I have been blessed to have many women in my life at different times. Some have come, developed close relationship and moved on with the different paths of life. Some were more temporary, some have been there since the awkward time of adolescence and have grown more distant as we have become older although they are still there. And some...well, some are like Sticks and Stumps.
When I arrived at Cornerstone University in the fall of 1999, I knew only two other people and they were both older than me and living in a different dorm. I had fun meeting new people and making friends and that is when I got to know Sticks and Stumps.
We were roommates the following year along with two other girls. We had some great times and I believe that's when the "Sticks" and "Stumps" nicknames were formed. It's also the year we each started dating the men who would become our husbands.
We haven't always been close. Sometimes life happens and gets busy.
Yet we always seem to find our way back to each other, which is where we are now again, yet this time is different. We're older, more mature...we're wives and moms. We're almost 30 - yikes! =)
There is a memory cemented in my mind that really demonstrates what wonderful friends they are. Tim and I miscarried our first pregnancy in September 2003. We went in for our 12-week appointment on a Thursday, only to find out there was no heartbeat and we had most likely lost the baby within the two weeks beforehand and my body had not realized it yet. Because my body was taking so long to start the process and we were leaving in a week to go to California for a conference, we chose to have a D & C. This way, while out in California, if I started miscarrying and had problems, I wouldn't be across the country from my doctor. The D & C was performed two days later, on Saturday morning.
My parents came that morning, our pastor and his wife stopped by in the afternoon, and then that evening Sticks and her husband brought us dinner. Stumps and her husband had been in town for something unrelated but stopped by as well. The six of us had dinner together and spent the rest of the evening visiting.
The best part was that they didn't expect anything of us. They didn't tell us how to grieve or give suggestions. They didn't make us talk about it or try to guide the conversation in any direction. They just let us guide them through the night.
By the time they all got to our house, Tim and I had cried enough tears over the previous two days to fill an ocean. We just wanted to laugh and enjoy our time with friends. We were exhausted and they were a breath of fresh air for us. Later that evening, in mine and Tim's timing, we did end up opening up about the experience and talking about it and there were more tears. It was a beautiful evening for us and it was what we needed.
In the six years since then, they both joined me in the painful experience of miscarrying their own pregnancies at some point. We also have gone on to have (almost) 8 children between us. We have developed a yearly "girls night/weekend" and it is a very cherished time. It usually goes quickly before we are back to the daily grind of taking care of our families, but it is enough time to recharge and encourage each other as we walk through this wife/mother journey together.
I love these girls dearly. No matter what other friendships I have developed over the years, these two have a very special place in my life. I know I can call them and they will be there for me. I know they will pray when they say they will, it's not just an empty phrase with them. I know we will celebrate joyous occasions together. I thank God for them.
There is a Sara Groves song from her album, "Fireflies and Songs" that speaks of friendship. When I first heard it, I thought of Sticks and Stumps.
As I said, I have been blessed with many different friends and I don't want to play favorites here but I think what sets these two apart is that we basically, in a sense, "grew up" together. We went from the awkward phase of the teenage years, entering college and figuring out what to do with life, to actually living life out together - not geographically, unfortunately, but through phone calls, emails, letters and cards, visits and through the bonds that have kept us close.
I love you, girls!! Thank you for blessing my life in many ways!
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
The Battle of Beauty
I battle many things:
My kids when they want their own way.
My husband when we don't see eye to eye.
My parents when they don't agree with our parenting.
The customer service rep who may be wrong when I'm trying to correct a situation or bill.
Those are not daily battles but occasional ones.
There is one battle that I do fight daily, though. Multiple times throughout the day, even. I hate warring with this person because I know her so well and am hardest on her.
Me.
Mainly, my reflection.
For years I have struggled with low self-esteem and image. In junior high I had thick eyebrows and noticeable upper lip hair. Thankfully, my mom became an aesthetician while I was in high school and I now have my eyebrows and upper lip waxed (I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore.)
In high school, I was tall and thin with horrible posture (still suffer the bad posture.) I had a body built like a boy's with no curves. I was so thin that I had to gain weight just to donate blood when I turned 18. I wasn't healthy or athletic; I just had genes that allowed me to eat what I wanted and not gain weight. I also was a busy person between school and work and extracurricular school activities.
Then I went to college and quickly (as in first semester) put on about 10 pounds. I didn't go to a party school, though, and it wasn't weight from alcohol. It was the freedom of finding I could eat whatever I wanted because Mom wasn't there. Pop-Tarts for a quick dinner in the dorm room? Oh, yeah. College cafeteria food? Bring it on with ranch dressing. Dessert for lunch and dinner? I'll take 2 of those chocolate chip cookies with some ice cream in the middle, thank you.
I lost most of the weight a few years later when I realized I was going to be walking down an aisle in front of lots of people in my dream dress. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon and I think it came back on during that week.
I can remember a friend commenting to me once, before I was even pregnant with Noah, about how I had a little roll that hadn't been there before. Maybe that's what really started drawing my attention to my self-image as my esteem rolled away. I thought, If I can't hide it with clothes, I must really be looking chunky.
The thing is, though, I love to eat. And I hate to exercise. This is a not-so-good combination as you can see.
It also doesn't help that I have a husband who loves me no matter what size I am and also admitted to me recently that he likes the fact I'm curvier now than before I had kids. Where's the motivation to lose weight when your love handles become lovable? (Please don't misunderstand, though, I would never want to suffer the emotional abuse some women suffer from their husbands because of weight gain.)
I, on the other hand, am hard on myself and don't love or even like the love handles. I can't accept that the pudge around the belly. Yet at the same time, I know that I'm not at an unhealthy weight. I'm still within the range for healthy for my height, it's just not the weight I want to be at.
Because for some reason there is something in me that just won't give it up.
Obviously, I know this comes down to be a sin issue. It is made up of so many components. Part of it comes down to self-discipline. Why eat 1 Milano cookie when you can eat 5 in the cute little paper holder they rest on in the bag? Or the whole bag?
I think food is an idol for me. Emotional eater? I am. Happy? Celebrate with food. Sad? Grieve with food. Frustrated? Clean the kitchen. OK, so I guess I'm not actually eating during that one. Although I wouldn't be surprised if I end up hungry after cleaning the kitchen. Where I should be going first to the Lord in prayer, I go to the cabinet.
I can even admit these things - so why is it so hard to change?
I have beautiful friends. I feel frumpy. (That could partly be due to lack of fashion sense, though.) Some are thin and willowy even after having multiple children. My sister-in-law is a stick. I try to tell myself it's because she runs more miles than I drive in a week. That part about the distance probably isn't entirely true, but she does run and exercise consistently. Naturally, that would help with weight loss and maintenance.
I have been so hard on myself that I was in tears, sobbing, recently after Tim commented to me that I looked beautiful that day. It was like a dam burst open and I just couldn't accept what he was saying even though it wasn't something he hadn't said before. I think it just hit me on a different note that day. Have you ever truly felt a war in your mind? At that moment I felt these two opposing forces smacking into each other and it was like truth was trying to break free and I wouldn't unlock the cage. That's when I really realized my problem was more serious than I wanted to accept.
We have a large oval mirror in the bathroom. I asked Tim if he minded if I wrote Scripture on it with a dry-erase marker, to which he, of course, agreed. Now when I look in the mirror I am greeted with Provers 31:30:
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
You see, I don't want my motivation to exercise to be losing weight to fit a certain size. I want it to be a way for me to be healthy. That goes for wise food choices as well. If I feel like junk after eating certain sweets, then I should take that into consideration and not eat it again. If I feel good after eating something healthy, I need to remember that.
I always feel good after exercising. I hate when I am in the moment, but I love the adrenaline rush and energy that comes later. I love feeling like I accomplished something good for me.
I don't want to spend a long time in front of the bathroom mirror preparing myself for the day. And, honestly, I don't do that now. My routine, shower included, is about half an hour if that means I'm actually doing my hair and make-up. I don't wear much make-up beyond mascara, concealer and occasionally eye shadow so it doesn't take me long.
I want that reminder, though, when I stop in the bathroom, of where true beauty lies. I need that reminder. It's too easy for me to turn sideways in the mirror and suck in my gut to see what I could look like.
The other thing I have been surprised, pleasantly, with is that the kids always ask us what the writing on the mirror says when we are in there with them brushing our teeth or washing hands or giving them baths. So Tim and I read it to them repeatedly every day to the point where I think Noah is starting to memorize it. I realized that this is something important for them to hear, especially Ellie, who - as a girl who will grow into a woman - will probably struggle with herself one day. If she is getting this reminded to her starting at the age of 2 years old, maybe she'll be more confident in herself at twelve or twenty-two or thirty than I am. It also can be a lesson for Noah on what to look for one day in a future wife.
I fight my battle every day. However, I have found my Sword and am starting to pick at the lock on the cage to set the beauty truth free.
My kids when they want their own way.
My husband when we don't see eye to eye.
My parents when they don't agree with our parenting.
The customer service rep who may be wrong when I'm trying to correct a situation or bill.
Those are not daily battles but occasional ones.
There is one battle that I do fight daily, though. Multiple times throughout the day, even. I hate warring with this person because I know her so well and am hardest on her.
Me.
Mainly, my reflection.
For years I have struggled with low self-esteem and image. In junior high I had thick eyebrows and noticeable upper lip hair. Thankfully, my mom became an aesthetician while I was in high school and I now have my eyebrows and upper lip waxed (I'm not ashamed to admit it anymore.)
In high school, I was tall and thin with horrible posture (still suffer the bad posture.) I had a body built like a boy's with no curves. I was so thin that I had to gain weight just to donate blood when I turned 18. I wasn't healthy or athletic; I just had genes that allowed me to eat what I wanted and not gain weight. I also was a busy person between school and work and extracurricular school activities.
Then I went to college and quickly (as in first semester) put on about 10 pounds. I didn't go to a party school, though, and it wasn't weight from alcohol. It was the freedom of finding I could eat whatever I wanted because Mom wasn't there. Pop-Tarts for a quick dinner in the dorm room? Oh, yeah. College cafeteria food? Bring it on with ranch dressing. Dessert for lunch and dinner? I'll take 2 of those chocolate chip cookies with some ice cream in the middle, thank you.
I lost most of the weight a few years later when I realized I was going to be walking down an aisle in front of lots of people in my dream dress. We went on a cruise for our honeymoon and I think it came back on during that week.
I can remember a friend commenting to me once, before I was even pregnant with Noah, about how I had a little roll that hadn't been there before. Maybe that's what really started drawing my attention to my self-image as my esteem rolled away. I thought, If I can't hide it with clothes, I must really be looking chunky.
The thing is, though, I love to eat. And I hate to exercise. This is a not-so-good combination as you can see.
It also doesn't help that I have a husband who loves me no matter what size I am and also admitted to me recently that he likes the fact I'm curvier now than before I had kids. Where's the motivation to lose weight when your love handles become lovable? (Please don't misunderstand, though, I would never want to suffer the emotional abuse some women suffer from their husbands because of weight gain.)
I, on the other hand, am hard on myself and don't love or even like the love handles. I can't accept that the pudge around the belly. Yet at the same time, I know that I'm not at an unhealthy weight. I'm still within the range for healthy for my height, it's just not the weight I want to be at.
Because for some reason there is something in me that just won't give it up.
Obviously, I know this comes down to be a sin issue. It is made up of so many components. Part of it comes down to self-discipline. Why eat 1 Milano cookie when you can eat 5 in the cute little paper holder they rest on in the bag? Or the whole bag?
I think food is an idol for me. Emotional eater? I am. Happy? Celebrate with food. Sad? Grieve with food. Frustrated? Clean the kitchen. OK, so I guess I'm not actually eating during that one. Although I wouldn't be surprised if I end up hungry after cleaning the kitchen. Where I should be going first to the Lord in prayer, I go to the cabinet.
I can even admit these things - so why is it so hard to change?
