The Need to Create

I felt a crafty mode coming on last night. It was started as I took my trusty knitting book, Stitch and Bitch off the shelf to look for a pattern (great book. If you are a knitter, it's a must have.) We are going to visit some of Tim's relatives this weekend. Two of his cousins just had babies within the past few weeks and I wanted to make them the Umbillical Cord hat. As I lazily looked through the patterns I came across some other things I wanted to create. This then led to me taking all my knitting books off the shelf to mark pages of patterns I want to try. Two of the items at the end of Stitch and Bitch are actually sewing projects. I realized that, alhtough I did not have enough scrap fabric laying around for the needle case, I DID have enough for the knitter's bag. Woo-hoo! I cut fabric last night, Tim created a design for me to sew on the outside, and I went to bed dreaming of needles, thread, yard, and the hum of a sewing maching.

This morning I got to work as soon as Noah was settled in his high chair with breakfast. I made the bag and am SO pleased with it. It was super easy, which is necessary for me since I just touched a sewing machine for the first time when I got it for my birthday in December. I realized, though, that it does not have a zipper, and when I went to transfer the items in my current purse over, they would be strewn about the bottom of the purse. This led me to pull out Stitch and Bitch Nation (the wonderful sequel) and find a pattern to fix my problem. As soon as Noah went down for his nap, I went to work on knitting what is supposed to be a little evening purse, but I tweaked some things and made it into a cute little catch-all accesories bag. It's the perfect size! It fits my inhalor, lipgloss, Tide To-Go pen, and the ever potent Listerine

strips that make you gasp for air as if you were dying, but leave you with that fun mouth tingle afterwards.

I have more projects to be worked on throughout the week and have already asked my knitting soulmate, Rachel, to borrow The Happy Hooker (don't worry, it's about crochet) to get some ideas from there as well.

On a side note, it was beautiful weather here in West Michigan this weekend. Yesterday we took

Noah out to the Rose's house (a family from church.) They live about 2 minutes away from us and have horses and 2 week old kittens that they said we could bring Noah out to see. He LOVED it, especially the kittens. He's a cat guy so far, which isn't great because we'll never be able to have indoor cats. Maybe when we have a house again someday he can have an outside cat.

Fun at the Beach

My good friend, Christina, has the week off of work while the family she nannies for is on vacation. Today she came out to visit and we took a picnic lunch out to Lake Michigan. It was a bit chilly still, but when the sun was really beating down on you it felt great. Although it was a quiet day on the beach, the lake was hosting its share with ducks, a motorboat and a freighter. Noah enjoyed pointing everything out to us.

It was great to spend some time with Christina. Usually it is us and husbands getting together, or us trying to converse on the phone amidst daily craziness, so it was nice to be able to spend some girl time (and Noah) with each other.

We had a nice weekend. My in-laws had come up from Ohio to attend my niece's birthday party. We were able to visit with them a little bit Saturday after they got in and then after church on Sunday during lunch. Wyndham's party was a fun time. She seemed a bit tired...until she saw her new bike. Fun times.

I am getting more and more excited for May. The first weekend in we are going to the DC area to visit some of Tim's family that we haven't seen in years, some members I have never even had the pleasure of meeting. We're both looking forward to that one. The weekend after that, our friends Jack and Kelly will be coming up from Indiana to stay at Jack's sister's house in Holland. We are going to celebrate the first birthday of their son, Owen. We haven't seen them since November and it will be fun to see how much Owen has grown in that time. The weekend after that we're planning a weekend trip to Chicago (just Tim and I) to celebrate our anniversary. The weekend after that is Memorial weekend and that one is up in the air still until we find out if our friend, Kerin, will be able to come up and visit. Last year, Tim and Noah and I went camping and I would kind of like to do it again, even if the campground is just 3 miles from our apartment. Busy times ahead but each one should be packed with fun.

Things are going well for us. Financially there have been some tough and tight times with Tim not having work for about 3 1/2 weeks within March and April. God has again shown himself faithful in providing for our needs. Not our wants, but He never promises to provide those. We have a shelter over our heads, food in our fridge and cupboards, and clothes on our bodies...so we can't complain. Our marriage, however, is in great shape and we continue to grow closer to one another. We still have felt a great peace regarding Tim turning down the job in Ann Arbor and have not once felt any regret or guilt over it. Praise God for closed doors.

We have had a really good sermon series this month at church. It is called "My Story" and the pastor, Paul, has briefly preached on people from the Bible who have had certain "stories." For instance, the first week was about Paul and his conversion. This past Sunday was about Nehemiah stepping out in faith in God. They show videos from members of the chuch sharing what God has been teaching them in their lives and are doing baptisms. It's been really cool. Something that he said on Sunday really struck me. Paul was sharing a story about how when he gets home from work he can hear the footsteps of his youngest son, Will, running through the house. His wife will say, "I wonder where Will is?" to which Paul will respond, "I don't know. I just got home from work but I guess I should go look for him." He will then begin a search for his son, which he said usually ends quickly because Will giggles and makes noises to give him hints. Paul was saying that Will can run from him but he cannot hide and Paul will catch him. He then related it to our lives. Many of us try to run from God. We are never able to hide from him, however. It is better for us to let Him catch us because when he does He will wrap His arms around us and love on us. What an awesome thought.

If you're looking for some good songs to listen to, check out Hillsong United's "From the Inside Out" and Gateway Church's "07 Revelation Song." They make you want to stop whatever you're doing and raise your hands in worship.

