Little Things

It's the little things that make me feel joy:

*It's spending a weekend with friends when you've all sent the kids off to the grandparents'. (We missed you, Sara!)

*It's being married to your best friend.

*It's receiving a phone call from one of your closest friends announcing the birth of her daughter. Congratulations Jack, Kelly & Owen! We loved getting the pictures of Silvia!

*It's your toddler keeping his undies dry all day and not being scared of public restrooms.

*It's a favorite summer pie - even if it's short a few nectarines and blueberries thanks to your son "helping."

*It's a picnic lunch of peanut butter and homemade (though not by me) blackberry jam accompanied with grapes and "bunny crackers" (Annie's Homegrown organic cheddar bunnies - sooo much yummier than Goldfish crackers - thanks for the addiction, Carrie!)

*It's sleeping with your windows open and being awakened in the night to the fragrance of a summer rain.

*It's a sunny day with a great breeze and open windows to feel the breeze.

*It's finding hints of what looks to be curly hair on an unexpected red-headed daughter.

*It's getting through a conversation without laughing with your son who has out of nowhere started stuttering (we were told this is common ans temporary for boys his age.)

*It's registering him for preschool and finding yourself crying as you realize this is the beginning of his school years.

*It's finding the "perfect" antique desk you've been looking for, offering them less than the asking price and having it accepted at $75 and then coming home to find it online for $3000 whie researching the history.

*It's getting a funny housewarming card in the mail.

It is all the moments that make you stop and realize this is what life is made of: the little daily "nothings" that add up to so much more.

Recognizing A Battle

I don't know if I have written about this before, and I don't have the energy to look back and find out, so if this is redundant...skip it or do what you will.
While growing up, I never really was taught the importance of fighting the spiritual fight besides the verses of putting on the armor of God. Demons, the devil, Satan...those were all just names to me, things in a realm that I was not part of. Oh, how I have learned the truth. The following may make me sound crazy, or you may be able to relate. Either way I find it very real.
Shortly after Noah was born there was a day when Tim had left for work and after feeding Noah his first bottle, I had put him down for a nap in his room and had laid down in my room across the hall for a nap as well. I remember waking up to him crying and when I tried to get out of bed I was met with paralysis. I couldn't move but felt a huge weight upon my chest. I freaked out for a moment and then started to pray. I remember that when I said, "Be gone in the name of Jesus" the weight was lifted and I was able to get up. That was my first physical experience with the battle. I never told many people about this because I thought it made me sound insane.
This happened again shortly after Eleanor's birth. It was the middle of the night and I woke up to her fussing in her bassinet that was in our room. I wasn't able to move or speak. I tried and tried to even move my hand two inches to nudge Tim's, who was sound asleep next to me, but couldn't. So I started to pray. Every time I said the name of Jesus, my body shook. Finally, after an intense tremble, the weight was lifted again. I am blessed to have a husband who does not find me crazy when I tell him these things, as well as some friends who - although they tend to slightly freak out - also take it seriously.
A couple weeks ago I received an email from my friend Renee. She told me she was reading the book "Captivating" by John and Staci Eldredge and that God kept telling her to tell me to read a certain chapter. She didn't know why, but I had to read it as soon as possible. I own the book (although I have yet to read the entire thing) and, being intrigued, grabbed it off the shelf immediately after reading her email. The chapter she told me to read was on spiritual battle. God spoke, Renee listened, and He delivered what I needed to know for the time being.
There are so many things in my life right now. There are so many things in the life of the Ross family as a whole that needs prayer. I believe in the seriousness and realness of satan and I also believe that I serve a God who is more powerful than the forces of evil. I know how the story ends and I know that we as Christians are victorious by the grace of God. Unfortunately, while on this earth, we still fight the battle for Truth...for Love...for people to have relationships with Him.
I hurt today and find myself in tears throughout the course of it. Yet I hope. As my friend, Rachel, reminded me earlier - there is ALWAYS hope. Please don't take lightly the power of evil in the world today. It's not just drugs, shootings, rapes...the situations you physically see. Sometimes it is the battle of a mind, the health of a marriage, fear of bad parenting, or lack of control...sometimes it is what you don't see that is more dangerous.
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the deil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." - Ephesians 6:20
Thank You, Father, that we may come to You in any situation, in any frame of mind, to call on You for strength. Thank You for providing us with a set of armor that is the same today as it was hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Thank You that You fight alongside us and for us and that you have even gone before us. May we praise Your name always, even when the battle hurts. In Your name we pray, Amen.

When a Toddler Finds a Camera...

You can end up with some artsy pictures on your camera. This is what I found after discovering him with it the other day:

What's Going On??

There must be some funky moon alignment or something is in the air here because my morning has been out of a dream. Proof:

*Noah slept in until after 7:30.


*The main floor bathroom is clean.


*The kitchen is clean.


*The last load of laundry is in the washer and the other four loads have been folded and put away.


*The dishwasher has been run and I'm letting the dishes dry a bit before putting them away.


*Noah didn't put up any fights about naptime but practically put himself to sleep.


*I swept and cleaned the deck off.


*I'm kind of having a good hair day.


*The weather is PERFECT! Low to mid 70s and sunny. We're in pants and t-shirts and not hot or cold....but just right. The windows are open and there is fresh air around the house.


*After 3 weeks the garbage company finally remembered to drop off the container for us so now we have somewhere to put our full trash bags until trash day instead of just outside the side door.


