She's Here!!

Eleanor Lee Ross was born Saturday, April 19, 2008 at 6:46am weighing in at 7 lbs 7 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Here are all the details of her birth story and how our recovery is going so far.


Apparently between the earthquake and the full moon, she knew she didn't stand a chance. We joined our friends, The Lewises, for dinner Friday night at Hearthstone (very yummy) in Muskegon. After returning home, Noah was put to bed and Tim and I settled down to watch our Thursday night shows (since we watch them online we have to wait until the next day to catch up on them.) While watching "Scrubs" I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break. A couple minutes after sitting back down I realized I felt like I had peed my pants. Now, if you have ever been pregnant, you realize this is not the most uncommon sensation or happening so I didn't think much about it...just headed to the bathroom to see what was going on. While in there I realized I couldn't stop fluid from leaking out of me and called to Tim that my water was breaking. I called the hospital and they asked if it was a trickle or a gush. While replying it was a trickle, I suddenly felt a gush..."Um," I said. "Make that a gush. It definitely broke." They told us to come in within the next half hour to an hour. We called Matt & Jeana, our "on-call labor baby-sitters" for Noah. Jeana was speaking in hushed tones when she answered and when I asked where she was she told me they were at the movies. I told her my water broke and she replied with "I knew this was going to happen while we were here." They booked it over while we were getting our last minute things together. (They did get free passes for the movie after explaining the situation to the employees about why they had to leave.)


Tim and I arrived at the hospital around 10:30 and my contractions hadn't really started. They were completely bearable and 8 minutes apart. The nurse checked me at 3-4cm and 50-60% effaced so I hadn't progressed since my last appointment. Tim and I walked the halls for a loooong time before deciding we should maybe try to get some rest since it obviously looked like it was going to be a long night. We dozed off and on and at about 2:00 my contractions went from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart in an instant. They checked and found me to be only 5 cm dilated. By this point I was in intense pain and all dreams of natural childbirth were chucked out the window after I heard I still had 5 cm to go. The on-call doctor (who was not one of my doctors since all 3 of mine were out of town on the same weekend) decided to start pitocin to help me along. The nurse (whose name was Sonya and was fantastic) got an IV in me but before she could start the pitocin we realized I was making progress on my own...pretty quickly. I begged and begged for the epidural and between 4:30 and 5:00 finally received it. The woman who gave me the epidural poked me 3 times before finding the right spot and got mad at me the first two times I jumped. I wanted to yell at her that if she would get it in the right spot I wouldn't be jumping since I wouldn't feel like a knife was cutting down my leg. I will admit I was pretty mean prior to the epidural and I have a great husband for choosing to love me and stay with me after some of the things I said to him. After the epidural I resumed my old self and was able to relax a bit and even doze on and off again. Around 6:00 I asked them to check me because I was feeling lots of pressure (the epidural only took away the horrible pain; I could still feel the pushing area and my legs) and like I had to use the bathroom. They found me at 9cm and started getting stuff ready. At 6:30 I said, "I really have to use the bathroom or push or whatever this feeling is." The doctor told me to start pushing if I felt like it and after about 15 minutes, Ellie was in my arms. The doctor was certain I wasn't going to tear but then at the last moment Ellie decided to shove her arm out with her head and stretched me out a good deal, tearing me in the process. The good news is that it was along my scar line from where I tore with Noah, so since there are no nerve endings there anymore I am not in the pain I was after the first time around with Noah.


In relation to Noah's labor, Ellie's was a good deal shorter (only 9 hours start to finish instead of 21) however I would consider it more painful since it progressed so fast and went from la-dee-da to intense pain in a minute.

Shortly after the delivery I started developing a severe headache. The thought was that it was a spinal headache from the problems with the epidural and I was started on all sorts of medications and pain relievers. This made me drowsy to the point of falling asleep during conversations with visitors. I feel like a total goofball looking back on Saturday and remembering talking to Christina, then opening my eyes a moment later with her still staring at me expectantly. "I was talking wasn't I?" I asked. She just nodded and was very understanding. Sunday the on-call doctor decided it wasn't a spinal but just tense muscles and took me off everything but gave me a muscle relaxer. Although I felt a little better, I still had a good deal of pain in my head even though my neck was feeling looser.


Monday morning I awoke and as I got up to use the bathroom I fell back on the bed and started sobbing. The pain was so severe and intense I thought I was going to black out. I had to rest my head between Tim's shoulderblades as he led me to the bathroom. I cried as I went to the bathroom and sobbed as I sat in the bathtub with Tim washing my hair and helping me out of the tub and into my clothes. My nurse came in as I was getting back into bed in tears and ran out to get me more pain relief. A couple hours later we managed to check out with me feeling a little better after the medicine kicked in.


That night I got a call from my doctor (who was finally back) telling me that the pathology lab had found inflammation around the placenta, which can be a sign of impending infection and Tim was off to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. She mentioned that if I had the headache still in the morning then I was to go to the ER and have a blood patch done because she didn't think it was tense muscles like the other doctor did.


I woke up with the headache at its worst and after Tim's brother, Randy, came over to watch Noah we were off with Ellie to the ER. That is where we have spent most of today. They pumped 3 bags of fluids in me and gave me a blood patch. A blood patch is what they do for a spinal headache, which I guess I did end up having as a result of the bad epidural experience. They took blood from my arm and then put it into my back in the spot where my epidural was. This blood then clots up in the spot where the hole is that is leaking the spinal fluid, closing it up. Not a pleasant experience, but it seems to have worked as I am not having pain anymore.

**Update on Wednesday** The headache was back again this morning, though not as severe, so it must not have been spinal related or the clot was knocked loose at some point in the night. We are now just asking for prayers that it goes away quickly and we can know how to combat it.

Now for the fun stuff: pictures!Getting ready to walk the halls in the fashionable birthing unit gown.

Noah holding his little sister for the first time. Although he is giving us attitude, he absolutely adores her.Noah with his friends, Leighton and Maddie, while their family was visiting us on Sunday.
We're still working on a family picture.

A proud and exhausted dad, mom and daughter.

I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

Apparently today is the day for me to use song lyrics as post titles. This one is from Carole King. The one below, I discovered, is from Credence Clearwater Revival, but I screwed it up - sorry! It's actually "there's a bad moon on the rise." Oh, well.
Anyways, this morning I couldn't sleep (welcome to the most recent 3 months of my life.) I tend to get up around 3:30 and not fall back asleep until around 5:30 or 6:00, which stinks because Noah is up around 7:00. So as I awake this morning and sitting in the living room researching the correlation between a full moon and going into labor (I'm a nerd, I know) I felt shakey. I thought I was going to pass out or something. Then I realized our house was slightly shaking. I thought this was all in my head until I looked over at our windows and the blinds were moving back and forth. At this point, not knowing what was going on and not really caring to find out (honestly, I will say my first thought was that somewhere close something had been blown up or exploded and we were feeling effects from it) I quickly put the laptop away and crawled back into bed next to Tim figuring that if we were going to die then I wanted to die next to him. My thoughts and imagination can be slightly dramatic...especially when tired.
My mom mentioned the earthquake in Illinois while we were talking this morning and I got online to check out the news. I felt my first earthquake this morning! Silly thing to get excited about, I know, but when your days are spent with a toddler and waiting for a baby to come...an earthquake can be quite the excitement of the day. I must say, though, that after finding out it was an earthquake I was disappointed it did not shake me into labor. Guess I'll wait on that moon still to see if that comes through for me.
I have LOVED this warm spring weather we're having. We are outside with Noah multiple times a day. Usually I take him out before lunch, after a nap and then Tim takes him outside after dinner until bedtime which gives me a chance to rest inside with some quiet. And having the windows open! Oh, the fresh air...it's so nice to clear out a closed-up-all-winter-stuffy-house. When my niece, Wyndham, was born (3 years ago tomorrow) the weather was warm the day she was born. I can remember swinging by the hospital while Deidra was in labor and wearing capris and a short-sleeve shirt. When she came home a couple days later, we had been dumped on with more snow and it was cold again. I really hope to have and bring Ellie home during some nice weather. I can't wait for her to come! I'm getting impatient...

There's a Full Moon on the Rise

Isn't that a lyric from an old song? I'll have to look that one up later.
Anyways, here is the latest update. I'm still pregnant so membrane stripping can be a load of bull and just a painful experience for some people. I do think it might have helped get some things rolling in that my body is showing some more signs of being prepared.
My non-stress test went well yesterday. I had to stay on the monitor longer than usual because Ellie has slowed down so much the past few days she slept the whole time I was hooked to it. The nurse had to come in and kind of move my belly around and press on it so she would wake up. That did the trick apparently and after another 10 minutes they took me off. When the doctor (a different one than I've had the past couple weeks) came in to review the test with me, she told me that she's convinced I'll go into labor this weekend. Part of the reason is because I am having so many signs it's close and part of it is because there is a full moon this weekend. She said that although she is not superstitious after all her years delivering babies she has noticed the trend that when there is a full moon, there is a packed labor and delivery ward...something about barometric pressure although she doesn't know why it affects a pregnant woman. She said that if I actually make it to my appointment on Monday she will shocked and we'll have to look at a next step to get this baby out. I am NOT having my membranes stripped again so we'll see what she has in mind.
My ultrasound also went well. The tech asked if Noah had a big head when he was born and I told her yes, even one of the pediatricians had commented on its size (NOT a good thing to say to a new mom. I cried because I, of course, thought he was perfect.) She told me to expect another big one, very round she said. Wonderful. Maybe that's why she's not coming out. Yesterday the ultrasound predicted the weight at 8 lb. 2 oz. and had the due date at yesterday - which was obviously wrong as I am sitting here right now still quite pregnant.
So that's the latest. I have no idea how all my kidney tests went and the tech didn't say anything during my kidney ultrasound yesterday so I guess I will find out sooner or later.
As for now...I'm waiting to see about this whole full moon theory.