I have beautiful friends. I feel frumpy. (That could partly be due to lack of fashion sense, though.) Some are thin and willowy even after having multiple children. My sister-in-law is a stick. I try to tell myself it's because she runs more miles than I drive in a week. That part about the distance probably isn't entirely true, but she does run and exercise consistently. Naturally, that would help with weight loss and maintenance.
I have been so hard on myself that I was in tears, sobbing, recently after Tim commented to me that I looked beautiful that day. It was like a dam burst open and I just couldn't accept what he was saying even though it wasn't something he hadn't said before. I think it just hit me on a different note that day. Have you ever truly felt a war in your mind? At that moment I felt these two opposing forces smacking into each other and it was like truth was trying to break free and I wouldn't unlock the cage. That's when I really realized my problem was more serious than I wanted to accept.
We have a large oval mirror in the bathroom. I asked Tim if he minded if I wrote Scripture on it with a dry-erase marker, to which he, of course, agreed. Now when I look in the mirror I am greeted with Provers 31:30:
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
You see, I don't want my motivation to exercise to be losing weight to fit a certain size. I want it to be a way for me to be healthy. That goes for wise food choices as well. If I feel like junk after eating certain sweets, then I should take that into consideration and not eat it again. If I feel good after eating something healthy, I need to remember that.
I always feel good after exercising. I hate when I am in the moment, but I love the adrenaline rush and energy that comes later. I love feeling like I accomplished something good for me.
I don't want to spend a long time in front of the bathroom mirror preparing myself for the day. And, honestly, I don't do that now. My routine, shower included, is about half an hour if that means I'm actually doing my hair and make-up. I don't wear much make-up beyond mascara, concealer and occasionally eye shadow so it doesn't take me long.
I want that reminder, though, when I stop in the bathroom, of where true beauty lies. I need that reminder. It's too easy for me to turn sideways in the mirror and suck in my gut to see what I could look like.
The other thing I have been surprised, pleasantly, with is that the kids always ask us what the writing on the mirror says when we are in there with them brushing our teeth or washing hands or giving them baths. So Tim and I read it to them repeatedly every day to the point where I think Noah is starting to memorize it. I realized that this is something important for them to hear, especially Ellie, who - as a girl who will grow into a woman - will probably struggle with herself one day. If she is getting this reminded to her starting at the age of 2 years old, maybe she'll be more confident in herself at twelve or twenty-two or thirty than I am. It also can be a lesson for Noah on what to look for one day in a future wife.
I fight my battle every day. However, I have found my Sword and am starting to pick at the lock on the cage to set the beauty truth free.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Catch Up!
I cannot even believe how quickly this summer is going by. It may as well be the end of August.
I am trying to play catch up with lots of things - my last load of laundry is in the washing machine - I actually have an empty laundry hamper (at least until Tim gets home from work!) I am blogging for the first time in what feels like forever. I finally ordered Caleb's birth announcements today. In my defense on that one, there were 2 great photo card deals going on from 2 different websites so I was able to get all the announcements for free (besides shipping and handling.) So I could just say that I was waiting for a deal to come along...but in reality I just didn't do it until now. Oh, well, so he's 3 1/2 months old. People are going to get an updated photo on their card.
Anyways, our summer has been enjoyable. Tim built this on Memorial Day:
We were introduced to a website called Knock-Off Wood and have a line of projects we would love to make. It's an awesome site. Seriously, check it out. Anyways, a perk to him being a painter is that when he is working on a new construction home, he can do a bit of "dumpster diving" or just nicely ask the carpenters for scrap wood. That's what he did here and he scored some beautiful African Teak. It turned out to be a free project! The kids are loving it and it helps for when another family is over and we are able to have more seating room.
The garden also was a Memorial Day project. Earlier this week we were able to enjoy the first of what has come in - peas, green beans and a few cherry tomatoes.
We have only been to our little beach once so far but have plans to go again soon and are looking forward to that.
We had a really fun family day last month. It was one of those days that, as a mom, you need in order to be able to make all the rough days worth it. Tim was working at a job site almost 2 hours away and so during the week he would work 3 really long days where the kids wouldn't see him at all and then take 2 days off completely. On one of those off days we didn't have or make any plans and just kind of did whatever came up. The morning started with a yummy breakfast and then mid-morning I went for a run. On my way back it became much warmer than when I first started and I was praying that someone would have a lawn sprinkler turned on and aiming at the sidewalk. Little did I know the house with the sprinkler would be my own! Featuring not so much a lawn sprinkler, but a Go! Diego Go! one in the front yard with this delightful scene taking place:
The kids had such a blast, as did Tim and I, running through it.
Isn't he a handsome little man? All set to go in to the Young-5 program this year. We're definitely holding off on kindergarten until next year. I can't believe how much they expect from the kids in kindergarten!
The day ended like this:
I think what made it so memorable for us is that it was relaxing, we were all together and, quite possibly for the first time ever, no one fought with each other.
We went camping over Father's Day weekend. Our church did a Family Camp Weekend at Kibby Creek Campground near Ludington. I'm so thankful it wasn't far from home because we got up there, set up our tent, went to change the kids into their swimsuits and realized the suitcase with all the kids' clothes in it was at home still! So back home Caleb and I went to retrieve it. That night was a complete disaster between being extremely cold and only having a sheet (thankfully, we had blankets shared with us the second night) and Ellie's night terrors (which she gets when she's overtired and, naturally, she didn't nap in a tent.) One of the days we were up there we went in to Ludington with another couple and walked the pier. When we got home Sunday, we had lunch, took naps and then Tim wanted to go Miniature golfing and to Logan's for his Father's Day dinner.
Ellie loves playing dress up. For her birthday, our friends Justin and Carrie got her a fun little set with all sorts of girlie stuff. She loves it.
Whenever she dresses up, Noah feels the need to put on his armor.
Tim and I took Noah to see his first movie theater movie. We saw "Toy Story 3." He thought it was great, though a bit scary at the end. He ended up in Tim's lap, but didn't scream like the poor boy in front of us and some of the kids around us. We stayed the weekend at my parent's house so they could watch Ellie and Caleb while we went and then we could spend the rest of the weekend visiting them. While we were there, they found a jeep at a garage sale. The kids are enjoying it when we stop there.
We took a vacation last week. We started off in Ohio for the 4th of July weekend.
Caleb's first time meeting Papa Ross as well as his first fireworks.
We then traveled to Tennessee to visit Tim's sister and her family. Our old baby-sitters, Megan and Jenny, are working at the Christian camp down there, Doe River Gorge, this summer and we had a lot of opportunities to visit with them. We loved seeing them, it was like a bonus added on to an already great trip! My sister-in-law and her husband have bought some beautiful property that they want to farm and build a house on and they took us out to see it one night. It was breathtaking!! I was pretty much ready to pack my bags and move down there.
It was a great vacation, although by the end of it the kids felt like this:
Two days of driving to get somewhere will do that to you.
Caleb continues to grow quicker than we can keep up with. He has managed to just fit right into our family and we are continually amazed by him. He sleeps through the night, nursing is going great, he is the most laid-back of all our kids and he smiles and laughs non-stop!
Except for maybe an occasional serious face.
And right now he's obsessed with putting his fingers in his mouth and sucking his lower lip in.
How's that for an exhausting catch up?? For those of you who stayed through this - thanks!!
If you want something else to read now, click on the links on the side for our friends Jeana and Matt. They're moving to Rwanda on August 2nd! While we will miss them, we're so excited for them!
I am trying to play catch up with lots of things - my last load of laundry is in the washing machine - I actually have an empty laundry hamper (at least until Tim gets home from work!) I am blogging for the first time in what feels like forever. I finally ordered Caleb's birth announcements today. In my defense on that one, there were 2 great photo card deals going on from 2 different websites so I was able to get all the announcements for free (besides shipping and handling.) So I could just say that I was waiting for a deal to come along...but in reality I just didn't do it until now. Oh, well, so he's 3 1/2 months old. People are going to get an updated photo on their card.
Anyways, our summer has been enjoyable. Tim built this on Memorial Day:
We were introduced to a website called Knock-Off Wood and have a line of projects we would love to make. It's an awesome site. Seriously, check it out. Anyways, a perk to him being a painter is that when he is working on a new construction home, he can do a bit of "dumpster diving" or just nicely ask the carpenters for scrap wood. That's what he did here and he scored some beautiful African Teak. It turned out to be a free project! The kids are loving it and it helps for when another family is over and we are able to have more seating room.
The garden also was a Memorial Day project. Earlier this week we were able to enjoy the first of what has come in - peas, green beans and a few cherry tomatoes.
We have only been to our little beach once so far but have plans to go again soon and are looking forward to that.
We had a really fun family day last month. It was one of those days that, as a mom, you need in order to be able to make all the rough days worth it. Tim was working at a job site almost 2 hours away and so during the week he would work 3 really long days where the kids wouldn't see him at all and then take 2 days off completely. On one of those off days we didn't have or make any plans and just kind of did whatever came up. The morning started with a yummy breakfast and then mid-morning I went for a run. On my way back it became much warmer than when I first started and I was praying that someone would have a lawn sprinkler turned on and aiming at the sidewalk. Little did I know the house with the sprinkler would be my own! Featuring not so much a lawn sprinkler, but a Go! Diego Go! one in the front yard with this delightful scene taking place:
The kids had such a blast, as did Tim and I, running through it.
Isn't he a handsome little man? All set to go in to the Young-5 program this year. We're definitely holding off on kindergarten until next year. I can't believe how much they expect from the kids in kindergarten!The day ended like this:
I think what made it so memorable for us is that it was relaxing, we were all together and, quite possibly for the first time ever, no one fought with each other.We went camping over Father's Day weekend. Our church did a Family Camp Weekend at Kibby Creek Campground near Ludington. I'm so thankful it wasn't far from home because we got up there, set up our tent, went to change the kids into their swimsuits and realized the suitcase with all the kids' clothes in it was at home still! So back home Caleb and I went to retrieve it. That night was a complete disaster between being extremely cold and only having a sheet (thankfully, we had blankets shared with us the second night) and Ellie's night terrors (which she gets when she's overtired and, naturally, she didn't nap in a tent.) One of the days we were up there we went in to Ludington with another couple and walked the pier. When we got home Sunday, we had lunch, took naps and then Tim wanted to go Miniature golfing and to Logan's for his Father's Day dinner.
Ellie loves playing dress up. For her birthday, our friends Justin and Carrie got her a fun little set with all sorts of girlie stuff. She loves it.
Whenever she dresses up, Noah feels the need to put on his armor.
Tim and I took Noah to see his first movie theater movie. We saw "Toy Story 3." He thought it was great, though a bit scary at the end. He ended up in Tim's lap, but didn't scream like the poor boy in front of us and some of the kids around us. We stayed the weekend at my parent's house so they could watch Ellie and Caleb while we went and then we could spend the rest of the weekend visiting them. While we were there, they found a jeep at a garage sale. The kids are enjoying it when we stop there.
We took a vacation last week. We started off in Ohio for the 4th of July weekend.
Caleb's first time meeting Papa Ross as well as his first fireworks.
We then traveled to Tennessee to visit Tim's sister and her family. Our old baby-sitters, Megan and Jenny, are working at the Christian camp down there, Doe River Gorge, this summer and we had a lot of opportunities to visit with them. We loved seeing them, it was like a bonus added on to an already great trip! My sister-in-law and her husband have bought some beautiful property that they want to farm and build a house on and they took us out to see it one night. It was breathtaking!! I was pretty much ready to pack my bags and move down there.
It was a great vacation, although by the end of it the kids felt like this:
Two days of driving to get somewhere will do that to you.Caleb continues to grow quicker than we can keep up with. He has managed to just fit right into our family and we are continually amazed by him. He sleeps through the night, nursing is going great, he is the most laid-back of all our kids and he smiles and laughs non-stop!
Except for maybe an occasional serious face.
And right now he's obsessed with putting his fingers in his mouth and sucking his lower lip in.How's that for an exhausting catch up?? For those of you who stayed through this - thanks!!
If you want something else to read now, click on the links on the side for our friends Jeana and Matt. They're moving to Rwanda on August 2nd! While we will miss them, we're so excited for them!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Listening to...