I feel like there should be eerie music playing in the background. I might even get a nap in with the way this day has been going.



And now...more excitement....prepare yourselves....

Cloth diapers! We have decided to switch, I admit mostly for economic reasons (in the end you can save more than $2000), but it does feel good to be environmentally friendly as well. They arrived in the mail yesterday and I am washing them up right now to get ready to use. I'll probably start them tomorrow. Even if you're not a fan of cloth, you have to admit she looks pretty darn cute in that flower diaper cover. With her in cloth and Noah pretty potty trained at this point (he just wears EasyUps to bed at night now) we should be saving about $80/month.

And now...I think I will take a rest.

Part 2 - Clarification

OK, so I got to thinking about how I should clarify some of the things in the last post.
First of all, I don't judge anyone who uses the birth control pill. It is mine and Tim's decision not to, but if we based our friends on who has the same point of view on it as us, we would lose probably 95% of our friends. It is a personal decision for everyone, and as I said before, there are different factors that go into our decision. We like the method for prevention that we're using now and we'll stick with that (until Tim can get "the snip.")
Second, I don't believe that, outside of abstinence, any form of contraceptive is 100% effective. I have a niece who was conceived while her mom was on the pill. I have friends who have become pregnant while using birth control pills, condoms, and Natural Family Planning, as well as people who enter their middle ages and find themselves pregnant due to that little sperm who escaped the vasectomy fence. Those are the babies that I think God has really big plans for because they are made up of some pretty determined eggs and sperm.
Third, I should have clarified something the two doctors were discussing: how birth control pills work. A woman doesn't ovulate while using the pill because it manipulates her body into thinking it doesn't need to. SO, and here is where the difference in the doctors came in - one said that because there is a chance that the body can ovulate and and an egg can be released and meet the sperm and then be "aborted" due to the lining of the uterus not being a friendly environment to implant in (due to the pill), he will not prescribe the pill for anyone for any reason. The other doctor believes this scenario is so rare that he does not have a problem with prescribing the pill. And, yes, birth control pills can also be used to treat acne as well as other reproductive issues such as endometriosis or polycystic ovarian symdrome.
So that is when it becomes a personal decision. That is why I have all these swirling and twirling head thoughts! There is so much to think about as an adult when making decisions that I wish I was 3 months old again. =) But I don't condemn anyone's decision when it comes to this because who am I to judge? Just because Tim and I made a decision that we did doesn't mean it's the only decision or the "right decision." It's just what we picked because it works for us.

Ramblings Swirling and Twirling

My head has been so full lately. What I would give to sit and be able to just not think for a moment. This is a fault of mine...the struggle to just be silent and still. It is so valuable when I do it, and yet I don't very often. So here I am with a full head again of thoughts. I need a pensieve, like in the Harry Potter books where I can take my thoughts or memories out and stick them aside until later.
I read an interesting book lately. It was "The Year of Living Biblically" by AJ Jacobs. It was interesting, some parts were very funny and some were very thought-provoking. If you haven't read or heard of it, it was written by a man who tried to follow the Bible as literally as possible during the course of just over a year (he had to extend it due to the birth of his twins and not being able to accomplish some of the things he had been hoping to by that time.) He wears clothes that don't have mixed fibers, eats only certain foods, at one point he even attempts to stone an adulterer (that was a very funny part actually as he ends up tossing small pebbles at the guy's chest after the guy egged him on and taunted him.)
What was most interesting to me is that AJ Jacobs is Jewish and agnostic. There were so many parts in the book where you see him so close to accepting the Lord for everything He is...and then he would remember himself and let his "practical" side win. He ends his year agnostic still, but with more understanding and appreciation for certain things.
There is much in the book concerning the different "types" of Christians. There are some who do try to follow the Bible as literally as possible, there are some who are the Pat Robertson types, and there are others who we'll say are more like the Rob Bell types. He writes about how the majority of Christians just kind of pick and choose what parts of the Bible they want to follow. I think this is obvious to some extent when you look at it. There are some who say that when Jesus came to die for our sins he wiped out all the Old Testament laws and regulations. Does that mean we don't need to follow the Ten Commandments anymore?
Tim and I were discussing baptism last night. We have both been baptized. I was ten years old and there have been times where I wish I could do it again now that I have lived longer, through more hardships and can truly appreciate and be thankful for my salvation, for what God means to me, for what my faith in Him means to my life. I didn't know these things when I was ten. I just thought it was the next thing to do in the Christian life.
So we were talking about baptism and the importance of it, yet how some churches can go too far, in my opinion, with it. For example, let's say you have been baptized at a church - not by immersion (the dunking) but maybe by sprinkling. Later in life, if you attend a different church, I don't think you have to be baptized again if they do it by immersion. Baptism, in my belief, is an outward expression of an inward decision. It is a public declaration that says, "This is my decision and the journey I am choosing to take, to follow Christ." But I don't think baptism determines whether or not we go to Heaven and so I don't think the way you do it is what is important. I'm sure some of you might not agree and that's ok. Not even Tim and I agree on every Biblical issue, we just agree to not talk about it since they aren't the truly important issues.
I have listened to a couple days of "Family Life" on the radio this week. Since it is on during our lunch time here, I usually have it on while making and eating lunch with Noah. I really enjoy most broadcasts and have come across great resources and information while listening to it. This week they have been discussing contraceptives and forms of birth control. I was interested for two reasons: (1) Tim and I discussed this recently and (2) I don't want any more kids so contraceptives are often on my mind.
We don't use "the pill." We don't for a variety of reasons: (1) I don't like how it makes me feel (2) Tim and I don't like that I become quite mean while on it (3) We believe that life begins at the time the egg and sperm meet, not the time it is implanted. Based on this belief, the pill could be looked at as, at times, providing an abortive method since it is creating an environment that doesn't allow the fertilized egg to implant, thus causing a life to end - if you choose, like we do, to look at that fertilization moment as the time life begins. Even this causes division within Christians because not all believers believe the same details on this topic.
So then you start wondering what to use. Condoms? Natural Family Planning? Nothing? After a couple more months of regular cycles for me, we'll go back into the Natural Family Planning (I like to make sure I have about 4 months of regularity after pregnancy and delivery.) When done right, this is a very effective way. Many people just don't take the time to learn the correct way to do it and when they find themselves pregnant, they're confused as to what happened. Tim and I became pregnant all three times the first time we "tried."
Tim is on music team this week and picked out the songs. When I first saw his list, my comment was "You only have one upbeat song." He tried to argue that "Come Thou Fount", when sung in the way of David Crowder, could pass as upbeat, which would give him two songs. Later, though, I started thinking about my comment to him. Why did it matter? Are there rules and regulations in church that say how many of our songs should be upbeat, slow, loud or jazzy? No. Well, there shouldn't be. We should be soaking in and reflecting the lyrics, the heart of the songs. God doesn't care how we are singing them, but what we are saying in them, how we are worshipping Him. Sometimes I think He's just happy that we're worshipping.
So it looks like my head has been mostly full of religious, spiritual thoughts recently. As I journey along this Christian walk I am constantly growing, being stretched by the Lord, stumbling across new passages that question old ways of thinking. All I can do is pray and search the Word.