Ouch!

I had another non-stress test and OB prenatal appointment today. Tim and Noah accompanied me. The NST went great - Ellie gave the reactions they hoped for. I talked to my OB about possibly inducing since my protein is still high (although it has gone down a little bit) and I am concerned about it. She said that proteinuria on its own is not reason enough to induce. After checking me and finding me at almost 4 cm and hearing how strong and how often my braxton hicks are she decided to strip my membranes to "naturally" help things progress. Ouch! That is one painful process.
She told me she wanted me to be tested for a bunch of things related to my kidneys to see if that is what is causing the proteinuria. While saying good-bye she informed me that with how far dilated I am, effaced and how my braxton hicks are, the membrane stripping should take effect and we could have a baby in the next 24-48 hours. Woo-hoo! Although if she is wrong and it doesn't take...I'm going to be highly disappointed.
Stay tuned!

My Dear One...

Today would have been your due date, but back in 2005. It is such a bittersweet day since I know that if you had made it full-term, your little brother, Noah, wouldn't be here with us. I want you to know that I do think of you still and Daddy does as well. He doesn't remember the dates of things like I do, but he said he thinks of you and what you would have been like and how he felt when we found out I had miscarried you. I have never seen him cry in such pain like he did when he called your Papa and Grandma Joycie to tell them what happened.
I may have never felt your first kicks or somersaults and hiccups but I at least got to see your tiny body-though lifeless- on an ultrasound, which is more than what some people are able to experience when they lose their child through miscarriage. I occasionally take out the ultrasound pictures and look at them to keep you close to my heart. I find that I do it less every year, which I assume is part of the healing process.
Sometimes I wonder - since I don't really know how it works in Heaven - if God allows you a glimpse of us. Do you know that you have a younger brother? Or a sister who is supposed to be born soon? I had really hoped that maybe she would come today and share your date. Your cousin, Kailyn, was born on the anniversary of your miscarriage. It was a step of healing for me as I could start approaching the day with a joy rather than grief. I had hoped maybe the same for this day. Not that it would ever erase you from my memory, but I know that you're not sad in Heaven and that you wouldn't mind.
I miss you so much and wonder what you would have looked like or how your personality would have been. I am excited to see you in Heaven one day and be able to spend eternity seeing you.
Love, Mom

Baby Update

I had an appointment yesterday and it went quite well. My protein is still high, but stable in that it didn't change from the week before. I hate going to an office where you have to see 3 different doctors because it seems that one of them is concerned and the other two are kind of neutral about it and you never know what you're going to get! My non-stress test was great. Ellie hates it so she is always especially active during that time which gives them the results they want to see. She also always gets the hiccups when it's being done, which is interesting to hear through the monitor. The doctor checked me and said, "You're dilated to 2 centimeters...oh, wait. If I stretch a little bit you're a at a 3." I'll take the 3, that's much more encouraging. That's 3 centimeters I don't have to worry about while in labor. I'm also 50% effaced.
So at this point in time I'm still supposed to keep doing all the tests and waiting for a baby. Technically there are 2 more weeks but I'm so uncomfortable I'm still praying it happens sooner.

I'm Exhausted!

Today is one of those days where being a wife and mom is exhausting. It's one of those days where you want your mom to be the mom of your household and you want to just be responsible for sitting down to eat dinner with the rest of the family and help clean up a bit afterwards.
I started full-force potty training with Noah today. Last week was our re-introduction week. I would ask if he had to use the potty and he wore pull-ups. He used it about 3 or so times a day. Today...he wore "big boy undies" for the first time. They have Lightning McQueen from the movie "Cars" on them. He was pretty excited about it. He started wearing them around 8:30 this morning and his first accident was just an hour later. He seemed kind of startled by the fact he could feel he was wet and it wasn't absorbed by anything. The rest of the morning went well. He used the potty every hour and was thrilled. After lunch I took him in there again and noticed he had wet a little bit in his underwear. I think maybe he had started and then stopped himself because after he used the potty that time there was a tiny lake in it. He wore a pull-up during his nap and when he woke up it was dirty. He came into my room and announced "My pull-up is dirty. I want dry undies." I felt that was a bit of an accomplishment at least in that he wanted to wear the underwear again.
The rest of the afternoon was a disaster. We quickly made it to the last pair of underwear based on small accidents. I will admit that part of it was due to my being negligent in asking him or taking him to the bathroom because I was trying a new recipe for dinner and it occupied a good hour of my time in which the potty was not part of my thoughts. At the moment he is yelling at Tim because he does not want to use the potty and Tim is trying to get him ready for bed. So although we had a good start to the day...it went downhill by the end. I guess tomorrow is a new day and I will spend this evening washing underwear to get ready for it.
Noah is at such a difficult point in life right now in that he is trying to exercise his independence and what he can and cannot get away with it. He will tell us he wants one thing and then when we get it for him he decides he wants something else. This doesn't fly with either Tim or I and so we tell him he already made his decision and if he doesn't want it then he doesn't get anything. This works in that he realizes we aren't going to waiver...but he has to test EVERY area of life: food, beverages, toys, clothes, anything you can make a decision in. It's exhausting. And yes, I know it will get even harder when I have the baby and there are two children demanding my time.
So between spending half the day in the bathroom or cleaning up accidents, dealing with painful braxton hicks contractions, preparing-eating-and cleaning dinner, and just going through the everyday toddler challenges, I think I'm the one that should be getting ready for bed. Now I just need to see if Tim will read me a story, pray with me and tuck me in.

Oh, this little one...

I had my 37 week appointment today. The doctor went over my protein results from last Friday's 24 hour collection and they were...not good. My protein was even higher this time than last. However, because my blood pressure is still normal (yea!) and I'm not swollen, there is not a way she can diagnose me with preeclampsia. I have to have something else in conjunction with the high protein. So now I am being watched carefully. Instead of just the once a week check-ups, I now have those AND twice weekly non-stress tests for fetal monitoring, once a week ultrasounds to check the amniotic fluid level and I have to do bloodwork and the 24 hour protein urine collections once a week. I was also dilated to just over a centimeter, which is more than I was with Noah at this point although I don't put much stock in how far you are dilated having an effect on when you actually go into labor. I wasn't dilated at all before I went into labor with Noah and I know people who have walked around for weeks being a few centimeters dilated. That's why my doctor in Grand Rapids never even checked her patients until the 39 week appointment. She said too many first time moms are broken hearted. I just figure the more I can dilate now, the less I have to do later, right?
Noah woke up from his nap with a slight fever. He was having a good morning and then right before lunch he curled up in my lap and wanted to snuggle...that's when I started suspecting something might be going on. He practically fell asleep in his lunch, hardly ate, and then asked to take a nap (at that point I was thinking something was definitely wrong.) I was surprised that he didn't nap as long as usual and when he came and woke me up from my nap, his cheeks were extremely flushed and warm and when I felt his forehead he felt warmer than usual. After taking his temperature I put in a quick call to his pediatrician's office to speak to the nurse. She said it was probably a small bug or cold since he has no other symptoms - no cough, no runny nose...just tired and a slight fever - so she had me give him some children's Motrin. I think that actually gave him a small burst of energy, but the rest of the afternoon and evening he was just not himself. He again curled up in my lap on the couch tonight and snuggled. Tim said he was asleep before they were even done with their usual bedtime routine. I hope it doesn't turn into anything more serious.
That's about all new here. I am excited to see my little girl on an ultrasound next Friday (I would like more to see her in person by that time, but we'll see...) My sister told me that ultrasounds are not as exciting late in the pregnancy because by that time the baby is so big you just see a head or part of the body instead of the entire little being. I wish I could see whether or not she has hair.....

Triage and he's back...

