Happy birthday, Little Man

 It was a tough pregnancy and labor before we were blessed 

to hold you in our arms.

 You seemed to wear a concerned look on your face for awhile.

Daddy and I could understand...you did enter a crazy household.

 There's that worried look again.

 Your first camping trip was when you were 2 1/2 months old.  

We haven't been camping since...not because of you, though. You were great.

 You fit right in.  

 You were Mommy's Little Man...

 and our little Dapper Dan Man.

 The sweet tooth began with cake on your 1st birthday and hasn't left since.

 You liked walks in your stroller.

 And you became Daddy's buddy.

 You had to be in physical therapy and didn't walk until you were 18 months.

And then you ran.

 Daddy and I have always had a soft spot in our hearts for you.

 You love to notice everything.

 And you love to make us laugh by being silly.

 You still tend to wear a concerned look on your face, although you hold your own

against your siblings.

Happy 3rd birthday, Caleb James!

You are a sweet blessing to our lives 

and

WE LOVE YOU

SO MUCH!

He is Risen!

Happy Easter!

Ninja Noah

Beware of lightning fast and stealthy ninjas on Saturdays.

Forgiveness on Friday

I feel like I haven't taken much time this week to reflect on the fact it's Holy Week.  Usually the kids and I are reading in The Jesus Storybook Bible about the events leading up to the crucifixion and Resurrection.  I don't know if it's because we've been so busy or what, but our readings have not been happening this time around.  Last night, I went to look for that Bible and don't even know where it has ended up!  I grabbed Noah's Bible instead and we ended up reading and discussing Maundy Thursday and what we take special time to remember over the next few days.
It is weeks like this one that make me so thankful for forgiveness, for grace, for mercy.  At times when I feel I just need a break and time away, I've been reminded that Jesus did not run from the cross.  He died for everyone.  Whether people choose to accept His Way as the only way, or not, He died to give them the opportunity to spend an eternity in Heaven.  I believe He longs for us all to be with Him...but only through belief and acceptance of Him.  No other way, no other god, no other belief can get one to Heaven.

John 14:6
"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.'"

We are living in a time where people, including some pastors, are starting to blur the lines of who can get into Heaven and how.  Basically, you can believe what you want and make it in because who am I to tell you you're wrong?  That would be offensive.  And we are to love people.  Loving people means not stepping on toes, right?

Matthew 7:14
"For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few."

I think it would be like a slap in the face, another beating from a whip, another thorn pressed into the head of a Savior who died - DIED - took our place, so that we may spend eternity with Him.  He tore the veil. 

He extended forgiveness.  I know I sin more than I wish I did.  Still he forgives me when I seek it earnestly.

Grace.  He is giving us a gift that we do not deserve.

Mercy.  He wants to save us from an eternity we do deserve so that we can be with Him.

He became a sacrificial lamb and shame on me if I throw what He did out the window and say it doesn't matter in the end because I'll just get to Heaven the way I want to.

Lord, forgive me when I am prideful and think I can control my own life.  Thank you, THANK YOU, for this Friday...this day you took my place and showed me a love like no one else can.  You are holy.  You are pure.  You love me and I will forever be grateful.  

A Yummy Field Trip

We had the opportunity to visit the maple syrup farm of some family friends in Charlevoix.  Thankfully, our timing turned out perfectly, as there had been an unexpected warm day earlier in the week to cause the sap to run.  They were making syrup on the Saturday we visited. If you'd like to purchase some delicious syrup, check out www.curreyfarms.com and order some!  Maybe you'll even get a batch that we got to watch the process on.  :)

 Heading out to the sugar shack

 Just a couple of the thousands of trees that they tap

 Who wouldn't want to live with a view like this??

 The sugar shack

 Grandpa and Zeke

 Art checks the temperature of the sap/syrup

 Checking against other samples to figure out what grade it is

 Noah eyes the samples, waiting patiently

Bottling syrup

THANK YOU to Art and Jan Currey for allowing us to visit your maple syrup farm and providing us with a great day!