Trees, Kids & My New Favorite Website

My friend, Rachel, came over to help me do this mural. I love the color combination of blue and brown. I have for a few years now...before it was actually popular. I was pairing blue and brown when it wasn't "cool" to as I was nicely told by a former co-worker. I also love fun little birds, vintage birds, songbirds...again - and Tim is my witness - this was before they were even the trend (I'm starting to feel like if I was in Hollywood I could be a trendsetter.)

So, even though it looks like I'm following a trend, I have actually had this idea in my head for some time now and was just waiting until we had a house and a nursery to be able to do it. I especially like the little bird flying over to the tree. I painted the tree; Rachel painted her birds.

While we're in picture mode, let me throw in a couple recent ones of the kids.

More bird.Noah has not become Indian, or Buddhist, with the red dot on his forehead. Instead, he got excited to see Tim returning from work one day last week. Tim was holding a drill in his hand and before he could stop it from happening, Noah ran smack into the drill bit. We're glad he didn't hit it any harder, or that it didn't hit his eyeball. I'm also noticing he has my "crazy eyes" as I call them. When taking pictures, one eye becomes smaller than the other.

Why, yes, she does still have red hair. And we love it.

And, my new favorite website: www.moneysavingmom.com. LOVE IT! I went to Target and got some FREE items last night and plan on going to a few other places tomorrow and nabbing some more stuff. What is great about it, in my opinion, is that it hooks you up with a lot of really great deals on the things that usually cost our family more at the grocery store (i.e. toilet paper, shampoo, soaps, toothpaste, etc.) If I can get this stuff for free or close to it, I'm a happy woman! Check it out.

Butterflies

I think I might throw up.
With the encouragement of Tim and my mom, I sent an essay in to RealSimple's Life Lessons essay contest. I just finished pressing the send button and checking my email to receive an automated "thanks for your submission" reply from them.
Now I just have to wait until after January 3rd, 2009 to find out whether or not it was chosen.
I've never done anything like this because I'm so afraid of rejection. When I'm writing, I'm putting myself out there...I'm exposing my feelings, thoughts, emotions, and experiences. It's one thing to do it for all you who read this.
It's another thing to do it for a contest where they're picking a "best."
This is why I now feel like I have butterflies in my stomach so strong that they are going to just fly away with it.
Pray for me that I may make it through the next 6 months and maybe even forget that I did this so I don't think about it all the time.

Happy

I just saw this video for the first time today and it made me feel happy just watching it. Dancing is something I love to do (for fun around the house or at weddings) and it is a "universal language" so to speak.

What a Grandview!

Grandview is the name of the street we just bought a house on! Our closing was yesterday and I hadn't mentioned anything on here before because I wanted to wait until it was officially our's (well, our's and the bank's) in case anything fell through. But it all went off without a hitch and we are now in home ownership mode again. It's amazing how in this market you can own a house with a mortgage payment cheaper than paying rent. Anyways...

Our new residence is in Spring Lake. It is a 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bathroom cape cod with a somewhat finished basement (half is storage area, half is finished although we need to do our own thing to it to make it into a playroom for the kids.) It is on a half acre lot and most of the yard is fenced in (yea!) We love it and plan on being here for a loooooong time. Although we took boxes over last night and plan on taking more tonight and tomorrow during the day, our "big" move is scheduled for tomorrow (Thursday) night. (Anyone in the area looking for something to do tomorrow night?) We went over to clean last night and Stephani came to help. While there, our friends Justin & Carrie (Justin & I have known each other for years and they have a house right around the corner from where our's now is) stopped by to see if we were there and ended up helping out as well. I'm so thankful for friends who are willing to get dirty to help you out! They all did a great job and we're ready to go. Tim is going to be painting the kids' room tonight so that can be done by the time we spend our first night there. Rachel is coming out to help me paint a mural on their wall this weekend that I am very excited about. I would say I can have pictures of all that, but I forgot my camera at my cousin's wedding and it is now in the possession of my aunt. However, we do have pictures of the house that we took after our offer was accepted so I can at least share those.