We picked up Noah tonight. We met my parents about halfway between in Portland, a little over an hour drive for us. He was thrilled to see us until we put him in the carseat to leave. The rest of the ride home was filled with him either crying or being crabby and angry. Unfortunately, it does usually take a day or two for him to get over his attitude of feeling like we "abandoned" him with Grampa and Gramma, even though he has the time of his life there. Hopefully tomorrow will run smoother than tonight.
Yesterday morning I spent in triage at the hospital. No, I wasn't having false labor or even thought I was in labor (though it would be nice...) I woke up and started to eat a bowl of cereal. Out of nowhere I developed this massive headache and started seeing small white spots all over. The headache was something my doctor had advised to watch for. I was supposed to ride into GR with Tim so that I could drop him off at work and then spend the day visiting people and getting last minute things I need for when Ellie arrives. Since Tim was supposed to be at work before my doctor's office even opened, I decided to call the hospital's birthing unit. After explaining the situation I asked if I could swing in and have my blood pressure checked, decided that if it was normal it was probably some worse than usual pregnancy headache and I could still go in to GR for the day.
We got to the birthing unit and the very nice nurse took us into triage where she then hooked me up to the fetal monitors and the blood pressure cuff. Explaining we would probably only be there for a few minutes, she took my blood pressure which turned out to be great. Ellie's heart rate was also holding steady in the mid-140s. The nurse then left to call my doctor.
She came back and explained that my doctor wanted me to remain hooked to the blood pressure cuff for a short amount of time to check it at certain intervals to monitor it to make sure it stayed low. She also said that since my bloodwork and protein test were now considered "old" (they had been taken 2 weeks before!) I had to get new ones. And I couldn't leave until the results from my bloodwork were processed.
What became a "few minute" check turned into two and a half hours. Tim and I watched "Good Morning America" and after that was done we switched over to the "Today Show" (of whose morning team I really do not like but they were interviewing Whitney Cerak and her family and the VanRyns so I did want to see that.) We watched Ellie's heartrate and the computer also monitor my contractions, which I was glad to see that my pain was actually registered as contractions - they're just not regular yet so they're not "real." The nurse came back and said they had to see Ellie's heartrate accelerate about 15 beats and stay that way for about 15 beats a certain amount of times before I could leave. They wanted to make sure her nervous system is mature by her moving causing her heartrate to go up to make sure everything was working together. This wouldn't usually be a problem except that Ellie had already had an active morning and was at that point sleeping, or at least resting. As soon as the nurse left, Tim tried singing to my belly. I have to confess I grew quickly annoyed by not being in the mood to hear "Row row row your boat" sung at my stomach. So I did what I thought would work. I began to move and sway my stomach as jerkingly as I could from side to side. That did it! Tim told me Ellie was going to be mad at me but I told him as long as her heartrate went up I didn't care where or how hard she wanted to kick me.
Finally, after getting the bloodwork results back and finding everything looked good, seeing an accelerated heartrate a certain amount of times and watching my blood pressure continue to actually lower while we were there...they let me leave. Along with a plastic bag containing the jug in which to collect my urine for 24 hours. Oh, the joy. So while everything else is looking good, I now wait until Thursday to see the results of my protein and whether it is still high like last time.
By then I will be 37 weeks and hopefully she decides to come soon. I don't know how much longer I can wait!

Relaxing Week

I figured I would blog more this week, having more free time to do it with Noah being gone. I guess there just hasn't been much to blog about.
It has been a very relaxing, and at times boring, week. I'm starting to really miss Noah, especially when I call my mom and can hear his little voice in the back. She said yesterday was a hard day for him in that he was highly sensitive and emotional and seemed to be asking about us a lot. I guess the time limit on all of us missing each other is 5 days, which is the longest we've ever been apart. So we might end up getting him tomorrow. We're going to play it by ear.
I got all of Ellie's stuff set up and clothes washed so she can come now. If only it worked like that. I do still have to pack our suitcase but I figure that part is easy, especially since I realize how much I overpacked the first time around. There are splashes of pink around now, between receiving blankets and clothes and whatnot. Tim is almost adjusted to it.
It has been a pretty non-eventful week. Tuesday night I visited with Stephani while the guys went and played basketball. I was able to fulfill the small part of me that once dreamed of being a teacher by helping her grade papers. Last night we bought the carseat (well, we picked it up but my parents technically bought it for us as what would have been a "shower" present if I had any- thanks Mom and Dad!) After we met Matt & Jeana at Barnes and Noble to visit. They asked if we wanted to go to Target and help them start a registry. They're going to do the Babies 'R Us one on their own but wanted to ease into the big store by doing a smaller one and having some help. So over to Target we went. Let me tell you, it is actually harder I think doing a registry for a child who will be about a year and a half because Tim and I were racking our brains trying to remember what they're using or are interested in at that age. Also, it's so much different with adopting from another country because we were saying, "No you won't need bottles because most kids don't usually use them at that age still" and then finding out that in China they don't wean their babies off bottles at as early of an age as we do and so she probably IS still using one. But it was fun and it reminded me of some last minute things I still need to pick up, which I will do today when I head into Grand Rapids with Tim. I'm going to drop him off and visit people, run errands, etc.
Then tonight we have a date! Probably our last one before Ellie is born.
I read an incredible book yesterday (yes, I did have time to read a whole book in a day...) It's called "The Shack" by William P. Young. It's fiction, but it gives you a ton of things to think about regarding God, the Trinity, where is God when bad things happen, etc. It was a book I'm recommending. Go read it. I think you can read an excerpt online at www.theshackbook.com.
So that's about it. We'll get our son back this weekend and then I'll continue to wait somewhat impatiently until this little girl decides to make her entrance.

He is Risen!

Easter was this past weekend. It was an interesting weekend for us overall. Easter didn't seem like Easter so that made it kind of weird. We also attend a chuch that isn't very traditional since they're trying to focus more on relationships than religion and reaching unchurched people (which is what the church should be doing) so that makes things feel different as well. For example, while in Grand Rapids we were used to attending a Maundy Thursday supper, Good Friday service and Sunday morning services where people would greet and respond with "He is risen!" "He is risen, indeed!"
Thursday night Tim read to Noah out of one of his children's Bibles the stories of The Last Supper and the Garden of Gethsemane. Even though Noah isn't totally grasping these things yet, it's important to us that we are starting these traditions and talking to him about God and Jesus at an early age.
Friday Tim read about the cross. Before bed, Tim and I read together (well, I read out loud while he rubbed my back and listened) from the book of Mark. I had just randomly picked that book to read from, mainly because I had opened to it. Neither of us must have read the story of Jesus being arrested from Mark, though, because while reading we both were taken by surprise. Mark 14:50-52 says this:

"Then everyone deserted him and fled. A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind."

I stopped reading as Tim stopped rubbing my back and said, "What?! I have never heard that before!" It is so random you wonder what - if any - is the significance of it? Tim thought it was interesting how all the disciples deserted Jesus and yet this young man stays with him, that is until he is seized...in which case he takes off and leaves the garment in their hands pretty much. After discussing it a little bit, as well as laughing at the fact we've never noticed it before, we moved on and read the rest of the events that happened that significant Friday.
My parents came on Saturday afternoon bearing gifts galore for Noah and Ellie. I thought Tim was going to have a stroke when he looked around and said, "Look at all this pink. I've never seen so much pink." After opening gifts and Noah playing hide-and-seek-the-plastic-Easter-eggs with my dad and Tim, we grabbed a pizza and took it to my parents' hotel room. Everyone but me played in the pool. I took pictures. I think we're going to look into swim lessons for Noah. He kept climbing out and jumping back in (with either my Dad or Tim catching him of course.) My mom said, "I think even if no one had been there to catch him, he still would have jumped in." He would have. I know this because last summer whenever we went to the beach we had to have a hand on him at all times or else he would have run straight into the water without us. This year we're investing in a life jacket...and possibly swim lessons....and probably just a plastic pool in the backyard where I can monitor him a little easier.
Sunday morning was church. We went to the early service. Well, Tim had to be at all three, but the rest of us went to the early added service, mainly because it was a Panera breakfast. Not just bagels either - muffins and yummy pastries were there as well. Unfortunately, it was the one morning that week that Noah decided to not wake up before 7:00am so we had to wake him. We told him "Happy Easter" as we turned on his lamp and started pulling his blankets off him. He responded with "No happy Easter." Yes, that's our cheerful child. Now he knows what we feel like when he wakes us up. Tim told me later that he said, "He is risen" to a couple people. He stopped when all he got were blank looks and "um, yeah" as a response.
My mom is reading a book right now called "Pagan Christianity." I'm not quite sure all it's about but I know that she and some friends are thinking about just starting a kind of home church to meet with each other. She made a point of telling me last week that the community group Tim and I are in is more of what a church is supposed to be than what church services are. I was a little, nervous maybe?, of how she would respond to the service since she's been reading this book. While we were leaving she said, "Well, I can see things in your church that the "Pagan Christianity" book talks about, but if I was going to attend a church I would want it to be like your's. It was a very good service and I liked the music. Your friend, Stephani, has a beautiful voice." I guess I'll take that as a good thing overall. It's just very different for me to see my mom with all these new opinions.
So anyways, after they checked out of their room and Tim finished his part in the last service, we went to Bob Evans for lunch. That's right - no cooking or cleaning for us on Easter this year. I think that is what also contributed to it not feeling like Easter though. Afterward we came back to our place, I packed a suitcase for Noah, and my parents were off - taking Noah with them. I thought it would probably only be until Friday but they said they want to keep him until Sunday. Fine by me! This will be the longest we've ever been away from him though. It's usually just a few days, or a weekend. Not 8 days! It has been so quiet around here today that I keep thinking I need to check on him in his room, then I remember he's not there.
Well this has been a very long post. I have a doctor appointment this afternoon so we'll see if the blood pressure is still down. I was lectured by 2 nurses at church yesterday - separately - on how I need to continue to take it easy and rest because preeclampsia could come on suddenly at any time, especially since I'm already borderline. One of them, our friend Josh who is also in our small group, said that I need to stay away from foods high in salt and I should limit my carb intake. I told him I don't really like salty foods, so that part is not a problem, but we might have a problem with the carb intake side of things. So far today this child has been extremely active and I feel like my internal organs are sporting bruises as a result.