Updates and Ramblings

So we are NOT moving now. Tim is calling today to turn down the job offer. It seemed so good in the beginning, but after driving out to the Ann Arbor area last weekend to check out housing, etc. we started feeling unsettled. I think the fact that we couldn't find affordable housing was a way of God saying, "Stop. What am I showing you?" Which then led to 5 days of deep prayer, contemplation, seeking wise and godly counsel, weighing options, etc. Last night Tim said that he did not feel comfortable taking the job and he wants to stay over in West Michigan. I support him in his decision, as I would have supported him if he said he wanted to go. I want him to be happy in his career because it in turn makes our marriage and homelife better. I'm sure the feminists would hate me, but my husband is the head of the household and I am happy to let him be that.
We were talking the other night about the lessons God has been teaching us during this time and there are so many. There is one in particular that I am glad about, and that is the quality of our marriage. This job offer has urged us to speak more openly with each other, and honestly, and has improved our way of communicating with one another. It also has brought us closer and there is a completely different atmosphere when we are together. I am so proud of him and his accomplishments. I know how nervous he was about the interview and that he did it and was offered the position is a huge confidence booster to him. I am proud of him for the way he wants to provide for our family, not only financially, but in every way that he is able. He is the most loving man ever and I couldn't want a better husband (and he's an outstanding father!)
The weather is absolutely gorgeous today! Sunny and warm, a bit of a breeze, but it feels great. When Noah wakes up from his nap I think we'll go for a walk. Get these winter-laden bodies moving around.
I love watching Noah as he grows. He has been in the silliest moods lately. Everything makes him laugh. As I was putting him down for his nap he was laughing as he rolled onto his belly and clutched his blanket to him. The simple amusements in life. I am so excited to experience with him the different things I did growing up. My parents live in the same house I grew up in and their driveway is dirt. When my sister and I were younger, after a summer rain, we used to run around outside in our underwear (my sister in her diaper) and splash in the mud puddles. There are pictures of us sopping wet and covered head to toe in mud and dirt.
We also used to have "pajama dates." My sister and I would be in our pajamas, ready for bed in the summertime, and my parents would say, "Ok. Let's go to the Frosty Boy for some ice cream!" We would go in our pj's and enjoy a nice evening treat. First, Noah will have to get to the point where he can have dairy, but it is a fun idea all the same.
So that is what is happening in our life about now. My niece, Wyndham, turns 2 today. We are celebrating on Sunday and my in-laws are coming into town for the weekend. The time has gone so quickly watching her grow. We will celebrate Noah's second birthday in August.

Changes

Well, well. So much has been going on in my life lately. The biggest is that Tim was offered a job in Ann Arbor that he is going to accept. It is his dream job and he is so excited about it, like a little boy on Christmas morning opening a GI Joe or something. God has been so clear on opening and closing doors for us, that we cannot deny seeing His hand in the process. It will be very hard to leave the west side of the state and our friends here, but we are already setting weekends to come back...it is less than 2 hours away.
I think it is interesting the way life changes. I didn't look back when I left Fowlerville and I spent my whole life there. I have spent 8 years over in this area and it is so sad to think of leaving. I think it is because, although I aged in Fowlerville and grew in years, I grew in maturity and wisdom while living in Grand Rapids. I met my huband here, was married over here, bought (and sold) our first house here, gave birth to my son at Spectrum. There are so many memories for me in Grand Rapids. Even with friends, besides coming across some on myspace and reconnecting in conversation, I have not kept in touch. My friends I have made in Grand Rapids, though, I can tell are my "soul friends" for lack of a better description. Even though some have already moved, we have kept in touch closely, so I know the same will happen when we move.
I think it is also weird because I always pictured raising Noah in Grand Rapids. I know how much Tim and the company he is hiring into wants this to be a permanent position and someday give him employees under his own supervision, so it is weird to think of "settling" and raising a family in the Ann Arbor area. We will not be in Ann Arbor, that is way too expensive, but probably the Pinckney/Dexter area or around there...definitely not Ypsilanti.
So we continue to watch for God's guidance as we wait to hear details of the starting/moving process.
On other notes, it has been a random start to the week. On Monday, I went to take Noah to the doctor for a check up and our car had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but the door wasn't all the way shut and the love compartment, console, cup holders, ashtray, everything was open. I called Tim and the same thing had happened with the van. It figures the one night we forget to lock our doors, the vehicles would be broken into. We consider ourselves blessed, though, because Tim had all his tools in the van and they didn't take anything. They broke into some other cars in our complex and did take things from those.
Our friends, Matt and Jeana, are in town from California and they spent the day over here with us yesterday. We got together last night with a few other friends and it was so much fun. I miss them. I wish we had money to fly back and forth to see each other all the time. The adoption process for them is moving slowly, it looks like spring of 2009 before they have a referral from China. What an ordeal.
We had a great Easter weekend at Tim and Christina's. We made an awesome breakfast, went to Ada Bible Church for service, and then had an incredibly delicious dinner later that day. Christina and I decided that every other year we would do an Easter with friends. We kind of already started the tradition a couple years ago when we got together. Family are your friends away from home. Thank God for them.

Noah and Wyndham visited with the Easter Bunny at Deanna's Playhouse in Holland on Good Friday.