Welcome to our new home:

Hello! I'm Noah and I will be your tour guide today. This is our entryway. Mom and Dad are suckers for arched doorways, alcove ceilings and hardwood floors.This is where our guests will stay for a few years. The other 2 bedrooms are upstairs, but this is on the main floor. Because they're not comfortable with us sleeping on a separate floor at our ages, Ellie and I will be sharing sleeping quarters upstairs and they will be in the other upstairs bedroom. The main floor will be for our lovely visitors.This is our full bathroom. You can't see the toilet or shower but they're in there!Mom will cook lots of meals in our new kitchen. The stove is hidden on the right.Ellie and I are going to be able to play with our friends in this room in the basement. Mom and Dad are going to put carpet down and paint some fun colors in here.Mom loves this large closet and shelving/drawer system in the upstairs hallway.

Ellie and I will share this room. There are hardwood floors underneath the carpet in the upstairs bedrooms that Dad is going to eventually rip up and refinish.The half bathroom is in Mom and Dad's room.Come on outside with me! We have to go through the laundry room that Mom will enjoy having on the main floor.
This is my backyard!

Thank you for seeing our house! Let us know if you would like to visit us in it!

Blessings

There are the moments as a mom where I go crazy and wonder how such tiny little beings can be so aggravating. Then there are the other moments like one I had yesterday.
After dinner Tim was taking a shower while I cleaned up dishes. Right as I was finishing, Ellie - who hadn't napped well throughout the day - started to cry. I picked her up, sat on the couch and swayed/sushed/rocked her and she was almost instantly asleep. Noah, who had been playing with trucks, watched me and then disappeared out of the room. A moment later he returned with a blanket and his favorite stuffed animal - a dinosaur appropriately named "Dinosaur'' - and climbed on to the couch mumbling quietly to himself. It took me a second to realize he was quietly talking to Dinosaur. He wrapped the blanket around Dinosaur and started patting its back and soothing him, "It's ok, Dinosaur. Go to sleep." He laid Dinosaur down next to him on the couch and covered them both with the blanket.
"Close your eyes, Dinosaur."
He (Noah) looked at me and put his finger to his lips. "Shhhhh," he whispered. "Dinosaur's sleeping." He then closed his eyes and pretended to sleep as well.
I looked at him, this little faking sleeper with rosy cheeks and boyish charm, and then looked down at Eleanor who was still heavily asleep in my arms with her smooth baby cheeks and button nose.
I am so blessed, I thought.

Conquering the Impossible...for me

I was fortunate in that after Ellie was born I quickly lost not only my pregnancy weight but also an extra 4 or so pounds. I was unfortunate in that, when I stopped nursing, it all came back on plus some because I wasn't being careful about what I ate or burning as many calories during the day. This weekend, while we were riding back from Fowlerville, I looked down to see my spare tire hanging over the top of my jeans. I grabbed a chunk of it and yelled "I hate you!"
"Attack!" Tim encouraged. "Annie with a vengeance!"
I know that he loves me no matter what I look like. I think he just doesn't want to hear me complaining about it 365 days a year for the next 70 years.
So after feeding Ellie her first bottle of the day I placed her between us on our bed. I then woke Tim up by saying, "I'm going for a jog."
"Excuse me?" he asked without opening his eyes.
"I'm going jogging." He opened one eye and smiled. Between us, Ellie made a cooing sound.
"Even Ellie is laughing." This just proves how unathletic I am.
With his disbelief fueling my motivation, I got out of bed and threw on some sweats and a long sleeve shirt over a tee in case the weather was fickle (this is June in Michigan after all.) I grabbed the iPod and laced up my tennis shoes and headed down the driveway excited that I was actually carrying through with this new exercise leaf I had turned over.
With U2's "Vertigo" kicking off my Workout Mix playlist (I have a workout mix that has probably been used for its purpose a handful of times) I started warming up with some walking. The next song came on and I kicked it up a notch to some speed walking, even pumping my arms like the people I see speedwalking on our road.
Fallout Boy's "Dance Dance" entered my ears and I sped up a bit more. I'm running! I thought. OK, jogging...slowly. But I'm moving at a faster speed than a walk!
About two minutes into the song I realized something important: I forgot my inhalor. Praying that I didn't have an exercise induced asthma attack, I tried to focus on my breathing. I mapped out how far I planned on going before turning back and picked a road that I know is a mile from our house. That would mean a two-mile experience today, even if I didn't run all of it...or jog.
As I started to see my marker point, I also started to falter. I'm going to die. I'm not even running full out and I'm going to die. Running is stupid. I thought about my friend, Renee, who I have known for years. She is a runner. She is beyond a runner - she is a cross country coach. I decided that she must be insane as well to enjoy this activity. I then thought about how she would encourage me if she knew what I was doing. She is good at that. I mentally pictured her running beside me (great, now I'm on the verge of hallucinating from this jogging stuff) and giving me encouragement. I ventured on without dropping my speed.
I thought of another old friend, Bekah, who runs. She has done some races this year and I'm proud of her since she is also an asthma victim. She also has very long legs so she would probably be almost done by the time I was halfway through. I wish my legs were longer.
Whenever I am pressed physically, something comes into my head: He is my strength and my redeemer, whom shall I fear? I know this is a combination of a couple different verses but it always helps me out. I think about God giving me strength to do things - even jog - and I can make it a little farther.
I looked again at the distance between me and my turn-around point. Although closer, I still felt like it was forever away. They're going to find me passed out on the sidewalk and not know who I am because I'm not carrying any identification on me. Should I carry identification when I jog? What if I became a murder victim while running? Maybe there is someone watching me even now, paying attention to what time I run and the path I'm covering. Why did my mom have to make me so paranoid?
Finally...finally! I jogged by a little bench and water fountain and turned to head back home. Walking. I made my goal for the day and was going to walk back home. However, I was going to focus on posture while walking. Chin up, abs pulled in, glutes tight...hey, I felt taller and straighter. A minute later I had to remind myself again to tighten the abs and buns. This good posture thing carries a lot to remember when you are trying to change it at an older age. Straight like a board, straight like a board.
Almost home. I have heard about "the runner's high"...all these happy little endorphins being released and making you feel good, refreshed, energized and somewhat sexual. Did I feel like going home to make out with my husband? More like pass out on the couch, I decided. Maybe that one comes with time.
I turned down our road and finally up our driveway. I entered our bedroom to find both kids in bed with Tim. I grabbed some water and then climbed in with them.
"I did it," I told him. "I exercised."
I'm proud of you," he answered. "Good job."
And I felt good, too.

