Confession Time

I have a confession.
Or maybe you can relate.

Before I had kids, I used to love purses and shoes.  I loved shopping for them and wearing them and having different ones to choose from. 
Then I had kids.
My purses have to meet requirements now.  I don't use a diaper bag because I don't want to be carrying around multiple bags, and by the time your fourth baby comes, you realize what you do and don't need to carry around with you.  Can I fit multiple diapers in 2 different sizes in my purse?  Can I fit a travel wipes case?  Can I fit my wallet?  Can I throw in a sippy cup or extra pair of kids' undies?  How about pockets for my phone and pacifiers?
I have resigned to the fact that right now cute purses and shoes are not necessities and can wait.  A large part of this is not because I want to be a frumpy mom, but due to finances.  It's not easy- or cheap- to be a family of 6!  
The last purse I bought was a couple years ago from Target.  It is now falling apart.  This summer I decided to give it a rest and use a bag I had sewn years ago.  It's cute and summery, but it's not summer anymore.  It fit the requirements of a large enough bag to hold most of the stuff I need to take with me, but it doesn't have pockets or compartments or organization so it's like a giant black hole.  That was fine for the flexible summer, but not so much now that we have places to be at certain times and I have to keep my head on straight.
Last week, in a very long and twisty series of events that started out on craigslist looking for a used boys bike for Noah (his recently broke), I ended up on Kate Spade's website.  There I found this purse.

The Vanston Stripe Quinn

Now I can't stop thinking about it!  And it amazes me the games my mind starts to play now.  Here's the thing: I would never go into Target or any store and think $131 is ok for me to spend on a purse.  Yet I saw this, and my first thought was, Oh, wow.  It's such a good price.  It's marked down from $328!  That's almost $200 less than the original price.  That's great!
Now, if you live in a world where you have that kind of extra money to spend, then that probably IS a great price!  For us, though, it's just not possible at this point.
But it has compartments.
And a middle zippered compartment (my favorite!)
It's lined with green fabric. My favorite color is green.
And such cute stripes.

Argh!
Does anyone else feel where I'm coming from?  Has anyone experienced those moments where you go from being totally content with everything, then it comes to needing something new (I mean, my purse/bag is actually falling apart...although, as Tim mentioned, I do know how to sew and can mend it up) and you start wanting things you can't have or afford or that aren't practical?
I was trying to explain the issue around this purse to him.  I don't know if it's because it feels like an adult purse, like a grown-up purchase.  I don't know if it's the fact I could buy it from somewhere that doesn't also sell diapers, shampoo and Cheez-Its.  I don't know if it's because I think I would feel more feminine by carrying this purse?  As if my appearance would suddenly say, "Hello.  I am more than a mom.  I am also a woman."  Are there any others out there who wrestle with these thoughts???

I know that my value isn't found in this purse.  I know that I really don't need it. I especially don't need it to be happy.  I do think it's funny that I really have to guard my thoughts with it because I can easily see where if I continue to dwell on this purse it could cause me to be discontent and I don't want that.  My husband works hard and a painter only gets paid so much.  I would never want to give him the impression that what he does isn't good enough or doesn't provide a good life for us.  We have great times as a family and with those around us.  More of the things that bring us joy in life are relationships we have, not the material things.

Good-bye, Vanston Stripe Quinn.  I guess I had to write my way through a self-therapy lesson to remember that you don't determine my value.  Would I enjoy using you as an accessory to my outfits?  Yes.  But I can't keep spending what little spare time I have thinking about you....

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." ~Proverbs 4:23
 
Is there anything you catch yourself thinking about that could cause discontent in your life if you spent too much time dwelling on it?