Spring Cleaned Good

I have been planning what to do this Sunday afternoon since last Wednesday. The symphony that I thought had been so perfectly orchestrated a few blog entries past has come to a halt for many reasons. Partly because we could possibly be moving, partly because it was much more stressful than I had anticipated and was causing me to become a grouch to my family, and partly because for the past month that I have been watching them, Noah has been sick for all but about 3 days. I never saw the younger boy not sick and Noah always seemed to end up with the same thing later in the week.
Which is what prompted me to plan my afternoon. Last Friday was my last day watching them. As soon as they were picked up, Noah and I headed to Grand Rapids to pick up Tim from the house he was working at and then drove to my parents' for the night. Tim had an interview for his dream job in Ann Arbor Saturday morning (which went very well, so now we're just waiting to hear back.) We drove back yesterday afternoon so it was a very short trip. Tim was dropped back off in Grand Rapids to go to a Griffins hockey game with a friend and then he drove his own vehicle back afterwards. Noah and I (who are both struggling with colds) came back and after having dinner and watching Baby Neptune collapsed into bed.
I kept Noah occupied this morning while Tim was at church. I especially kept him out of his bedroom and away from all his toys. Tim got home and I put my plan into effect.
I cleaned Noah's room.
I'm not talking just a quick vacuum and tidy up the toys cleaning. I mean an elbow-grease- sanitizing-kick-the-germs-out-spring-cleaning. I opened the window to get some fresh air in and away I went.
We filled up the bathtub with steaming hot water and dish soap and then dumped in every toy that is able to withstand water to soak and clean. Every toy that could not be put in the tub was wiped down with disinfecting wipes.
Tim and Noah were in the kitchen eating lunch when I walked past Noah's room and peered in after putting the last of the toys in the tub. I stopped.
"Let's rearrange Noah's room," I called towards the kitchen.
"What? NO. Why? Huh?" Tim stuttered.
"Why not?" I countered back.
"Because it works the way it is," he argued.
I silently made up my mind to rearrange it myself, figuring the only reason he didn't want to was because of the work.
Before he could stop me, I had grabbed the vaccum and shut myself in Noah's room. I started moving things around, cleaning under dressers and the crib, and in corners that hadn't ever seen the light of the room since we moved in.
An hour later I was done.
I opened the door and Noah came running in. "Wow," he said as he started running around the room in circles. It looks much more spacious and light than it did before. If I'd had the energy I probably would have joined him in running circles.
"Good job," my husband praised. I told him the changes I had made so he could find certain things again.
It feels good to spring clean. To purge things that aren't used or worn anymore. To open windows and let in fresh air (even if it brings pollen and allergens in the process.) It puts me in a great mood and inspires me to make changes in my personal life as well: eating healthier, exercising more, loving the way God created me no matter how I measure up to society's standards. Later, as I was reading the new issue of RealSimple, I read a section on how a good way to declutter is to throw out 50 things that hold you back.
"Hey, Tim, I'm feeling a cleaning mood coming on me," I told him as he sat at the computer.
"You just cleaned," he said without looking at me.
"No. I mean going room to room and throwing things out and really cleaning."
"Oh, great," he muttered.
I'm sure he'll be singing a different tune by the end of the week when the apartment looks stunning.

Not Everyone Was Irish on St. Patrick's Day...

Like father, like son

Y'all Come Back Now...

Last weekend we had the great opportunity to visit Tim's sister, Kristen, her husband, David, and our nephews, Cameron, Owen, and Alec, in Tennessee. The weather was GORGEOUS. The day we arrived, the sun was shining and the temperature was 70 degrees. Flowers were starting to show and my allergies almost immediately started blooming. It was worth it.
On the way home, while driving through a particularly windy and mountainous part of West Virginia, we played the "O, Brother, Where Art Though?" soundtrack. There was something so cool about listening to some mountain music while taking in the beautiful sights. It was a fantastic weekend and we can't wait until the next time we go.

We took a nature walk at an historic park close to their home. This is Tim, me, Owen, and Noah.

This is the best we could get for a family picture. I like Cameron's thoughtful pose.

Noah and Alec eye each other's pacifiers.

At the park, Sycamore Shoals, they were having a "live museum" with many fun things to do and learn. Cameron and Owen tried their hand at the game "Going to Boston." Surprisingly, they beat their opponent the first time they played! I think the old man was in shock because he asked to play again. We also got to see a duel acted out over some cheating during a card game.
On the way home we stopped at my in-laws' home for the night. We look fairly refreshed despite the fact that by this time we had spent only 1 of 4 days NOT travelling and had a horrible night of sleep due to Noah not sleeping well....actually, at all.

Humiliation Stays With You

When you feel humiliated and embarrased, it stings. It can also bring back nasty memories.
I can remember one specific evening the summer after my eighth grade year. Actually, let me give some crucial background information first. I had a crush on the same boy since the first grade. Pretty much everyone knew about it and would tease me about it, but it didn't stop the fact that I liked him. He, on the other hand, liked to "go out with" girls in the grade ahead of us.
I was also a fairly gangly jr. higher. Frizzy hair, braces to fix a large overbite, poor posture to try to make myself feel the same size as the shorter friends around me, and stick skinny arms and legs. If you have seen "The Princess Diaries"....picture the main character pre-makeover. That was me.
Back to the summer after my eighth grade year: My family returned home one night and listened to the messages on the answering machine. A giggly girl's voice we didn't recognize came on. She was laughing while saying "Brooks will never like you. You have frizzy hair and those big buck teeth. Why do you think he would ever pay attention to you?" The insults dragged on for close to a minute. I still have my suspicions on who it was, though they've never been confirmed. I remember collapsing into my mom's arms and crying. For a young teenager with already low self-esteem to have someone actually verbalize how you felt about yourself was probably the most embarrased I have ever felt in my life...and I have had some embarrasing moments.
This is why I don't watch "American Idol" anymore. I know everyone thinks I'm crazy...and I don't think I'm better than anyone else who does watch it. When I watch it, though, I can only think of the auditions at the beginning that everyone gets such a kick out of. I mean, let's be honest...how many people watch it in the beginning solely for the auditions? I used to do the sae thing. Becoming a mother changed me because I started thinking about my childhood and what Noah's will be like. I don't ever want to see him in a position where people are laughing at him.
People watch the auditions and say, "They're so horrible! Do they not have friends and family members telling them not to do this?" What we should be realizing is, why are they being passed through 2 or 3 previous auditions with producers who then send them to the next level? They are being put on television specifically with the intent to be publicly laughed at.
It hurt enough for me to listen to the teasing on the answering machine in my own house surrounded only by my family. I can't imagine what it's like to have millions of people watching me and then talking about me the next day.
So why don't I watch the show now since the auditions are done? I just don't have any desire to. Tim is getting to the point where I can tell he wants to. I will just go into the bedroom to read while he watches it.
Twelve years later I can remember everything about that horrible evening for me. I did get the last laugh in the end when Brooks and I ended up seriously dating for three years in high school. Unfortunately, it still doesn't take the memories away.