It Must Be Summer!

I love sunshine...especially in Michigan, after suffering from Vitamin D deficiency for many months. Our days now consist of (mostly) sunshine and warmer temperatures (although some days are already hotter than my liking.) There are a few things that signal summer to me that I have started looking forward to each year.

1. Emma's Pool - Last year I think we spent about one night a week over at the Lewis' with the kids playing in Emma's whale pool. While the whale pool is no longer after being blown away, they now have the elephant pool which is kind of cooler since it has a slide. Noah was able to play in it last weekend. We had actually considered buying the same kind a couple months back but are glad we can "test drive" it out first. Noah loves it so I'm sure there is one in our near future.

2. Walking the Boardwalk - This past Tuesday night was our first chance to get down to the boardwalk in Grand Haven. There were a lot of people down there and everything seemed to scream "Yea for summer!" We had dinner beforehand at K2 with the Lewises and then we all met up with the Troasts for a leisurely stroll. Tim doesn't know it yet but I think I'm going to suggest another walk to him tonight. I don't think he'll argue since he loves it as much as me.

3. The FARMERS MARKET! - We love Farmers Markets. And we're surrounded by 4 different ones which makes it even better. There is one in Muskegon, Grand Haven, Spring Lake and an organic only one in Muskegon as well. Today was my first visit for 2008. Tim, sadly, has to work today while they are pushing hard to get a house finished by a certain date, so I ventured down to the Grand Haven one by myself with the kids. It went better than I expected since I put Noah in the stroller and Ellie in the Baby Bjorn (thank God for those!) We picked up some asparagus, strawberries, seedless blackberry jam, sugar peas, a tomato and chocolate covered blueberries (they are GOOD!) I actually don't like asparagus but Tim does so I figure I'll use them tomorrow as a side dish to a Father's Day meal which I think is going to be Cowboy Burgers from the Kraft Food & Family magazine. The strawberries were about a dollar more than what they are at Meijer BUT I feel good buying locally (go Visser Farms!) and their taste really is better, very juicy and fresh.

4. Onesies, shorts, and semi-naked kiddos - By September I can't wait to break out our sweatshirts, sweaters and jeans but at the beginning of summer I have always loved seeing Noah naked but for a diaper (which will hopefully be replaced by undies quite soon.) He wants to wear shorts all the time now even if it's cold and rainy. I can get him to compromise by at least wearing a sweatshirt or jacket. Ellie pretty much lives in onesies now except for church when I can put cute little dresses on her.

I just love how everything in summer is more laid back. I also enjoy that we tend to eat healthier (thanks to the Farmers Market), spend more time outside (thanks to the warmer weather and sun), and visit more with others. This summer we look forward to watching Emma Rain grow in her new family and surroundings. Things have gone pretty well for her first week in a completely new place. We got to meet her last Saturday and while she is still quite shy, she is a beautiful girl and seemed pretty interested in Ellie. I guess babies have that effect on people.

Noah and I had a funny moment this week. We were playing in his room when from the corner of my eye I saw something out the window. When I turned to look there were 2 wild turkeys staring at us from outside the window! Noah climbed onto his bed to get a better look out the window and the turkeys' heads moved whichever direction he did. I ran to get the camera but when I came back Noah had scared them off by yelling at them and banging on the window. I did get a picture of them walking out of our yard though. Although funny, it was kind of creepy. Turkeys are ugly and can get mean.

Have a great summer!

Did You Know....