A Gentle Reminder

A Tuesday Treat

These delicious peanut butter/oatmeal/chocolate chip cookies, containing no flour or butter, came out of my oven this morning.  I have already eaten two.  Yikes.  They're not very sweet, so if you're looking to curb a major sweet tooth craving, they may not be up your alley.  I thought they were really good, though, considering they contain no flour and I find it hard to find good cookie recipes that are gluten free.  And, yes, I know that if you want a truly gluten free recipe...make sure your oats are also gluten free.

You can find this yummy recipe here at Ambitious Kitchen.

Enjoy! 

Palm Sunday

"Blessed is the king who comes in the name of The Lord!  Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!"
-Luke 19:38

From the Mouth of Ellie

While in a conversation with Noah about what they wanted to be when they grow up, Ellie had this to say:

"I want to be a mommy because moms and dads are allowed to eat yummy treats after they put their kids to bed."

Summer Dreaming...

The Second Born

"see, I was born the second child
with a spirit running wild, running free
and they saw trouble in my eyes
they were quick to recognize the devil in me
see, I was born a restless child
and I could hear the world outside calling me
and heaven knows how hard I tried
but the devil whispered lies I believed
can you hear it hanging on the wind?
can you feel it underneath your skin?
you've got to go on, further than you've ever gone
you've got to run far from all you've ever known"
-'Second Child, Restless Child' by The Oh Hello's

Every time this song plays from our iPod, I can't help but think of Ellie.  The first time I heard it I wondered if someone had been watching through our windows and written a song about her. 

Ellie and I came to a moment yesterday that has been long in coming.  She has been so antsy lately, fidgety, quarrelsome, deliberately disobeying and intentionally doing wrong.  I spent quite awhile earlier this week researching strong-willed children, birth order, etc.  I have been calm with her, although at times I have found myself in a yelling match.  With a just-shy-of-5-years-old daughter.  Not the greatest mom moment I've had. She just knows how to kick me when I'm down.    

So yesterday we returned home from  picking Caleb up from speech therapy when I found myself weary, hungry since I still had to eat my own lunch, and ready to put the younger boys down for their naps and get a break myself.  Ellie had already started in on everyone before we were even out of the van and I could tell she was tired.  I told her I wanted her to try to nap as well.  This led to tears, yelling, and a dramatic tantrum that would put celebrity divas to shame.  I followed her upstairs to the bedroom she had stomped off to, ready (but calm, surprisingly!) to discipline her.  After the disciplinary moment, as I was holding her, she started to struggle against me.  Her eyes flashed and she started saying,

"You hate me!"

"What?"

"You HATE me!"

"Eleanor, that is a lie.  I will not have you believe it."  As I started praying aloud in the name of Jesus (oh, yes, I did) that her mind would stop hearing the lies of evil and that her heart would stop believing it, she broke down and cried but there was more to come.

"You want me to be just like Noah."

Good grief, she can't read yet but it's as if she could read these emotions I myself had been struggling with this week as I worked to realize that I can't compare her to Noah.  I have to appreciate her personality and temperament and spirit and learn to nurture it.

I grabbed her and held her close again.  "Eleanor, look in my eyes.  I.  Am.  Sorry.  I am SO sorry that I have made you feel you need to be like Noah.  You are nothing like Noah.  Nothing!  And that is ok.  It's good!  God made you and Noah and Caleb and Ezekiel all different from each other."  We went on to talk about why God makes people different and point out differences that we can see between her and Noah.  I explained that Noah's personality is one that likes rules and instructions and building things.  I told her that he is creative in a way that helps him to build really cool things.

Then we talked about her.  I explained that whereas Noah likes things to be neat and in order, she is what's considered a "free spirit."  I praised her creativity in an outward sense.  Whereas Noah likes to color in the lines, she likes to see a rainbow where there might not be one.  She dances around as if her heart is full of a song only she can hear.  She is a little mommy, sensitive and wanting to help care for others.  She is full of laughter and life.  It sounds cheesy, but the world really is her canvas and she is painting away using the whole palette of colors, mixing them together to form new ones in the process.

We finished by reading Kevin Leman's book, "Middle Child, There's No One Like You."  I would highly recommend that series of books.  Not everything in there is completely accurate  since you have to take into account temperament styles, but there really is something to birth order.