I Chose Tim

I sat on the couch this evening snuggled next to my husband. Comfortable in my hooded sweatshirt and lounge pants, I was content with a book on my lap. Tim sat next to me reading his Wright Angles newsletter. The last rays of the day's sun were fading into the west and children's laughter could be heard even through the closed balcony door. Even though it can be difficult in the morning to adjust to the daylight savings time change, I relish the light early evenings. If I ignored the fact I was clothed head to toe and covered with a blanket, I could close my eyes and pretend it was summer based on the sounds alone. It has been so long since I've heard the kids from the apartments playing outside, riding their bikes and shrieking laughter while enjoying their childhood days.
I opened my eyes and continued to reading. I am, as my father-in-law called it, a "compulsive reader." He is, too, and I enjoy the connection I feel with him, as well as my mother-in-law, over books. We stayed at their house last night on the way home from Tennessee and today they sent me home with at least ten books to keep me occupied for awhile. The first one I picked up is called Home to Harmony, by Philip Gulley. They had informed me it was a light read and that is just what I needed during the drive home.
I finished the chapter I was reading and was struck by the last paragraphs. I re-read them twice more and read them aloud to my husband.

"We don't think people will love us as we are, so we pretend to be someone we're not.
My father pretending to be a Quaker.
Roger making believe he's a vegan.
Wrinkled women lifting their faces, chasing their youth.
Fat men sucking in their bellies.
Poor folks putting on airs.
Sinners acting like saints.
All of us keeping pace with our companions, stepping lively in this dance of deceit.
It is so hard, in this world, to be who we are.
My mother reached across and rubbed my father's shoulder. She said, 'I'd have married you whether you were a Quaker or not.'
'Really?' he asked.
'Really,' she said.
'How come?" he asked.
'Because you were worth loving,' she told him."
-Home to Harmony, by Philip Gulley, page 158

I thought about how true it is. When you first start dating someone, you do things to impress them. It might be dressing a certain way, spending more time on your hair or makeup, showing interest in things you could care less about.
Over time, our true selves of course begin to show. We can only keep up the charade for so long. My theory is that it starts to happen around six months. I call it the "Six Month Curse" and have seen just about every relationship I can think of, including my own, go through it. It makes or breaks your relationship.
Tonight I sat next to my husband. The one who broke my heart in college after six months of dating and then three days later presented his case for why I should date him again. After that there was no more acting. It was the good, the bad, and the ugly.
I thought about all the little things he knows about me. He knows the obvious from the foods I like and dislike, to the secretive - my fears, dreams, and goals that I only share with him. I believe that I look at him and know the same. Yes, we are always finding out new things about each other...we change as individuals as we grow and mature so it is always a learning process. Nothing in my life is secret from him, though. We can ask each other the most personal questions and know we will get an honest answer in return, even if it hurts.
Tim is worth loving. When we were married, I had his wedding ring engraved with the words, "I choose you." There are millions of people out there you can choose to marry and spend your life with. The choice is what makes it all the more important to be committed to your marriage. When you marry a person, you are saying, "I am choosing to love you. I am choosing to accept your strengths and weaknesses, your flaws, and the ways in which you show your love to me. I understand there will be hard times, but I am choosing to walk through those with you - hand in hand together."
I finished reading Home to Harmony tonight, just hours after I started reading it. What can I say...My name is Andrea and I am a compulsive reader. I enjoyed the book so much that I am thrilled it is just the first in a series and I can move on to the next one.
I loved sitting on the couch with Tim tonight. Both of us reading what interests us, the apartment quiet around us. There was no noise from the television or radio, just children's laughter outside. With the day's sunlight fading, it was just us on the couch...two people who had chosen to accept each other fully.

I'm Not Laughing, God

Dear God,
Today was a hard day. I thought that when I agreed to watch these boys it was because You had divinely orchestrated everything to the most minute detail. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe I was reading into things that weren't there.
Maybe You're giving me the hardest possible time so that later everything seems easy...or maybe You're just messing with me this week.
Well guess what? I'm not laughing.
As if it was not rough enough waking up after just below average hours of sleep, Noah was still sick. All night either Tim or I struggled out of bed to go calm our whimpering child, wipe his nose, and rub his back while telling him everything was ok.
Then the backup for the kids I baby-sat for couldn't do it today because she had a doctor's appointment and then had to work. So over to my house trot an energetic 4 year old and a teething and sick 9 month old.
You watched as my sick child wanted to cling to me for comfort and as he fought the 9 month old for my attention. You watched as the 9 month old wailed everytime I set him down. You watched as I sat in the bathroom crying during one of the two times I was able to use the toilet.
And it all happened on the day I started my cycle, with cramps ripping through the front of me and pain stabbing my lower back.
Still not laughing.
After they were picked up, I headed to my chiropractor's appointment while Tim took Noah to the pediatrician's office. It was at my appointment that I saw the x-ray pictures of my back and what horrible shape my lower back and upper neck are in. No wonder my lower back has such pain. Now I have to see the chiropractor three times a week for the next month.
I called Tim to find out how Noah's appointment was. I thought for sure he just had a cold. No, instead he had his very first ear infection. Not only that, but he has bronchialitis and has to use an Albuterol inhalor with a spacer mask.
All on the day before we're supposed to leave for Tennessee.
I would like to cry again.
No, God, I'm not laughing today. Not close. However, I will now take some time to look at the good in my day to see where You were at.
I thank You that we took Noah to the doctor instead of just trying to "wait it out" to see if it was a cold. You were with me giving me strength through the day to keep going, when all I wanted to do was give up. You are able to heal Noah's illnesses and the shape of my spine. You were doing a happy dance with me as I found out that Amoxicillin is free at Meijer and we got some awesome discounts with our HSA on the spacer mask.
You showed me that blessings come in small packages through a 4 year old who was a mother's helper today. Without Sam I would have gone crazy with the two younger boys. He was able to distract them for short amounts of time so I could fix lunches, give a bottle, change diapers, etc.
Even though I'm not laughing tonight as I reflect on the day, I'm thankful. I'm thankful that I can still see You within the moments when I feel as if You are not there.
Please heal my son. Please let tomorrow go better. Please give Tim and I rest tonight.
Thank You for another day to praise You.
Amen.