I've been tagged by a fellow mom and Cornerstone friend, Traci, to share 5 random things about myself. None of them beats her #1 which was being hit by a car and being ok, but I'll see what I can think of...
1. I am terrified of elevators. I avoid them at ALL costs. Even in the last weeks of pregnancy I would haul myself up the stairs to the third floor at least two to three times a week. During labor I walked up them to the labor and delivery floor. I did exit the hospital in a wheelchair on the elevator but only because of the spinal headache and almost passing out every time I stood. By that point I was in so much pain I didn't even realize I was in an elevator. It's not even the claustrophobia, it's having watched movies and being scared the cables will break and I'll plunge to my death. Or that the elevator will get stuck and I'll be trapped for hours with no way to contact anyone (I don't trust those red "emergency" buttons.)
2. I love classic rock music. Give me some Led Zeppelin, Lynyrd Skynyrd, or The Doors anyday over this new fangled hip hop/sing-songy rap stuff. Tim, unfortunately, does not share this love although I'm trying to break him.
3. I hate wearing make-up and spending time on my hair. I love the make-up I have but I just hate the process of putting it on. I also don't believe in spending more than 5 minutes max on my hair (that includes blow-drying/curling/straightening) and I get irritated if it does take longer. I also find that make-up is really just a vicious cycle. We women put it on to cover skin flaws, but in doing that it clogs pores, etc. making our skin worse so we put more make-up on it and so on. I put on a full face for church but daily wear either nothing or just mascara and concealer. I also don't use soap to wash my face because it is sensitive.
4. I can make my tendons dance on my knuckles, as Tim calls it. I don't even know how I do it but I can make the tendon on top my index and middle finger knuckles shift back and forth.
5. I have a bump on my nose from where I ran into a glass sliding door in high school. We were visiting my grandparents at their condo in Florida and I walked right into the stupid door. After that my smart aleck grandpa put a sticker at eyeball height on the door so I would know the door was closed.

I'm going to tag...Lydia, Erin, Lacey, Matt (to throw in a guy), and Rachel (ha! now you have to blog!)

Dance, Dance

Today in church a mom went and brought back her two young sons from the nursery during the last set of songs, after the sermon was finished. She was sitting a few rows from the back (I know this because I was 3 rows behind her and there was only one row left behind me.) While everyone was standing and singing her older son - probably not even yet 3 years old - started dancing in the middle of the aisle. It was a side aisle and he wasn't disrupting anyone. I watched as she put her arm around him and brought him back to the row of seats, putting his joyful little celebration to an end.
I was reminded of the passage in Second Samuel 6 that says David danced, basically as a celebration of bringing home the ark of the Lord. When did this expression of love and joy become so looked down upon in the church?
Oh, that we might all dance to rejoice in our Lord with the abandonment a toddler dance displays.

Overcoming "failure"

I'm going to be very honest: going from one child to two has been very difficult for me. VERY difficult. Ellie turned 6 weeks yesterday and I am still hormonal, emotional, and drained. I'm not tired in the sleeping sense because she is doing well with that now and I'm only up once a night for about a half hour. It is more the drained in an everyone-needs-something-from-me-I'm-only-one-person-when-do-I-get-me-time-why-is-there-still-laundry-in-the-hamper-will-my-house-ever-be-clean-again feeling. Seriously, my house has not been as clean as it used to be since we brought Ellie home from the hospital. It bothers me to no end yet I can't find the extra energy to clean it either.
Anyways, mothering two has been a challenge so far. I expected it to be hard and had tried to prepare myself for it, but just as no one can prepare a woman for childbirth they also can't prepare you for the challenges of parenting. You have to experience them yourself. So a couple weeks ago, right before we left for all our traveling, I had a huge breakdown. I was sobbing in the shower, which is usually where I go when I want to have a good cry...partly because it is the only place I can actually be alone for more than 20 seconds if I lock the door (yes, Tim was home watching the kids at the time.) The moment that led up to this was finding a fairly large mistake in our checkbook. A payment that I thought was being deducted at the end of the month was taken out at the beginning. Since there was not money for that purpose set in there, it ended up causing an overdraft and the four expected payments that went through still went through, but landed us with overdraft fees.
After finding this out I headed for the shower where I sobbed and cried out to God to just give me a break already. I basically wrestled with my emotions until the water ran cold and I stepped out to find Tim and the kids greeting me in the doorway.
"You cry, Mama?" Noah asked and all I could do was nod. "Oh, all better now, Mama?" I shook my head deciding to be honest with my son. "You go back to bed, Mama," he suggested. Usually when he is crying it is due to being crabby which is due to lack of sleep so we suggest to him that he can either go back to bed or stop whining/crying. Apparently the tables turned.
As Tim grabbed me into a hug and asked me what was wrong, it clicked in my head what I was actually struggling with. I told him I was a failure and couldn't do anything right. I had really wanted a natural childbirth and got the epidural. The epidural then gave me a spinal headache which left me on bedrest for a week which meant I couldn't even take care of my newborn except to nurse her. Then she turned out to have the dairy allergy which led to me trying to give up dairy to continue nursing but I couldn't follow through with that and put her on soy. While all this was going on I still was trying to figure out how to balance a newborn and a toddler and felt like I was failing horribly at how much attention I could give Noah.
"You are NOT a failure," Tim repeated over and over and over. "You are a good mom and those things were beyond your control."
In all my weariness of having a newborn and adjusting to this new lifestyle with two children I had let satan attack me in my weak moments. As he whispered in my ear, "You are a failure" I believed him. Multiple times he whispered it and every time I let myself fall prey to the lie.
The truth is that I can never be supermom. My house may not be as clean as I would like for the next eighteen or more years. I may always have a tender spot in my back from all the needle pokes it encountered. I probably will never be able to give both kids equal amounts of attention. I need to be ok with that and realize that there are things that are not expected of me to be a good mom. What does matter is that my kids are loved. They are fed and clean and provided for. They go to bed with bedtime stories and kisses and prayers, being reminded at the end of the day how special they are to us. They have a mom and dad who, even in their worst marriage moments, realize it's more important to work it out than quit and that they are totally committed to each other for life. They are in a household where they are being taught about Jesus and how He died for our sins so that we may live with Him in Heaven one day.
I am not a failure.
I am NOT a failure.
YOU are not a failure either.

