...how well do you listen?
I can count on one, maybe two, fingers the amount of times that I feel I have heard God speak to me in a without-a-doubt-that-was-God-speaking-audible voice. I feel He speaks to me through different ways: music, books, other people by reminding me of things I need to hear or revealing things to me. I do not often hear a voice though. Maybe part of it is because I never know if it's God speaking or me going crazy and having voices in my head.
I have had a rough time lately as I have struggled through my thoughts on church. What is church, exactly? What is the purpose? Is the church (as an institution) what God intended? Is it fulfilling its purpose if it is? And on and on and on. I had a very personal and hurtful experience happen in my beginning college years involving my home/childhood church. It led me into two seperate counseling experiences which led me to forgiving my childhood pastor and overcoming my mistrust of pastors in general. Every once in awhile, however, I can feel the old thoughts coming back and I have to give them over to God again.
Within the past couple weeks I have started listening to Moody Bible Radio station often. In the past I have listened to Family Life on WCSG during lunch times. I love it. Then I stumbed across the Moody station and have found all sorts of new shows and speakers to listen to. It's been great. My sister-in-law, Deidra, also has been sending resources my way of books and articles to read, speakers to listen to, etc. A few years ago she was where I am now in the kind of question asking mode. Anyways, the past week has been great for me. I have let go (again) of bitterness toward the church as an institution. It's not perfect after all and never can be. I think this Sunday I was finally ready and willing to hear what had to be said during the sermon and God spoke to me...through what Paul had to say but more incredibly, through His voice that I could actually hear. As I was listening to Paul talk about how we don't do things through our strength but through God's (he was going over Isaiah 6:5-8) and so what kind of God leap are you going to take, I felt a voice press against my heart.
Write.
Um, sorry God. What? Was that even You?
Silence.
As we started to sing the last set of songs to close out the service, the first one was called "Found" by Hillsong. (By the way, I love Hillsong.)
Write.
There it was, pressed upon me again. Immediately tears came to my eyes.
I can't God.
Not on your own, but you can with my strength.
Enter chin quiver to accompany tears while praying people are too involved with singing to notice me in my little area against the wall.
What if I fail?
Write.
What do I write?
He brought to mind a prologue for a book I started back in September. I wrote it, showed it to Tim and a friend who both thought it was great and told me they couldn't wait to read more, then let fear take over me and haven't touched it since.
Well, ok, God. I'm going to trust You on this one.
"And I found myself in You, Lord..."
(Remember to pause music on the right side.)
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Easy Gift Cards
I'm going to throw a little plug on here for two reasons.
#1. Who doesn't need/want gift cards?
#2. It's free and easy.
I was on moneysavingmom yesterday and read about something called Swagbucks. You can read her post here about it or you can see how one woman earned enough to do all her Christmas shopping here.
You register to use Swagbucks as your search engine and then you get Swagbucks when you do a search. Your swagbucks can be used toward gift cards. I installed the toolbar, started searching this morning and have already earned some bucks.
If you want to earn even more, then you can refer people and get extra swagbucks when they sign up. Hence, another reason I'm posting this on my blog. If you decide you want to look into and sign up for this, please use my referral code:
http://swagbucks.prodege.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=246394
I also like it because I use Google as my primary search engine and Swagbucks searches by Google and ask.com.
I'm off to search for some knitting patterns!
#1. Who doesn't need/want gift cards?
#2. It's free and easy.
I was on moneysavingmom yesterday and read about something called Swagbucks. You can read her post here about it or you can see how one woman earned enough to do all her Christmas shopping here.
You register to use Swagbucks as your search engine and then you get Swagbucks when you do a search. Your swagbucks can be used toward gift cards. I installed the toolbar, started searching this morning and have already earned some bucks.
If you want to earn even more, then you can refer people and get extra swagbucks when they sign up. Hence, another reason I'm posting this on my blog. If you decide you want to look into and sign up for this, please use my referral code:
http://swagbucks.prodege.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=246394
I also like it because I use Google as my primary search engine and Swagbucks searches by Google and ask.com.
I'm off to search for some knitting patterns!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Read This Book
I just finished reading Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. I read it in college and then again afterwards and now I completed my third time reading it.
It is one of the best fiction books I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and...just, everything. I love it. I have read many, if not all, of Francine Rivers' books and this might be my favorite. I think it is.
So go read it. Now. Female, male - everyone should read it.
If you have read it already, what were your thoughts?
It is one of the best fiction books I have ever read. It is heartbreaking and beautiful and...just, everything. I love it. I have read many, if not all, of Francine Rivers' books and this might be my favorite. I think it is.
So go read it. Now. Female, male - everyone should read it.
If you have read it already, what were your thoughts?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
I Feel Like...
aldkjfoaihgonadgnounsdogfnweotnewwnrotrotnrtg
Do you ever feel like that? Just kind of jumbled? Like you're running from one thing to the next and the next and you just want to slow down? That's my today.
Life has been fairly calm lately. Just little stuff here and there...but today, ay yi yi. I was late getting out of the house to get Noah to preschool, came home and worked on his quilt the whole time. Then after picking him up I came home, shoved food into them and put them down for some nap/quiet times because at 1:30 we have to leave again, which means I am going to be waking them up from their sleep. I am typing this as I shove food into my own mouth (it's all about multi-tasking, right?) I have to run to the store, drop Noah off at Matt and Jeana's, go to my STATS meeting, tell some kids that their personal talks were rotten (actually, I'll be much nicer than that), go back to Matt and Jeana's, make some toffee for holiday gifts, have dinner, play, put the kids to bed over there, have our Love and Respect Bible study, and then roll on home sometime between 10 and 11:00.
All I really want to do is finish Noah's quilt because I'm so close. Then I want to make a cup of hot cocoa, sit down with my knitting, and put on some music to relax with.
But for now....asd;kljfwoaientoiwrengoirngo;irehoginrgoirenogin.
Do you ever feel like that? Just kind of jumbled? Like you're running from one thing to the next and the next and you just want to slow down? That's my today.