Time Out

Yesterday Noah was playing with his little Noah's Ark toy and animals. He put all the animals in the ark and then I saw him peek in and get this little look on his face.
"That's one. That's two. That's three. Time out," he said as he counted on his fingers. I wondered who he was talking to. I soon found out.
He pulled out a zebra and walked over to the dining room chair. He pulled out the chair and put it against the side of the fridge. This is where he goes when he is in time out.
"Time out chair," he told the zebra as he set it down in the middle of the chair. He then walked over to the microwave and (although he can't reach it on the counter) he put his hand in the air and acted like he was pushing buttons (which is where we set the timer.) "Two minutes."
He then came over and sat next to me on the couch and continued to play with the other animals, glancing up at the zebra every once in a while. He never actually got him out of the chair, though and after asking him questions I found out the zebra was in time out because he didn't listen and obey.
They really do pay attention to everything, don't they?

No Bedrest!

Yea! I just came home from my doctor appointment for the preeclampsia tests checkup. My blood pressure was 118/70! That is down quite a bit from last week's 149/86. She did say that my protein is on the high side of normal, which isn't great although it's not high enough to signal preeclampsia which is good. They are going to be keeping a close eye on my blood pressure though since the protein is high.
God answers prayer!

Honesty Can Hurt

Tim and I were watching a show the other day when this lady with skinny toned arms came on the screen. I turned to him and said, "My goal/dream for the summer is to have toned arms. I need you to help me."
He simply responded by saying "As long as your arms don't get more muscular than mine."
"No, no," I said. "I don't really want big muscle arms, just skinny toned arms."
"Your arms are never going to be skinny," he said matter of factly.
I gaped at him. "What?" I can't believe my husband just insulted me.
"It's not in your genes. Think about it. Have your arms ever been super skinny like what you want them to look like?"
I tried desperately to pull up a memory. As if he could read my mind he added, "Besides when you were 12." There goes that one.
He went on, "I'm not saying you can't have toned arms or that you shouldn't try. I'm just saying that you need to be realistic in what you're working for. And that woman on the screen is not built like you. She has twig arms and looks too skinny. But you can and should try to work your arms still. They just probably won't end up looking exactly like her's."
One of the things people hate about my husband is that he can be brutally honest. It's one of the things that draws me to him though. I don't want someone to sugarcoat things or flatter me to be on my good side. I want truth from my friends, from my family members. That's what he gives me.
Even if it hurts sometimes.
I'm still going to work for those arms too. He's just made me more determined.

Yea for the Nashes!

Matt and Jeana are our friends I mentioned yesterday with the very exciting news. I have mentioned them before in previous posts and their wait in the adoption process with China. Yesterday they received the big phone call and today they accepted the referral for a beautiful little girl in China! You can see pictures and find out more information by following this link:
http://www.youbelong.net/emma
We are so happy for them and they should be bringing her home this summer before the Olympics!

Random random

All sorts of things going on here. I'm getting another niece in July. The Ross cousins are starting to become a little more evened out. By the end of July there will be a total of 5 boys ranging in age from almost 8 years to about 8 months and 3 girls with the oldest at just over 3 years and the youngest being a newborn. I also found out some good friends of our's, Jack and Kelly, are also expecing a girl in late July. Little girls are popping up everywhere!
I had my 34 week checkup yesterday afternoon. My measurements and weight gain are good, the heart rate is good...my blood pressure is not so good. I have to be tested for preeclampsia next week so I am a little nervous about that (probably not helping the blood pressure go down at all.) My friend, Sara, from our small group came over this morning with her daughter, Laine. Laine was born 8 weeks early due to Sara having preeclampsia (Laine is now over a year old) so Sara was asking me questions and telling me about her experience. At least I am at a point in my pregnancy where if Ellie had to be delivered early, I am already only 6 weeks out. We - Tim, me, my mom and a couple others - have a feeling she will be coming in early April rather than late since the only "cure" for high blood pressure in pregnancy is delivery. So yikes! Lots to do still and who knows? I could be on bedrest as early as next Thursday afternoon.
Some good friends of our's received some VERY exciting news today but I won't share until they say it's ok. I will say it was the highlight of my day, if not my week.
Some other good friends, Tim and Christina, announced this week they will be moving to Ohio as early as June. That is exciting too, although Tim and I will miss them. We do feel like God just seems to be opening all doors for them to go so it is hard to not be excited for them and this new journey they'll be entering. They'll also be moving down near both their families and it's pretty close to where Tim's parents and Randy and Deidra now live, so we know we'll still see them quite a bit throughout the year.
Noah has been acting up with Tim being gone this week. I mean, Tim is here, he just has been working from early morning until dinner, coming home for about 15 minutes to grab a bite to eat and then he takes off again for another side job until around 10 or 11:00. Tonight is his last night (yea!) so we are looking forward to him being home tomorrow evening to actually put Noah to bed after playing with him for a bit. The funny thing is - Noah is good for me when it's just the two of us at home. It's when Tim is here that he gets the attitude. Tim has to work Saturday as well, so I am looking forward to Sunday afternoon and a chance for us all to relax and be home together.
Well, that's about it. Just a quick little random update but now I'm thinking of heading to bed. I was going to try to stay up until Tim got home tonight, but unless he makes it home by the time I get done brushing my teeth I don't think it's going to happen tonight.
The youtube video below is not really a video - it's just a still picture of a band called Band of Horses while a song plays. The song is a favorite of mine at the moment. It's called "No One's Gonna Love You"(More than I do.) I first heard it on an episode of Chuck (one of mine and Tim's new favorite shows - SO funny!) and love the song. Also - if you're ever looking for a song to get you out of a funk and put you in a good mood, I suggest Paolo Nutini's "New Shoes." Another favorite.

I Didn't Know He Would Cry So Much!

No, not Noah. Tim. This week he is pretty much gone more than home. Hey - I'm not complaining...the work is nice to have back! I'm just getting used to feeling like a single parent for the week and am so thankful that I am not one all the time.
Tonight I was feeling sentimental so I broke out our wedding DVD and watched it. It was just a handheld camera by my grandpa, so there are lots of shadows and the sound isn't always the best...but I'm so thankful to have something to watch from our ceremony.
The actual ceremony (we did a slideshow beforehand) opened with Deidra singing "Ave Maria" and our wedding party walking down. Tim was up front with the pastor who officiated, Bill Blue - my old youth pastor and the father of one of my best friends. He was crying as soon as the first bridesmaid/groomsman couple came walking down the aisle. Then came three more couples followed by our ring bearer - Tim's nephew, Cameron - who had fractured some bones in his foot the week beforehand and had a slight limp. He still was adorable. Our flower girls and ring bearer were supposed to walk up only to the front row and then sit with their parents; we didn't want them standing up front during the entire ceremony. While watching Cameron walking up the steps, handing a ring pillow to Randy (the best man), walking down and then realizing he wasn't supposed to do that and walking back up to get the pillow and down, you can hear one of the flower girls having a breakdown. Yes, my 3 year old cousins, who the night before and all morning couldn't get enough of their baskets and pretty dresses and were soaking up attention everywhere, barely made it down the aisle. Gabrielle took off like a rocket and raced down the aisle to her parents. Racquelle threw herself down in the middle of the aisle and screamed until someone came to get her. Oh, well, it provided laughs.
Switch music to "Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini." I chose to walk down to this song in honor of my grandpa in a way that no one but the female members of my family would recognize. The song is played by a music box in the movie "Somewhere in Time" - an old family favorite because it was filmed on Mackinac Island. My grandparents lived in St. Ignace during the warm weather months and so we spent much of our childhood summers in St. Ignace and the surrounding areas. My grandfather had passed away almost 2 years previous to my wedding and it was a way for me to remember him and have him a part of a most important day even though he couldn't actually be.
Anyways - cue "Rhapsody" and enter me and Dad. I was somewhat crying as I hobbled down the aisle. Yes, hobble. In all my intelligence leading up to the wedding I had decided to have an itty bitty plantar wart removed from the ball of my foot. All I could think about was how I didn't want to go on my honeymoon with this almost invisible wart in a place where no one was going to look anyway. I also didn't want to experience my wedding night with this thing attached to me (as if Tim would even be paying attention to the bottom of my foot.) So the Wednesday before the wedding I went in to kind Dr. Maskill - who I will say did try to talk me out of it until after the wedding but I ignored him thinking it couldn't be that bad - and sat there silent and in intense pain as he held liquid nitrogen against it. Three days later I was still somewhat hobbling in pain if too much pressure was put on the ball. I think by the end of the day my foot was somewhat numb overall.
Tim continued to cry as I came up the aisle. He also cried as Bill began the ceremony. Then again after lighting the unity candle. I think once he realized we were close to the kissing part he got himself together.
I watched myself on the DVD and realized what a goofball I looked like that day. I think I was so nervous I couldn't keep my head on straight. I looked around at people on my side of the church, my bridesmaids, Bill and occasionally at Tim as Tim looked directly at me the entire time. I made silly faces a couple times and had a big cheesy grin on my face the rest of the time. I wonder if he realized that day what a nerd he was marrying!
Ah, well. What do you do? Almost five years later and we're happier now than then although at that time I didn't think we could be more so. Every year for our anniversary we have always been blessed enough to be able to travel around the date and we usually just end up saying it's our way of celebrating. The first year we went to Cancun with my sister and brother-in-law the week after our anniversary. The second year we went to Mackinac Island to attend a "Celebrate Your Marriage" conference. The third year we were in Florida the weekend after our anniversary because Tim was a groomsman in a wedding. Last year was our first actual planned specifically anniversary getaway and we went to Chicago to see Frank Lloyd Wright's studio, house, and the Robie House. This year we are going to be traveling again. We'll be in a gorgeous part of Virginia where Tim's cousin is getting married on our anniversary - May 24. Yes, we'll have a one-month old daughter at the time, but we don't want to miss it and, quite honestly, the younger they are the easier they are to travel with because they sleep all the time!
I can't wait to celebrate our anniversary and look back on what we have encountered in our marriage and how God has grown us.

