Psalm 19
The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming
forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statues of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure
and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned,
in keeping them there is great reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May the words of my mouth and
the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
This passage doesn't really have anything to do specifically with my post. I just thought I would share it. I love that the Bible revives the soul, makes wise the simple, gives joy to the heart, gives light to the eyes, endures forever and is altogether righteous.
I have had quite a few "mommy moments" lately that I am not proud of. At times it has been my voice going from just raised to plain yelling. Sometimes it is wanting to hop in the van and drive away. I have thoughts of dropping them in a daycare and finding a job so someone else can spend the day with them.
That thought is the one that always seems to get me thinking clearly again. I know when I get to that one I need to stop and breathe. Do I really want my life any other way? Some women would kill to be in my position to stay home with their kids. Tim and I make sacrifices so that I am able to do it: we drive junky vehicles, don't eat out often and when we do we are extremely conscious of the prices of what we're ordering, we buy new clothes for ourselves maybe twice a year and for the kids as needed (thankfully they have had some hand-me-downs.)
But would I trade those things for me to go back to work? Do I wish we had more money than just paycheck-to-paycheck so that I could go buy some new clothes? Of course I wish that. Do I wish we could get some money in our emergency fund and actually keep it there longer than a month before something else breaks? I sure do. But would I trade my days at home for those things?
I don't think so.
I think one reason I have been so crazy with my kids lately is distraction. I like to talk on the phone. I like catching up with friends and family and I need some sort of adult communication during the day. Lately, though, I have been doing it a lot while they are awake and then not answering the phone during naptime because that is "my" time. Noah acts out while I'm on the phone and we usually spend the rest of the day bickering. He is crying out for my attention and I have been neglecting him.
Today I realized how horrible I feel and how selfish I am. Am I selfish for being a stay-at-home mom who wants some "me" time? No, I don't think so. I believe I need that time alone to rejuvenate and stay sane. However, could I be doing things I enjoy doing, like talking on the phone, checking my email, or reading books during their naptime instead of while they're awake? Yes. (I seem to be asking a lot of questions during this post...)
I started wondering today how Noah's attitude and behavior might be different if I was spending more time with him, not just being in the same room but actually doing things with him.
So this is what I decided, my little experiment. For the next week I am going to not talk on the phone unless it is during naptime. If you call before 1:00 in the afternoon and after 3:00 and my kids are awake, I will not be answering.
This might sound silly to some of you. Maybe you don't have this problem. That's great - I have to keep from envying you. =)
Maybe the passage above does tie into my post. I don't think the words of my mouth or the meditations of my heart have been very pleasing lately. It might be from my lack of time spent in the Word. When I sat down and read today during the kids naptime (well, actually during Noah's naptime and while I was feeding Ellie) it was amazing how different I felt after. After confessing my sinful thoughts and actions to the Lord and then reading the Bible I felt renewed and ready for a new start.
So here we go...
5 comments:
Good for you Andrea! After Charlie started slapping the laptop and crying after I told her not to do it, I realized she hates this object because she feels like I'm giving it more attantion and imprtance than I"m giving her. So I decided not to blog or be on the internet while she's awake (unless she's peacefully happily playing on her own).
I admire you for staying at home and sacrificing things so you could mother your children. God honors that and will bless you in return. You might not really see those blessings right away, but so worth it the day He gives 'em.
Oh, there are sometimes that I read your blog and I feel that we are one in the same person... Oh, how I struggle with the same things. Good for you for being diligent to what is important to you and claiming back those precious moments with the kids that you will never get back.
Keep pressing forward!!
Oh, Andrea, sometimes I think we're soul sisters! Bosom buddies - like Anne of Green Gables and Diana Berry! Okay, maybe that's a little crazy. We've never actually run through fields of flowers together, have we? : - ) I've had the same thoughts as you, many times in my parenting. Even recently! I'll daydream of getting a "real" job, knowing full well that I'd never be fulfilled in a different job, since this is my God-given purpose in life. Today I was running an errand near Applebees, and smelled those amazing restaurant smells that they pipe out into the open air just for us, and thought, "If only we were rich so I could go out to eat whenever I want to. Or if I was a working mom, I could take lunch breaks at restaurants. I could eat at somewhere other than McDonald's for our rare splurges!" And when my friends walk around looking so stinking cute in their stylish clothes, I wish I could blow our budget to update my wardrobe (or at least get some clothes that fit my mommy body). There's so much we can focus on that we CAN'T have, but we both know that we're SO BLESSED, right? It's been a struggle of mine (and probably many moms) to actually give my attention to my kids. It's so easy to let them play on their own and ignore them, and yet, they are so much happier and more obedient when I take the time and effort to play with them and let them know that they're worth my time. They're awful when I'm on the phone, by the way. But my main problem is the internet. They get so tired of how well I can ignore them when I'm online. They fight, they make messes, they make sure I know they're not happy about it! So, I will do the one-week challenge with you, starting tomorrow. (I already blew it today!) AHHH - now that I'm saying it on the Internet, I'm going to have accountability, so I really have to follow through, huh? It'll be a good thing, I know. Thank you for challenging me to be a better mom. And for always being an encouragement!
You put my thoughts into words! It's good to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with these things. I chose to be a stay-at-home mom, and even though I at times wish I worked (for the break, the adult conversation, to avoid "the look" when you tell someone you stay at home with your kids), I know that I'm a thousand times more fulfilled and strangely, less stressed than when I worked.
I also agree with you about how kids behave badly when you're not giving them the attention they want. My daughter LOVES her Nana, but she gets really mad when I talk to her on the phone if she wants to be with me. It's gotten to where when the phone rings she'll automatically say "Don't want Nana!" because she knows she won't have my attention. If I go to my computer in my office she'll climb on the baby gate and wail, "Hold you Mama!" I know that I need to be less selfish and tend to her more, and I pray that God gives me the strength to be the better mom and put her needs first.
Thanks for the post and for visiting me through SITS!
Good plan, Andrea! Good luck to you...I think you'll notice a big difference. Whenever I made a conscious effort to up the amount of time I spent really, truly interacting with the kids I nannied for, they almost instantly became more affectionate, happy, and sweet. I mean, like you...I was always in the same room with them, helping them with things, or watching them, but the days that I sought them out and suggested things to do or games to play, and gave them my undivided attention, things were just better!!
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