Life has been fairly calm lately. Just little stuff here and there...but today, ay yi yi. I was late getting out of the house to get Noah to preschool, came home and worked on his quilt the whole time. Then after picking him up I came home, shoved food into them and put them down for some nap/quiet times because at 1:30 we have to leave again, which means I am going to be waking them up from their sleep. I am typing this as I shove food into my own mouth (it's all about multi-tasking, right?) I have to run to the store, drop Noah off at Matt and Jeana's, go to my STATS meeting, tell some kids that their personal talks were rotten (actually, I'll be much nicer than that), go back to Matt and Jeana's, make some toffee for holiday gifts, have dinner, play, put the kids to bed over there, have our Love and Respect Bible study, and then roll on home sometime between 10 and 11:00.
All I really want to do is finish Noah's quilt because I'm so close. Then I want to make a cup of hot cocoa, sit down with my knitting, and put on some music to relax with.
But for now....asd;kljfwoaientoiwrengoirngo;irehoginrgoirenogin.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Clap On...
Ellie learned to clap last week. Now she does it all the time, especially when we say "Yea!" or "Good girl!"
You'll want to pause the music on the right and also, I apologize for my singing voice. =)
You'll want to pause the music on the right and also, I apologize for my singing voice. =)
Friday, November 07, 2008
Heaven in the Eyes of a Child
Last Thursday Tim was meeting with the guys from our small group so I was left to put the kids to bed on my own. Ellie was crabby and tired so she went down earlier than usual. I was kind of glad because then this left me some time to play with Noah, just the two of us.
Later, while going through the bedtime routine, he picked out the book he wanted to read. It was a book of Bible stories and when we were done reading it I decided that I should probably start talking to him more about all of that. I was also inspired by my friend Rachel, who tried to talk to her son about it awhile ago.
I started with Creation and then skipped to Jesus as I could tell I was starting to lose him. I ended by telling him that someday, if he accepts Jesus into his life, he will not only be his friend but that Noah would be able to live in Heaven forever with Mommy and Daddy and (insert names of grandparents, aunts and uncles.) At this point he got very excited.
"And we will be able to watch "Dora" forever and ever!" he exclaimed.
Slightly thrown off, I said, "No. I don't think so. We will get to sing, though. We will get to sing songs to God as much as we want." I figured he would love this idea since he sings all day long.
"No, Mama. We watch "Dora" in Heaven. Together. Forever."
First of all, we don't even watch "Dora the Explorer" at our house so I'm not sure where she is even coming from.
Secondly, as my mom pointed out when I was telling her about our conversation, if we are watching "Dora the Explorer" for eternity than she is pretty sure we're in hell.
Well, I tried, right? It's all about planting the seeds....
Later, while going through the bedtime routine, he picked out the book he wanted to read. It was a book of Bible stories and when we were done reading it I decided that I should probably start talking to him more about all of that. I was also inspired by my friend Rachel, who tried to talk to her son about it awhile ago.
I started with Creation and then skipped to Jesus as I could tell I was starting to lose him. I ended by telling him that someday, if he accepts Jesus into his life, he will not only be his friend but that Noah would be able to live in Heaven forever with Mommy and Daddy and (insert names of grandparents, aunts and uncles.) At this point he got very excited.
"And we will be able to watch "Dora" forever and ever!" he exclaimed.
Slightly thrown off, I said, "No. I don't think so. We will get to sing, though. We will get to sing songs to God as much as we want." I figured he would love this idea since he sings all day long.
"No, Mama. We watch "Dora" in Heaven. Together. Forever."
First of all, we don't even watch "Dora the Explorer" at our house so I'm not sure where she is even coming from.
Secondly, as my mom pointed out when I was telling her about our conversation, if we are watching "Dora the Explorer" for eternity than she is pretty sure we're in hell.
Well, I tried, right? It's all about planting the seeds....
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Seven Prayers For Seven Days
I would encourage all you moms (and dads!) to read this post and do it with your kids. I have felt convicted lately of not praying enough for my children.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Perfect Days
Well, except for the outcome of the election.
Saturday was beautiful fall weather. I cleaned the inside of the house like crazy - it just felt like one of those days where it should be done. By that afternoon, with the sun shining inside so brightly and everything dusted and swept and scrubbed, my place looked sparkling! Tim did outside work while I was inside. I helped him rake leaves for a bit in the afternoon. We had so many all over the backyard. Of course, by Sunday afternoon, the leaves were getting their revenge already. Today I raked the front yard because the tree in front decided to drop almost all its leaves at the same time this morning. I couldn't even see the grass by this afternoon. I did it so Tim wouldn't have to pull in from work and see all the leaves. I already catch him mumbling out the back door window at the leaves sometimes. He feels so defeated by them.
Today was another good day, except I woke up to find that Obama is our next president AND that the proposals passed in Michigan. I have to admit I was more upset about the approvals of the proposals than Obama. Proposal One was for the legalization of marijuana for medical purposes. I am completely against this because I think that things are going to get out of hand. Proposal Two was for the support of embryonic stem cell research. I am against this for so many reasons that I don't even know where to start...especially after it has been proven that there are stem cells from other areas that are more effective for research! I won't go so far as other people who I have talked to who are convinced that this is all the beginning of the end times but it makes one think, I'll say that. I don't think that we can predict when Christ will return and any guess is a poor one. Every day we wake up brings us closer to the end no matter what else is going on in the world. I do know that Paul and Timothy in the Bible thought they were also living in the end times.
So back to my otherwise perfect day. I worked out. I'm trying to work out 3 times a week. Last week I worked out twice. So far this week...once. But hey, I still have three days left. This afternoon I raked all those leaves so it was almost like a double workout today. Noah works out with me...kind of. He likes to try some of the moves, although he never does the entire thing. It is amazing to me the flexibility that preschoolers have. He was correcting me on some of my lunges! "No, mama. Like this." Then he would perfectly demonstrate it. Maybe he'll be the future trainer of "The Biggest Loser."
I got along with my kids today. That always make for good times. We went on a walk this morning. Noah rode his tricycle and I pushed Ellie in the stroller. When Noah is on his bike we never go very far or fast, but he loves it and I find it nice to be outside in great weather.