Vacation Pictures

Me and my sisters-in-law, Deidra and Kristen

Tim introducing our Ellie to the woman she was named after, Grandma Eleanor. There were a couple moments over the weekend that felt like they were out of "The Godfather." This was one because it was like we were presenting her to the family matriarch for a blessing or something.

Ellie wearing a dress for the first time.
The ringbearer and flower girl: Carter and Anna.
Randy and Deidra were the wedding singers. Deidra sang Sara Groves' "Fly" and Randy sang "Beautiful" by Shawn McDonald.
The bride and groom, Heather and Brian.Celebrating our 5th wedding anniversary!

Tim and Noah riding in style with Jeremy and Brooklyn; you can see Wyndham and Holland in the back.The 3 E's: Nicknamed Big E, Little E and Baby E (or, Grandma Eleanor, Aunt Ellie and our Ellie.)

Home At Last

Today was our first full day at home after being gone for 12 days. Tim was back in the area for a few days to work but the kids and I stayed at my parents' house during that time to let him have a chance to have full nights of sleep before our big trip to Virginia. I am exhausted in just about every way possible and the fact Noah only took a 5 minute catnap in the car today (can you believe that, Carrie?? After days of playing so hard!) did not help much. He was so overtired tonight that bedtime was the worst night ever for us. He ended up exhausting himself to sleep while trying to fight it.
I can't believe how much has happened since I left: Tim and Christina move tomorrow morning. I said good-bye to them last night and everything in me felt like I should cry since they are such good friends...I just don't think I had the energy to. I also was telling Tim that I remember when Jack and Kelly moved to Indiana and I thought I would be much more emotional at the time. Unfortunately, it didn't really hit me until I realized I couldn't just drive down to Kalamazoo to see her when I wanted and that it was more effort to plan a visit.
Matt & Jeana officially have a daughter now! We can't wait until June 6th, when we get to meet her for the first time. We have been following their blog and things seem to be going well.
I had a nice time while at my parents'. It was great to get their help with the kids and to have a chance to get some extra rest when possible. My niece, Kailyn, was staying with them for 3 of the days we were there so I had a chance to spend some time with her. She and Noah love to play together so that is always a good thing. She is a charmer. Anytime she knew she should be disciplined for something she just looked at me with this adorable look on her face and, if I didn't have a son who does the same look, I could have easily been suckered by it. She's a smart one, too, so there were many songs she and Noah could actually sing together or play together even though there is a year difference between them. My mom spoiled us as usual and the kids came home with some summer clothes and I received the "Deceptively Delicious" cookbook which I am so excited about.
Our trip was fantastic. We stayed with Tim's cousin, Jeremy, and his family which consists of his wife, Carrie, and their three boys: Carter, Luke and Brayden. Carter is 5, Luke is 3 and Brayden is 1 so Noah was in heaven being able to play with other boys fairly close to his age. They are all early risers and as soon as breakfast was done it was a boy tornado through the house and then outside.
This is only the second time I have seen most of these family members, so I thoroughly enjoyed my visits with Carrie as I got to know her a bit more. Brayden is an adorable little boy who was born with some handicaps (you can check out their blog to the right - Jenkins family - if you want to know more) and I admire how normal their household seems to be. Noah has missed his cousins over the past couple days and is having a difficult time adjusting to our routine and boring life again. =)
The wedding was beautiful. Both the ceremony and reception were held at an old plantation. The food was good (although does anyone know if beef tenderloin is supposed to be served cold? We weren't sure if they just didn't heat it up enough or if that's the way rich people eat it? Everything else was warm and tasty.) The weather was perfect. I was happy with how I looked, so I would call the night a success.
The next day we all went over to Tim's Uncle Warren and Aunt Ellie's (the bride's parents) house for the afternoon. I think Warren has fantasies of being a farmer and as a result has built a chicken coop in the past year. He has three different types of chickens, I was told, as well as guineas (which are pretty ugly.) The little kids, Warren, Jeremy & Jonathan (Warren's sons) and Randy were checking out the chickens. While I was heading over to see them and check on Noah, word got out that they had found a snake. Deidra and I booked it over to tell our kids not to touch it when we ran into Jonathan, who told us they had all already pet it. As I walked over to find Warren holding a very long black snake (but don't worry - not poisonous), I saw Noah with part of the snake's body in a death grip in his fist. "Look, Mama!" he cried. "I pet the snake!" (Jen- think of how he tries to pet/grab your cats' tails...that type of grip.) After petting the snake he headed over to the chickens to show them to me. He ran around the pen with his arms stretched wide, trying to corner the chickens in an attempt to pick them up. "Come here chickens. I hold you," he informed them. Of course, this was not ok with the chickens who just ran around and by him. He ended up petting a chicken that Warren was holding for the kids and soon after I marched him back to the house where Tim took him inside and helped scrub his hands clean. Noah loves all animals apparently.
It was fun seeing my niece, Wyndham. She is so entertaining at the age of three. She informed me with hands swooping in the directions of the kids, "These are my cousins. I have many cousins." She also informed those around her that she is afraid of snakes...while petting it. And she's just so stinking cute that you can't help but laugh.
Ellie had her 1 month appointment today, although she will be 6 weeks on Saturday. She weighs 10 pounds, 1 ounce and is 22 1/2 inches long. That is almost 3 pounds and exactly 3 inches more than what she was at birth! The doctor said everything is looking great. She is in the 75th percentile for weight and 95th for height...so opposite Noah who was always in the 15th or 25th percentiles for the first year.
There are so many stories I would love to share but right now my bed is calling to me. Maybe over the next couple weeks as I think of them while blogging...