Stressful Week Ends With Good News!

Crazy start to the week. I won't go into the details but let's just say that Tuesday night and Wednesday morning I was starting to doubt God again. It's so easy to do when you feel hit from every direction - especially financially. Thursday afternoon we had an unexpected blessing which helped. That day Tim also met with a painter in Grand Rapids who is looking for subcontractors. It was a brief meeting and then a quick phone call to find out some more information, but it wasn't until Friday afternoon that they actually sat down with each other and really talked/went through an interview process - for an hour and a half! It ended with Tim accepting the position and we are extremely excited about it. This means consistent work and good pay with Tim working on higher end homes, which has always been his dream. By doing more in this line of houses it actually allows him to learn more techniques and not feel like he's hit a glass ceiling which was kind of where he was at currently. He starts March 17, which is perfect because he actually does have work this week.
Saturday night I was really in the mood for a summery type meal since the sun was so nice and bright that day (although temperatures were freezing!) We made hamburgers (never as good cooked on a stovetop as they are on a grill), baked beans, corn and cantaloupe. I thought it was funny as we were sitting down to eat because I looked at the cantaloupe and thought about a recent sermon series at our church on blessings (you can check out the podcasts at www.thejourneycc.com if interested) and about how we had been blessed that week. Also, after sitting down, I heard what song was playing on the iPod. I had put on Caedmon's Call's "Long Line of Leavers" which I don't think I've listened to in years. The following lyrics are to the song and they fit how I felt in earlier in the week:

"Prove Me Wrong"
Sometimes I fear
Maybe I'm not chosen
You've hardened my heart like Pharoe
And that would explain why
Life is so hard for me
And I am sad that Esau hated
Crying against what's faded
Saying, "Father, please...
Is there any left for me?"

(chorus)
Cast all my doubts
Please, prove me wrong
Cause these demons
Can be so headstrong
Make my walls fall
Please, prove me wrong
Cause this resentment's been building
So burn them up with your fire so strong
And if you can before I bail
Please, prove me wrong

I fear maybe this is all just a game
And our friends and our families all play
To harness the young
And give some comfort to the old
(chorus)

(bridge)
Don't let my doubts prove true
Draw me close and hold me near to you
Keep me strong until the day you...
(chorus)

I thought that was just funny because this week He did make my walls fall and prove me wrong and I am thankful for that.
So that's about it here. I woke up sick in the middle of the night - sore throat, runny nose, headache...all that fun stuff. I have a feeling Noah might be sick as well because I can hear him waking up right now and he's crying and that is not normal for him. He also woke up once in the middle of the night crying and asking for water...so hopefully this will be a relaxing day for us both. Thankfully, I don't have to watch Emma today (she is sick as well) so we can lay around all day in our pajamas if needed.

A Little Bit of Everything

We've had a random past couple of weeks. Last week we spent in Ohio at Tim's parents. He worked on his brother's house while Noah and I were able to do some fun things throughout the week. Deidra has started working part-time at their church and so Tuesday I baby-sat Wyndham, which was fun because she and Noah got along very well the entire week. It was great. Wednesday we accompanied Deidra and Wyn on their weekly playdate with a couple other women and kids from their church. We attended storytime at the library (which Noah only had the patience to last for about half of - so we went and read books and did puzzles in a different area) and then on to McDonald's for lunch and to get energy out in the playland. On Thursdays my mother-in-law watches Wyndham and so we took the kids and ventured up to Canton. Since I'm not having any showers with this pregnancy she wanted to still get some clothes for the baby just as she would any of the others, so we hit Old Navy and Gymboree and scored some good deals. We followed with lunch at Chick-Fil-A. Can I just tell you this is my favorite fast food restaurant and it makes me so sad that we don't have one around here. It is needed! Friday was just a play at home day and Saturday we took off.

It was a nice time. Deidra and I spent the evenings together as the guys would head back to the house to do more work after dinner and putting the kids to bed. They usually wouldn't be home until late. Noah also did great during the car rides to and from, so that is always a bonus.

My parents loved their cruise. My mom spent this week saying "A week ago on this day I was in _____________" (fill in blank with itinerary.) They debated leaving everything here to go start a kayak rental shop on some random island. I'm glad they had fun.

We have had many friends going through some rough times recently with family or relationship issues. It was a heavy week while in Ohio and receiving news of different things. I really feel as if satan is hard at work - and I have to admit that I have felt attacked by him this week as well in mine and Tim's lives after arriving home.

Tim and I have a big decision to make that I won't discuss now, so please pray for clarity and God's wisdom for us.

To end with, here are a couple belly shots that my friend, Christina of Grace Designs Photography, took of me while I was in my 7th month. They're funny to look at now because I feel about twice the size! I had a check-up on Tuesday and everything is looking great - my blood pressure is a little high so they're going to keep an eye on it, but after some of the stressors in our life I actually had a feeling it would be high. Jeana accompanied me and Noah as Tim was working and she enjoyed hearing the heartbeat and was a big help with Noah since he becomes very concerned when the doctor comes in. Just 7 more weeks to go!

I Love This Man

It could be that I'm extra-hormonal, or just having been through everything we have in the past few months I'm more sensitive...but I don't think I have ever loved Tim more so than I do now. He amazes me with his strong faith, positive outlook on life and our future, encouragement, crying shoulder, and sensitivity. He doesn't complain when he is asked to rub my feet or back and loves to spend the evening with his hand resting on my belly waiting for a hello kick from our daughter. He is fantastic with Noah and is the one that gives him a bath and puts him to bed at night. He is able to sense when I am tired and encourages, if not orders, me to go rest for as long as I need.

I love watching his interaction with Noah and how much Noah absolutely can't get enough of him. I know that the dynamics of our family will change after the baby comes, but I am glad that Noah and Tim already have a closer bond than Noah and myself so that I do not feel too much like I am betraying him with another child. Not to say that Noah doesn't love me, but when both Tim and I are home - his preference is Tim and I am fine with that. It hurt at first when he would hurt himself and cry for Tim instead of me...then I realized how cool that must feel for Tim to be the one who can give him comfort after two years of Noah preferring me. I can't wait to see how he does with a daughter.

Yesterday at church Tim was on the worship team. He sang "Everlasting God" and during the song I looked at him and my heart swelled with love. I am so blessed to have found a soulmate that I can walk this life journey with. I couldn't have dreamt of anyone better suited for me and able to challenge me in the ways he has. Our wedding day, May 24, 2003.

Our first home was an apartment, but this was the first house we bought less than a year after we were married. Mayfield Avenue, Grand Rapids. We had great neighbors. And our first "child", a chocolate lab we named Pippin. Unfortunately, a doctor encouraged us to get rid of him after I started having breathing problems a couple years later. Looking back, I don't think it was due to him at all...but he is with a fantastic family now and I think with how much we've moved around since then that it was probably better for all involved. I do miss him.We were lucky to celebrate our first anniversary with a trip to Cancun. My sister and her husband were going down for her belated graduation gift from our uncle and they asked if we wanted to come along since it's a suite condo. I had been a few years before for my graduation gift and was thrilled to go back. We had a great time...and apparently gained some sunburn.Waiting for the arrival of Noah Edwin. Tim was the textbook father-to-be that day: timing contractions and getting frustrated if I didn't let him know when was starting so he couldn't time correctly, taking pictures (surprisingly this is me before the epidural and I'm smiling), and waiting nervously.I will never forget this first time he held Noah (thank you to whatever nurse snapped this shot) or the first time he saw him. He cried so hard I was actually jealous that I couldn't match him. Another day he cried much harder than me: Noah's dedication. He sang "Holy is the Lord" by Andrew Peterson and although he had practiced numerous times at home, I don't think the lyrics hit him until he was singing it in church staring at Noah in the front row. If you've never heard the song - go find it. It's on one of the City On a Hill CDs. It conveys the story of Abraham being asked to sacrifice Isaac and what he must have felt that day, yet still being faithful in obeying and as a result God does spare Isaac. Randy (on guitar) and Deidra (on piano) did a great job covering for him until he could pull it together enough to finish the song.

Now we await the arrival of Eleanor. I am excited to be going through this process with him again. I can't wait to see what is in store for our family over the coming years.

Hit By A Flashback

I went to Meijer the other day with the goal of purchasing two items: diapers and tortilla shells.
While standing in the diaper aisle debating between Pull-Ups and regular diapers, the intercom song slowly started drifting through my ears. It was unique...easily recognizable...and brought back memories of my second grade dance recital. I wanted so badly to take out my cell phone and call my cousin, Jamie, who was in dance with me that year and who I can still laugh about the song with. Alas, my cell phone is a piece of junk and as soon as it hit analog inside Meijer it died.
I stood in front of the Pull-Ups section, slightly hypnotized and wishing there was someone I could share the moment with. Oh, the memories. A neon pink crop tank top, bordered with neon green sparkles, matching neon pink and green bordered skirt layered ever-so-awesomely over bright green spandex leggings that only went mid-calf, bright green fingerless gloves and all of it topped off with the same green sparkly beaded headband that we used to wrap around our half-pulled up side ponytails.
And the song that we danced to?