I called Deidra and we ended up talking for three and a half hours. It always goes like that. We don't talk often on the phone but when we do it's never for less than two hours. I'm not kidding. Today we talked politics, religion, and a little bit about family. She picks my brain and gives me things to think about. Today she said something that really struck me which I can't put on here because it's still sinking into my head but when I brought it up with Tim tonight he agreed with my thoughts. Let's just say it was one of those moments where you feel like you've been hit in the head and you say, "Oh! That's my problem! That's what's wrong with me right now!" So thanks, Deidra (I don't even know if you're aware of it.)
Monday night Tim was at a Coldplay concert on the other side of the state. Matt won tickets and took Tim with him (it was an early birthday present for Tim, who turns 28 in a couple weeks. I don't know how I'm supposed to come up with something better than that!) He didn't get back until after 1:30 in the morning. I do not sleep well without him. Especially when I'm the only adult in the house. I stayed up for a long time reading blogs and on Facebook. Then around midnight I tried to fall asleep while keeping the nightstand lamp on. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being but was still scared. I decided to read my Bible for a little bit in hopes of being calmed. I'm reading through the Bible right now and am currently in the Psalms. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to open it because you never really know what you're going to get in Psalms. David might be fearing for his life while hiding from King Saul. It might be a chapter on being in a pit of despair and surrounded by enemies. It might be praise. You never really know. I tentatively opened it to Psalm awaiting me and laughed when I found God speaking directly to me:
Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."
Sure, the first couple verses start out with him being chased by his enemies. However, this verse makes me laugh because Noah has a CD and DVD by Steve Chapman (not to be mistakenwith Steven Curtis Chapman) that are full of Bible passages made into songs. This, to me, is great because Noah LOVES music and singing and it's an easy way to teach him verses and help him memorize them. On the DVD are videos: they are very early 90s and extremely cheesy, but again - Noah loves them. One of the songs is Psalm 56:3. In the video there is a little girl in her bed and she wakes up because of a thunderstorm. She is afraid and notices her Bible on her nightstand. She reads Psalm 56:3 and then bows her head in prayer. The songs says, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you. When I am afraid I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise." There are a couple more lyrics, but not many.
After reading some more Scripture and praying, allwhile having the song run constantly through my head, I turned off the light and was asleep in seconds. Tim came home a half hour later and I briefly woke up but not for long.
I think it's funny how God speaks to us sometimes to tell us exactly what we need to hear.
Saturday was beautiful fall weather. I cleaned the inside of the house like crazy - it just felt like one of those days where it should be done. By that afternoon, with the sun shining inside so brightly and everything dusted and swept and scrubbed, my place looked sparkling! Tim did outside work while I was inside. I helped him rake leaves for a bit in the afternoon. We had so many all over the backyard. Of course, by Sunday afternoon, the leaves were getting their revenge already. Today I raked the front yard because the tree in front decided to drop almost all its leaves at the same time this morning. I couldn't even see the grass by this afternoon. I did it so Tim wouldn't have to pull in from work and see all the leaves. I already catch him mumbling out the back door window at the leaves sometimes. He feels so defeated by them.
Today was another good day, except I woke up to find that Obama is our next president AND that the proposals passed in Michigan. I have to admit I was more upset about the approvals of the proposals than Obama. Proposal One was for the legalization of marijuana for medical purposes. I am completely against this because I think that things are going to get out of hand. Proposal Two was for the support of embryonic stem cell research. I am against this for so many reasons that I don't even know where to start...especially after it has been proven that there are stem cells from other areas that are more effective for research! I won't go so far as other people who I have talked to who are convinced that this is all the beginning of the end times but it makes one think, I'll say that. I don't think that we can predict when Christ will return and any guess is a poor one. Every day we wake up brings us closer to the end no matter what else is going on in the world. I do know that Paul and Timothy in the Bible thought they were also living in the end times.
So back to my otherwise perfect day. I worked out. I'm trying to work out 3 times a week. Last week I worked out twice. So far this week...once. But hey, I still have three days left. This afternoon I raked all those leaves so it was almost like a double workout today. Noah works out with me...kind of. He likes to try some of the moves, although he never does the entire thing. It is amazing to me the flexibility that preschoolers have. He was correcting me on some of my lunges! "No, mama. Like this." Then he would perfectly demonstrate it. Maybe he'll be the future trainer of "The Biggest Loser."
I got along with my kids today. That always make for good times. We went on a walk this morning. Noah rode his tricycle and I pushed Ellie in the stroller. When Noah is on his bike we never go very far or fast, but he loves it and I find it nice to be outside in great weather.
I called Deidra and we ended up talking for three and a half hours. It always goes like that. We don't talk often on the phone but when we do it's never for less than two hours. I'm not kidding. Today we talked politics, religion, and a little bit about family. She picks my brain and gives me things to think about. Today she said something that really struck me which I can't put on here because it's still sinking into my head but when I brought it up with Tim tonight he agreed with my thoughts. Let's just say it was one of those moments where you feel like you've been hit in the head and you say, "Oh! That's my problem! That's what's wrong with me right now!" So thanks, Deidra (I don't even know if you're aware of it.)
Monday night Tim was at a Coldplay concert on the other side of the state. Matt won tickets and took Tim with him (it was an early birthday present for Tim, who turns 28 in a couple weeks. I don't know how I'm supposed to come up with something better than that!) He didn't get back until after 1:30 in the morning. I do not sleep well without him. Especially when I'm the only adult in the house. I stayed up for a long time reading blogs and on Facebook. Then around midnight I tried to fall asleep while keeping the nightstand lamp on. Then I realized how ridiculous I was being but was still scared. I decided to read my Bible for a little bit in hopes of being calmed. I'm reading through the Bible right now and am currently in the Psalms. I have to admit, I was a bit nervous to open it because you never really know what you're going to get in Psalms. David might be fearing for his life while hiding from King Saul. It might be a chapter on being in a pit of despair and surrounded by enemies. It might be praise. You never really know. I tentatively opened it to Psalm awaiting me and laughed when I found God speaking directly to me:
Psalm 56:3 - "When I am afraid, I will trust in You."
