Cricket crushing dreams

We have a cricket that has set up his home outside our bedroom window.
I want to crush him.
I never hear him during the day. Then again, I am rarely in my bed during the day. At night...it is a different story. I sleep in my bed. The window is at the head of our bed. Normally, I don't actually mind crickets, well, their sound anyways. I don't really like any bug to be near me. At this point in my life, though, I hate the cricket sound.
I have been having trouble sleeping. For the past month I have been getting these mild enough, yet annoying, tension headaches. They mostly come at night either before I fall asleep, in the middle of the night, or when I wake up...sometimes a combo of all three. I also have to use the bathroom multiple times during the night. This is just who I am. I have a tilted uterus and it rests on my bladder, so it can't fill up as much as I wish. I have always had to pee often. I should list it under my hobbies: peeing (in a toilet of course) because I do it all the time. Pregnancy did not help.
So last night I am having trouble falling asleep because of my headache. I had taken Tylenol and was waiting for it to start taking effect when I can hear Mr. Cricket start his chirping.
Chirp chirp chirp. I try to block it out by praying. Chirp chirp chirp. Soon I begin praying for an animal to come along and eat him.
I realize after about ten minutes that it is silent. I breath a sigh of relief, thinking maybe he really has been eaten, or is just out wandering somewhere else. My mind starts to slowly drift toward dream land....chirp chirp chirp. My eyes fly open. That demon.
Now I have to pee.
I settle myself back into bed and for the next hour wrestle with sleep, a headache, and a sing-song cricket. Finally sleep comes.
Until midnight. I realize I have to pee, although the headache is gone. When I crawl back into bed, all is quiet. As I close my eyes I hear chirp.....chirp chirp.....chirp. Does he have sensors or something? Does he know when I am trying to fall asleep? Does he know how much I loathe him and thinks the same of me?
After a half hour I fall back asleep.
Needless to say the routine repeats itself around 3:30. The horrible thing is that this time I can't fall asleep for almost two hours! If I wasn't so scared of being outside in the dark I would take a flashlight and hunt him down. I would squash him and put an end to all his chirping.
But I am scared of the outdoors at night.
And I don't know where our flashlight is anyways.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to kill a cricket?
I just want a decent night of sleep again.

Two Years, Too Old

Two years ago I had the most difficult and painful day of my life.

Two years ago I had the most exhilirating and rewarding day of my life.

I gave birth on August 16, 2005.

Yesterday we celebrated Noah's second birthday. Where does the time go? I tried to give him a fun birthday, even though he didn't really understand the significance of the day at his age.

Throughout the day I would glance at the clock and think of what I was doing two years ago that moment. I woke up at 5:00 am to use the bathroom and thought, "Two years ago my parents and sister were arriving at our house in Grand Rapids. We were watching the morning news on WZZM13 and timing contractions."

Noah woke up at 7:30 and as I went to get home out of his crib I thought, "I was in triage waiting for a room to open."

I gave him a big hug as I lifted him from his crib and told him, "Happy birthday pumpkin!" Wow. Two years ago he had not even breathed from this world yet. Now he is such a big boy.

We had breakfast and got dressed. My sister and parents called to wish him a happy birthday.

I thought it would be fun to go to a little park not far from where we live to play. I put him in his stroller and pushed him down to the playground. It was a beautiful day and so far there had been no temper tantrums. Awesome.

I watched him run on the playground from one toy to the next. I looked at his chubby toddler thighs and thought of how skinny they were when he was born. I watched the way he climbed the stairs to the top of the slide and thought of how they used to flail about with no control when we unswaddled him.

I noticed that he still is as intense as he was when he was a newborn. His nurses in the hospital would comment on the way he seemed to be taking everything in, his serious little disposition. Just two weeks ago, when I picked him up from the nursery in church, the workers were commenting on how when he would inspect something, his brow would furrow and he would stare intensely at it.

My heart melted as I pushed him on the merry-go-round and he looked up at me and said "love you." I love you, too.

I have loved you since before you were born. I loved you when you were just a thought in my mind. I loved you more at every doctor's appointment when I heard your heartbeat and saw your little profile on the ultrasound machine. I loved every movement I felt inside me as you grew.

I loved you when I felt my first contraction that woke me at 1:30 am two years ago. I loved you with every push that brought you closer to entering the room with me, with every scream and thought of wanting to give up, yet knowing it was what I had to go through to see you.

I loved you when they placed you on my chest and I counted your tiny fingers and toes. I loved you as your dad sobbed harder than you and me together as he held you for the first time. Then came the day I looked at you and thought my heart was going to burst from the ache I felt of how much I loved you. No one could describe how strong this love would be.

Even with how much I loved you in those first moments and weeks, I love you even more today. I love the strong boy you have become. I love the laughter and joy you bring to our household. Even though they drive me crazy, I love the moments when you are stubborn because it shows you have a personality and are developing your independence. You are growing in every way possible. I love you, Noah, my two-year old. You are my blessing, my inheritance from the Lord.

Then you...are not married?

I had the most perfect evening yesterday. Tim was gone at his last softball game for the season. Noah wasn't feeling well so he went to bed early. And I..I made myself a cup of tea, took the laptop into bed with me and watched "Sense and Sensibility." It was so wonderfully girly and relaxing that I feel it could become an addiction. When Tim came home, he joined me for the rest of it, thankfully not continuing to make comments after just one "look" from me.

I love Jane Austen's novels. I think "Sense and Sensibility" is my favorite novel of her's and Elinor Dashwood is my favorite character. I know there are many people who do/did not like her (such as Emily Bronte) because there does not seem to be much depth in her books. I however love that I can get lost in a pure and fun romance from hundreds of years ago.

I didn't expect to cry while watching it, but I think I've just been so stressed out from moving and planning 2 upcoming events, that I did. As Hugh Grant's character, Edward, explained that he was not engaged anymore and Emma Thompson's character, Elinor, stood up and said, "Then you...are not married?" I lost it. It is such a happy moment.

Sometimes when you are a wife and a mother, cooking and cleaning and keeping doctor's appointments and trying to have a social life, you just need those little feminine moments to lose yourself in.