Yesterday I went out with my STATS group for their presentation. STATS is a program I volunteer/work with (I get a very small stipend and mileage reimbursed so I guess I can't say I totally volunteer) out of Reeths-Puffer High School. STATS stands for Straight Talk About Tough Stuff. High school students at R-P interview for a spot in it and only 48 are chosen. They then are broken up and organized (by the leaders) into 6 teams of 8 students - 4 boys and 4 girls. This year we have done things a bit differently and there are 3 sex teams and 3 substance abuse teams. The teams go out once a month during the school year to Muskegon County middle schools and teach the kids about abstinence. This is done through skits, songs, personal talks, tips on how to say "no", etc. The middle school kids think it's great to have these cool high school students interacting with them throughout the day and the teachers appreciate what the teams are doing.
There is some background. I lead one of the teams, which basically means that I am in charge of turning on the music (certain songs for certain skits, etc), keep track of the bag o' props, and cheer them on as well as give constructive criticism if they're getting out of hand. My group this year is fantastic which makes it even more enjoyable. They also "mother hen" me and don't let me carry anything, move anything, demand I sit, and even laid out a plan of what to do if I go into labor during a practice or performance (who will drive me to the hospital, who will lean out the car window mimicking ambulance noises and yelling "move out of the way! Lady in labor!", who will hold my hand in the backseat, etc.) They're a riot.
Anyways, back to the point of this post. Yesterday I was with my STATS team at North Muskegon middle school, which is also in the same building as the high school and connected to the elementary school. They all share the same cafeteria and other offices, etc. Small school, big building. We were not expecting to receive lunch, as we do from other schools, because they only had 3 classes to perform to and they were back-to-back-to-back. The principal, who was very kind, told me at the end of the first performance that he would have the second class come in a bit later so that we could have time to run down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat. Usually, we eat lunch with the students so that the kids can interact with them, but at N. Muskegon, the middle schoolers actually eat brunch and had already eaten. The high schoolers had also already consumed their lunches. We would be eating with the 1st-3rd graders. This was fine with us as we would mainly be shoveling our food in anyways to prep for the next performance.
I was not expecting what came next. As we walked down the hall to stand in line for lunch, these little munchkins were all around us. One small boy looked up and looked me right in the eye as I took my place in line.
It pierced my heart because all I could think of was how he was but a couple years older than Noah and that meant that in a couple years, Noah is going to be in a cafeteria eating lunch.
At school.
Without me.
My first instinct was to say, "I'm never sending Noah to school. He's staying home forever." This brought a couple things: one being my STATS kids saying, "No! You can't shelter him! Just be a good parent and he'll turn out like us." (They're quite confident, no? Good thing they really are great kids.)
The second was that I would never keep Noah from life experiences. I know they're going to hurt and I'm sure I'll be one of the parents that drops her son off at his first day of school and then cries afterward. It's a good thing we live within walking distance of the school so I just have to walk through a blur of tears and not operate a vehicle.
Every time I think about young-5s and kindergarten, I'm fine. I mean, really, right now he is in preschool 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hours each time. In Y-5 and kindergarten, he'll be there 5 days a week for around 3 hours. That's not too big a jump, and quite honestly, with a new baby here and Ellie being home still since she won't be old enough for preschool yet, I think Noah is going to want to be at school more than home and I will probably find things a bit easier to handle in the mornings.
It's that thinking about first grade that throws me off. He'll be gone all day. Will he make friends easily? Will kids like him? His teachers have always loved him - at church and at preschool. Will older kids bully him?
I posted not too long ago about our debating putting him in Y-5 instead of kindergarten next year. Now I'm posting this. I need to just chill out since the time is not here anyways.
Does a mother's heart ever get some kind of relief?
Do our tears always flow freely and easily?
Does parenting ever get easier?
Probably not.
It's worth it.
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