Sure, the first couple verses start out with him being chased by his enemies. However, this verse makes me laugh because Noah has a CD and DVD by Steve Chapman (not to be mistakenwith Steven Curtis Chapman) that are full of Bible passages made into songs. This, to me, is great because Noah LOVES music and singing and it's an easy way to teach him verses and help him memorize them. On the DVD are videos: they are very early 90s and extremely cheesy, but again - Noah loves them. One of the songs is Psalm 56:3. In the video there is a little girl in her bed and she wakes up because of a thunderstorm. She is afraid and notices her Bible on her nightstand. She reads Psalm 56:3 and then bows her head in prayer. The songs says, "When I am afraid, I will trust in you, I will trust in you, I will trust in you. When I am afraid I will trust in you, in God whose word I praise." There are a couple more lyrics, but not many.
After reading some more Scripture and praying, allwhile having the song run constantly through my head, I turned off the light and was asleep in seconds. Tim came home a half hour later and I briefly woke up but not for long.
I think it's funny how God speaks to us sometimes to tell us exactly what we need to hear.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
I Voted
Today I voted after dropping off Noah at preschool. I voted outside of the Republican and Democrat candidates and went third party this year. I felt great afterwards. I get so tired of comments like "I'm going to vote for the lesser of two evils" or the assumption that Christians have to vote Republican and whatnot.
I researched the candidates and found one that I felt I could stand behind. I think that in this election people are voting passionately. I was not passionate about McCain or Obama. I did know I was NOT for Obama, but McCain makes me feel jittery for some reason. I know many people who are passionate toward one or the other. My husband voted McCain; this might be the only time we have voted differently in an election. He thinks I wasted my vote yet at the same time respects why I did it.
I, personally, cannot wait for this election to be done. I think it's going to be closer than what the polls are predicting. Seriously, when are people going to stop looking at the polls? Take a peek back to the last couple elections when first Gore and then Kerry were supposed to have the presidency with no problems. I'm never polled and I don't know anyone who has been so I don't even know where they come up with these percentages!
By the way, didn't Madonna or Barbara Streisand or someone say they were going to leave the country if Bush won in 2004? Why are they still here? I guess Democrats can't always make good on their promises...
I researched the candidates and found one that I felt I could stand behind. I think that in this election people are voting passionately. I was not passionate about McCain or Obama. I did know I was NOT for Obama, but McCain makes me feel jittery for some reason. I know many people who are passionate toward one or the other. My husband voted McCain; this might be the only time we have voted differently in an election. He thinks I wasted my vote yet at the same time respects why I did it.
I, personally, cannot wait for this election to be done. I think it's going to be closer than what the polls are predicting. Seriously, when are people going to stop looking at the polls? Take a peek back to the last couple elections when first Gore and then Kerry were supposed to have the presidency with no problems. I'm never polled and I don't know anyone who has been so I don't even know where they come up with these percentages!
By the way, didn't Madonna or Barbara Streisand or someone say they were going to leave the country if Bush won in 2004? Why are they still here? I guess Democrats can't always make good on their promises...
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Trick or Treat!
Noah was a "painter like daddy" for Halloween this year. Ellie borrowed a dress up outfit from my mom's house and was a butterfly. It was perfect weather for some trick or treating.
Ellie did great and was cheerful the whole time (until we tried to take these pictures then it was a little close to the bottle time - hence the binky in the mouth.) People gave extra candy even though we said she wouldn't be able to eat it.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Preschool
Today was a Halloween party at Noah's preschool. It was optional for the kids to dress up. Noah did not want to. He informed me that he can only wear his costume tomorrow night when he gets candy. Instead, he wanted to wear the Halloween shirt that my parents bought him. It has Tigger on it and a pumpkin that lights up when the shirt moves. My mom apologized when she bought it because she knows I am not a fan of clothes with cartoon characters on them but she thought it was too cute to pass up. I'm fine with it because he loves the shirt. Even though he wasn't wearing a costume the kids were as fascinated with his shirt as he was with their outfits.
After circle time (during which I have to admit I became teary-eyed because I realized how fast he continues to grow up in front of me...I know...I'm a sap) the kids lined up and then paraded around the church to show the staff members and collect candy. They then came outside to where we parents were waiting and paraded on the sidewalk around the church.
After the parade, Ellie and I headed a couple blocks over to the library. While there I ran into a mom whose daughter is in Noah's classroom. She was finishing reading "The Shack" and so we struck up a conversation about it. It's actually the second time she read it. We then talked about the churches we attend and a little about family. It was nice to sit and visit with someone I don't know but who shares a common bond through being a preschool mom, as well as a sister in Christ.
Tuesday is Picture Day. I was telling my mom I didn't even know they had picture day. I thought it was a kind of silly thing for preschoolers. She told me that my preschool had picture day and then I recalled a certain picture of me from when I was four. Now I have to figure out what to dress Noah in. The note said there is no obligation to buy any of the pictures. Yeah, right. What mom of a preschooler passes up her child's first picture day pictures?
While we were waiting outside for the kids to parade out, a mom shared with us that her husband died three weeks ago. All of us were slightly stunned and then she really shocked up by telling us he committed suicide. He has battled depression for years and they were in counseling, and she is still numb and confused as to how he could do it and leave her and Brooke. For the next half hour a bunch of us moms just stood and listened to her as she shared with us her grief and anger. We would have stood longer but she told us she had to go. What do you do? We all offered help with taking Brooke to school or picking her up. Her church told her they wouldn't have his funeral there because they believe that since he wasn't a member of the church then he wasn't actually in heaven. Whoa.
I am thinking of sending her a card and letting her know that if she wants to grab a cup of coffee while the kids were at school one day, then to let me know. I don't know if she has a community of people to help her. She said that her family is not in the area and that her in-laws are, but that they've been mean and hard to handle. She kept looking at me while she was talking, almost like a silent plea. Maybe it's because we've chatted a couple times since the kids started and then I hadn't seen her in the last couple weeks. She said she's been late dropping Brooke off and picking her up because she can hardly drag herself out of bed some mornings. I personally don't think I could get myself out of bed. I think she is coping with this much better than I probably would, yet I don't know. I hope to never find out. I felt God moving me to do something; I just don't know what beyond starting with a card and maybe coffee. Does anyone have any advice or experience in this area? What do you say to someone who is grieving? What do you say when a woman has lost her high school sweetheart, her husband and partner of fifteen years? How do you make yourself accessible?