From bald to mullet to buzzed

When I was in labor with Noah, we were of course anticipating what he would look like. As I was pushing Tim and I were throwing in our differing opinions of how much hair he would have. Tim said, "Little hair and light brown." I said, "Massive amounts of dark hair" because that's what I had. He came out pretty bald and what little he did have was strawberry blond.

I don't know exactly when it happened, but it seemed like we looked at him last fall and suddenly he had hair. We trimmed it up a couple times, but it grows so fast! Recently we looked at him and found that a mullet had made its home atop his head. If you look closely, you can see it taking over the back of his neck.

Today we decided the mullet had to go. It was starting to grow over his ears and I almost put it into a ponytail. Noah had his first big boy haircut. Tim buzzed it off.

Surprisingly, Noah did very well with the clippers. We set his high chair in front of the television and put on a Baby Einstein video. Baby Einstein always seems to do the trick. Thank God for Julie Aigner-Clark and creating that one.

We put some gel in it for the fun of it. Now I have a little punk rocker. Actually, I doubt this will be a daily thing for him. I can't believe how fast he is growing! He loves to brush his teeth.

It's hard to belive that 17 months ago, he was this small. This little boy I am holding is Leighton and he is the son of a good friend of mine. We had a little "welcome Leighton" party over the weekend. He is 6 weeks old now. We had a party scheduled at the beginning of February, but had to postpone because we ended up having a blizzard that day. It was nice to hold a snuggly baby again...although I still feel no desire to give birth to any more.

Today I met the boys I'm going to be baby-sitting for. They are good kids and I am looking forward to it. Noah got along great with them, although he was pretty jealous whenever I held Ben, the 9 month old. I think this will be a good experience for him. Pray for me!

A Perfect Orchestration

I love looking back on a string of events to see how God was orchestrating them to a particular moment.
Last October I attended a moms conference, Hearts at Home, in Lansing. I went with my sister-in-law, Deidra, and...this might sound confusing...the church of her friend's sister. When filling out our registration forms we had to mark workshops we were interested in attending. Most of the group I was with was separated throughout the day for workshops and then we would come together for the large sessions. For lunch we could run through a room and pick up sack lunches. I had tried to call Deidra to see where they were eating but couldn't get ahold of her. I found later she had tried to call me, but I couldn't hear the phone ring with all the noise in the room. I grabbed my sack lunch and found a table with an empty seat. The women invited me to join them. While introducing ourselves, I noticed two of the women were from Muskegon, like me! We had moved there only two months before and so, besides Deidra and her family, we didn't know anyone else. One of the women invited me to her church's moms group, Fruit of the Womb.
Once back in Muskegon, I attended Fruit of the Womb only a couple times. Noah switched his nap schedule so it came directly during the time of the group and there was no way I was going to mess with that and have a grumpy child the rest of the day. By the time he dropped his morning nap altogether, I started taking a class at the Y, so I was still unable to attend. However, I still get mass emails sent out by the Fruit of the Womb leader.
Wednesday of this past week I stopped at a health club down the road from us, Norton Pines, to fill out an application for an evenings and weekends child care attendant. I don't need to work right now, but I thought it would be nice to make some extra money to get our emergency fund filled up. They asked me to fill out the application there and so I did. When I turned it back in to the women at the desk she kept staring at me. "You look so familiar," she said. "I don't know how I know you." "I just moved here from Grand Rapids a few months ago," I told her. "So unless I know you from there...I don't know either." "That's it!" she cried. "You went to Fruit of the Womb at Kainay! We met once." I told her I had and that it didn't work out for me to attend regularly. After having that connection, I could remember meeting her.
She lowered her voice as she looked at my application, "Would you mind if I took your phone number? I am actually going to be looking for daytime childcare." I told her that would be fine.
She called me the next afternoon. She told me that she has been working at Norton Pines for awhile during the evenings and she had recently been promoted to a daytime position. She has three boys, and would need childcare for the younger two, ages 4 years and 9 months. It came out to be only 20 hours a week, which was right up my alley since I wasn't looking for anything full-time. She told me she would bring them to our apartment and include their snacks and lunches. She also said that she has people for back-up in case I am sick one day, or Noah, or we have appointments or things going on. Then she told me the price she could afford.
It isn't much. Then again, I'm at home all day anyways and not making a penny, so any amount is more than I'm getting now. We said we would talk later in the weekend and try to set up a time on Sunday for her to bring the kids over.
I called Tim to tell him and when I told him the money amount he said, "No way. That is not enough for watching two boys in addition to your own and keeping your sanity." I told him we would talk about it later. Inside I felt crushed because for some reason I felt so strongly about taking this no matter the pay.
Then it hit me about a half hour later. Her name kept running through my mind and I suddenly remembered one of the mass emails I had been sent from Fruit of the Womb's leader almost exactly a month before. This woman's husband had suddenly died unexpectedly. He was in his mid-thirties and now she was left a young widow with three sons under the age of six.
I knew I had to take this job. The Bible tells us to care for the orphans and the widows. I can't even imagine the pain she is experiencing after losing her husband. In one moment she is thrown into being the sole provider for her sons. I don't know what I would do in a situation like that.
Tim and I talked when he got home, and even though he still isn't fond of the amount, he said I could at least try it, as long as I'm honest with her if I do find that I have a hard time taking care of the all the kids.
All night long I could feel God telling me so clearly, "Do this and trust me." I believe...and I am not doing it for this reason...but I believe that by obeying God in this that He will bless me. Maybe it will be by giving me the strength to get through an afternoon with someone else's kids, maybe it will be in growing me, but I believe that He is speaking to me.
Please pray for this family. Pray for me that I know how to respond to these young boys who have lost their father. The 9-month old will only know his dad through pictures and stories. It breaks my heart to think he will have no memories to replay through his mind. Even the 4 year old will probably have only a few. Thank God that their father was a Christian who is now spending his days worshipping in the presence of the Lord.
I look back on the events that got me to this point.
If I had found Deidra and the rest of the group for lunch, I would not have met those women from Muskegon.
I would not have been invited to attend the moms group.
I only attended the group twice but met Lori once.
I randomly decided to apply at Norton Pines, seeing Lori.
She actually remembered me.
She told me she feels like God has answered her prayers.
I believe He was orchestrating it from the beginning.