Wow, it's been a month since I've blogged! I have many things in my head I want to empty out on here and pictures to show off of our kiddos, but today is not going to be that day. Instead, I just wanted to share some of the albums getting the most play in our house. The iPod probably wants to play something different but for now we are digging these. Check them out!
For Mother's Day Tim bought me JJ Heller's CD, "Painted Red." You may have heard this song:
The entire CD is great, but there are a couple songs that really get me. This being one:
Deas Vail is a newer group. Their sound reminds us a little of Death Cab for Cutie. We are enjoying their CD, "Birds & Cages" very much.
Tim can't stop listening to Owl City's album "Ocean Eyes." The kids and I just bought it for him for Father's Day. This is the kids' favorite song to sing and dance to:
I like this one:
For our anniversary, Tim surprised me with "Crazy Love" - Michael Buble's newer one. You may have heard this one on the radio:
But I LOVE this one. It sounds so James Bond theme-ish!
And lastly, but certainly with no less play time than the rest, is Relient K's newer one, "Forget and Not Slow Down." Tim and I are in agreement that this is our favorite Relient K album. And, you may (or may not) have noticed that 2 of the songs above - one of Deas Vail's and one of Owl City's - feature Relient K's lead singer, Matt Thiessen. He seems to be popping up on a lot of albums lately!
Anyone else have music to suggest?
For Mother's Day Tim bought me JJ Heller's CD, "Painted Red." You may have heard this song:
The entire CD is great, but there are a couple songs that really get me. This being one:
Deas Vail is a newer group. Their sound reminds us a little of Death Cab for Cutie. We are enjoying their CD, "Birds & Cages" very much.
Tim can't stop listening to Owl City's album "Ocean Eyes." The kids and I just bought it for him for Father's Day. This is the kids' favorite song to sing and dance to:
I like this one:
For our anniversary, Tim surprised me with "Crazy Love" - Michael Buble's newer one. You may have heard this one on the radio:
But I LOVE this one. It sounds so James Bond theme-ish!
And lastly, but certainly with no less play time than the rest, is Relient K's newer one, "Forget and Not Slow Down." Tim and I are in agreement that this is our favorite Relient K album. And, you may (or may not) have noticed that 2 of the songs above - one of Deas Vail's and one of Owl City's - feature Relient K's lead singer, Matt Thiessen. He seems to be popping up on a lot of albums lately!
Anyone else have music to suggest?
Monday, May 24, 2010
No 7 Year Itch Here!
May 24, 2003
By the numbers for Tim and I in our marriage:
24 - of May 2003 was our wedding day.
7 - number of years we've been married
4 - pregnancies
3 - births
4 - times we've moved
2 - dogs we've owned
4 - vehicles we've owned
2 - houses we've owned (or pay mortgage on, I guess technically the bank owns it still)
2 - passing of grandparents (one mine, one his)
1 - passing of great-grandparent (mine)
2 - marriage conferences
2 - counselors I've seen (one after the miscarriage, one for dealing with a past issue)
6 - number of years Tim has been painting
220,000+ - miles on each of our vans (there are two)
4 - times we've flown places together.
6 - numbers of weddings in which one of us has served in the bridal party
There have been countless arguments, vacations, friends, life changes, weddings attended, dates and days of joy.
When you're a little girl, you dream of growing up and getting married to a prince and living in a castle.
Then you grow older and find out princes are hard to come by in America, so you settle for the dream of marrying a doctor, being rich and living in a big and beautiful home.
Then you find the man of your dreams and realize he wants to be a youth pastor.
Then he spends some time being a painter after you've been married for not even a year. He interns at a church and finds out it is not what he wants to do. But he loves painting and home restoration. He quits college after four and a half years of studying youth ministry and you settle into an even lower income than a youth pastor.
I realized along the way that my childhood dreams did not come true. My teenage dreams did not come true. Even the dreams I had as a young married woman did not come true.
Yet I would have missed out on so much if they had. So many lessons learned along the way that could only be learned by going through the circumstances we did. Our marriage being strengthened in ways that would not have been possible if things went the way I dreamed them to.
If things went the way we planned them to we would have missed out on Caleb.
We would have missed out on moving over to the lakeshore which would have missed many friendships.
We would still be weak and lukewarm Christians, not ever taking leaps of faith or strengthening our trust in the Lord.
I have loved every minute of our 7 years together because it has brought us to where we are now. I know we still have a lot of growing to continue to do, too, and I wouldn't want to do it with anyone but Tim.
Early May 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Guess Which Stage We've Entered...
While heading from the house to the van to take Noah to preschool this morning, the kids found a toad on the side of the driveway. When Ellie, Caleb and I left again to go pick Noah up, the toad was gone. The following transpired:
Ellie: Where toad?
Me: He's not there anymore.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he went home.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he wanted to take a nap.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he was tired from jumping around.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Hey, look, is that a tree over there?
Ellie (excitedly): Oooooh!! A tree!!
Thank God for when they're easily distracted.
Ellie: Where toad?
Me: He's not there anymore.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he went home.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he wanted to take a nap.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Maybe he was tired from jumping around.
Ellie: Why?
Me: Hey, look, is that a tree over there?
Ellie (excitedly): Oooooh!! A tree!!
Thank God for when they're easily distracted.
Gardens Trip
There is a place in Grand Rapids called Frederik Meijer Gardens. It is beautiful and fun to visit. Tim and I had our wedding reception there. We thought since the majority of our guests were coming from out of town, it would be nice to have something fun for them to do while they were in town. Unfortunately, it rained all day and was cold so, while most enjoyed the indoor gardens, the outdoors was not quite as inviting. Theynow have a section for kids, too, making it enjoyable for everyone. We took a trip there Monday night. Our membership to the Children's Museum can be used at the Gardens this month so we wanted to take advantage of it.
Noah climbed a rock. Tim let him. The sign on the left side of the picture says "Do not climb this rock" with an arrow pointing to it. Tim said he did not see the sign. I think he was just being a dad. =)
Ellie loved this frog. 
The fun little gate for the kids to go through to get to the Children's Gardens.
Me and Noah, sun shining in our eyes, with a Chihuly piece in the background. I love his work.
I'm surprised they didn't jump in to grab some pennies.
We brought their pajamas to change them in to, thinking they would fall asleep on the way home since it was their bedtime when we left. I think they were wound up from the fun they had running around. They ended up playing with their sunglasses thinking they were the most hilarious things ever.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Mother's Day vs. Saturday
I think there are different perspectives regarding Mother's Day.
1) Mother's Day should be spent with your children because you are their Mother and they are celebrating you and what you do for them.
2) Mother's Day is a day for Mom to pick what she wants to do and that may mean Mom runs away for some alone time (or time with other moms/girlfriends/woman family members.)
This year's Mother's Day was a bit abnormal for me. We spent the weekend at my parents' house, which is not entirely abnormal to do on a holiday (Hallmark or real.) Originally we were going there to attend a bridal shower for someone, but that wedding was called off a couple weekends ago so the plans changed a bit. We still went so that we could see my family as well as see our friends, the Bakers, who have moved back to Michigan for a job for Jack (imagine that - moving TO Michigan for a job!)
Anyways, we went to visit the Bakers Saturday morning and had a great time with them. We returned home and a short time later, my sister and I took my mom out to dinner at a local restaurant we all love. (Mmmm....Tomato Brothers....) It was a really fun time, just the three of us. I think the men were a bit surprised that we wouldn't all want to go out to celebrate my mom together but that was how things went this year. My mom admitted to my sister and me that she was glad it was just us and not the whole family.
I barely saw my mom on Sunday. She and my aunts took breakfast to my grandma's house and they went through old photo albums together and had their own time together. We went to church where I grew up then stopped and saw my dad's dad to visit and show him Caleb and then went to my grandma's to introduce Caleb to her and my aunts that were there with my mom. By the time we left there, went back to my parents' to pack up and take off to go back home (stopping in Lansing for a nursing break along the way), we had enough time to eat dinner and give the kids a bath before putting them to bed. Then the rest of the night was a disaster but we won't even touch that.
So when I was asked today how my Mother's Day was, I answered, "As a regular day, it was great. As Mother's Day, it stunk." My mom was making French Toast for the kids that morning so that was a yummy start to the day and Tim stopped at Rite-Aid on our way home to buy me a Mother's Day card and fill it out in the store and that was the extent of it. I think Tim knew I was annoyed because last night he told me to pick a day to celebrate Mother's Day this week. I told him Mother's Day was done and he said, "No, this wasn't Mother's Day. It was your mother's Mother's Day, it was your grandpa's day and your grandma's day but it was never your day."
I think that I, like other moms I'm sure, set ourselves up to be disappointed on Mother's Day. I have this vision of how the day will go and it never goes that way. Maybe that's why, when it comes to Mother's Day, I fall into the #2 pick of how I want to celebrate it anymore. I want a day off. I love my children dearly and am incredibly thankful for them. I also know that being a stay-at-home mom is exhausting and if someone asked, "What do you want to do on Mother's Day?" I would answer, "I want a nap. An uninterrupted shower. A day with no fighting between kids, time-outs, or a schedule for the day." Realistically, that's not Mother's day here. It never has been. Probably because it's on a Sunday and we're always rushed to get out of the house, causing fights and time-outs.
But Saturday in our household...now that is my Mother's day. Not every Saturday, but we started building a habit that we like to stick to as much as possible. I wake up and throw breakfast in the oven, be it a breakfast casserole or baked french toast or cinnamon rolls or whatever. I start a pot of coffee for Tim because it's the only time he drinks it (unless we're at someone's house and it's offered, but he just never drinks it at home.) I take the laptop and a movie upstairs to the kids and they sit in Noah's bed and watch it. I head back to our bedroom, feed Caleb and then either fall back asleep (while Tim has barely stirred all this time) or just lounge in bed with a book or having an uninterrupted conversation with Tim. When the timer goes off, I head back to the kitchen, start hot water for my tea, get breakfast on plates, call everyone into the dining room and we sit and eat breakfast together. This only happens on Saturday mornings or the occasional day Tim has off of work. When we finish, the kids play together in the living room while Tim and I finish our coffee and tea and talk about whether or not there is anything we want to do that day. Then the rest of the day goes from there and most of it is spent outside if the weather is nice, working on projects together around the house, and making sure everyone takes a nap to refresh. Very very soon it will include family trips to the Farmers Market and who doesn't love that? Sometimes the evening holds dinner with friends, and that's always a fun addition. Typically, on those days, we don't deal with time-outs or fighting because the atmosphere is laid back and no one is stressed.
That is my ideal day. And that's what we get on empty Saturdays. I wouldn't trade one of those Saturdays for a million Mother's Days. My kids don't even need to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" or make me cards or anything. Just having fun together is all the "thank you" I need.
I guess because I feel like Mother's day is kind of a Hallmark holiday, I wouldn't feel bad for making the choice to go out and do something by myself or with friends. We have our real family fun on other days of the year. This way I stop setting myself up for being let down for the Mother's Days that include the fighting, stress, and pressure that my kids have of making sure I have one good day of the year to appreciate being a mom.
Give me Saturday.
1) Mother's Day should be spent with your children because you are their Mother and they are celebrating you and what you do for them.
2) Mother's Day is a day for Mom to pick what she wants to do and that may mean Mom runs away for some alone time (or time with other moms/girlfriends/woman family members.)
This year's Mother's Day was a bit abnormal for me. We spent the weekend at my parents' house, which is not entirely abnormal to do on a holiday (Hallmark or real.) Originally we were going there to attend a bridal shower for someone, but that wedding was called off a couple weekends ago so the plans changed a bit. We still went so that we could see my family as well as see our friends, the Bakers, who have moved back to Michigan for a job for Jack (imagine that - moving TO Michigan for a job!)
Anyways, we went to visit the Bakers Saturday morning and had a great time with them. We returned home and a short time later, my sister and I took my mom out to dinner at a local restaurant we all love. (Mmmm....Tomato Brothers....) It was a really fun time, just the three of us. I think the men were a bit surprised that we wouldn't all want to go out to celebrate my mom together but that was how things went this year. My mom admitted to my sister and me that she was glad it was just us and not the whole family.
