What Not To Say

You've probably heard it said, thought it yourself, or maybe even said it yourself.
If you've miscarried or lost a child at some point early on, you may have even had it said to you about your situation. We had it happen more frequently than I wish after our miscarriage.
It's the infamous phrase:
"Well, it's probably better that you lost the baby when you did. It might have had conditions/diseases/special needs/handicaps, etc."
Some people even go so far as to tack on, "God was saving him/her from a life of problems and hardship."
This kind of thinking makes me furious. It is basically implying that anyone that does have a handicap or medical disability would be better off dead.
It's like saying that kids like
Brayden
or
Kelsi
or
Waverly and Oliver
live lives of misery and unhappiness. That they shouldn't even be here because they are a burden to their families and society.
It's like saying that those of us who have lost a child in some form would rather have a healthy and beautiful baby than any baby at all.
Wrong.
I think it is funny how, after a 20 week utrasound, the parents receive two questions:
"Did you find out the gender?"
and
"Is it healthy?"
I'll be honest, we have thanked God after each appointment when we hear that yes, everything with our baby looks good. However, we also realize that ultrasounds don't pick up all conditions and that things can be missed. If we found ourselves in a situation where after one of our children were born, it was discovered that something was wrong, do you think we would be holding him or her and thinking,
"Oh, shoot. I wish I would have miscarried this baby."
No! We would do all we could to love on that baby and ask God for guidance as we walk through an unexpected journey.
Those of you reading this may have never said anything like this, but if you have - or if you've even thought it - just take the time to really think about the phrase. In an effort and attempt to try to say something comforting in an awkward situation, you're actually sticking your foot in your mouth and causing more hurt in the person you're talking to.
Please pray for the children I listed above as Brayden, a family member of our's, undergoes what seems like constant testing to try to figure out exactly what is wrong so they can figure out how to treat it. Pray for Kelsi as she has a major mid-face surgery to help her breathe, and due to her condition an infection following could be deadly. Pray for Waverly and Oliver as they and their family walk through the most agressive form of Sanfilippo knowing that, because there is no treatment or cure, they will be the parents who have to bury both their children who are so young right now.
Oh, God, help us to have Your heart for others.