This Is The Year...

There are so many thoughts in my head today. My first one is that, to quote Oprah Winfrey, "This is the year." The year for what? This is the first time I have entered a year with very clear goals in my mind as well as the determination to make them happen. So, this is my year to:
1. Stick strictly to the budget we have formed. Last night I finished reading Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover." I so highly recommend this to others to read. I read it three years ago and thought I would go through and re-read it to motivate Tim and me again. It has worked. He says that people who follow the steps in the book usually go from in-debt to wealthy in an average of 7 years, although it's of course different for everyone. We have no more debt having paid it off this fall, so I always think it shouldn't take us as long. However, being a one income family not making a huge amount...it could very well take seven years. That would put us in 2014 as having a paid for house, Noah's (and whatever other children come along) college education covered, retirement funds covered, investments, and having money to be able to either give, have fun with, and save.
2. Stick with an exercise routine and healthy eating. This is probably the number one, or close to it, resolution in America. However, I don't want a quick fix...I want a lifestyle change. I don't want to lose pounds before attending a wedding like I did last year. I want to exercise because it makes me healthy and I feel good when I do it. I also want to model a lifestyle like this for Noah.
3. Be consistent in daily having my devotional time. This has been going very well. I am working in a great Devotional Journal for moms right now. I also want to read the Bible from start to finish, something I have never done before. So I started with Genesis in January, and I'm now nearing the end of Numbers.
So that's that in terms of this being my year. What was my next thought? Oh, yeah. Friends.
I'm very excited because Saturday night three girl friends and I are going to have a little sleepover. We are going to spend the evening praying with each other, doing some Bible studies, and connecting on a deeper level. We are all strugging with different situations, but each one has the same root...fear. We are going to try to tackle and overcome our obstacles. My mom was telling me about a Scripture she heard recently and I really like what it has to say:
"He reached down from on high and took hold of me;
He rescued me from my powerful enemy,
from my foes who were too strong for me.
They confronted me in the day of my disaster,
but the Lord was my support.
He brought me out into a spacious place;
He rescued me because He delighted in me."
~Psalm 18:16-19
It is so cool to think that God delights in us. So many times I wonder if I am worthy enough. Am I worthy of Tim or Noah's love...am I worthy of God's love? However, He DELIGHTS in me. I am for sure not perfect, but by His grace I bring Him laughter and delight.
Take joy today in knowing that God delights in you...His child.

My Dreams Miss Me...

You know the commercial for the sleep aid that has Abraham Lincoln and a groundhog and says, "Your dreams miss you?" I have felt like that until recently. I have not slept well lately, waking up every two hours or so, getting to bed late just about every night for the past week, I had a panic attack in the middle of the night on Friday. However, the past couple nights I have had the strangest dreams. Both nights I dreamt one of my cousins was pregnant. She's not married and I don't even think she's dating anyone, so I'm pretty sure it's just a dream. Last night I was being chased by Yogi, one of the tattoo artists on the TLC show, "Miami Ink." He was beating up a different cousin and I was trying to protect her and then he came after me. Crazy. There were many more weird things happening in my dreams, but they would be too confusing to explain. I didn't want my oddball dreams to miss me, just the normal ones.
The Oscars are on tonight. I have to confess that I always feel a small pang of jealousy when I see all those girls on the red carpet. I'm not jealous of their weight or beauty, just the way they get to have their hair and makeup done and get all dressed up for the night. How fun! I used to LOVE prom and homecoming and feeling like a celebrity for a night (without the diamond jewelry and paparazzi...although my mom did take a lot of pictures.) So tonight I will turn on the TV and think, "Wow, that dress is gorgeous" or "Yikes. All the money she has and she is wearing that??" It's my entertainment for the night.
I think about how Queen Esther spent a year in preparation before seeing King Xerxes. I think that would be awesome, but on the other hand, it would give you that much more time to stress about becoming a queen. Even still, she is one of my favorite Biblical people and I admire the strength and courage she had.
Time to get dinner on. Chicken and sweet potatoes coming our way tonight.