After circle time (during which I have to admit I became teary-eyed because I realized how fast he continues to grow up in front of me...I know...I'm a sap) the kids lined up and then paraded around the church to show the staff members and collect candy. They then came outside to where we parents were waiting and paraded on the sidewalk around the church.
After the parade, Ellie and I headed a couple blocks over to the library. While there I ran into a mom whose daughter is in Noah's classroom. She was finishing reading "The Shack" and so we struck up a conversation about it. It's actually the second time she read it. We then talked about the churches we attend and a little about family. It was nice to sit and visit with someone I don't know but who shares a common bond through being a preschool mom, as well as a sister in Christ.
Tuesday is Picture Day. I was telling my mom I didn't even know they had picture day. I thought it was a kind of silly thing for preschoolers. She told me that my preschool had picture day and then I recalled a certain picture of me from when I was four. Now I have to figure out what to dress Noah in. The note said there is no obligation to buy any of the pictures. Yeah, right. What mom of a preschooler passes up her child's first picture day pictures?
While we were waiting outside for the kids to parade out, a mom shared with us that her husband died three weeks ago. All of us were slightly stunned and then she really shocked up by telling us he committed suicide. He has battled depression for years and they were in counseling, and she is still numb and confused as to how he could do it and leave her and Brooke. For the next half hour a bunch of us moms just stood and listened to her as she shared with us her grief and anger. We would have stood longer but she told us she had to go. What do you do? We all offered help with taking Brooke to school or picking her up. Her church told her they wouldn't have his funeral there because they believe that since he wasn't a member of the church then he wasn't actually in heaven. Whoa.
I am thinking of sending her a card and letting her know that if she wants to grab a cup of coffee while the kids were at school one day, then to let me know. I don't know if she has a community of people to help her. She said that her family is not in the area and that her in-laws are, but that they've been mean and hard to handle. She kept looking at me while she was talking, almost like a silent plea. Maybe it's because we've chatted a couple times since the kids started and then I hadn't seen her in the last couple weeks. She said she's been late dropping Brooke off and picking her up because she can hardly drag herself out of bed some mornings. I personally don't think I could get myself out of bed. I think she is coping with this much better than I probably would, yet I don't know. I hope to never find out. I felt God moving me to do something; I just don't know what beyond starting with a card and maybe coffee. Does anyone have any advice or experience in this area? What do you say to someone who is grieving? What do you say when a woman has lost her high school sweetheart, her husband and partner of fifteen years? How do you make yourself accessible?
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Ellie's 6 Month Checkup
She turned 6 months about a week and a half ago, but Ellie just had her well child visit yesterday. She is in the 32nd percentile for weight and the 72nd percentile for height so she is long and skinny. I still can't get over how different this is from Noah's at that age, where he was in the 25th percentile or below for height and between 25 and 50th for weight. At 6 months, Noah was still wearing 0-3 month clothes. Ellie is in 6-9 or 12 months (depending on brand.) I guess it just proves (again!) that all kids are different.
He said she is perfect and he can't find anything wrong with her. He also said she could stand to take a couple months off for a break since she is advanced developmentally. He asked if she rolled from stomach to back and I told him she goes all the way across the floor and around the room. He asked if she could sit up for about 30 seconds and I told him it was more like 30 minutes and then I told him she is also trying to inchworm around - not always, but often. He was pretty impressed and said that most babies don't start diong those things until around 8 months or so. Tim said he knew she was doing things sooner than Noah, but when I checked Noah's baby book he was actually doing these things at the same ages. I think the only thing she is doing that he wasn't at this point is chattering non-stop. He made screeching noises and happy sounds, but she is doing the "da-da", "ba-ba" stuff, which he didn't do until around 7 1/2 months. I'm not looking at his baby book to compare them to each other, just because I can't remember when to expect certain things! It is amazing how much you forget even after just a couple years.
So there is our Eleanor update. She is a joy to our home and family. Her personality is one of extremes - she's usually either very happy or very cranky. There's not really an inbetween with her.
Tim and I were watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" the other night and it was about a boy named Job who spent 6 years in and out of hospitals for leukemia, a double lung transplant and I can't even remember what else - and he's only 10 years old now! As soon as we heard the name, I said, "Well, what in the world did they expect by naming him Job?!" A minute later they were doing the little interview part with the mom and she was talking about how they had gotten grief from family members when they chose to name him Job because everyone kept pointing out Job in the Bible and that his name means "suffering." She said they lean on the latter part of Job's life where he was more blessed during the second half of his life than the first. Tim and I started talking about names and what our's mean and our kids'. We personally, checked the meaning of the names for our children after finding ones we liked. We wanted to know out of curiousity, but also because Biblically people were named for significant reasons and we wanted to honor that as well.
Noah means "calm, peace." He was very much like this as a baby although he is quite the preschooler now. However, I still find him to be peaceful and calm often. He is content to play on his own for awhile, he travels well in the car for looong periods of time, and he is not one to pick a fight and only fights back when defending himself against physical harm. He also brought us a sense of peace when we found out he was a healthy pregnancy after going through our miscarriage. Tim and I discussed how the Biblical Noah went through ridicule while building the ark but he still went through with following God. We pray that our Noah is the same way, even if he is made fun of throughout school for his beliefs (if he so chooses to follow the Lord.) Edwin means "rich friend." We'll see about that rich part and if it means monetary. That name actually came from my grandfather.
Eleanor means "light." Though she is named after Tim's grandmother, we are praying she is a light in the world. Lee means "meadow." I like meadows, but that middle name was also my grandma's middle name.
Timothy means "to honor God." I would say he fits it pretty well. Andrea means "womanly" which is a joke to me because since becoming a mom I don't feel very womanly. I guess if you look at it in the sense of being a wife and mother, however, I have that one covered.