In the lyrics above, the last line says, "You've got to run far from all you've ever known."  My prayer for her right now is that she runs far from what she's known so far, all she's ever known.  If Tim and I have made her feel she needs to be just like Noah, I hope she runs far from that belief.  I hope she runs far from the rebellious streak that has already been so prominent in her.  That she'll buck the "middle child syndrome" and realize that she can be a free spirit and still be obedient to the Lord.  And I hope I can run far from the things I have done to make her feel she is inadequate as she is and help her to see that she is loved more than she can imagine for exactly who she is. 

Wednesday Words

Photo Credit

I'm going to start writing again.  Blogging, at least.  Regularly.  I'm committed.  I have it figured out in my head.  One of my obstacles is time.  How do I find time to sit and write?  It's not that I don't have a million things floating around in my head waiting to come out.  Thankfully, and I'm admitting this, I'm going to take advantage of the automatic settings where you can publish certain posts on certain days.  I'm also giving myself topics for days so it doesn't feel so overwhelming and will be easier to be motivated.  So here's a possible schedule I think I'm going to go with - don't laugh because I'm using corny daily titles.  It makes it easier on my brain.  :)

Scripture Sundays
Monday Mumblings
Tasty Tuesdays
Wednesday Words
Thoughtful Thursdays
Fun Friday, or maybe Photo Friday
Silly Saturday

I'm not going to post those as titles, it just gives me a routine and you can have an idea of what to expect.  So for today's words...I give you the Ernest Hemingway quote above.  Get ready for me to bleed again. 

Catch it Quick

I always say I want to get back into blogging and then the days go so quickly that it doesn't seem to happen very easily.  Here is another moment where I don't have much time, so I'll give a quick update to at least have a somewhat active blog.  :)

*Homeschool - is going well.  I take pictures and put them on Instagram of the really good days so I can look at them on the not-so-great days to remind me that we do have fun along the way.  I am looking forward to some curriculum changes for next year, as well as some other things to become a part of.  We have a few families we're friends with who will be starting the homeschool journey next year, and while not all of them are geographically close, we're looking forward to the sense of community and encouragement we can still find with each other. 

*Tim's work - we are being so blessed.  Tim's job is one big constant leap of faith.  Self-employment just seems to be that way, right?  We are oftentimes looking at each other and saying, "We don't know where the money's going to come from for next month's bills, but we're just going to trust that God will provide because He always has in the past and we know He always will."  And He does!  It doesn't mean that it's not at the very last minute quite often, and we learn from mistakes along the way, but our needs are provided.  There are many stories I can share about the amazing ways we've seen the Lord working in Tim's job and it's because we just keep stepping out in faith and trusting Him, rather than trying to control the situations ourselves.

*My January goals - I completed all of them!  Then I set goals for February and completed them.  So far I'm on track with my March goals as well.  Or should I say "goal" since I only set one for this month.  Since the beginning of January, I have lost 14 pounds by exercising and eating well.  I have a Pinterest board that you can see here that are exercises I use throughout the week.  I don't have a gym membership, or even a treadmill at home.  I've been exercising at home, before the kids wake up, and the only equipment I have are 3 lb weights and 5 lb weights.  Give it a try!  Most mornings I only spend about 20-30 minutes at the most.  I also have enjoyed the workouts you can find on the Class FitSugar site.  I like that the workouts are 10 minutes long, so I can do as many or little as I have time for.  Tim gets up and works out with me, which helps, and my friend, Jen, keeps me accountable by asking consistently and I try to do the same for her.  It helps knowing you have a friend in another town dragging herself out of bed in the morning as well.

*My walk with the Lord has been really growing over the past few months.  I have never felt such a peace in life, and I know it can only come from the time I am spending with Him. 