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Happy Chinese New Year (Gung hay fat choy!) The only reason I know that the Chinese New Year starts today is because our friends, Matt & Jeana, are in the process of adopting a baby girl from China. They have been educating themselves on Chinese culture, the food, holidays, etc. so that they can raise Emma with an awareness of her heritage. They also sent us a Chinese New Year's card. When we called them today to wish them a happy new year, they were having a party to celebrate. It makes us wish we were in California to celebrate with them, or have them back here.
This weekend my parents had Noah at their house. My parents, sister, brother-in-law and niece came over to Muskegon yesterday morning. The guys then went to try the luge at the Muskegon Winter Sports Complex. They all had fun although they were moving pretty slowly afterwards. By late afternoon, Tim had many bruises show up on his calves and he says he is pretty sore. However, he won't deny that he wanted to stay out there all day luge-ing (is that a word?) and he wants to go again sometime and bring his brother with him.
We have had a quiet weekend with Noah gone. We went out last night after 7:00 just because we could. I have to admit, however, that we were home by 8:15 and I fell asleep on the couch at 9:30. So even with Noah gone, we were still in bed by 10:00.
I tried a new recipe for dinner tonight. It was a chicken and mushroom type meal. I don't like mushrooms, but Tim does, so I wanted to make it for him. While eating, we were talking about how, although it has been nice to have quiet and the ability to go where we want spontaneously, we wouldn't trade Noah for it. It is funny how after experiencing life with Noah, we wouldn't go back to our pre-baby life if given the chance. We do appreciate the time we have away from him when we get an opportunity. It gives us a chance to reconnect with each other and hold an uninterrupted conversation in the middle of the day.
With Valentine's Day this past week and having the weekend to ourselves, I was thinking about all the silly ways that Tim shows me he loves me. I let him cut my hair this week. He has always suggests it when I say I need a trim, but I am usually pretty picky about who brings scissors to my hair. Finally, I decided that I couldn't stand the way my hair looked like it had 2 styles going on, but I didn't want to go into a hair salon because I'm trying to grow it out and I know they would cut it off like last time, so I let him do it. I have to admit, my hair curls easier now than it did before. He did a great job.
I was also thinking about how I get into bed before him at night. I love to put my feet on all the cold spots under the covers. I understand that I am weird by doing this, especially during a Michigan winter, but I love cold spots. When Tim crawls into bed and his leg touches my foot, I can hear him stifle a small scream. I ask him if my feet are cold and he usually lies, chattering through his teeth, "N-n-n-no. Th-th-t-they're f-f-f-fine. Mayb-b-b-be just a lit-t-t-tle c-c-c-cold." Rather than taking his legs to the far end of the bed to escape my ice feet, he responds by taking his warm feet and rubs them against mine. It has become a nightly ritual for us. He warms my feet for me. That's love.
As a result, I let him watch the occasional survival show. Tim is watching "Man Vs. Wild" right now. I could never be on a show like that. Right now he is scraping bark off a tree to produce a creamy milk that helps settle the stomach. Apparently he was vomiting half the night and he said he must have picked up a stomach bug somewhere. I think it's probably the raw animals and bugs he eats. Yuck. I have a hard time watching these, but I endure it because I know he likes them, and I can just close my eyes when I feel the nausea coming on.
How do you show love to your spouse? Sometimes our actions speak louder than our words.

Generational Gap

I spent my morning in a period of waiting. I was waiting for a call from my mom to tell me that my dad still had a job. Why was my dad in danger of not having a job? My dad has been a CNC operator for Chrysler for the past 21 years and we knew that today was being nicknamed "The Valentine's Day Massacre," or, the layoffs of 11,000 people. That is a HUGE amount of people.
As I was making my lunch, I finally got the phone call from my mom that I had been waiting for. My dad does still have a job...for now. You never know in the auto industry what will happen tomorrow, especially with the economy the way it is.
While at my in-laws' home for Thanksgiving last year, my brother-in-law and I were discussing how our generation and our parents' generation is so different. Our generation likes to take the time to research things to make sure we're getting the best deal. We want what is best for us, for our families. Our parents' generation, I believe, is more loyal. If they have been using a specific mechanic for the past 15 years, they will continue to go to him even if he could be ripping them, because they are loyal.
As I thought last night about the uncertainty of my parents' future, I started to ponder if one generation is smarter than the other. It is good to research. I don't want to be going to a mechanic who is taking my money for me. I do want to get the most from my money. However, there is a benefit to loyalty, I think. Tim and I drive a Toyota and a Honda. They were both bought as used vehicles, so the money we paid for them was not going directly to Toyota or Honda. However, when I look at our vehicles I do feel a bit of guilt. My dad has worked hard for years with Chrysler to provide for my family. And I repay him by driving the vehicle of another manufacturer....not even a domestic car. In a way it is like I am contributing to the losses of American factory workers.
Even though we would never buy a brand new vehicle, I did tell Tim the other night that I only want to buy domestic autos from now on, preferably Chrysler/Dodge/Jeep. I know many people categorize all domestic vehicles as a piece of junk, but I think they do better than we give them credit for. I think in our selfish society we expect to find a perfect auto that will never give us problems...and let's face it, no matter what you drive, you will eventually run into a problem or two. I think it's all in the way the vehicle is taken care of. Take care of your auto and your auto will take care of you.
I am glad my dad still has a job. We're now waiting for 3:30, when they hand out the information regarding white-collar positions, to see about a close family friend and whether he'll be keeping his job. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a change in the economy soon.

Rock on!

Noah has been a monkey lately. He has learned to climb on just about anything he can. A couple days ago I found him climbing on to the rocking chair in his room.

This rocking chair, though it looks plain, is probably one of my most treasured possessions. It is the same rocking chair that my grandma Nelson used to rock my dad and aunt and uncles in when they were born.

My grandmother passed away in August 2004. She had fought emphysema for years after being a lifelong smoker. She received a lung transplant while I was in high school and lived much longer than the doctors expected. I cannot describe how close I was to my grandma. Since I was just weeks old I had stayed nights at her house so my parents could have a date or a break. My sister, cousin, and I used to love sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

I am thankful that my grandma could be at my wedding. I am sad because I will be the only grandchild whose wedding she could attend. She was too sick to attend my sister's but it was at least filmed for her to watch. I am thankful that I had so many good years with her before the emphysema started taking her. I love her and how involved she was in my life.