What about your name? What does it mean? What do the names of your children mean? Did you take name meaning into consideration when naming your children? Do you think it's important?
Monday, October 27, 2008
Updated Video Montage
*Update* It looks like the video below switched to the new music as well (Over the Rhine's "Hush Now.") I'm sorry not all of you could enjoy the David Bowie music. ** =)
This video montage is with the correct music. If you want to watch the one posted below with the awesome '80s music by David Bowie ("As the World Falls" from the movie Labyrinth) go for it.
This video montage is with the correct music. If you want to watch the one posted below with the awesome '80s music by David Bowie ("As the World Falls" from the movie Labyrinth) go for it.
A Tribute and Trivia
While watching a video today that Lydia made for her precious new baby, Beatrix Sparrow, I decided to try to make my own. This is a brief recap in photos of the last five and a half years with Tim. You'll want to pause the Project Playlist music to the right.
Also, I uploaded the wrong song but then kept it because I thought it was funny. Can anyone guess who sings it or what it's from? Hint: Think eighties.
Also, I uploaded the wrong song but then kept it because I thought it was funny. Can anyone guess who sings it or what it's from? Hint: Think eighties.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Have You Thanked...
...your mother-in-law lately?
Every so often I like to thank my in-laws for their son. I write a quick email to let them know what a fantastic husband and father he is. I let them know details or little things he does to make us all feel special and loved. I thank them for raising a hard worker and instilling good values in him.
I do this because I am thankful for Tim. I'm sure there were times when he was growing up that he was not an easy child. I'm thankful for the prayers they said to help him grow into a godly man. I am thankful they welcomed me into their family. In marrying Tim I immediately gained an extra set of parents, a kind and generous older sister, wise brother-in-law and two wonderful nephews, and a thoughtful and beautiful older brother and sister-in-law that I was blessed to have spent the first few years of our marriage in close proximity to.
Is Tim's family perfect? No, of course not. Neither is mine. We all have our flaws and weak spots. I can't choose the family I was born into. I could choose the family I married in to. I think they're pretty incredible overall. Since I married Tim I have also gained two more active nephews and two adorable nieces. Who knows how many more may come (that one is up to you, Deidra, since I think Kristen feels done with four.) =)
So if you haven't done so yet - go thank your mother-in-law (or your father-in-law, too.) You may not have a good relationship with her or you may count her as a close friend. Regardless of how you get along with her, she brought your husband into this world and raised him. That in itself deserves your appreciation and gratitude.
Also, I want to wish my mother-in-law a very happy birthday. We love you!
Every so often I like to thank my in-laws for their son. I write a quick email to let them know what a fantastic husband and father he is. I let them know details or little things he does to make us all feel special and loved. I thank them for raising a hard worker and instilling good values in him.
I do this because I am thankful for Tim. I'm sure there were times when he was growing up that he was not an easy child. I'm thankful for the prayers they said to help him grow into a godly man. I am thankful they welcomed me into their family. In marrying Tim I immediately gained an extra set of parents, a kind and generous older sister, wise brother-in-law and two wonderful nephews, and a thoughtful and beautiful older brother and sister-in-law that I was blessed to have spent the first few years of our marriage in close proximity to.
Is Tim's family perfect? No, of course not. Neither is mine. We all have our flaws and weak spots. I can't choose the family I was born into. I could choose the family I married in to. I think they're pretty incredible overall. Since I married Tim I have also gained two more active nephews and two adorable nieces. Who knows how many more may come (that one is up to you, Deidra, since I think Kristen feels done with four.) =)
So if you haven't done so yet - go thank your mother-in-law (or your father-in-law, too.) You may not have a good relationship with her or you may count her as a close friend. Regardless of how you get along with her, she brought your husband into this world and raised him. That in itself deserves your appreciation and gratitude.
Also, I want to wish my mother-in-law a very happy birthday. We love you!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Trying Something New
I am reading through the Psalms right now and this one stuck out to me.
Psalm 19
The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.
There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.
Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming
forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.
It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statues of the Lord are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The precepts of the Lord are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the Lord are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.
The fear of the Lord is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the Lord are sure
and altogether righteous.
They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.
By them is your servant warned,
in keeping them there is great reward.
Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.
Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.
May the words of my mouth and
the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
This passage doesn't really have anything to do specifically with my post. I just thought I would share it. I love that the Bible revives the soul, makes wise the simple, gives joy to the heart, gives light to the eyes, endures forever and is altogether righteous.
I have had quite a few "mommy moments" lately that I am not proud of. At times it has been my voice going from just raised to plain yelling. Sometimes it is wanting to hop in the van and drive away. I have thoughts of dropping them in a daycare and finding a job so someone else can spend the day with them.
That thought is the one that always seems to get me thinking clearly again. I know when I get to that one I need to stop and breathe. Do I really want my life any other way? Some women would kill to be in my position to stay home with their kids. Tim and I make sacrifices so that I am able to do it: we drive junky vehicles, don't eat out often and when we do we are extremely conscious of the prices of what we're ordering, we buy new clothes for ourselves maybe twice a year and for the kids as needed (thankfully they have had some hand-me-downs.)
But would I trade those things for me to go back to work? Do I wish we had more money than just paycheck-to-paycheck so that I could go buy some new clothes? Of course I wish that. Do I wish we could get some money in our emergency fund and actually keep it there longer than a month before something else breaks? I sure do. But would I trade my days at home for those things?
I don't think so.
I think one reason I have been so crazy with my kids lately is distraction. I like to talk on the phone. I like catching up with friends and family and I need some sort of adult communication during the day. Lately, though, I have been doing it a lot while they are awake and then not answering the phone during naptime because that is "my" time. Noah acts out while I'm on the phone and we usually spend the rest of the day bickering. He is crying out for my attention and I have been neglecting him.
Today I realized how horrible I feel and how selfish I am. Am I selfish for being a stay-at-home mom who wants some "me" time? No, I don't think so. I believe I need that time alone to rejuvenate and stay sane. However, could I be doing things I enjoy doing, like talking on the phone, checking my email, or reading books during their naptime instead of while they're awake? Yes. (I seem to be asking a lot of questions during this post...)