*We have been eating healthier in our home.  I have found that my body reacts to gluten.  I have not been tested for Celiac and am hoping that this is something that my body will heal itself of.  For now, though, there is no gluten in my diet.  We do not keep white sugar in the house.  Sugary sweets are not really around much anymore.  We're eating a lot of fruit, dried fruit, nuts, and veggies.  We're buying organic meat, but do not expect our lifestyle to be 100% that way because we know we will eat meals with people who do not buy organic and that is just fine with us.  We just want to make sure that in our home we're eating well so that when we are out and about, it's fine.  We're not freaking out on people about their food choices or anything.  I have tried in the past to get Tim to make different food choices and he was always resistant.  After he did that 2 week detox with me in January, he came out with a new perspective on things.  We've been watching quite a few food documentaries as well, like "Food, Inc.", "Vegucated," "Forks Over Knives," and "King Corn."  I think we've hit a new point in our life where we prefer documentaries over entertainment movies!  I think we're old!

Well, that's about it for here for now.  There is always some kind of excitement going on in our home with all these kids - right now Noah and Ellie are in gymnastics classes and loving it, Caleb has an obsession with pirates, and Zeke is procrastinating walking - but we're pretty content at home lately.  I'm ok with some quiet in our life!

Gleam

It is a gray day.  The temperature is unusually mild for January, but the sun is hiding so the weather feels dreary.  Despite waking up with a heart of thankfulness, gray weather can cause gray to seep into the heart.  Sometimes when that gray goes unchecked, it can darken and deepen. 
I found myself starting to fall into that funk this afternoon.  Nothing was wrong in the day - it just felt blah, dreary, down, damp, colorless.  Feeling mopey I wandered into the kitchen.  I pulled out a lighter and set it to a candle called Vanilla Oak.  In a brief moment, the candle had cast a dim glow and a warm scent through the kitchen.  I felt a slight lift to my spirit. 

After folding laundry, I put towels in the bathroom cupboard, and while in there flicked on the snowflake nightlight.  Another dim light shone through a dark room.  My spirit lifted a little more. 

While walking back down the hallway, I found Ezekiel sitting in the doorway of my bedroom, lifting his hands to me.  I picked him up and tickled his chin.  He giggled.  I tickled his belly.  Deeper laughter.  I nuzzled and kissed his sweet baby cheeks and neck and he roared with a full belly laugh.  The laughter bubbled from his belly straight to my heart, lifting it more, causing me to thank the Lord for this sweet boy He surprised us with.
I was reminded of the devotional I read this morning.  In it was a paragraph that had stood out to me this morning, little did I know I would come back to it later in the day:

While you worship Me in the midst of darkness, I enable you to see the first gleam of dawn on the path before you. Continue walking worshipfully with Me - a walk of faith.  As you persevere along this path, the dim light will gradually shine brighter and brighter till the full light of day. 
(Jesus Today by Sarah Young, p. 56)

One of the accompanying verses was Proverbs 4:18: "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,

which shines brighter and brighter until full day."

The light of dawn begins with a sunrise, a few rays gleaming to pierce the night sky before a blinding sun takes charge.  

A dim light can pierce a gray heart and lead to a fully lifted spirit when we let His light shine in us.  

Thank you, Lord, for showing me the first gleams when I turn my heart toward You, that I may continue to worship and see Your light shine brightly.

Follow Through

We're a week into the New Year of 2013.  People have (or maybe haven't) set resolutions and goals for the year.  Tim and I set goals and this year we're doing it a bit different.  We're breaking the year into chunks and setting our goals month by month to build habits and avoid the feeling of being overwhelmed.  We do have a financial goal we'd like to reach by December 31st of 2013, and I do have a personal goal I'd like to have happen by the fall.  It helps that our health-related goals are kept accountable by our friends, the Lamppas, who we are partnering with in that realm.  Our health-related goals are:

*Tim - no snacking after 8:30pm and exercise 3x a week
*Me - no snacking after 8:00 pm and exercise 3x a week

We do not have any weight goals, as Tim does not need to lose any, and I am tired of striving after a number on a scale.  We did set rewards for what happens if we reach our goals, but Unty also had the idea of setting a consequence if we did not reach our goals.  He said it should be something that we would never want to do, in order to keep us really motivated.  Tim's reward is attending a concert, musical, or some kind of event.  The Avett Brothers are coming to Grand Rapids next month so that's convenient.  :)  His consequence is having to eat vegetarian for an entire week.  For him, this possibility is torture.  My reward is a dinner date at Hearthstone, a delicious restaurant that we haven't been to in over a year.  My consequence is having to donate $25 to Planned Parenthood.  As this is a place I would not want my money to go, it's pretty motivating.

