small part of me that once dreamed of being a teacher by helping her grade papers. Last night we bought the carseat (well, we picked it up but my parents technically bought it for us as what would have been a "shower" present if I had any- thanks Mom and Dad!) After we met Matt & Jeana at Barnes and Noble to visit. They asked if we wanted to go to Target and help them start a registry. They're going to do the Babies 'R Us one on their own but wanted to ease into the big store by doing a smaller one and having some help. So over to Target we went. Let me tell you, it is actually harder I think doing a registry for a child who will be about a year and a half because Tim and I were racking our brains trying to remember what they're using or are interested in at that age. Also, it's so much different with adopting from another country because we were saying, "No you won't need bottles because most kids don't usually use them at that age still" and then finding out that in China they don't wean their babies off bottles at as early of an age as we do and so she probably IS still using one. But it was fun and it reminded me of some last minute things I still need to pick up, which I will do today when I head into Grand Rapids with Tim. I'm going to drop him off and visit people, run errands, etc.
Then tonight we have a date! Probably our last one before Ellie is born.
I read an incredible book yesterday (yes, I did have time to read a whole book in a day...) It's called "The Shack" by William P. Young. It's fiction, but it gives you a ton of things to think about regarding God, the Trinity, where is God when bad things happen, etc. It was a book I'm recommending. Go read it. I think you can read an excerpt online at www.theshackbook.com.
So that's about it. We'll get our son back this weekend and then I'll continue to wait somewhat impatiently until this little girl decides to make her entrance.