I started wondering today how Noah's attitude and behavior might be different if I was spending more time with him, not just being in the same room but actually doing things with him.
So this is what I decided, my little experiment. For the next week I am going to not talk on the phone unless it is during naptime. If you call before 1:00 in the afternoon and after 3:00 and my kids are awake, I will not be answering.
This might sound silly to some of you. Maybe you don't have this problem. That's great - I have to keep from envying you. =)
Maybe the passage above does tie into my post. I don't think the words of my mouth or the meditations of my heart have been very pleasing lately. It might be from my lack of time spent in the Word. When I sat down and read today during the kids naptime (well, actually during Noah's naptime and while I was feeding Ellie) it was amazing how different I felt after. After confessing my sinful thoughts and actions to the Lord and then reading the Bible I felt renewed and ready for a new start.
So here we go...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Already?!
Do you see Monday's forecast? That, my dear friends, is snow. I'm not ready. I need more fall! By the way, what's all this global warming stuff? Move to Michigan.
One Reason I Won't Vote Obama
Ah, the election draws nearer and I still wrestle who I will cast my vote for. I know one thing I am sure of though. I won't vote for Obama. (I'm wrestling between McCain and an independent.) I know that there are many factors that go into voting - many issues that need to be looked at and evaluated. From foreign policy to economics to education and so on. Then there is the abortion issue. This is more a moral issue and I think some people find it silly to cast a vote based on something they find to be not a major issue. It's a major isse to me, though.
I have been very pro-life since I was young enough to learn what abortion was. In high school, I wrote papers on it and presented them in class. You would probably never find me picketing outside an abortion clinic - that's not really my style of handling any issue.
I wonder how many women who are pro-choice have actually had an abortion. It seems that women whom I have heard speak that have had abortions carry scars and emotional guilt years later. I remember being at a conference called Hearts at Home a couple years ago and listening to a speaker named Lysa TerKeurst. She had all of us women thankful that there were tiny packages of Kleenex in our conference bags. She told her story that involved abortion.
About a month ago at a retreat for a program called STATS that I am a team leader for at Reeths-Puffer high school (groups of high schoolers go into local middle schools to talk about abstinence from drugs, tobacco, alcohol and sex until marriage) we listened to one of the team leaders share her story that involved drugs, alcohol, and an affair with a married man that landed her pregnant. She had that baby and went through college as a single mom. She married and had another son. Her husband was abusive to both her and her kids and the week that she finally found the courage to leave him, she found out she was pregnant. Not wanting to be a single, pregnant woman with other children or stay in an abusive marriage and have another baby, she ended up having an abortion. I watched as she stood up in front of us and cried while explaining that twenty years later - even though she knows God has forgiven her - she can't forgive herself for her abortion because she knows in her heart it was murder.
I have heard countless stories of women intent on abortions who go into a pregnancy center and end up receiving an ultrasound. Almost 90% of women who see this ultrasound end up changing their mind and either keep the baby themselves or give the child up for adoption.
I believe that life begins at conception. I saw Eleanor's tiny heart beating at 7 weeks. Though she looked like no more than a peanut, there was a constant flutter in her chest. I think any time a heart stops beating, it's a sign of death. I am pretty sure an abortion causes a heart to stop beating and because it was deliberately performed, I consider it murder.
I think that we need to be a nation that advocates adoption. I mean, for those of us who are going to stand against abortion, we have to have more than just that. We can't just encourage a woman to have a baby and then leave her. She might not be able to raise a child, whether because of single, or finances, or being in a relationship she herself does not want to be a part of. She has to know, though, that she is not alone during that time and that there is adoption. That way, twenty years later when she thinks about her baby, she can know that he or she was given a chance at life instead of regretting her decision and living with guilt.
I have been very pro-life since I was young enough to learn what abortion was. In high school, I wrote papers on it and presented them in class. You would probably never find me picketing outside an abortion clinic - that's not really my style of handling any issue.
I wonder how many women who are pro-choice have actually had an abortion. It seems that women whom I have heard speak that have had abortions carry scars and emotional guilt years later. I remember being at a conference called Hearts at Home a couple years ago and listening to a speaker named Lysa TerKeurst. She had all of us women thankful that there were tiny packages of Kleenex in our conference bags. She told her story that involved abortion.
About a month ago at a retreat for a program called STATS that I am a team leader for at Reeths-Puffer high school (groups of high schoolers go into local middle schools to talk about abstinence from drugs, tobacco, alcohol and sex until marriage) we listened to one of the team leaders share her story that involved drugs, alcohol, and an affair with a married man that landed her pregnant. She had that baby and went through college as a single mom. She married and had another son. Her husband was abusive to both her and her kids and the week that she finally found the courage to leave him, she found out she was pregnant. Not wanting to be a single, pregnant woman with other children or stay in an abusive marriage and have another baby, she ended up having an abortion. I watched as she stood up in front of us and cried while explaining that twenty years later - even though she knows God has forgiven her - she can't forgive herself for her abortion because she knows in her heart it was murder.
I have heard countless stories of women intent on abortions who go into a pregnancy center and end up receiving an ultrasound. Almost 90% of women who see this ultrasound end up changing their mind and either keep the baby themselves or give the child up for adoption.
I believe that life begins at conception. I saw Eleanor's tiny heart beating at 7 weeks. Though she looked like no more than a peanut, there was a constant flutter in her chest. I think any time a heart stops beating, it's a sign of death. I am pretty sure an abortion causes a heart to stop beating and because it was deliberately performed, I consider it murder.
I think that we need to be a nation that advocates adoption. I mean, for those of us who are going to stand against abortion, we have to have more than just that. We can't just encourage a woman to have a baby and then leave her. She might not be able to raise a child, whether because of single, or finances, or being in a relationship she herself does not want to be a part of. She has to know, though, that she is not alone during that time and that there is adoption. That way, twenty years later when she thinks about her baby, she can know that he or she was given a chance at life instead of regretting her decision and living with guilt.