On top of our goals, we've been doing the Detox that is part of Whole Living's 28-Day Challenge from 2011.  We are one week into it and I feel amazing!  My body obviously has not liked some of the things I've been eating in my life, as I now feel more energetic, less fuzzy in the brain, happier, I find myself more patient with my kids, less stressed out, and sleeping better at night.  We get to start introducing certain foods tomorrow, taking the time to note how they make us feel.  I'm very interested to see what my body reacts to and because I'm keeping a journal of how I feel, I think I'll be able to cut out what is harming my body.

Our financial goal is to be debt-free (but the house) by the end of the year.  At the moment we have one auto loan and as Tim's van is in the shop right now and looking like this could be the end of it, we may have to take another out, which we don't want to do, but if we have the goal of paying it off by the end of the year, at least we have a determined goal.  We also want to have 3 months of savings in our emergency fund.  This is mainly since Tim's job can be "feast or famine" and December is typically when the famine starts for painters.  It is a big goal for us, a family of 6, on one income that is not large, but we truly believe we can make it happen.  We're going to be saying "no" to desires and wants along the way.  Discipline!

My personal goal is to run a 10K by the fall.  I am not a natural runner, but I have done a few 5K races and I'd like to try the next step up this year.  I plan on doing a couple 5K races along the way to help in the training. 

There are other smaller goals, but I won't go through them. Maybe I'll report on my progress at the end of each month to help keep me accountable as well.

My motto of the year (phrase?) is "Follow Through." I chose it because I feel like I have a hard time following through on things.  We've set budgets in the past that we didn't look twice at, I've started exercise routines that were never finished, I even have crochet/knit projects sitting in a basket that I half finished and got bored with.  Not this year!  This is the year I follow through on what I start and I finish it!  I have my goals, I have set boundaries to stop being hurt by people around me, I have a support system, I have my verse for the year:

Hebrews 12:11-13 - "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed."
  
It's perfect!!  Discipline IS hard in the beginning, but it's worth it in the end!  Even in a week's worth of time, I can see the differences being made in our home and how the Lord is strengthening us already.  I know that everyone starts the year off with that "Woo-hoo! Go get 'em!  I can do it!" mentality that drops off by the middle of February, but this year feels different to me.  It feels like a year of big things ahead for us and we're ready to tackle them, trusting the Lord and giving glory to Him as we go!

What goals have you set this year?  Do you feel it is a big year for you as well?

Hair

Noah at 1 year old

Ellie - 1 year old

Caleb - 1 year old

Zeke - 1 year old

Our baby turned 1 year old last week.  I will write a birthday post for him in the next couple days.  For today, I'm just enjoying looking at what all the kids looked like on their first birthdays.  I think the biggest difference is the appearance of more and darker hair with each one!  Zeke already had his first hair cut a couple weeks ago so it's quite a bit shorter than it was.  :)