I barely saw my mom on Sunday. She and my aunts took breakfast to my grandma's house and they went through old photo albums together and had their own time together. We went to church where I grew up then stopped and saw my dad's dad to visit and show him Caleb and then went to my grandma's to introduce Caleb to her and my aunts that were there with my mom. By the time we left there, went back to my parents' to pack up and take off to go back home (stopping in Lansing for a nursing break along the way), we had enough time to eat dinner and give the kids a bath before putting them to bed. Then the rest of the night was a disaster but we won't even touch that.
So when I was asked today how my Mother's Day was, I answered, "As a regular day, it was great. As Mother's Day, it stunk." My mom was making French Toast for the kids that morning so that was a yummy start to the day and Tim stopped at Rite-Aid on our way home to buy me a Mother's Day card and fill it out in the store and that was the extent of it. I think Tim knew I was annoyed because last night he told me to pick a day to celebrate Mother's Day this week. I told him Mother's Day was done and he said, "No, this wasn't Mother's Day. It was your mother's Mother's Day, it was your grandpa's day and your grandma's day but it was never your day."
I think that I, like other moms I'm sure, set ourselves up to be disappointed on Mother's Day. I have this vision of how the day will go and it never goes that way. Maybe that's why, when it comes to Mother's Day, I fall into the #2 pick of how I want to celebrate it anymore. I want a day off. I love my children dearly and am incredibly thankful for them. I also know that being a stay-at-home mom is exhausting and if someone asked, "What do you want to do on Mother's Day?" I would answer, "I want a nap. An uninterrupted shower. A day with no fighting between kids, time-outs, or a schedule for the day." Realistically, that's not Mother's day here. It never has been. Probably because it's on a Sunday and we're always rushed to get out of the house, causing fights and time-outs.
But Saturday in our household...now that is my Mother's day. Not every Saturday, but we started building a habit that we like to stick to as much as possible. I wake up and throw breakfast in the oven, be it a breakfast casserole or baked french toast or cinnamon rolls or whatever. I start a pot of coffee for Tim because it's the only time he drinks it (unless we're at someone's house and it's offered, but he just never drinks it at home.) I take the laptop and a movie upstairs to the kids and they sit in Noah's bed and watch it. I head back to our bedroom, feed Caleb and then either fall back asleep (while Tim has barely stirred all this time) or just lounge in bed with a book or having an uninterrupted conversation with Tim. When the timer goes off, I head back to the kitchen, start hot water for my tea, get breakfast on plates, call everyone into the dining room and we sit and eat breakfast together. This only happens on Saturday mornings or the occasional day Tim has off of work. When we finish, the kids play together in the living room while Tim and I finish our coffee and tea and talk about whether or not there is anything we want to do that day. Then the rest of the day goes from there and most of it is spent outside if the weather is nice, working on projects together around the house, and making sure everyone takes a nap to refresh. Very very soon it will include family trips to the Farmers Market and who doesn't love that? Sometimes the evening holds dinner with friends, and that's always a fun addition. Typically, on those days, we don't deal with time-outs or fighting because the atmosphere is laid back and no one is stressed.
That is my ideal day. And that's what we get on empty Saturdays. I wouldn't trade one of those Saturdays for a million Mother's Days. My kids don't even need to tell me "Happy Mother's Day" or make me cards or anything. Just having fun together is all the "thank you" I need.
I guess because I feel like Mother's day is kind of a Hallmark holiday, I wouldn't feel bad for making the choice to go out and do something by myself or with friends. We have our real family fun on other days of the year. This way I stop setting myself up for being let down for the Mother's Days that include the fighting, stress, and pressure that my kids have of making sure I have one good day of the year to appreciate being a mom.
Give me Saturday.
Thursday, May 06, 2010
Whew
I can't believe how the last 5 weeks since Caleb's birth have flown right by!
Things have been transitioning well. In my opinion it's easier to go from 2 to 3 than it was 1 to 2, but much of that may be related to life circumstances at the differing times. Or the fact that Caleb is a laid back, calm and mellow boy as opposed to a tornado of energy like his older sister.
I took him in for his one month appointment last week and he weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces (put on a whopping 2 pounds from birth weight!) and 21 3/4 inches (grew over 2 inches in a month.) He's doing great. Last week he went through a growth spurt and I wasn't sure I was going to survive it. He wanted to nurse every 1 1/2 hours. My body was so exhausted after a few days I wanted to give up, but then we came out of it. He continued eating every 2 hours or so I and just kept feeding him on demand. I again started feeling exhausted and depleted and took a trip to the library for "Babywise" because I forgot how/when to start a schedule. I did a schedule with both Noah and Ellie and both were sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. Today I started Caleb on a schedule and, hopefully, in the next few weeks we'll get some good night time sleep. I forgot about the whole eat/play/sleep routine and was just basically nursing him to sleep all day long. He wasn't a very alert baby. Then he started doing this:
Sorry it's blurry; I took it with the camera on my phone and it obviously lacks quality.
Anyways, he started smiling and I realized he is quite fun while awake. So we've been interacting (as much as an infant can) today and it's been enjoyable.
He went to his first concert on Tuesday night. Kind of. Tim knows the original members of the Christian band, Relient K, from high school - one of them more than the others because they went to high school and youth group together for awhile - and when they come to town on tour we go support them. Usually we stop by and say a quick "hi" to his friend, Matt, before the concert but this time we actually went in a couple hours early and visited which was nice. Tim enjoyed having a longer amount of time to catch up. Anyways, because we didn't think it would be wise to bring a one month old into such a loud venue, Caleb and I waited on the tour bus while they played so Tim could go in and watch. So he kind of went to his first concert.
What else have we gone through this first month? It feels like a blur. Well, he has already had his first ultrasound. I took him into the doctor for what I thought was reflux and they sent me for an ultrasound to see if it was something I can't even remember the name of now. But if he had had it, he would have had to go in for surgery to repair it. Thankfully, all checked out fine and it really is just reflux. So we're dealing with that.
A few days later he had his first visit to the ER. I was changing his diaper that morning and noticed his belly was all bruised looking, black and blue and purple. I asked Tim what he thought and he wanted me to call the doctor. Since it was a Sunday afternoon we got the on-call pediatrician who advised us to go in to the ER since he wasn't even 3 weeks old yet. The ER doctor told me it was a broken blood vessel from when his umbilical cord fell off. We discovered a few days later it wasn't even that! When I had taken him into the pediatrician's office about the reflux, his umbilical cord fell off while we were there. Instead of a nice, clean break off, it was gooey and interesting looking and the pediatrician said there was a granuloma forming (or something like that) and he put some silver nitrate on it. Now, I didn't see him put iodine on it but he must have and the stain from it must not have shown up right away or something because that's what we think the coloring was from. I know this only because there came a day where I was giving him a bath and the "bruise" started coming off when I was bathing him. Now, we had tried washing it off before to see if maybe it was just that but nothing happened.
Basically my son likes to stretch us with funny little oddities.
The kids have adjusted well to him. Noah went through a phase where he started doing "silly faces" or saying "silly words" or doing "look at me" type things. I know part of this is being a 4-year old boy but you can tell when you watch him that it also involves him feeling like he doesn't want to be lost in the chaos of Ellie and a new baby. Ellie went through a phase where she was quite needy and clingy. I think that as much as Noah didn't want to be forgotten, Ellie wanted to make sure she is still loved. There have been lots of extra "I love you"s and hugs going around as well praise for Noah.
We are excited for spring and summer! The list of projects has already started forming and indoor projects have been started. Outdoor projects are still being dreamed up - they're always being dreamed up as we look outside or get ideas. The other afternoon, though, we had some gorgeous weather and were playing outside and staring at the back of our lot which is actually almost separate from the rest of our backyard by a chain link fence. We like to throw out ideas for what to do with it and I think, eventually, it will become mainly garden/food related. It will be a slow transformation, that's for sure, but one we're excited about. Right now we have an apple tree back there, but the past couple years something has been getting to it and destroying it before fruit is produced, so we want to start spraying it. We also have some raspberry bushes from a shoot my aunt gave us last year and some strawberry bushes we are excited about.
There is change going on all around us right now it seems. Some dear friends of ours, Matt and Jeana, are moving back to California (boo.) Our close friends, Jack and Kelly, just completed a move up to Spring Arbor for a teaching job Jack got at the college (yea!) Our brother-in-law quit his job to start his own business. It is a scary time for them financially with going through this, but God already is blessing them and the process has strengthened their faith.
I look forward to what the coming months will bring. Changes in seasons. Changes in lives.
Things have been transitioning well. In my opinion it's easier to go from 2 to 3 than it was 1 to 2, but much of that may be related to life circumstances at the differing times. Or the fact that Caleb is a laid back, calm and mellow boy as opposed to a tornado of energy like his older sister.
I took him in for his one month appointment last week and he weighed 8 pounds 8 ounces (put on a whopping 2 pounds from birth weight!) and 21 3/4 inches (grew over 2 inches in a month.) He's doing great. Last week he went through a growth spurt and I wasn't sure I was going to survive it. He wanted to nurse every 1 1/2 hours. My body was so exhausted after a few days I wanted to give up, but then we came out of it. He continued eating every 2 hours or so I and just kept feeding him on demand. I again started feeling exhausted and depleted and took a trip to the library for "Babywise" because I forgot how/when to start a schedule. I did a schedule with both Noah and Ellie and both were sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. Today I started Caleb on a schedule and, hopefully, in the next few weeks we'll get some good night time sleep. I forgot about the whole eat/play/sleep routine and was just basically nursing him to sleep all day long. He wasn't a very alert baby. Then he started doing this:
Sorry it's blurry; I took it with the camera on my phone and it obviously lacks quality.Anyways, he started smiling and I realized he is quite fun while awake. So we've been interacting (as much as an infant can) today and it's been enjoyable.
He went to his first concert on Tuesday night. Kind of. Tim knows the original members of the Christian band, Relient K, from high school - one of them more than the others because they went to high school and youth group together for awhile - and when they come to town on tour we go support them. Usually we stop by and say a quick "hi" to his friend, Matt, before the concert but this time we actually went in a couple hours early and visited which was nice. Tim enjoyed having a longer amount of time to catch up. Anyways, because we didn't think it would be wise to bring a one month old into such a loud venue, Caleb and I waited on the tour bus while they played so Tim could go in and watch. So he kind of went to his first concert.
What else have we gone through this first month? It feels like a blur. Well, he has already had his first ultrasound. I took him into the doctor for what I thought was reflux and they sent me for an ultrasound to see if it was something I can't even remember the name of now. But if he had had it, he would have had to go in for surgery to repair it. Thankfully, all checked out fine and it really is just reflux. So we're dealing with that.
A few days later he had his first visit to the ER. I was changing his diaper that morning and noticed his belly was all bruised looking, black and blue and purple. I asked Tim what he thought and he wanted me to call the doctor. Since it was a Sunday afternoon we got the on-call pediatrician who advised us to go in to the ER since he wasn't even 3 weeks old yet. The ER doctor told me it was a broken blood vessel from when his umbilical cord fell off. We discovered a few days later it wasn't even that! When I had taken him into the pediatrician's office about the reflux, his umbilical cord fell off while we were there. Instead of a nice, clean break off, it was gooey and interesting looking and the pediatrician said there was a granuloma forming (or something like that) and he put some silver nitrate on it. Now, I didn't see him put iodine on it but he must have and the stain from it must not have shown up right away or something because that's what we think the coloring was from. I know this only because there came a day where I was giving him a bath and the "bruise" started coming off when I was bathing him. Now, we had tried washing it off before to see if maybe it was just that but nothing happened.
Basically my son likes to stretch us with funny little oddities.