Monday, October 20, 2008
I'm It
I was tagged by Erin last week but didn't see it until I was catching up today. I did a post awhile ago when I was tagged but this one is different so here we go...
4 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. My senior year of high school
2. Was on Homecoming Court (me, too, Erin!)
3. Was in my third year dating Brooks and ready to break up
4. Working at the Fossil store in the outlet mall
4 things on my to do list for today:
1. Make lasagna for dinner
2. Fold laundry
3. Meet Sara & Stephani at Hage's
4. Snuggle with my husband on the couch later and watch last night's Extreme Home Makeover
4 jobs I have had:
1. Taco Bell (my first job besides babysitting)
2. Fossil
3. Cornerstone University - Phone team and Admissions Counselor Assistant
4. Kregel Used Books
4 Movies I have seen more than once:
1. Sense and Sensibility
2. Pride and Prejudice (both newer and BBC versions)
3. Waiting for Guffman
4. Sleeping Beauty
4 places I have lived:
1. Fowlerville, MI
2. Grand Rapids, MI
3. Muskegon, MI
4. Grand Haven, MI
4 places I have been (this year):
1. Waterford, VA
2. Malvern, OH
3. Toledo, OH
4. St. Ignace, MI
4 TV shows I watch
*We have to watch all our shows online since we don't have TV*
1. The Office
2. Lost
3. House
4. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
(If I had cable there would be a lot more shows on here!)
4 things you may not know about me:
1. I would love to go back to school for journalism or something with copywriting/editing. I actually take a pen and edit the newspaper sometimes. It drives Tim crazy. If I could get paid to do it, that would be a dream!
2. I don't know if anyone besides a couple friends know this one: I LOVE to type. Sometimes, when I'm listening to someone, I'm actually mentally typing out their words in my head. My fingers love the feeling of a keyboard.
3. I am a highly self-conscious person and easily hurt, which is why I tend to be harsh with others sometimes (it's a fault I've been praying about and trying to give over to God.)
4. I do not actually enjoying going to church; I only go because Tim makes me. I love Jesus and have a relationship with him that I take very seriously. I just don't like church. I get more out of a small group Bible Study setting where there is interaction and actual studying of the Bible.
4 things I love about my husband:
1. He's the most good-looking man I've ever laid eyes on. =)
2. He challenges and encourages me, loving and accepting me despite my faults
3. He is an honest man and hard worker
4. He is a godly husband and father
4 people I tag: (your turn if you want!)
1. Daniella (ha! another one)
2. Sara T.
3. Deidra
4. Deanna
And whoever else wants to!
4 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. My senior year of high school
2. Was on Homecoming Court (me, too, Erin!)
3. Was in my third year dating Brooks and ready to break up
4. Working at the Fossil store in the outlet mall
4 things on my to do list for today:
1. Make lasagna for dinner
2. Fold laundry
3. Meet Sara & Stephani at Hage's
4. Snuggle with my husband on the couch later and watch last night's Extreme Home Makeover
4 jobs I have had:
1. Taco Bell (my first job besides babysitting)
2. Fossil
3. Cornerstone University - Phone team and Admissions Counselor Assistant
4. Kregel Used Books
4 Movies I have seen more than once:
1. Sense and Sensibility
2. Pride and Prejudice (both newer and BBC versions)
3. Waiting for Guffman
4. Sleeping Beauty
4 places I have lived:
1. Fowlerville, MI
2. Grand Rapids, MI
3. Muskegon, MI
4. Grand Haven, MI
4 places I have been (this year):
1. Waterford, VA
2. Malvern, OH
3. Toledo, OH
4. St. Ignace, MI
4 TV shows I watch
*We have to watch all our shows online since we don't have TV*
1. The Office
2. Lost
3. House
4. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition
(If I had cable there would be a lot more shows on here!)
4 things you may not know about me:
1. I would love to go back to school for journalism or something with copywriting/editing. I actually take a pen and edit the newspaper sometimes. It drives Tim crazy. If I could get paid to do it, that would be a dream!
2. I don't know if anyone besides a couple friends know this one: I LOVE to type. Sometimes, when I'm listening to someone, I'm actually mentally typing out their words in my head. My fingers love the feeling of a keyboard.
3. I am a highly self-conscious person and easily hurt, which is why I tend to be harsh with others sometimes (it's a fault I've been praying about and trying to give over to God.)
4. I do not actually enjoying going to church; I only go because Tim makes me. I love Jesus and have a relationship with him that I take very seriously. I just don't like church. I get more out of a small group Bible Study setting where there is interaction and actual studying of the Bible.
4 things I love about my husband:
1. He's the most good-looking man I've ever laid eyes on. =)
2. He challenges and encourages me, loving and accepting me despite my faults
3. He is an honest man and hard worker
4. He is a godly husband and father
4 people I tag: (your turn if you want!)
1. Daniella (ha! another one)
2. Sara T.
3. Deidra
4. Deanna
And whoever else wants to!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Ellie Belly
That's mine and Noah's nickname for her. He gets a kick out of calling her that, though when he says it, for some reason he says "Bewwy Ewwy." I think he might inherit his dad and my dad's dyslexia.
Eleanor Lee turns 6 months on Sunday. I can't believe how fast the time is flying with her. In the past two weeks she has been sitting up consistently on her own, inchworming along the floor, rolling all over the house, and chattering like a little bird. Yesterday she got her first tooth! I was checking out her mouth and there it was on the bottom - you can tell it had just poked through.
Today I took her into the doctor because she was wheezing when she woke up this morning. She has a "cold with a wheeze." The doctor described it as a little more than a cold because it's in her chest as well, but not showing any signs of RSV or something more serious. He gave me three things to watch for. The real kicker is what she was diagnosed with that I had no idea of - a double ear infection! Poor girl. She doesn't seemed bothered by it but is on some amoxicillin now. I have to confess: I used to love that stuff as a child. When I picked up the prescription from Meijer and brought it home I almost wanted to open it and take some myself. Weird, I know.
So there's the latest on our girl. She will hopefully be dedicated in November, but I haven't heard any dates for it yet so I don't know if they're still planning on one or not.
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