Hungry, Hungry Caleb

I called Caleb's pediatrician's office this week and asked to speak to a nurse.  I explained to her that he is multiple times throughout the day sneaking into the fridge and cupboards, taking food, and hiding somewhere in the house devouring it.  I told her that sometimes I am nervous about leaving him unattended for any length of time because I will most likely find him soon after, under a bed scooping yogurt of a large container with his hand.  She told me she had never heard any other mom say this in her 25 years of nursing and then said she would talk to the doctor and call me back.  She did call back later and made an appointment for the next day.
After a long visit and a trip to the lab for a gene probe/blood work, we went home to wait for 3-5 days until we would hear if Caleb had Prader-Willi Syndrome.  He exhibits as many characteristics for it (developmental delays, obsession with food, etc)  as he does against it (high functioning, he's not obese, etc), so the blood work would be the best way to determine if he did in fact have it. I only ever got nervous once in the waiting time, and it was before we left the office when I was thinking about (a) how I had never seen the pediatrician act the way he did - very concerned.  He's a great pediatrician, but he is usually pretty calm and laid back, which I think is great because then I'm never stressed out while I'm there.  (b) I skimmed through the information page and it had a sentence about how in the past, people with PWS didn't live to the age of 50 because of related health complications.  Then I kind of freaked out a little.  Then I calmed down.
Anyways, this post is not about PWS, but about what came next.  I called Tim.  I called my mom, who in turn called her prayer warriors.  I emailed Tim's family and then I contacted 2 of my girlfriends.  The responses left me in awe of the Lord, yet again.  I received a phone call from my grandma, who told me Caleb was fine and the Lord had made him healthy and the test results would show it.  I received a text from my aunt, who said she was standing in prayer with us.  Tim's parents and sister responded with emails that they were in prayer.  The first girlfriend I called said, "let's pray" as soon as I was finished telling her about it.  The other I had texted and when she called later that day, she had already researched it and told me, "If this is what he has, we can do this.  We can get through this."  My mom called me this morning in a 3-way conversation with a friend of hers who wanted me to hear what the Lord had spoken to her this morning in her prayer time.
I was floored.  I have always known we have an amazing support system, but the Lord showed me again that He has provided us with family and friends who are there with us.  Whether or not Caleb had this syndrome, we had a circle around us of people praying for him, ready to show us His strength if we were weary, and who were asking for his health - truly believing that God can and does heal.  The raw, unwavering faith of these people are inspiring and I am blessed to know them. 
I know that there are Christians who feel a little hesitant and nervous when people start talking about spiritual warfare, or prophesy, or healing, or miracles.  I have to admit that when my mom first told me about a couple of her friends, I thought they were a little crazy back when I was young.  However, they aren't.  Well, maybe they're crazy by society's standards, but they don't say anything that is outside Scripture.  They just believe, really believe, that we have a BIG God and He is who He says He is and He stands by His promises.  Isn't that what we're supposed to believe anyway?  They have helped me grow in my own faith and they have prayed for my family countless times.  I love them and am so thankful for them.
The past few days have been a reminder to me of the importance of community.  I could feel the peace that came from believing that no matter what Caleb's test results were, it wasn't going to change the way we love him or how he fits into our family, and it wouldn't change the fact that God would never abandon us.
Caleb's results came back negative and the pediatrician left a voicemail that he is a healthy, but seemingly very hungry, little boy.  We are thanking God for answered prayers and Truth He has revealed to us in the last couple days while we waited.

Ugly Yard

After breakfast this morning, the kids ran off to play, Tim was putting our handrail back on the basement stairwell (we moved a desk down into the basement last night), and after I finished cleaning up, I took my cup of hot chocolate into the living room and set Zeke down to explore.  Tenth Avenue North's second album was playing from the kitchen.  Peaceful moment, really.  I try to capture them when I can.  :)
I was looking out the front window and the yards starting getting my attention.  Leaves have been gathered and dumped curbside, waiting for the leaf truck to come vacuum them up this week.  Trees are bare now.  There is really no more work to be done in terms of yard maintenance until next spring.
The yards are in a state of waiting, you could say.  They're kind of green and alive, kind of brown and dead.  An ugly state waiting for the next thing...to be blanketed in a thick mass of beautiful, white snow. 
How often does life feel like that?  As if we are in a state of waiting, left to wonder about what's coming next.  How often do we feel as if life is in a stage of ugliness and we're just waiting in anticipation for that snow, that pure whiteness that is going to blanket us and make it beautiful?
I have felt it.  Recently, even.  Sometimes it almost seems as if there is always a waiting period around the bend.  A waiting period waiting for us to enter into for a time.  Sometimes short, sometimes lengthy. 

The Lord wants to cover you.  We are told this in Zephaniah 3:17:

"The Lord your God is in your midst,

a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

he will quiet you by his love;

he will exult over you with loud singing."

I love the thought that the Lord is exulting over me with loud singing.  He is quieting me by His love.  He is a blanket of snow that will come cover my ugly state and make me beautiful again.  I just have to wait on Him.