I Found It!!

Have you ever experienced that nagging sensation when you hear a song that you have heard it before but can't figure out where? When Tim McGraw came out with "When the Stars Go Blue" I knew I had heard it before and it wasn't actually his song. For over a year I have searched my brain for it and come up with nothing.
Tonight I finally googled it. Brilliant. Why didn't I think of that a year ago?
I discovered that I knew it from Bono (from U2) singing it with The Corrs. Whew. There is one more thing I can cross off my list. I also discovered that about 5 other people have remade the song since the original in 2001. It is a good song. If I could sing, I would remake it.
I love music. Tim and I have such an eclectic mix of CDs as well as music on our iPod. I have tried to convince him to like older rock music, like The Doors or Led Zeppelin. He tolerates it but wouldn't voluntarily listen to it. He also is not a fan of The Beatles...that drives me nuts. Who DOESN'T appreciate The Beatles???
One of my favorite albums from last year (well, I bought it last year - I think it came out in 2006) was Bebo Norman's "Beneath the Dreaming and the Coming True." It is such an incredible CD. Lyrics are great, music is fantastic...Tim was not thrilled when I chose to use a gift card on it because there were other CDs he would have chosen first. He will admit now that it is his favorite Bebo CD.
My other favorite from last year (again - I believe it came out in 2006, but Tim gave it to me for Valentine's Day in 2007) was Corinne Bailey Rae. Wow, can she sing. Noah likes to listen to that one as well.
Actually, there are all sorts of good songs and artists I like. I love how, no matter what mood you are in, there is music to go along with it. It's kind of like you can easily find a soundtrack for your life. Mad? Try hard rock. Maybe a little Linkin Park (in high school I liked listening to Korn while angry.) Feeling nostalgic? Break out the music from your childhood. I, personally, love to flashback to the 80s and 90s...maybe a little New Kids on the Block or early Madonna. "Oh oh oh oh oh. Oh oh oh oh. Oh oh oh oh oh. The right stuff." Are you calm, peaceful and content? Throw on the classical. My favorite piece is "Claire de lune." Maybe you want to dance around the house while cleaning? That is when I break out the Justin Timberlake CD and start bringing sexy back to cleaning (or so I think.) Frustrated in life? Break out some worship music and remember God's promises. I have a worship playlist on the iPod with a mix of songs I sought through to find specific ones that have meaning to me or lyrics that have spoken to me in the past.
Music for the mood. What kind of music do you enjoy?

I'm COLD!

We went down to Grand Haven's main street (Washington) this morning to view the "Ice Fest" and find out what it's all about. Basically, it's some small ice sculptures in front of the stores and you can watch the ice sculptor at work. After only being out there for about 20 minutes we came back home with red cheeks and noses. Now, 20 minutes after arriving home, my cheeks are still fairly numb but my ears have reached the tingly thawing out feeling. It's a beautiful morning though - thanks to the awesome sunshine I have felt so deprived of recently. Talk about Vitamin D deficiency...and I can't even "fake bake" to make up for it. So I just turn on a hot shower and pretend I'm in the tropics.
Speaking of tropics, my parents are leaving next week for a 7 day cruise in the Caribbean. I'm so happy for them (although slightly jealous that they will get to experience a week of sunshine, warm weather, and yummy food.) It has always been my dad's dream vacation, and since he turned the Big 50 last month, they saved up to be able to celebrate in a big way. My mom turns 50 in another three years and they will celebrate that by going on an Alaskan cruise, which is her dream vacation. My mom for a few months was quite nervous about the upcoming cruise and the possibilities of running into an iceberg. I told her the chances of that happening in the Caribbean have to be pretty slim to none. When I talked to her this morning she sounded pretty excited about the trip so I'm glad she is conquering her fears.
We had an uneventful Valentine's Day. Both of us kept forgetting about it completely and by the time dinner came around (spaghetti) I had put a candle in the middle of the table and we used cloth napkins to at least make it seem as if we tried. We have had many romantic Valentine's Days and we didn't feel bad for taking this year off. It was kind of nice, actually, not worrying about what to get each other or trying to find time to get a card or stressing about finding a baby-sitter, etc. As we cheesily told each other later "Every day is Valentine's Day with you." Don't worry, we don't really speak to each other like this seriously.
I'm convinced Noah is going to be a worship leader or Christian artist someday. He picks up on songs so quickly and can sing right along with them...although not every word might be understandable. He can carry the tune almost perfectly - much better than me, his non-musical mother. =) I love music...I just wasn't blessed with the gift of singing voice.
Eleanor seems to be doing well. She's quite active and I have the unfortunate habit of waking up at 4:00 in the morning at least 3 times a week and not being able to fall back asleep. This makes for a very long day. I just finished my 30th week and when I look at how busy our March is I know the time is going to fly until she arrives! I am still reading lots of books about natural childbirth and am feeling so wonderfully confident about it. It helps that my friend, Kelly, is also trying it this time around so we can bounce our thoughts and resources off each other. Tim is very encouraging and told me the other night that he is positive I'll be able to do it. It helps to have a supportive husband. I just tend to shut out the negative comments from people and focus on the positive support I have received from others who have done it.
My faith continues to be stretched and grow. I think the hardest thing of the past few months' struggles was stepping away from the "safe" faith that I grew up with and learning about so many qualities and characteristics of the Lord that were never much discussed. This has been difficult for me because for the past 27 years I have walked the same path of beliefs, being lukewarm in my faith. Not to say I don't strongly believe...but I've never really been challenged. Now I am studying and reading and loving the God who I am coming to know more and more as Father rather than just that guy up in Heaven watching over everything. I am trusting Him more readily and giving up the control I thought I had in my life. Difficult? Absolutely. Rewarding? Most definitely.

Gung Hay Fat Choy!

Yesterday we went to Matt & Jeana's to celebrate Chinese New Year. What fun times. It will be so much more exciting next year when we celebrate because then their daughter will be here with us! (They are adopting from China and this should be the year the referral comes.) For now, it was our family and Jeana's parents, grandparents, brother and his family. I was completely exhausted by the end of the day but it was completely worth it. Noah had so much fun he decided to not take a nap (not fun for me) but was the life of the party. Jeana's brother has 2 very well behaved daughters, who are 8 and 4 years old, so an active 2 year old boy running around was quite the change for her family to observe. We're glad we could provide the live entertainment. =)
The table was nicely set. Everyone had chopsticks (mine were stolen by a certain toddler and used to stab at his food.) The kids received fun little "take-out" boxes that had cookies, a tiny plastic saki cup, a red Chinese envelope (containing $1 - I wish we had more traditions like this!), a paper-accordion Chinese dragon (you can see Sydney in the picture pulling her's apart), and Noah's contained a dinosaur (he was thrilled.)This is part of the reason I think naptime may have been skipped and pure silliness taken over: a blue sugary drink from the Asian food market. He loved it...obviously.Tim (in festive decor) and me (looking very tired and pregnant) towards the end of the evening. Red shirts were as Chinese as we could get for costume - the hat is Matt's.Noah "playing" the Wii with Jeana's dad. He thought he was so good at the golf games.

And on other very exciting new year news: Tim landed a part-time job on Friday! He was offered the position on the spot and accepted. The guy was extremely impressed with his presentation (which most likely he was the only one who actually had one for a part-time painting job.) It's great because they're going to work around each other's schedules so that Tim can still do his own small business and continue to grow that. I am so glad because three and a half months with a total of 4 weeks of work can come to an end. We are so thankful to everyone who has been an encouragement and support to us during this challenging time. We have learned many valuable lessons that will be applied from this point on (such as getting our "3-6 months emergency fund" together as quickly as possible, God really does provide in ways you don't see coming, and it is better to stay strong and faithful than waiver in your trust - I learned that the hard way.) The past week has been the crescendo of emotional and spiritual stress for me. I thought things couldn't get any worse...they did. Then that very same day, after - as silly as it sounds - I actually shut myself in the bathroom and yelled at Satan out loud to leave me alone and that I wasn't going to let him steal my joy or have power over me anymore, God started opening doors. Our marriage has grown leaps and bounds. Our faith has been challenged and strengthened. We have ended the week feeling renewed, refreshed, and hopeful for our future. We also covered the top of the fridge in white paper and started writing Scripture verses on it to remind us of God's promises for us as well as those that instruct us on how to be.
Gung hay fat choy indeed - happy new year!

Listen up young punks and daredevil drivers...