Dairy Free - Not For Me

I made a tough decision last night. I'm putting Eleanor on soy formula. I can't bear to see her in so much physical pain while the dairy clears out of my system and I don't like who I've become while not having dairy the past few days (coveting Noah's animal crackers, glaring at Tim while he eats Cheez-its, etc.) I know it's possible but for the sake of my sanity and my family I have decided to just switch her over.
It's weird because when I switched Noah he was 7 weeks old and I did not give it a second thought. I just put him right on it and didn't even consider the no-dairy for me option. With Ellie it has taken me a few days to make the decision, I have consulted 3 different people as well as forced Tim to tell me what he thinks (he wanted to just support whatever I decided but I wanted to know his thoughts: he votes formula because it's easier on all of us.) In the end, 1 friend said to go for the formula because Noah's fine and we were formula-fed babies and are fine, 1 said to try the dairy-free diet because she did that and although hard - it gets easier, and 1 said to do formula during the day and nurse before bed and in the morning. I guess I covered the spectrum.
I didn't expect to grieve the process the way I am since I didn't with Noah. I think it's because this has been an all-around different postpartum process for me and I have had the baby blues longer than with Noah (I don't think it's into postpartum depression though.) I am excited for many of the things that formula offers...such as freedom, the ability to let others feed her, my own sanity. Yet I am going to be sad about others such as the fact that she nurses great it's just the after-effects it has on her and I am thinner now than when I became pregnant and I think the weight will come back on (I guess that should be motivation to work out.) I think the thing that makes it hardest is that for the first week she was home nursing her was the only thing keeping me from falling into a dark pit. I was suffering from those wretched spinal headaches and couldn't even get out of bed to change her diaper, yet I could nurse her. It was the only thing making me feel somewhat competent as a mom and nurturer. It was the only thing I could do for her that no one else could. I think that is where my grieving stems from.
Anyways, that's where we are now. I was telling Christina last night about the thought of switching her over. Christina is lactose intolerant and knows the miserable effects dairy can have on someone. She was recommending a book that a friend of her's read called "Skinny Bitch." I guess it's written by these 2 young women who are vegetarians and they tell all these details about what happens in butcher shops and what's really in the milk you drink, etc. I guess her friend has always been a milk lover and is now considering switching to soy. I want to read it because I'm intrigued...yet I like my meat and am scared that if I read it I will want to become a vegetarian.
Today I had a cheese quesadilla dipped in sour cream for lunch. Welcome back, dairy.

Random Ramblings

It's been a good week in comparison to last week. Noah has been better behaved. Ellie is getting more on a feeding schedule. We're all still alive and here so that has to be good for something.
Not too much is new on our front. I have to cut out dairy for the next few days to see if that is what is causing Ellie to be so gassy. She screams in pain much like Noah did before we found out he was allergic to dairy. I'm praying that's not it, but if it is then so be it. We've at least been through it before and this time around will know what foods and snacks she can and cannot have until she outgrows it. I have been semi-grumpy today since just about everything I go to eat either has milk or cheese or butter in it and I have to put it away again. It will be better when I can get to the store and pick up some rice milk and foods I can actually eat. I might actually try almond milk. I've heard the chocolate flavor is really good. I don't like soy so I'll stay away from that.
We are going to Virginia for Tim's cousin's wedding in 2 weeks. We are so excited. We'll be seeing all his cousins and their families as well as my in-laws and Randy, Deidra and Wyndham AND his sister is coming with the youngest of her boys. We'll miss seeing her husband and the other 3 boys, but we're glad to at least see a couple members from that clan. While we're down there we're going to head on into DC again. Now that Noah is all about dinosaurs we think he'll enjoy the Smithsonian a little more than last year. And since last year we saw all the monuments (I had never been to DC before) we can concentrate more on visiting the different Smithsonian museums. We're staying with his cousin, Jeremy, and his family. Noah will enjoy that because they have 3 boys. It's going to be a great time.
Our friends, Matt & Jeana, leave for China on May 21st. Their "Gotcha Day" is May 26. Jeana sent me an email earlier and is ecstatic to have dates. What a long, emotional and awesome ride this has been for them. God has shown Himself in so many ways in providing for them. We can't wait to meet Emma Rain when they return.
Our friends, Tim & Christina, move on May 29th. What a month this is turning out to be!
Other than that, same old stuff here. I am really thankful for the people in our lives. I have had a nice week with phone calls catching up with people and emails from others that are just very encouraging. This has been a hard adjustment for me going from one child to two children and I appreciate everyone - especially because no one probably even knew I was having a rough couple days last week - who just let God use them as support without knowing it.
Don't forget to call your mothers and/or mothers-in-law to wish them a happy Mother's Day this Sunday! We do hard work and it's nice to know we're appreciated by our children.