The kids have adjusted well to him. Noah went through a phase where he started doing "silly faces" or saying "silly words" or doing "look at me" type things. I know part of this is being a 4-year old boy but you can tell when you watch him that it also involves him feeling like he doesn't want to be lost in the chaos of Ellie and a new baby. Ellie went through a phase where she was quite needy and clingy. I think that as much as Noah didn't want to be forgotten, Ellie wanted to make sure she is still loved. There have been lots of extra "I love you"s and hugs going around as well praise for Noah.
We are excited for spring and summer! The list of projects has already started forming and indoor projects have been started. Outdoor projects are still being dreamed up - they're always being dreamed up as we look outside or get ideas. The other afternoon, though, we had some gorgeous weather and were playing outside and staring at the back of our lot which is actually almost separate from the rest of our backyard by a chain link fence. We like to throw out ideas for what to do with it and I think, eventually, it will become mainly garden/food related. It will be a slow transformation, that's for sure, but one we're excited about. Right now we have an apple tree back there, but the past couple years something has been getting to it and destroying it before fruit is produced, so we want to start spraying it. We also have some raspberry bushes from a shoot my aunt gave us last year and some strawberry bushes we are excited about.
There is change going on all around us right now it seems. Some dear friends of ours, Matt and Jeana, are moving back to California (boo.) Our close friends, Jack and Kelly, just completed a move up to Spring Arbor for a teaching job Jack got at the college (yea!) Our brother-in-law quit his job to start his own business. It is a scary time for them financially with going through this, but God already is blessing them and the process has strengthened their faith.
I look forward to what the coming months will bring. Changes in seasons. Changes in lives.
Monday, April 19, 2010
My Eleanor~
My dear Eleanor Lee,
I cannot believe you are two years old today! Time goes much faster the second time around. You are such an adventure added to our lives.
What a year we have had, Ellie. Recently, you were transitioned from the baby/youngest of the family to the middle child. You have not had the jealousy issues we prepared ourselves for, but you are definitely looking for some extra snuggles and hugs and a reminder that you are still loved and important and noticed. You try to be very helpful with Caleb...a little too helpful and loving at times, but I appreciate your heart's intent.
We refer to you as "the tornado" at times. You are so full of energy and personality that you are like a whirlwind through our house. You are absolutely hilarious and I have never seen your dad have such a hard time keeping a straight face while trying to discipline. You have definitely given us a new parenting challenge.
You are this interesting combination of girlie and tomboy. Today your birthday outfit consists of a pink zip-up fleece, which reminds me of your sporty side. You love to run, kick balls, throw balls, be outside and even wrestle. Some of it may come from having an older brother and some of it is just you.
You are also wearing a white skirt and glittery sparkly shoes. You do love to dress up. You love bracelets and trying on my necklaces. You watch me intensely when I put make-up on and then try to sneak into my make-up bag when I leave the room.
Your outfit is completed with thick bright pink knit tights covered in multi-colored polka dots, complete with a bear's face on your tush. You're so stinking adorable that I don't know what to do with you at times. The tights finish off your outfit in a way that is so you, so random and yet it all fits together somehow, tying together the sporty and girlie.
You charm everyone you come in contact with. People stop to talk to you at the grocery store. Maybelle, one of the nursery workers, actually calls you "my girl." Daddy will drop you off for nursery, or I'll drop you off during Ladies' Bible Study, and she'll say, "There's my girl, hello Ellie. Come see me." You go right to her like you've known her all your life. And you know what the kicker is for your dad and me? You will fall asleep as she rocks you while you're in the nursery but you haven't done that with us in so long we can't even remember! You also love our friend, Elisabeth. Maybe it's the shared name (her middle name is your first name) or the fact you're both the middle children, daughters sandwiched between brothers, or who knows? I just know there is some kind of attachment to her there because you'll favor her over me when she comes to visit, climbing right up in her lap. I'm not offended, though.
I know that I joke around about how exasperating you are or tiresome or diva-ish. The truth is, Eleanor, I don't know what I would do without you at this point! I cannot imagine a life without your bubbly personality, your sassy little "no" response, your contagious laughter, and your kissable chubby cheeks. Your daddy and I love you so much, and so do Noah and Caleb. We look forward to watching you as you grow up and into the woman God has created you to be.
Much love,
Mom
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Caleb James
Last week was quite eventful for us! I went in for my prenatal appointment last Monday to find that I was suddenly measuring 4 centimeters smaller than I should have been, especially since I had been on track up until that point. My ob/gyn was also concerned about the estimated small size of Caleb compared to what the other two were. I also was dilated 3.5 centimeters (I had dilated 1.5 cm in a week) and having no contractions yet. Due to his concern, he wanted us to consider inducing and because we didn't want to risk the safety of our baby, we agreed. Dr. Vanwingen said he wanted to break my water on Wednesday morning and the only times the hospital had open were 3:00 am and 5:00 am. We chose the 5:00 am.
Needless to say, I barely slept Tuesday night. We actually spent the night with some friends in GR since they would be watching the kids the next day and we were going to be delivering at Spectrum so it put us closer on the actual day, or should I have spontaneously gone into labor on my own the night before.
The day went nothing like we thought it would.
We arrived at the hospital and pulled up to the ER entrance, which is where we were told to go. Apparently I must have looked too calm to be having a baby because they asked if I was being induced and then said we had to park, walk in ourselves and then ask what floor to go to. So we did. They told us the second floor. We walked to the second floor and announced what we were there for. They told us to go to the third floor. Well, for crying out loud. I just wanted to settle in and have a baby and already I felt confused.
Once on the correct floor, they hooked me up to be monitored for a little bit. A young looking resident came in and said that he was going to check me and break my bag of waters. After a quite painful examination to which he said I was 3 - 4 cm dilated, 30% effaced, with a cervix that was extremely posterior (huh??) and no bulging bag of waters, he declared that he was going to call my doctor and probably start me on pitocin because there was no way he could break a bag that wasn't bulging or couldn't even be felt. He and the nurse left and I turned to Tim and started to cry.
I really wanted to labor without an epidural and to do that, I really wanted to be able to stay away from pitocin, too. All I ever heard about with pitocin was that it goes hand-in-hand with the epidural.
The nurse and resident came back in and said that Dr. Vanwingen was on his way into the hospital to break my water himself. I was so happy. To kill time and try to help get things moving, Tim and I walked the halls for a bit. We returned about 6:30 and a few minutes later Dr. Vanwingen walked through the door. He sat down on the bed, examined me and told the nurse I was 4 cm dilated. He explained to me that there are hospitals that teach their residents how to break the bag of waters and there were others who pushed the pitocin. While talking, he took a hook that resembled one you would crochet with and broke my water. No problem for him. I always joke with Tim that this doctor has magic hands because his exams barely hurt, too.
We waited as Dr. Vanwingen talked some more and watched me. He mentioned his concern that I didn't seem to be losing much fluid from the bag breaking and that it might be low and he wanted things monitored more closely. They put a pressure catheter - I think it was called that - in to my uterus to monitor my contractions more precisely and see how they correlated with Caleb's heart rate. It also was meant to irritate the uterus and cause it to contract. Thankfully, by the time Dr. Vanwingen left a short time later, I was starting to lose more fluid and he left feeling better about the situation. We decided he would call around lunchtime to see what progress there was and go from there.
We spent the next five hours walking halls (not comfortable with the catheter and gushing fluid), sitting on the labor ball and resting in the bed. My parents joined us mid-morning and visited a bit. By lunchtime we had had no progress and no contractions, besides the occasional one or two. We decided that when Dr. Vanwingen called, we would tell him we were ready to try something different. At this point, I was starting to think things were going to end in a c-section because apparently Caleb was not willing to leave the womb.
Dr. Vanwingen talked to Tim and then called down to the nurse's station to start us on pitocin. I was not thrilled, but was still holding to the possibility of having it without an epidural. (If you haven't been reading my blog long and are curious as to why I was so anti-epidural, read this post about Ellie's birth experience along with the bad epidural experience resulting in a spinal headache.)
We started the pitocin low, .5 ml/hour. I asked how high it went and the nurse said most women respond at a 4 or 6, but some make it to 20. We all figured I would be one of the lower numbers since I was dilated as far as I was and my water wasn't intact anymore. Well nothing happened over the next couple hours as they increased it to 1, 2, 4, 6, or 8. By this point, my sister had made her husband cancel and reschedule his dermatologist appointment so they could get over to GR since she was so worried I was going to end up in a c-section as well. When they upped me to 10, things started rolling and then she upped it again to 12. At this point, the labor ball, which had been nice in the beginning, was starting to annoy me and I needed something different. I moved to the bed and continued with the breathing. The contractions came closer and stronger and I got to a breaking point. Tim had been doing an awesome job coaching me on breathing but I screwed up once and then got thrown off.
So I started hyperventilating. This led to a lack of oxygen getting to my feet and hands, which made me freak out even more, since I felt like I was slowly being paralyzed. My legs were tingly and my hands felt swollen and I couldn't bend my fingers. I kept obsessing and asking why I couldn't bend my fingers to curl around Tim's hand during contractions. My blood pressure and vitals were great and even Tim told me later that he thought I was just freaking out and overreacting. He said it finally got to the point where he realized I was telling the truth when he saw the veins in my hands bulge out every time I tried to move my fingers, but they wouldn't move. The nurse gave me the oxygen mask and after lots of deep breaths, feeling returned.
Can I just say I really hate that oxygen mask? Oh, it was so annoying to feel it over my mouth and because I had hyperventilated once, they wanted it on me when I started pushing later.
Anyways, during all that chaos, I asked for a dose of Stadol. Stadol has become my best friend in labor, besides Tim. It took the edge off the contractions. I still felt them very strongly and clearly and Tim still had to coach me through each one because it hurt like crazy, but I just didn't care. It was such a bizarre feeling, like how I guess I would imagine being high on something. They told me the Stadol would last about an hour or two and then I could get another dose if I wanted. I didn't need one because by the time it wore off, Dr. Vanwingen was walking back through the door. He checked me and declared I was at a nine and that after I went to the bathroom (I had to pee so bad), I could start pushing to move the baby down because he was still a bit high up.
Now, at this point I just want to say that it really stinks to feel like you become bi-polar while you're delivering a baby. Especially when you can feel everything. I would push and yell because my doctor would be stretching my cervix out at the same time and it hurt like crazy. Then I would apologize between contractions. Tim kept a cold washcloth on my head - that was amazing - and a nurse eventually put warm washcloths down in the delivery area, which also felt great, and I believe helped me to avoid a bad tear. So on and on we went for an hour, pushing/yelling, changing positions, re-wetting cold
washcloths, etc. Dr. Vanwingen checked me again and said Caleb's head was not turned the way it should be and the position-changing had helped it move a bit further, but still not where it should be yet. He also had been watching the monitor for the past few contractions and noticed that with each contraction, Caleb's heart rate would drop and then take a long time to pick back up. He said we were going to have to look at the possibility of using the vacuum. I asked him if he wanted to use it them or still have me push longer and he said it was up to me. I was so concerned about Caleb at this point: the small size of everything, the meconium-stained fluid from my water breaking, the dropping heart rate and fact he seemed stuck in there that I said, "Let's just do it now."
I guess I never realized that when they referred to using a vacuum, they actually mean a little suction cup that they insert inside the mother to attach to the baby's head. I didn't realize this device was headed inside me. More pain. After my delivery, I heard Dr. Vanwingen tell the resident that had stepped in to help with the delivery that most women take another 3-5 contractions of pushing/suctioning combo to deliver the baby.
We got him out on the first contraction.
I described it to Tim like this, the pain was so much that I either had to keep pushing during the contraction and get him out, or I was going to give up and die because I couldn't do it any more. So I pushed like I never had, while yelling at Dr. Vanwingen to "get this kid out of me" and "Stop hurting me." I looked down as Dr. Vanwingen pulled Caleb up and the first words out of my mouth were:
"He has dark hair!!" (You don't know how I have longed for a child that actually looked like me at birth; I was born with a mass of dark hair and kept hoping he would have it, too.) I looked at Tim who was laughing and, of course, crying. They put Caleb on my chest and we just kept laughing in amazement at (a) the hair and (b) we really did it without the epidural!