I am excited because we are planning a visit sometime after Easter to visit Tim's grandmother. She is the only grandparent of his still living and I am thankful that we are going to take the opportunity to visit her. I think that the more involved we become with our own familes, the more we tend to forget our grandparents, unfortunately. Take the time to let someone in your family know how much they are thought of and loved.

What A Week!

Last Saturday we cancelled our plans and stayed inside while a blizzard raged around us. I am not sure how much snow actually fell, but between the blowing winds, freezing temperatures, and dangerous roads...we were glad to stay inside. Sunday we ventured out to the mall and met Randy, Deidra & Wyn there to play.
Wednesday night we went with Randy & Deidra to Reeths-Puffer High School's Collage Concert. The talent the students have is amazing. It makes me realize what a lack of interest in the arts my high school had. Fowlerville always chose to focus more on athletics than arts, like many small public schools.
Wednesday night was also exciting for us, as it was the return of one of our favorite TV shows, "Lost." We're pathetic, I know, but the episode was worth waiting months for and definitely did not disappoint. Now we have 15 more new episodes and NO repeats to go! I just wished they hadn't changed the time to 10:00.
Tonight we are heading to Tim & Christina's. I am attending a Premier Jewelry party with Christina and I believe after Tim puts Noah down for bed, the boys will be having a ping pong tournament. Thankfully, the weather outlook for this weekend is looking better from last.

Emotional Denial

Why do people stay in abusive relationships? I have a friend who is recovering from an emotionally abusive relationship and another friend who is trapped in her own. The second friend is in the state of denial that anything is wrong even though it is blatantly obvious to the rest of us. The first friend is thankful that she can now recognize the signs of one, although at the time she also was in denial.
I was googling (is that really a word?) emotionally abusive relationships. This is a definition I found for it by Beverly Engel, therapist and author of The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, "any non-physical behavior designed to control, intimidate, subjugate, demean, punish, or isolate." In 2000, there was an estimated 8 million people being emotionally or verbally abused. 8 MILLION! That is unacceptable.
I understand that it is hard for people to see when they are in an abusive relationship because they have been so brainwashed or are scared of their partner. I think that is when it is important to have a solid support system. Even if the abused won't listen, I think friends and family members need to try their hardest to help them and love them through it.
I have a cousin who divorced her husband almost two years ago, after just over a year of marriage. He was so horribly verbally abusive that it seemed unreal when we found out. He made comments on the tire around her waist (which she lacked in reality) and how she "had better not get fat like her sister." He also made her pay for her own groceries, expected her to do all the cooking and cleaning, buy the things for the house, and do all this while she did not have a job. They lived in the middle of nowhere and while she looked for work, could not find any in her area. In his anger he threw one of their dogs against a wall and tied another up to the back of his 4-wheeler and dragged him around their yard. This was unknown to all of us until she filed for divorce because she was scared to say anything while they were married.
I have never really been in an abusive relationship, so I don't know what it's like or how hard it is to get out of one. My heart breaks to see all these people, men and women alike, become a shadow of the strong person they once were. They lose their ability to think, their voice, their self-esteem and confidence. They brag up their parter as if he or she is the best, smartest, most wonderful person in the world to try to change everyone's perceptive.
I feel sorry for these people. I know, through experience, that even if you try to show someone they are in an emotionally abusive relationship, they aren't always ready to accept it. I guess we just have to keep loving them through it.

Don't Drink the Marsala

Earlier today I decided to take a bubble bath while Noah took his afternoon nap. I wasn't really stressed, but really wanted to just let every bit of my body unwind and relax. As I was soaking there, I decided to make a nice meal for Tim. When I was at the conference last weekend one of the workshops I attended was called "What Every Wife Should Know." One of the points was to let your husband know he is loved and appreciated. My husband loves food. I honestly don't know where he puts it considering he is the same size today that he was in Jr. High, but he loves to eat. So I thought to myself, "Hmmm, I will show my love for him through food. The way to a man's heart (especially Tim's) is through his stomach, right?"
So I decide to make Chicken Marsala. I have never made this before, but I like to cook and love a challenge, so I give it a whirl. Now, one thing that I am not confident while cooking is when something says "Heat oil in pan. Cook chicken however much time blah blah blah." I freak out when I see the "heat oil in pan" part because that usually means I will end up burning the chicken because I won't put enough oil in the pan and then it will stick and my meal is screwed up. But today I am confident because I have a vision. My vision is to have Tim walk through the door to find jazz music in the background, a candle lit on the table, Noah happy in his highchair, and a delicious gourmet meal ready to eat. We will talk endlessly through dinner as we sip our wine and dine on fine cuisine from the Cooking Light website. This is what Tim walks in to find:
Noah sitting in the middle of the kitchen wailing because he is hungry and his dinner is not ready yet. Even though the stove vent fan, living room ceiling fan, and living room door are all open and on, there is still smoke everywhere because I put too MUCH oil in the pan and it is now spattering all over the stove top, counter, me, and everything in close proximity. Good thing Noah is in the middle of the kitchen. There is music in the background, but you can't hear it over all the ruckus. The chicken still has a good 15 or more minutes to go. I am ready to break into the wine. Tim scoops up Noah and takes him to his bedroom, probably for fresh air from an open window and because he can tell that I am now stressed.
However, I delivered an outstanding meal. Chicken marsala, fresh green beans, grape tomatoes, and breadsticks. We don't really talk through the meal because Noah is fussy and we're trying to attend to him and give him more food (the boy eats like his father. He actually ate 2 full chicken breasts tonight.) I pour us each a glass of wine. We take a sip and then start to choke. We are not really drinkers in the first place. I enjoy some wines with dinner, but we never buy it ourselves to drink so we are not really connoiseurs. Because of this lack of knowledge we have, I don't know if Marsala is just not good drinking wine or if we just really are not drinkers. I think we are just really not drinkers. But we are eaters, and we ate a good meal. Tim gave it an A+.