To those of you who find it exhilirating to cut people off while driving, run red lights, and make turns when you're not supposed to...you need to stop.
When you are waiting to turn left at a red light and it turns green, it is your responsiblity to WAIT for those coming from the opposite direction (who legally have the right-of-way) to go through the light first and then make sure it is clear before you turn. This means that if it is 2 lanes, one going straight through the light and one turning right...you DON'T go. You don't speed through, cut them off and then laugh hysterically.
Maybe you do this because you think it's cool. Maybe you do it to feel a rush of adrenaline. If you want a rush, go drink a Mountain Dew or something from Starbucks. Don't put the lives of others at risk. Because it's not cool.
Let me give you the perspective of someone in the opposite car. While you're laughing at your daredevil antic, I am wearing my brakes thin by trying to stop suddenly and wearing my nerves thin by preparing myself for an accident. I am in the car with my two and a half year old son on the driver side of the van, whom you would hit if you were turning left and didn't time things the way you had hoped. I am 7 months pregnant with a much bigger than usually belly and fearing for my unborn child's life if I was to hit the steering wheel. Do you want that guilt on your shoulders if you hurt someone in my vehicle because you were trying to make your friends laugh or scream in delight/fear?
If you think you're old enough to drive a car then start being mature too while you're at it.
Start using that brain in your head and stop putting the rest of our lives (as well as your own) at risk.

If You're Looking For...

We have many friends in the West Michigan area that have their own small businesses and are very talented in what they do. I thought I would stick their names and websites on here in case anyone is looking for something they can offer.
PAINTING & HOME RESTORATION
Naturally, I'm going to put my husband's small business first. He does painting, handyman work, flooring, trimwork, custom designs, design consultations (for those who just aren't quite sure what color or finish to go with), etc. He is passionate about what he does, loves going to work, has been blessed with a talent I don't have, and we would of course welcome your support and business. He does free estimates and gives a 3% referral commision (from labor costs) to any jobs you help bring his way. You can check out his blog at:
http://www.rossrestorations.blogspot.com/.
PHOTOGRAPHY
We know so many photographers and I hate that in reality...they're all competition for each other. However, they all kind of have their own areas of expertise so I will include what I think they're best at in case you're looking for something specific.
My friend, Christina, enjoys taking pictures of kids, pregnant women, and has done families as well. You can check out her blog at: http://www.gracedesignsphotography.blogspot.com/ or click on the link to the right under the blogs I read.
Our friend, Jeana, does not have a website. She has assisted in weddings, taken kids pictures (including Noah's), senior pictures, and is great at capturing nature. She does it more "on the side" of the job she already has, so her prices vary depending on what you're looking for. She is in Muskegon and you can comment if you want information on how to get a hold of her. At the moment, all money she earns from her photography is going straight to their adoption fund.
Coastline Studios, owned by our friend, John, does photography and videography. He has done weddings, family portraits, and commercial work (a lot for Cornerstone University.) His website is: http://www.coastline-studios.com/.
Noah's "One Year" pictures were captured by Lisa, who owns Elite Photo Design. She mainly does weddings, bellies, babies & kids. You can see her work at http://www.elitephotodesign.com/.
Quite a few posts down I posted some photos from Cornerstone's Alumni weekend that were taken by Mindy. Her website is http://www.thisphotostory.com/.
INTERIOR DESIGN
The wife of John, who I mentioned earlier owns Coastline Studios, is Amy. She is an interior designer and her website can be viewed at http://www.refreshdesign.net/.
Margaux is an interior designer that Tim has started working with in East Grand Rapids. You can view some examples of her work at http://www.mdrake.com/
CUSTOM METAL WORK
Our friend, and Tim's business partner, Tim has a passion for custom metal design. He has really taken off, thanks to the website Etsy, and even sold a guitar shaped table to Barney's of New York that is now displayed in their brand new location in Las Vegas. You can find more information on him and his work at http://www.timothyadamdesigns.blogspot.com/.
CHURCH
If you're looking for a church where the focus is more on relationships than religion - relationship with God first as well as others - and is someplace that is casual and come as you are, then check out The Journey Community Church in Muskegon. You can find service times and more information at http://www.thejourneycc.com/. This is where Tim and I attend and we absolutely love it and are passionate about their vision and what they're doing in West Michigan.

So if you're looking to support any local artists or small business owners and have a need for any of the above services, make sure to check out some of the above mentioned. Of course, I know there are tons of others in the area (hello, Grand Rapids is a pretty big place!) but naturally I am biased in supporting the people we know! We have had experience with everyone mentioned and that is how I am able to recommend them after being pleased with the work I have seen.

Like ME??!!

I have rarely heard - except from some of my family members - that Noah looks like me. Most of our friends, and strangers we come in contact with who feel free to give their opinion, say how much he looks like Tim. Well, apparently the look-a-like meter disagrees. I still don't see it, but it was fun to try!

Ross Look-alike Meter

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities - Collage - Morph

Freedom From Fear

I had an emotional and incredible day yesterday. On Wednesday, Tim and I took Noah to my parents' house. We stayed the night because a good friend of my mom's is a massage therapist and I had an appointment with her Thursday morning. The appointment had been scheduled for awhile and I had actually told my mom on Saturday to tell Judy that I probably wouldn't be able to keep it because financially I can't splurge on that right now. Judy called me Monday afternoon and said, "I am still planning on you on Thursday. Don't worry about the cost." Through tears I thanked her.
One thing you should know is that my mom has a couple friends that I have nicknamed her "prophetic friends." I doubt they think of themselves that way. It amazes me, though, that God speaks to us all in different ways and He speaks to them through visions, dreams, and placing Scripture or His Words deeply on their hearts. Some people tend to get freaked out by this, thinking that God can't possibly speak that way anymore...it's such an Old Testament thing to do. I have grown to love them for it and it has helped to again break God out of the box that I have put Him in. They never predict things and they love God purely, genuinely, and wholly.
This is why I found myself having a brief conversation with my mom yesterday morning before my appointment. "If Judy feels God speaking to her to say something to you, she won't do it unless she has permission from you because she doesn't like to make people uncomfortable. How do you feel about that?" I laughed, "Well, I had already expected it to be an emotional time for some reason, so I will let her know I am ok with it."
Here is the thing - Judy has only come into our lives within the last few years. I didn't grow up with her, like I did my mom's friend, Cheryl (who now does a Bible Study with Judy and my mom on Wednesday mornings.) Judy doesn't know much of my background or fears - she doesn't know really, besides what Tim does for a living and the fact I'm pregnant and that she thinks Noah is an adorable boy - what is going on in our lives right now with Tim's work and finances.
As she left me in the room to undress and settle on the table (which was an interesting experience in itself since I had to be massaged while lying on my side since I'm pregnant) I started wondering if I really did want to hear if God had anything to say through her. Sometimes I like to remain in the pit of what I know...even if I am miserable in there. I have let Satan draw me into it and make me comfortable.
Judy came in and immediately by looking at my back was able to pick out the tension in my right shoulder. As soon as she touched me I felt a struggle begin. Do I give her permission? Do I lay back and have a quiet massage? After a moment I spoke up: "Judy, if the Lord speaks to you to tell me something...I'm open to hearing it."
She laughed in amazement and rested her hands on my shoulder. "As soon as I touched you all I could feel was fear," she said. "You have so much fear in you." She continued to work on the tension spots. "I feel like the Lord is telling me it's fear due to finances." It took about one second for me to start crying.
She started quoting Scripture to me and telling me things I need to do. "When fear grips you, you need to give that to God. But when you give those thoughts to God, your brain is then left empty...that's when Satan can throw more lies at you. Give those fears and lies to the Lord and then immediately place Scripture in your heard and start meditating on it. The Scripture I keep seeing is, 'My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.' (Philippians 4:19.) Andrea, he is going to meet ALL your needs. When you were young, did you wonder whether or not your parents were going to provide your food?" "No," I answered. "Did you eat breakfast and wonder whether or not dinner was going to be there?" "No." "Why?" Judy questioned. "I guess I just assumed that since they were my parents they were going to take care of me and feed me," I answered. "Why do you expect less of your heavenly Father? Do you think He won't provide for you, that He doesn't love you even more than your parents?"
She continued to speak to me, drawing visualizations to help me see a point, quoting Scripture, stopping occasionally just to ask if the pressure she was applying to my muscles was too hard or soft and if I was comfortable enough. I felt myself continue to struggle inside between wanting to believe everything she was saying and not wanting to let go of the financial fear I have held on to for so long. She told me that through God we have authority and then challenged me to look at my checkbook and say, "I know that we will have enough money to make it through this month." She told me that the numbers might say otherwise, but that God is not limited by those numbers and what He can accomplish.
But she doesn't know how bad things are for us, I thought to myself.
She worked quietly for a couple moments and I waited to hear where she would go next. "Are you thinking, but she doesn't know my situation?" she asked.
Another round of sobs burst from me and I could only nod and laugh through them. She laughed as well. "Thank you, Lord," I heard her whisper.
She threw more Scripture to me and lectured me a moment longer. Then she stopped and placed her hands on my shoulder and hip and started praying over me. I can't remember everything she said, but I remember feeling like chains were falling off me...like I was lighter and freer than I have been in months. I would repeat in my heart things she was saying out loud, echoing them to God.
I am not a charismatic person. Churches with healing services and different things outside of my norm make me uncomfortable. I also have come to realize of late that I am so tired of the limits that churches of today have placed on God and what He can and cannot do. He can heal. He speaks to us all - in ways that are unique to each of us. We don't like when He speaks to some in ways that make us uncomfortable so we just discount what that person says.
I know that yesterday, as Judy reminded me later, she didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. She didn't tell me any Scripture that I hadn't already read, she didn't tell me any emotions that I wasn't already struggling with. But she called them out on me and I could feel God speaking through her. I was finally at a point where I was crying out to God feeling as if He had abandoned me and He got through to me in a way that He knew I would hear.
Judy, Mom and Tim all commented on how much my face had changed. I heard the words: soft, relaxed and happy from them. I am not dumb enough to believe that this is fight is forever gone and Satan will not try to attack me again. But this time I am willing to fight tooth and nail for my faith.
I feel so free.