And then I started to apologize over and over and over to everyone in the room that had to endure my yelling at them. I said, "I'm really not a mean person. I am so sorry." They said, "No, you're a woman who didn't have an epidural! You reacted like they do. We expect it." That made me feel a little better. I will say this, too - this is my first labor in which I never swore once. I said at least one word with the other two at some point during the process, but not this one. So I yelled, but at least I didn't cuss anyone out. I would feel even worse.
So there is our story behind Caleb's birth (Lacey asked and as a result you all get to read it.)
The stats:
Caleb James Ross
3/31/10
6:27 pm
6 lbs. 9 oz.
19 1/2 in. long
And everything turned out healthy and great! He is considered SGA (small for gestational age) but at his pediatrician's appointment this morning (he is 6 days old today) he has grown an inch and not only regained his birth weight from his discharge weight, but put on a couple ounces as well and is now 6 lbs. 11 oz. His pediatrician is impressed because he said most breastfed babies take 2 weeks to regain their birth weight, so whatever I'm doing for nursing, keep on doing it.
Caleb is a blessing to our home. An unexpected one, but one we can't imagine our life without now. He is absolutely handsome with great coloring and a face like Noah's when he was a baby.
Needless to say, I barely slept Tuesday night. We actually spent the night with some friends in GR since they would be watching the kids the next day and we were going to be delivering at Spectrum so it put us closer on the actual day, or should I have spontaneously gone into labor on my own the night before.
The day went nothing like we thought it would.
We arrived at the hospital and pulled up to the ER entrance, which is where we were told to go. Apparently I must have looked too calm to be having a baby because they asked if I was being induced and then said we had to park, walk in ourselves and then ask what floor to go to. So we did. They told us the second floor. We walked to the second floor and announced what we were there for. They told us to go to the third floor. Well, for crying out loud. I just wanted to settle in and have a baby and already I felt confused.
Once on the correct floor, they hooked me up to be monitored for a little bit. A young looking resident came in and said that he was going to check me and break my bag of waters. After a quite painful examination to which he said I was 3 - 4 cm dilated, 30% effaced, with a cervix that was extremely posterior (huh??) and no bulging bag of waters, he declared that he was going to call my doctor and probably start me on pitocin because there was no way he could break a bag that wasn't bulging or couldn't even be felt. He and the nurse left and I turned to Tim and started to cry.
I really wanted to labor without an epidural and to do that, I really wanted to be able to stay away from pitocin, too. All I ever heard about with pitocin was that it goes hand-in-hand with the epidural.
The nurse and resident came back in and said that Dr. Vanwingen was on his way into the hospital to break my water himself. I was so happy. To kill time and try to help get things moving, Tim and I walked the halls for a bit. We returned about 6:30 and a few minutes later Dr. Vanwingen walked through the door. He sat down on the bed, examined me and told the nurse I was 4 cm dilated. He explained to me that there are hospitals that teach their residents how to break the bag of waters and there were others who pushed the pitocin. While talking, he took a hook that resembled one you would crochet with and broke my water. No problem for him. I always joke with Tim that this doctor has magic hands because his exams barely hurt, too.
We waited as Dr. Vanwingen talked some more and watched me. He mentioned his concern that I didn't seem to be losing much fluid from the bag breaking and that it might be low and he wanted things monitored more closely. They put a pressure catheter - I think it was called that - in to my uterus to monitor my contractions more precisely and see how they correlated with Caleb's heart rate. It also was meant to irritate the uterus and cause it to contract. Thankfully, by the time Dr. Vanwingen left a short time later, I was starting to lose more fluid and he left feeling better about the situation. We decided he would call around lunchtime to see what progress there was and go from there.
We spent the next five hours walking halls (not comfortable with the catheter and gushing fluid), sitting on the labor ball and resting in the bed. My parents joined us mid-morning and visited a bit. By lunchtime we had had no progress and no contractions, besides the occasional one or two. We decided that when Dr. Vanwingen called, we would tell him we were ready to try something different. At this point, I was starting to think things were going to end in a c-section because apparently Caleb was not willing to leave the womb.
Dr. Vanwingen talked to Tim and then called down to the nurse's station to start us on pitocin. I was not thrilled, but was still holding to the possibility of having it without an epidural. (If you haven't been reading my blog long and are curious as to why I was so anti-epidural, read this post about Ellie's birth experience along with the bad epidural experience resulting in a spinal headache.)
We started the pitocin low, .5 ml/hour. I asked how high it went and the nurse said most women respond at a 4 or 6, but some make it to 20. We all figured I would be one of the lower numbers since I was dilated as far as I was and my water wasn't intact anymore. Well nothing happened over the next couple hours as they increased it to 1, 2, 4, 6, or 8. By this point, my sister had made her husband cancel and reschedule his dermatologist appointment so they could get over to GR since she was so worried I was going to end up in a c-section as well. When they upped me to 10, things started rolling and then she upped it again to 12. At this point, the labor ball, which had been nice in the beginning, was starting to annoy me and I needed something different. I moved to the bed and continued with the breathing. The contractions came closer and stronger and I got to a breaking point. Tim had been doing an awesome job coaching me on breathing but I screwed up once and then got thrown off.
So I started hyperventilating. This led to a lack of oxygen getting to my feet and hands, which made me freak out even more, since I felt like I was slowly being paralyzed. My legs were tingly and my hands felt swollen and I couldn't bend my fingers. I kept obsessing and asking why I couldn't bend my fingers to curl around Tim's hand during contractions. My blood pressure and vitals were great and even Tim told me later that he thought I was just freaking out and overreacting. He said it finally got to the point where he realized I was telling the truth when he saw the veins in my hands bulge out every time I tried to move my fingers, but they wouldn't move. The nurse gave me the oxygen mask and after lots of deep breaths, feeling returned.
Can I just say I really hate that oxygen mask? Oh, it was so annoying to feel it over my mouth and because I had hyperventilated once, they wanted it on me when I started pushing later.
Anyways, during all that chaos, I asked for a dose of Stadol. Stadol has become my best friend in labor, besides Tim. It took the edge off the contractions. I still felt them very strongly and clearly and Tim still had to coach me through each one because it hurt like crazy, but I just didn't care. It was such a bizarre feeling, like how I guess I would imagine being high on something. They told me the Stadol would last about an hour or two and then I could get another dose if I wanted. I didn't need one because by the time it wore off, Dr. Vanwingen was walking back through the door. He checked me and declared I was at a nine and that after I went to the bathroom (I had to pee so bad), I could start pushing to move the baby down because he was still a bit high up.
Now, at this point I just want to say that it really stinks to feel like you become bi-polar while you're delivering a baby. Especially when you can feel everything. I would push and yell because my doctor would be stretching my cervix out at the same time and it hurt like crazy. Then I would apologize between contractions. Tim kept a cold washcloth on my head - that was amazing - and a nurse eventually put warm washcloths down in the delivery area, which also felt great, and I believe helped me to avoid a bad tear. So on and on we went for an hour, pushing/yelling, changing positions, re-wetting cold
washcloths, etc. Dr. Vanwingen checked me again and said Caleb's head was not turned the way it should be and the position-changing had helped it move a bit further, but still not where it should be yet. He also had been watching the monitor for the past few contractions and noticed that with each contraction, Caleb's heart rate would drop and then take a long time to pick back up. He said we were going to have to look at the possibility of using the vacuum. I asked him if he wanted to use it them or still have me push longer and he said it was up to me. I was so concerned about Caleb at this point: the small size of everything, the meconium-stained fluid from my water breaking, the dropping heart rate and fact he seemed stuck in there that I said, "Let's just do it now."
I guess I never realized that when they referred to using a vacuum, they actually mean a little suction cup that they insert inside the mother to attach to the baby's head. I didn't realize this device was headed inside me. More pain. After my delivery, I heard Dr. Vanwingen tell the resident that had stepped in to help with the delivery that most women take another 3-5 contractions of pushing/suctioning combo to deliver the baby.
We got him out on the first contraction.
I described it to Tim like this, the pain was so much that I either had to keep pushing during the contraction and get him out, or I was going to give up and die because I couldn't do it any more. So I pushed like I never had, while yelling at Dr. Vanwingen to "get this kid out of me" and "Stop hurting me." I looked down as Dr. Vanwingen pulled Caleb up and the first words out of my mouth were:
"He has dark hair!!" (You don't know how I have longed for a child that actually looked like me at birth; I was born with a mass of dark hair and kept hoping he would have it, too.) I looked at Tim who was laughing and, of course, crying. They put Caleb on my chest and we just kept laughing in amazement at (a) the hair and (b) we really did it without the epidural!
And then I started to apologize over and over and over to everyone in the room that had to endure my yelling at them. I said, "I'm really not a mean person. I am so sorry." They said, "No, you're a woman who didn't have an epidural! You reacted like they do. We expect it." That made me feel a little better. I will say this, too - this is my first labor in which I never swore once. I said at least one word with the other two at some point during the process, but not this one. So I yelled, but at least I didn't cuss anyone out. I would feel even worse.
So there is our story behind Caleb's birth (Lacey asked and as a result you all get to read it.)
The stats:
Caleb James Ross
3/31/10
6:27 pm
6 lbs. 9 oz.
19 1/2 in. long
And everything turned out healthy and great! He is considered SGA (small for gestational age) but at his pediatrician's appointment this morning (he is 6 days old today) he has grown an inch and not only regained his birth weight from his discharge weight, but put on a couple ounces as well and is now 6 lbs. 11 oz. His pediatrician is impressed because he said most breastfed babies take 2 weeks to regain their birth weight, so whatever I'm doing for nursing, keep on doing it.
Caleb is a blessing to our home. An unexpected one, but one we can't imagine our life without now. He is absolutely handsome with great coloring and a face like Noah's when he was a baby.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Belly
This is me at 38 1/2 weeks. Tim took them last night. The update is that I'm dilated to 2 cm. Woo-hoo - 2 down and 8 to go! The doctor told me that if I come in on Monday for my next appointment and have dilated to 4 but am not showing signs of labor then we're going to look at something to help get things rolling. I'm assuming we'll start with the whole membrane stripping deal...joy. I guess it's better than Pitocin. I dilated a centimeter and a half in the last week so that's why he's keeping an eye on how quickly things are happening now.Personally, we're just praying it happens soon. By the weekend. Now would be great.
And, yes, I know, I'm not even to 40 weeks yet, but this pregnancy has been something else on my body and I'm ready to be done. We're also more than excited to see what this little munchkin looks like.
Can you tell I got my haircut? Yep, chopped it to my chin right before Valentine's Day. I love it. It's so easy and the best part? (This will probably be disturbing to some of you.) I can wash and dry it one morning and then not have to wash it again for another 2 days and it looks better each morning I wake up. There are times I could pull off another day, but then I get to feeling disturbed. I remember reading that you should really only wash your hair one day a week anyway to keep it healthier, now I just have a hairstyle that will actually let me do it! It will be perfect for after baby is born and I don't have time to shower let alone wash my hair for a couple days.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Getting Closer!
Well, folks, there are less than 3 weeks left until my due date. You fellow mothers know what that means - the nesting has kicked in. The fact our weather has been so spring-like has also helped in the motivation to clean things I normally wouldn't on a regular basis. Although every night before I go to bed I want things to be picked up, Tuesdays have become my crazy cleaning day. I find myself doing things I don't do. Proof is in this conversation with Tim from last Tuesday (first thing you should know - I hate scrubbing floors. Yes, hate. I know it's a strong word and that should tell you how strongly I feel about it.)
Me: Well, I did more nesting today.
Tim: Yeah, Noah told me you cleaned out the van and vacuumed it.
Me: I also got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen floors.
Tim: You don't scrub floors.
Me: I know.
Tim: Did they even need it? You just had me scrub them a week ago and we can't even remember the time before that they were done.
Me: I don't think they actually needed it but I couldn't help it. It was like I was possessed and couldn't rest until the floors were scrubbed by me on my hands and knees.
