Mother Fear

So as Noah comes closer to starting preschool (beginning of September!) I start to think more and more about school. I reflect on my school years and this is my conclusion:
I'm terrified for him.
I have talked about this with friends of mine who are teachers and my friend, Jen, who has a daughter entering kindergarten. I have all these fears: What if he doesn't listen and obey his teachers? What if his speech/stuttering/beginning consonant dropping doesn't improve and no one understands him? What if kids are mean to him? What if he is mean to someone?
When I asked the last two questions to my friend, Rachel, who is going in to her seventh year teaching kindergarten (and has taught in three different states in a variety of charter, Christian, and inner city public schools) she very plainly but kindly said, "Here's the thing, Annie: He's going to hit a kid. You're going to pick him up one day and the teacher will say, 'Noah hit Billy today.' Then you'll go home and tell him why we don't hit people, discipline him and he'll learn over time. There will come another day where Noah is hit by Billy and Noah will cry and the teacher will sit both of them down and make Billy apologize and he will cry because he'll feel bad and then the teacher will have two crying kids on her hands. It's life. It's his age and he's a boy. They're not really maliciously bullying at this age."
She made me feel a little better. Until I realized there will be an age where the bullying is malicious. It just doesn't make sense to me. I remember teasing kids in school, unfortunately. Or more, I remember being in the group of kids that did. I can remember only a couple times I tried it in jr. high and felt absolutely awful afterwards. The guys I hung out with were also quick to tease each other, so everyone was fair game in their eyes. But I can remember some kids specifically that I would hurt so bad for and it makes me mad now.
Why didn't I try to stop them? Was I really so concerned with who my friends were, with a false sense of popularity, that I cared? More toward the end of my high school years I became more of a social butterfly. Kind of flitting from group to group and finding things I liked about the people in each. There were "The Outsiders" (remember us, Bek, in all our "We will NOT be fake witchy Barbies" attitude?) There was my group of girls that I didn't so much spend a lot of time with, but we had known each other since preschool and had bonds that tied us because of it. There was the group of guys, the athletes, as we sat with them - lining the halls on both sides and making people step over our legs to cross. Although I knew most of these boys since elementary as well, they stayed more a part of my life as long as I was dating Brooks. It was more comfortable after we broke up and I could sit with other people without the puppy dog eyes stare he would give me when he wanted me to sit by him. I was free to sit near Jesse, my quiet giant of a friend, or Randy - all of us girls wanted to be his first kiss and I think Bekah and I could have near ripped Lisa's head off when she got to be it.
Anyways, I'm back now. Sorry about that. Once the memory floodgates open, they're hard to stop.
I pray so hard that Noah will be a godly young man. I hope with everything in me that he will not tease or bully others and that he will not be the target of such. I want him to be the guy who can stand up for those who are weak and have the confidence required to not care about who his audience is.
And Ellie. Don't even get me started on all the concerns I have for her. My friend, Renee, was telling me about the whole cyber-bullying and IM scene and how young it starts and how horrible it is. It's as if I want to drill in all the years of wisdom I have now, my experiences and lessons learned, into their little heads so they can see that years later, when they are in college or adults or parents, none of it is going to matter. The popularity doesn't follow you. I went from being very known in high school to not known in college. Well, Cornerstone was small so it was easy to get to know people, but I mean I wasn't popular. I don't really know who was in college. It's a whole different thing.
Sometimes I am so tempted to homeschool until I realize I would go crazy! If I was rich maybe I would just get a tutor or private instructor. Then I realize that I want my kids to have school experiences. I want them to go to prom and other dances, to be athletic or artistic or academic or whatever they are talented in. I want them to make friends and have to walk through those life lessons to grow and challenge them.
How do you remove your mother-of-steel-protective-arms to let them go?