Snow+Hot Chocolate+Family=A Fun Day

Tim is again without work for the time being (don't worry, financially we're making it right now) so he was home with us yesterday. He was in Grand Rapids for one-on-one meetings with people all day Monday and today. I was gone Tuesday morning speaking at Calvin with my friend, Jen. Yesterday we decided to make it a fun family day since there were no plans for the entire day.

After waking up (well, after Noah waking us up by throwing books onto the bed and telling us he wanted to read) we read books in bed together followed by the unexciting breakfast of cereal. We played in his room for a little bit, singing and dancing and making puppets sing and dance as well and then I wanted to do my prenatal yoga. I convinced Tim, who had been complaining of sore muscles from playing basketball the night before, to do it with me to help stretch out his achey muscles. After quite a few moments of hesitation he said he would try but stressed the keyword try. Noah settled in at the kitchen table with some crayons and coloring books while Tim and I launched into prenatal yoga. I do a 2-part DVD straight through, but he stopped after the first one. I was impressed he made it that far! He did admit to feeling more relaxed afterwards.

After I finished the rest of the workout we piled on layers of clothes to play outside in the snow since it was sunny and looked beautiful out. After wrestling Noah's snow clothes on him (why does it have to be so hard to get everything on kids? I have to use a specific order to put everything on to make sure clothing stays exactly where it should be and mittens don't fall off later.) we ventured outside to find it was a frigid and bitter day. We played outside for a bit anyways, making snow angels (I opted out) and throwing snow at each other (not in the form of snowballs though since it was too cold, more like throwing powder at each other.)

We finally brought out red cheeks and noses in to settle down with some hot chocolate and a snack. Tim decided to take Noah with him to run some errands and buy a cheap sled so I was able to enjoy some time alone and get myself ready for the day.

I made lunch when they got home and Noah, after using the potty (he always wants to use it after lunch and we think it's in order to stall naptime but who cares as long as he's using it?) finally was tucked in for a nap. Tim spent the next hour or so making business networking phone calls and I listened to a CD my mom gave me with a sermon on it and then grabbed a quick couple-minute nap. My friend, Kelly, called to chat and announce that she is 12 weeks pregnant. I thought this was funny since the day before I had actually had one of those "feelings" that she was, kind of randomly. So we talked about pregnancies and how she also is trying for a natural birth this time around, how we've been feeling, etc. Tim and I are so excited for them! I was telling my mom later on the phone that it's weird to have transitioned from when all of our friends were calling to say they were getting married...then you get calls and make calls on being pregnant for the first time...then everyone starts calling to announce their second pregnancies. I'm feeling older and older. =)

I have been craving breakfast foods recently so last night for dinner we had crepes, turkey bacon and scrambled eggs. It was yummy. Tim took Noah outside to play with his new sled after dinner while I cleaned up. When they came in, I made hot chocolate for them (again!) and then started making brownies (I would say chocolate is my other craving...but that's a craving even when I'm not pregnant.)

After Noah went to bed Tim and I settled on the couch with our brownies, ice cream, and the last Dave Ramsey DVD in the Financial Peace series. We were on the last session to watch and it was a great one. We talked for awhile afterwards about some different things that were brought up during the DVD, played a few quick games of Minesweeper (it's been our competition between each other lately) and then headed to bed.

It was a fabulously fun family day. I kept thinking of how we only have three more months of it being just the three of us and then Ellie will be joining in on the fun as well. I think she is already preparing me for middle of the night feedings, as I was jolted awake at 3:00am by her strong movements and then she proceeded to kick and punch me for the next hour. I had a half hour of peace that I tried to fall asleep during and then she resumed her kickboxing from 4:30-5:15. I slept for the next hour off and on until Noah decided to have an early morning at 6:30am. I know someday I'll probably have to drag them from their beds to get to school or church ontime, but right now I just can't envision that day very well.

Are you crazy?

I have decided that I want to have a natural, drug-free childbirth with this baby.
Yes, apparently I am crazy.
I had the epidural with Noah, and although it made for a pain-free labor all afternoon, it screwed up the entire process. The first time I saw this new doctor in Grand Haven she bombarded me with questions about Noah's labor and delivery. She told me that although 21 hours is a long time to be in labor and 2 hours is a long time to push...they are actually the average for the first time birthing process. However, she said that from how it sounds the fact that they gave me the epidural as early as they did (4 cm dilated) resulted in the labor going from regular and strong to irregular. I had to end up receiving pitocin to help things along because I was stuck at 6 for hours. She said that this time around they wouldn't be administering it as early in an attempt to help things progress more natural and quicker.
This got me to the mind-set of "I don't want to ask for an epidural until I absolutely need it." I was ok at that mindset. Until this past week.
I do prenatal yoga and I love it. I skip over the final relaxation part and usually ignore when they talk about "stimulating your intuition" or "letting your tailbone relax into the earth", etc. But the stretches...oh, the stretches and exercises just feel heavenly on my body. As a result I have not been dealing with the typical hip/lower back/sciatic nerve pains. The instructor points out exercises along the way that are useful to use in labor to help the baby "spiral down" or "get into proper position" or whatever. This got me to thinking, "Maybe if I continue to keep up on my yoga, go over the section (oh, yes, there's even a section) on labor room yoga exercises, and really take the time to prepare myself and research...I could have a natural labor."
The first time I mentioned it to Tim, he laughed. I gave it a few days and then brought it up again. He was completely supportive this time around after seeing that I was really being serious. So I started research.
I spent almost 2 hours researching The Bradley Method last night. I would like to look into it a little more - with Tim since it's focus is "husband-coached childbirth." He obviously would have to learn alot for this one.
I went to the library today and checked out four books, all dealing with natural childbirths. I started reading the first one, "Birth Without Violence" by Dr. Frederick Leboyer and decided it wasn't for me. I mean, I can see the guy's point on some things, but first of all - it's written from the point of view mostly from the baby, which is weird to read and second - I just can't accept everything he says. I mean, sure it would be great for a baby to be born into silence rather than the chaos of the delivery room, but let's be realistic: if you think I'm not going to be raising my voice and doing those weird woman-pushing noises during delivery than you've got another think coming.
And, no, I'm not trying to be a feminist or feel the consequence of Eve's sin or be holistic and new-agey. I just really actually want to experience childbirth for all it is. I keep thinking, if women for hundreds- or thousands - of years could do this without an epidural, then I can too.
Plus, I have the comfort of knowing the epidural is there if I need it.

Secrets of the Belly

I was walking through Meijer today and, out of the blue, was struck with the thought of how amazing pregnancy is. I hated my first trimester since I was throwing up every day and fatigued while chasing a toddler around the house. Now that I'm in my second trimester, I'm doing prenatal yoga - which has helped in that I have not had any lower back or hip pain - and feeling great (well, I still haven't found the second trimester energy I had with Noah, but I think it's due to, again, chasing him around. I can't just nap when I want to.)
Anyways, I was thinking of how when I am out in public people look at me and see a pregnant belly. Many women will look at my bulge of a belly and then look up and give me a sweet smile, some even ask questions. While at Meijer, Ellie decided to wake up and become active and all I could think was, "People look and see a belly, but they don't know what's going on inside. These kicks are just for me, like my own little secret I share with my daughter." Sure, sometimes she kicks my bladder, or settles down on to it for a long winter's rest and it is at those times I think of how it is a foreshadowing the stresses and pains she will plague me with when she becomes a teenager. Yet most of the time I cherish these moments. I love feeling the movement, her own little underwater ballet. I know that as the pregnancy progresses, and by the time I hit the ninth month, anyone and everyone looking at my stomach will be able to see her movements popping out in an alien-like way, but for now it is just me and her. Well, and Tim felt her for the first time last week on my birthday but hasn't been able to feel anything again.
I don't know what she is doing in her little room in my womb. Maybe she is sucking her thumb or trying to stretch. I wonder if she enjoys listening to all of us talking to her, or if she can feel (probably not) Noah pat my belly before he goes to bed and say "Night Ewwie." I wonder if she feels a sense of calm when Tim talks to her at night or when I share my secrets and dreams with her during the day.
I can't wait to meet this little mystery inside me. I can't wait to see the secrets she holds that only God knows right now - what she looks like, what her personality will be, is she completely healthy or are there medical mysteries in there as well? For now...for now I cherish my daughter and the secrets she carries and movements she shares with just me.

Happy New Year!

Whenever I think of starting a new year, the song "The New Year" by Death Cab for Cutie (from the CD "Transatlanticism") always starts to wind its way into my head. In case you haven't heard Death Cab, they are very "emo" so the songs are always mellow and at times depressing. Anyways, have hope for and look forward to your New Year, unlike this song:

"So this is the new year.
And i don't feel any different.
The clanking of crystal
Explosions off in the distance (in the distance).

So this is the new year
And I have no resolutions
For self assigned penance
For problems with easy solutions

So everybody put your best suit or dress on
Let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
Lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
As thirty dialogs bleed into one

I wish the world was flat like the old days
Then i could travel just by folding a map
No more airplanes, or speed trains, or freeways
There'd be no distance that could hold us back.
There'd be no distance that could hold us back [x2]
So this is the new year [x4]"