Tim: You got on your hands and knees instead of using the Swiffer thing?
Me: Yeah, that just doesn't really clean it well.
Tim: How do you feel?
Me: Exhausted.
Tim: You need to rest tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, sure, I will.
My body was so sore that I could barely move in the middle of the night. I could hardly get out of bed to go to the bathroom (multiple times) or roll over.
What is it with this nesting instinct we expectant mothers have? I almost feel like this is the worst I've ever had it, actually I know it is. Part of me thinks it is because I can remember how hard it was for me to keep the house clean after Ellie was born and how much that bothered me. So mentally, I'm telling myself that if I can keep it really clean now, it will take longer to get to the not-clean state. Is that a warped way of thinking?
So here are some picture updates of what has been going on lately:
We don't own a TV, but the kids do occasionally watch movies on the laptop. There are times I clean while they're watching a movie. However, I also want them to learn responsibility and chores and to share in on the cleaning (since they're part of the mess-making) so there are times like these:
Ellie helping Daddy vacuum. Ellie actually LOVES to clean so it's not hard to get her to help. Noah is to the point where he only wants to do certain things.
The Tuesday list
Ellie "cleaning" the cupboard doorknobs with a baby wipe. I clean with all-natural products, baking soda and vinegar so I'm not worried about them touching or getting into any of my supplies because they're not toxic. However, I usually just give them a baby wipe and tell them to go wipe something down.
Cleaning out the van. Noah really got into this one. Ellie thought it was more fun to pretend to drive.
Non-nesting related news:
I had my 37-week prenatal appointment today and am dilated almost to 1 cm. Almost. I'm not one who gets caught up in the whole dilation thing since I know it doesn't actually predict when you're going in to labor. I just like to know how much work I have behind me when the real thing does start.
At the end of February we got dumped on with some more snow. The kids and I decided one afternoon to make snow cream. I was not that impressed but the kids liked it.
We broke Ellie of her binky habit a couple weeks ago. We do this with our kids by taking them to the store (Target in Ellie's case) and having them "buy" a toy/stuffed animal with their binky. Ellie picked out a baby doll that came with a binky. Then every time over the next couple days that she started to feel withdrawal she would put the doll's binky in her mouth, hence the picture above. It was ridiculous in that it's just a small stub of plastic. Thankfully, she only tried this a couple times. She actually kicked the habit in less than a day and is sleeping so much better at night than she has since she was born. Go figure.
That's all for now!
Me: Well, I did more nesting today.
Tim: Yeah, Noah told me you cleaned out the van and vacuumed it.
Me: I also got on my hands and knees and scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen floors.
Tim: You don't scrub floors.
Me: I know.
Tim: Did they even need it? You just had me scrub them a week ago and we can't even remember the time before that they were done.
Me: I don't think they actually needed it but I couldn't help it. It was like I was possessed and couldn't rest until the floors were scrubbed by me on my hands and knees.
Tim: You got on your hands and knees instead of using the Swiffer thing?
Me: Yeah, that just doesn't really clean it well.
Tim: How do you feel?
Me: Exhausted.
Tim: You need to rest tomorrow.
Me: Yeah, sure, I will.
My body was so sore that I could barely move in the middle of the night. I could hardly get out of bed to go to the bathroom (multiple times) or roll over.
What is it with this nesting instinct we expectant mothers have? I almost feel like this is the worst I've ever had it, actually I know it is. Part of me thinks it is because I can remember how hard it was for me to keep the house clean after Ellie was born and how much that bothered me. So mentally, I'm telling myself that if I can keep it really clean now, it will take longer to get to the not-clean state. Is that a warped way of thinking?
So here are some picture updates of what has been going on lately:
We don't own a TV, but the kids do occasionally watch movies on the laptop. There are times I clean while they're watching a movie. However, I also want them to learn responsibility and chores and to share in on the cleaning (since they're part of the mess-making) so there are times like these:
Ellie helping Daddy vacuum. Ellie actually LOVES to clean so it's not hard to get her to help. Noah is to the point where he only wants to do certain things.
The Tuesday list
Ellie "cleaning" the cupboard doorknobs with a baby wipe. I clean with all-natural products, baking soda and vinegar so I'm not worried about them touching or getting into any of my supplies because they're not toxic. However, I usually just give them a baby wipe and tell them to go wipe something down.
Cleaning out the van. Noah really got into this one. Ellie thought it was more fun to pretend to drive.Non-nesting related news:
I had my 37-week prenatal appointment today and am dilated almost to 1 cm. Almost. I'm not one who gets caught up in the whole dilation thing since I know it doesn't actually predict when you're going in to labor. I just like to know how much work I have behind me when the real thing does start.
At the end of February we got dumped on with some more snow. The kids and I decided one afternoon to make snow cream. I was not that impressed but the kids liked it. 
We broke Ellie of her binky habit a couple weeks ago. We do this with our kids by taking them to the store (Target in Ellie's case) and having them "buy" a toy/stuffed animal with their binky. Ellie picked out a baby doll that came with a binky. Then every time over the next couple days that she started to feel withdrawal she would put the doll's binky in her mouth, hence the picture above. It was ridiculous in that it's just a small stub of plastic. Thankfully, she only tried this a couple times. She actually kicked the habit in less than a day and is sleeping so much better at night than she has since she was born. Go figure. That's all for now!
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A Sunday Afternoon
*I just found this while looking through the documents on our computer for something different. I wrote it last May and thought I would share it since the spring weather is right around the corner (at least it has felt like it lately!)*
The sun is streaming through the windows making it seem warmer outside than what it really is. There is about a half hour until I need to start dinner and I can tell Eleanor is not going to make it. I grab a bowl of animal crackers and, taking her in my arms, carry both over to the couch. I settle her on my lap and she happily starts in on the menagerie in the bowl on her own lap.
The sun is streaming through the windows making it seem warmer outside than what it really is. There is about a half hour until I need to start dinner and I can tell Eleanor is not going to make it. I grab a bowl of animal crackers and, taking her in my arms, carry both over to the couch. I settle her on my lap and she happily starts in on the menagerie in the bowl on her own lap.
As we bite the heads off elephants and legs from giraffes, I look outside. The breeze is causing the tree branches and leaves to sway gracefully. Although they cannot hear the Sufjan Stevens album playing in the kitchen, it is almost as if they are dancing to it. As “Tahquamenon Falls” fills my ears, I relax even more into the couch pillows around me listening to what sounds like wind chimes in the song.
Eleanor turns to offer me a bite of lion and then shoves it happily into her mouth before I can accept or refuse. Just a bit louder than the beginning notes of “Holland” is the pounding coming from outside. I look out one of the windows to the west and I can see Tim each time he stands to move to a new position. He is nailing landscape timbers to the ground for the perimeter of our garden with his “helper” in the form of a preschooler, Noah.
All is right. I forget the present financial woes of the country. In this moment my mind is not littered with thoughts of unemployment, health care, broken down vehicles or other downers. In this moment I am thankful to God for what I do have. In this moment, I am cherishing my blessings.
I know that the next song will bring forth with it reminders of all that is realistic but right now I just want this: calm. I want to snuggle my daughter and kiss her delightful cheeks. I want to savor the mental snapshot of a father and son in their work gloves, one pair black and gray and the other blue and orange with Diego the Animal Rescuer on them, laboring over a project together. It is not just any project but one that was designed and is being carried out together as a family, trying to involved the kids whenever possible.
Eleanor has finished the last of her zoo and is now trying to put the bowl on her head. She looks at me and laughs hysterically because she knows she is. Inside I just about burst with all that surrounds me – sunshine outside, laughter inside, childlike playfulness and labors of love. More important than all that, what can cause all that, is one more thing.
There is peace in my heart.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Bunny Trails and a Mustard Seed
Tim and I went to a marriage conference this past weekend on the other side of the state. It was great. Our friends, Josh and Renee, invited us back in the fall and offered their house for us to stay at. We loved this as it gave us an opportunity to visit with them and catch up on life. They were gracious hosts (they let us sleep in their bed and they took an air mattress upstairs - now that's sacrifice!) We had a wonderful time.
There have been so many things on my mind and I never know which ones to blog about and which not to. Ever since the whole "what-we're-looking-for-in-a-church" post back in the fall that caused a small ruckus, I feel as if I need to write in a different way. This is wrong, I know, in that this is my blog and if you don't like it - don't read it! However, I guess it hits me a certain way. A couple years ago Tim and I came to the realization that we're both people-pleasers. Not necessarily a good thing because you pretty much end up living your lives to accommodate the wants and desires (not needs) of others. Although we started to stick up for ourselves a bit more, I still worry about whether or not I'm going to offend someone.
I don't write many things about church anymore because the situation that followed with someone ended up as a hurtful experience and lost friendship.
I don't write truthfully about Tim's job anymore because my mom said, "I think your grandma reads your blog so make sure you don't write about ______________."
Besides updates, I don't write about this pregnancy because I have friends who have miscarried or are having trouble conceiving and I know it's a painful situation. One friend has stopped communication between us as our pregnancies were only a few weeks apart and I'm sure it's painful for her. Heck, I had to live it with my sister-in-law when I miscarried and she remained pregnant and I was about 3 weeks ahead of her. I know it's painful. I had to work through the hate, jealousy, anger and confusion as naive comments were made from people around us. Thank God that He is patient, constant, loving and can not only forgive us for our thoughts but also allow us to forgive others in our hearts when they don't even realize what they've done.
So my blog hasn't been updated much, not just because I haven't felt up-to-par in energy but because I never know how to write since I've apparently transported back into people-pleaser mode.
So would you like an honest update right now? Here it goes...
We love the church we are now attending. So much so that we actually went through the membership class and are being introduced (or whatever they do) as new members this coming Sunday. We have had the opportunity to meet and form relationships with amazing people who truly care about more than the superficial things in life. They want to get together and really talk - about life's valleys and mountain tops, about theological things, about anything! In a short amount of time we feel like we know them more than people we knew for years. Tim has become involved with the music team and also played in an indoor-soccer league with some guys from the church for the past two sessions. Currently, soccer is done right now so he has moved on to playing basketball at the church once a week. This has given him the opportunity to meet people and do something physically active which I never realized was so important for him. I am still attending the Ladies Bible Study and we are starting a study by Anne Graham Lotz called "The Vision of His Glory." It is on the book of Revelation, which has always terrified me, so I'm interested in seeing how this goes since it focuses more on hope than fear.
Work life. Tim was "fired" back at the beginning of December. He's self-employed and sub-contracted so "fired" for him means the owner of the painting company wasn't going to supply him with any more work. The most interesting thing, I think, was the way we responded to the phone call. He came inside (I had no idea what was going on) after a phone call during a morning shoveling snow and he said, "Well, I'm fired." I looked at him and said, "Ok. What do you want me to make you for lunch?" No stress or fear of the future. We have been through God's supernatural provision too many times. When he explained all of what transpired to me later, I was actually kind of happy that he wouldn't be working for the guy anymore. The whole thing was ridiculous and Tim didn't do anything wrong that he needed to be ashamed of. He has no regrets and I think that's great.
God has provided him with pretty steady work since, maybe a few days off here and there, but he's on his third side job since it happened. You have to understand this as well - Tim doesn't advertise, so the jobs that he gets come from word of mouth recommendations. I'm so proud of him. Since being "fired", they have called back twice. The first time was to ask what it would take to get him to come back. Tim gave them a list of "conditions" and hadn't heard back. The second call came on our way to the marriage conference this weekend and the manager (not owner - the manager Tim actually got along great with; it's the owner that has issues) asked if he could come in and help over the weekend. Tim told him we would be out of town. The manager informed him that he (the manager) had quit and was just going to finish the house up over the weekend and be done. So now the owner has lost his two full-time hardest workers. We're curious as to if he can even stay in business much longer with how he's running his business into the ground.