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!"  -Psalm 27:14

 

Learning Sacrifice

With the beginning of the school year, I could start to see the lesson God was going to teach me. 
Sacrifice.
I've been part of a Wednesday morning Ladies Bible Study at church for the past three years.  I was looking forward to this year and the book being covered (third in the series we started last year.)  The study ended up being moved to Thursday mornings and I found myself with a choice to make:
Participate or not?
Now, the answer seemed obvious.  I didn't have any other plans on Thursday mornings, besides school with the kids.  Why wouldn't I go to Bible study? 
It wasn't that simple, actually.  Caleb has speech therapy Mondays and Wednesdays right now.  Ellie has piano lessons on Tuesday mornings.  We only do school Mondays-Thursdays.  That leaves Thursday as the only day during the week where we don't have to be somewhere at a certain time.  Did I want to take our only unscheduled school day and change it up, filling up one more day with something to do?
Not really.
Over the past year I also was in a small group over Google chat with my sisters-in-law and another friend every other Thursday night.  Recently one of the girls brought up switching the study to every other Sunday night.  Again, a decision to be made.
We are home on Sunday nights.  It would be obvious that I am available do it that night, especially if it's only once or twice a month.  However, that is our family night.  After the kids go to bed, I go over everything planned for the week, making sure I have school lessons in place and notes for the week prepared.  Then Tim and I sit down and have time with each other.  It's a night for us to unwind from the weekend and re-energize for the coming week.  Did I want to start a habit of taking away that time, even just once or twice month?
Not really.
I felt the word sacrifice in my head and my life.  One of the definitions of this word is: "To forfeit (one thing) for another thing considered to be of greater value."

I am a selfish person.  Really.  I like my "me time."  I like to do what I want to do.  Honestly, since having the kids, they've been the one to probably feel it the most.  There are days where I just want to get away from them.  I would rather spend time with my friends or my husband then my kids. 
I am sure these are feelings that I'm not alone in.  At least it doesn't sound like it from conversations I've had with other mothers.  However, my life right now does not - or will not ever- just contain me in it.  I have four children.  They need me right now, especially with the ages they are at. 
Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying some "me time" for moms isn't a good thing.  It's a very good thing if that mom wants to stay out of the asylum.  However, I think that my time for myself was being placed higher and higher and more often than my kids.  Here's what I realized:
I needed to forfeit some of the things I was placing as more important than my kids for my kids.  Spiritual growth is important and I think small groups and Bible studies are great.  It's ok to be in just one, though. Last year I was in three.  I cut back to just the church small group we host at our house and it's been great.  Thursday mornings are our best school morning and I think it's because we are all relaxed and many times still in our pajamas. 
The choice to educate at home means I'm giving up some "me time."  I'm not going to lie, some days are really challenging.  It seems like God always sends a good day next, or a reminder for why this is important for our family right now, as an encouragement when those tough days are getting me down and I'm ready to enroll everyone back in school. 
I do still get "me time."  Because I'm home with the kids all day every day, I get a night during the week where I get to leave and do whatever I want (well, within reason.)  I can go to a bookstore or coffee shop or walk around Target alone.  I also still take advantage of nap time.  Noah and Ellie typically spend this time in the playroom and they play really well together during that time, praise God.  Caleb and Zeke sleep.  I get to eat my lunch and relax and re-energize for the afternoon.

I don't know if this is just a season for our family.  I think the question that is most frustrating from people is when they ask how long we plan on homeschooling.  The truth is - I really don't know.  There are people who can say they're going to do it through high school, or junior high, or whatever.  We're committing to take it year by year and continue to look for God's direction.  This may be a season for us, as the Lord teaches us certain lessons we need to learn. 
For me, so far it has been looking at my kids and realizing how important they are.  They are a greater value than every day being "me time" right now.  I can only speak for myself.  You could listen to me talk and say, "Well, Andrea, all moms feel this way."  I wouldn't doubt it.  But you can't look in my heart and see how deep my selfishness really goes, what my thoughts have been.  Only I can see that.  And only I can make the changes I know need to be made. 
Lesson {being} learned.

Old Chair, New Life

Purchased from a thrift store in Grand Haven for $2.99

A coat of primer, 2 coats of off-white, some fabric, and a few hours later:

I did it all by myself, never having re-upholstered furniture or used a staple gun before.  Never underestimate a woman with an idea in her head.  =)