So we haven't been concerned in the work area. Oh! This is awesome, too: Tim had debated back and forth about calling Aaron, the guy who he first worked for and was taught to paint by, six years ago. After a couple days, he decided that he would wait and let Aaron call him if he needed help. (Besides a few weeks of work for Aaron a year ago, Tim has not painted with his company since Noah was born, so 4 1/2 years ago. We don't see or talk to Aaron so it would be random if Aaron actually called Tim.) About two hours later, Tim received a call from Aaron, whose company happens to be coming up on some busy schedules and he was wondering if/when Tim had availability and interest in doing some work. Would he?! What another sign of God's provision!
Now here is the biggest way we are praying right now. This one has been my struggle when I get emotional/hormonal and want to give up. We have to pay for this birth out of pocket. Our HSA does not cover maternity. You can buy a maternity rider, but you have to do so before becoming pregnant. Since we were not planning on becoming pregnant again, we never had time to buy a rider. We more than qualify for Medicaid, which we had to use for our other two births, but we decided at the beginning of this pregnancy that we didn't want to depend on it again. We trusted that God would provide for this baby, who was a surprise to us but not to Him.
We figured that extra money would go into the baby account and our tax return would cover the hospital stay which we researched the cost of. Not a problem. We assumed that, in all, if everything went as planned (which we know can seem like a stretch to think) it would cost us between $4,000-$6,000, which actually made it pointless to even buy a maternity rider as it would cost us the same amount and I think we still would have had other payments to make.
I had an appointment two weeks ago during which my midwife shared her concern for delivering at the hospital we originally planned. Apparently, some decisions are being made there and, coupled with short-staffed and over-worked nurses, she and her husband (the OB/GYN in the office) have become concerned for the safety of their patients, especially those of us who have had complications already in our pregnancies. The decision was still mine and Tim's to make on where to deliver and we are opting for the hospital in Grand Rapids. I called later that week to find out how much Spectrum charges for a birth and it's about twice as much as the other hospital. This means, we're now looking at about $10,000 for a birth with no complications or medications. Talk about motivation to go epidural-free!
My first reaction was freak-out, I'm not going to lie. I sobbed and told Tim we need to just do the Medicaid, which he still stood against. I hung up the phone on him, angry and confused. That's when the afternoon took another interesting turn. I sat down with my lunch and opened the Compassion magazine that we get for sponsoring kids from Compassion. On the first page is the president's letter and my eyes for some reason (or more likely by a nudge from the Lord) were immediately drawn to a paragraph toward the end of the letter. It reads:
Compassion decided not to seek funds from government sources. "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it" (Psalm 24:1 NIV). God is able to meet the financial needs of Compassion. It's our responsibility to trust the He will honor those who honor Him and then to steward with integrity the resources He provides through you, our sponsors. Of our $465 million annual budget, not one penny comes from the U.S. government.
Interesting, I thought. OK, so, yes, Compassion has sponsors to help them meet their budget, but at the same time I'm not needing $465 million here.
Then, about an hour or two later, I received a call from my mom that a relative was sending a check to Tim and I because she had felt it placed on her heart. The relative just wanted a phone call when we got the check to be certain it made it to us since she doesn't trust the postal service in her town. By the time I got off the phone with my mom, I could feel God's arms surrounding me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered in prayer. "I'm so dumb for forgetting that there is no amount of money that is impossible for you when everything on this earth is Your's."
This past weekend at the marriage conference, the speakers (Dave and Ann Wilson) encouraged all of us to come up with a mission for our marriage. Tim and I talked on the way back to Josh and Renee's house about what our mission could be. As soon as Tim started talking, I knew we would be on the same page. He talked about how God has provided for our family in awesome ways that are beyond what we could imagine. How we forget about verses like Matthew 17:20 that tell us:
For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.
We decided that a good mission phrase for our family would be something along the lines of Mustard Seed. In our society we depend so much on ourselves and what we can do for us. We depend on our government (and we all know how reliable that is) and what they can do for us. How often do we believe that our faith can make the impossible possible? Do we think the Bible lies? Or was it just applicable back when Jesus was around?
Yes, $10,000 seems like an outrageous amount of money to me when we have but $5 in a savings account. No, I have no clue how God is going to provide for this birth. But I know this much:
We have a mustard seed of faith. And that is all our God needs.
There have been so many things on my mind and I never know which ones to blog about and which not to. Ever since the whole "what-we're-looking-for-in-a-church" post back in the fall that caused a small ruckus, I feel as if I need to write in a different way. This is wrong, I know, in that this is my blog and if you don't like it - don't read it! However, I guess it hits me a certain way. A couple years ago Tim and I came to the realization that we're both people-pleasers. Not necessarily a good thing because you pretty much end up living your lives to accommodate the wants and desires (not needs) of others. Although we started to stick up for ourselves a bit more, I still worry about whether or not I'm going to offend someone.
I don't write many things about church anymore because the situation that followed with someone ended up as a hurtful experience and lost friendship.
I don't write truthfully about Tim's job anymore because my mom said, "I think your grandma reads your blog so make sure you don't write about ______________."
Besides updates, I don't write about this pregnancy because I have friends who have miscarried or are having trouble conceiving and I know it's a painful situation. One friend has stopped communication between us as our pregnancies were only a few weeks apart and I'm sure it's painful for her. Heck, I had to live it with my sister-in-law when I miscarried and she remained pregnant and I was about 3 weeks ahead of her. I know it's painful. I had to work through the hate, jealousy, anger and confusion as naive comments were made from people around us. Thank God that He is patient, constant, loving and can not only forgive us for our thoughts but also allow us to forgive others in our hearts when they don't even realize what they've done.
So my blog hasn't been updated much, not just because I haven't felt up-to-par in energy but because I never know how to write since I've apparently transported back into people-pleaser mode.
So would you like an honest update right now? Here it goes...
We love the church we are now attending. So much so that we actually went through the membership class and are being introduced (or whatever they do) as new members this coming Sunday. We have had the opportunity to meet and form relationships with amazing people who truly care about more than the superficial things in life. They want to get together and really talk - about life's valleys and mountain tops, about theological things, about anything! In a short amount of time we feel like we know them more than people we knew for years. Tim has become involved with the music team and also played in an indoor-soccer league with some guys from the church for the past two sessions. Currently, soccer is done right now so he has moved on to playing basketball at the church once a week. This has given him the opportunity to meet people and do something physically active which I never realized was so important for him. I am still attending the Ladies Bible Study and we are starting a study by Anne Graham Lotz called "The Vision of His Glory." It is on the book of Revelation, which has always terrified me, so I'm interested in seeing how this goes since it focuses more on hope than fear.
Work life. Tim was "fired" back at the beginning of December. He's self-employed and sub-contracted so "fired" for him means the owner of the painting company wasn't going to supply him with any more work. The most interesting thing, I think, was the way we responded to the phone call. He came inside (I had no idea what was going on) after a phone call during a morning shoveling snow and he said, "Well, I'm fired." I looked at him and said, "Ok. What do you want me to make you for lunch?" No stress or fear of the future. We have been through God's supernatural provision too many times. When he explained all of what transpired to me later, I was actually kind of happy that he wouldn't be working for the guy anymore. The whole thing was ridiculous and Tim didn't do anything wrong that he needed to be ashamed of. He has no regrets and I think that's great.
God has provided him with pretty steady work since, maybe a few days off here and there, but he's on his third side job since it happened. You have to understand this as well - Tim doesn't advertise, so the jobs that he gets come from word of mouth recommendations. I'm so proud of him. Since being "fired", they have called back twice. The first time was to ask what it would take to get him to come back. Tim gave them a list of "conditions" and hadn't heard back. The second call came on our way to the marriage conference this weekend and the manager (not owner - the manager Tim actually got along great with; it's the owner that has issues) asked if he could come in and help over the weekend. Tim told him we would be out of town. The manager informed him that he (the manager) had quit and was just going to finish the house up over the weekend and be done. So now the owner has lost his two full-time hardest workers. We're curious as to if he can even stay in business much longer with how he's running his business into the ground.
So we haven't been concerned in the work area. Oh! This is awesome, too: Tim had debated back and forth about calling Aaron, the guy who he first worked for and was taught to paint by, six years ago. After a couple days, he decided that he would wait and let Aaron call him if he needed help. (Besides a few weeks of work for Aaron a year ago, Tim has not painted with his company since Noah was born, so 4 1/2 years ago. We don't see or talk to Aaron so it would be random if Aaron actually called Tim.) About two hours later, Tim received a call from Aaron, whose company happens to be coming up on some busy schedules and he was wondering if/when Tim had availability and interest in doing some work. Would he?! What another sign of God's provision!
Now here is the biggest way we are praying right now. This one has been my struggle when I get emotional/hormonal and want to give up. We have to pay for this birth out of pocket. Our HSA does not cover maternity. You can buy a maternity rider, but you have to do so before becoming pregnant. Since we were not planning on becoming pregnant again, we never had time to buy a rider. We more than qualify for Medicaid, which we had to use for our other two births, but we decided at the beginning of this pregnancy that we didn't want to depend on it again. We trusted that God would provide for this baby, who was a surprise to us but not to Him.
We figured that extra money would go into the baby account and our tax return would cover the hospital stay which we researched the cost of. Not a problem. We assumed that, in all, if everything went as planned (which we know can seem like a stretch to think) it would cost us between $4,000-$6,000, which actually made it pointless to even buy a maternity rider as it would cost us the same amount and I think we still would have had other payments to make.
I had an appointment two weeks ago during which my midwife shared her concern for delivering at the hospital we originally planned. Apparently, some decisions are being made there and, coupled with short-staffed and over-worked nurses, she and her husband (the OB/GYN in the office) have become concerned for the safety of their patients, especially those of us who have had complications already in our pregnancies. The decision was still mine and Tim's to make on where to deliver and we are opting for the hospital in Grand Rapids. I called later that week to find out how much Spectrum charges for a birth and it's about twice as much as the other hospital. This means, we're now looking at about $10,000 for a birth with no complications or medications. Talk about motivation to go epidural-free!
My first reaction was freak-out, I'm not going to lie. I sobbed and told Tim we need to just do the Medicaid, which he still stood against. I hung up the phone on him, angry and confused. That's when the afternoon took another interesting turn. I sat down with my lunch and opened the Compassion magazine that we get for sponsoring kids from Compassion. On the first page is the president's letter and my eyes for some reason (or more likely by a nudge from the Lord) were immediately drawn to a paragraph toward the end of the letter. It reads:
Compassion decided not to seek funds from government sources. "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it" (Psalm 24:1 NIV). God is able to meet the financial needs of Compassion. It's our responsibility to trust the He will honor those who honor Him and then to steward with integrity the resources He provides through you, our sponsors. Of our $465 million annual budget, not one penny comes from the U.S. government.
Interesting, I thought. OK, so, yes, Compassion has sponsors to help them meet their budget, but at the same time I'm not needing $465 million here.
Then, about an hour or two later, I received a call from my mom that a relative was sending a check to Tim and I because she had felt it placed on her heart. The relative just wanted a phone call when we got the check to be certain it made it to us since she doesn't trust the postal service in her town. By the time I got off the phone with my mom, I could feel God's arms surrounding me.
"I'm sorry," I whispered in prayer. "I'm so dumb for forgetting that there is no amount of money that is impossible for you when everything on this earth is Your's."
This past weekend at the marriage conference, the speakers (Dave and Ann Wilson) encouraged all of us to come up with a mission for our marriage. Tim and I talked on the way back to Josh and Renee's house about what our mission could be. As soon as Tim started talking, I knew we would be on the same page. He talked about how God has provided for our family in awesome ways that are beyond what we could imagine. How we forget about verses like Matthew 17:20 that tell us:
For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.
We decided that a good mission phrase for our family would be something along the lines of Mustard Seed. In our society we depend so much on ourselves and what we can do for us. We depend on our government (and we all know how reliable that is) and what they can do for us. How often do we believe that our faith can make the impossible possible? Do we think the Bible lies? Or was it just applicable back when Jesus was around?
Yes, $10,000 seems like an outrageous amount of money to me when we have but $5 in a savings account. No, I have no clue how God is going to provide for this birth. But I know this much:
We have a mustard seed of faith. And that is all our God needs.
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