Lacey brought up a question that I have to admit I hate thinking about:
On the flip side of this discussion (from yesterday - see below)...Is it okay to STOP having babies? Most people today, including many Christians, don't think twice about taking birth control or getting a vasectomy/tubal ligation. Essentially, we're talking about trusting God to provide the right number of kids for our families, right? Whether you're having fertility problems and are dying to conceive, or if you're very fertile and want to say enough is enough. (Like four kids in four years - HA!) I don't have a firm opinion about this, but I've been praying for God to give my husband a strong conviction about it.
Like I said, I hate thinking about this one because I'm scared of what the answer might be! For me, especially on mornings like yesterday, two is more than enough.
I have mentioned on here before that Tim and I don't use birth control pills for various reasons. However, we still take other steps of prevention (although I think the only way you can truly prevent is by absintence. I think some women have gotten pregnant while on all other forms of "contraceptives.") Tim does not want to have any more children. On days when my kids are being great and all is good in the house, I play with the idea of one more but it is always shot down. In my eyes, since we can't agree on it, it's not a go. We also have said we only want two biological children and down the road, if God opens the doors, we do want to add more to our family through adoption.
Our culture has changed so much that I think people from Biblical times and even "the old days" would be astounded to find us even having this discussion. Children were wanted to carry on the family line and the more the better.
Psalm 127:3-5
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children are a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate."
About a month ago I read a book by the Duggar family. It was called something along the lines of 20 and Counting. They do not use any form of birth control. They believe that every child God gives them has a purpose and God is not going to give them more than they can handle.
Wow, Lacey, if I cracked open the can of worms, you managed to tear the top right off. I'm sure people will have all sorts of thoughts on this one.
My opinion is...I don't know. I'm not trying to avoid giving one; I just really haven't let myself think about or study it enough to come to a conclusion. I think Tim and I would have to hold many a long discussion on it as well.
I also just want to add this - there are probably people who read these questions and think "Well, who cares? It's not like these things determine whether or not we go to heaven so why waste time on them?" I do believe that the only way we are able to enter Heaven is through a relationship with Jesus Christ.
John 3:14-17 tell us: "Just as Moses lifted up the snake in the desert, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, that everyone who believes in him may have eternal life. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him."
Later in John 5:24, Jesus goes on to say, "I tell you the truth, whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life and will not be condemned; he has crossed over from death to life."
And then in Acts 4:12: "Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." (emphasis added to verses)
I then believe that once you are in a genuine relationship with Christ, you have a desire to grow and to live according to what the Bible says. This is why Bible Study is important and why it is important for us to be asking questions and be in discussion with each other. Does my opinion on birth control determine whether or not I get into Heaven? NO! But if I want to be growing in the Word, I need people to be pointing out things to me and challenging me to think outside of myself and within the Word of God. I hope that makes sense.
Tim and I have been talking about a lot of things lately, a lot of changes we feel in our lives, but I'll save that for another post as it doesn't involve birth control.
Maybe since April was a break month for me, we'll make May a Tough Question month. And the comment section is now...open.
3 comments:
Again, I think it's a issue purely between you and God. My parents felt the same way about children as the Duggars do....that's why there's 10 of us! It's a matter of conscience, led by the Holy Spirit: if you feel wrong going through with IVF (or whatever methods) or if you don't feel peaceful about birth control (even thouth you are CLEARLY done having children) than you know God wants something else from you - complete surrender and trust. I know of a woman at our church that got pregnat AFTER her husband got a vasectomy!
Nothing is certain in this world, but the love of God. When we make plans God laughs and shows us who's the Boss.
If you want more biological children and it's not in His plan, then tough (all methods WILL fail because it's not something He wants for your family). If you think you're absolutely done (and take measures to prevent a pregnancy) yet He's still not done blessing you, then you better ask for some guidance and patience along the way.
But I do believe that He never gives us more than we can handle, His yoke is easy and burden is light, and He NEVER forces anything upon us.
After this baby I'll be doing the natural family planing method and leave it up to Him if I get pregnant when my chart/body says I'm not fertile. I trust Him more than I trust myself and I know He won't betray me.
I guess that tells you where I stand.
It's funny you should bring this topic up- it seems that this question has been EVERYWHERE lately thanks to all of the TLC show highlighting these big families. We've been dealing with a lot of similar questions at church relating to size of family and homeschooling, parenting, etc.
A few things we have been thinking about:
#1- First off, our concept of biblical manhood/womanhood and marriage must be rooted in God's Word, not the world's take on what life "should be". The world's view of marriage in general is completely narcissistic. It's all about YOU. If you're not happy, get divorced until you find someone who makes you happy. The other major misnomer is the fact that men and women have no idea what the bible says about their roles in their families and in society. Hence you find confusion over roles in the work place, education and at home. Since marriage is the literally the breeding ground for children, if you're in marriage strictly for what you can get out of it, you're doomed to fail from the start.
#2- It seems that the majority of people become polarized over these issues- it's either all or nothing. I'm not sure that this is really necessary either, and frankly, this is where legalism creeps in. It's amazing how most people consider "legalism" only a conservative problem, when in reality, ANY side of an issue that's not directly mandated by scripture can become "legalized".
#3- I think it all hinges on your motives. Proverbs 16:2 says, "All the ways of a man are pure in His own eyes, but the Lord weighs the spirit". We are depraved, selfish sinners who want the path of least resistance. To trust our own personal feelings is always dangerous. If we are faithful in prayer, God promises "direct our paths". Through His word, prayer and a multitude of other resources, we can begin to tackle these conversations with our spouses, and frankly, I wish these kinds of topics were more prevalent in pre-marital counseling. It's not all about "which side of the bed you will sleep on" and "working on communication". There are larger questions that at least in our experience, were only lightly touched on.
$3- What are your beliefs/conviction about God's sovereignty? Children are blessings from God, but God also calls us to be wise stewards of His provision. There definitely is a balance between God's sovereignty and our personal responsibility. These are conversations I think every couple has to reconcile and work out "in fear and trembling" before the Lord.
That's what makes this topic so tough- everyone wants an easy black and white answer for themselves, but the truth is, there isn't one. God does not say in the bible that every married couple should have ___ kids. BUT, he does tell Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. The bible DOES speak of children as blessings, not burdens.
A helpful article can be found here:http://www.albertmohler.com/commentary_read.php?cdate=2006-05-08
It was written by the President of Southern Theological Seminary a few years ago.
On a side note- the IVF mainly raises this concern for me- the creation of multiple embryos. Often these embryos are either stored for years, or are destroyed. This creates a whole new realm or moral problems.
What a fabulous question!
I am answering this strictly on a personal level. I do not think that there is anything wrong with birth control, I would even lean towards saying that there are flaws in lack of birth control. Now a days children are so expensive and I think that in order to offer your children all the opportunities possible having 10 or 20 children makes it so you cannot.
College, I know personally, my college has cost in the upwards of $50k, there is not way my parents would have been able to help me if it were not just my sister and I. I played travel sports in high school which was another expensive that my parents would not have been able to afford if there were more of us.
There is another aspect besides money though. I also think that children who grow up in a huge family lose part of their childhood being forced to care for their younger siblings. I think anyone who has read or seen the Duggars show sees that these children care for each other more so then the parents do. How else would it be possible to care for that many children with only mom and dad as caregivers.
I personally take the pill now, but when I feel settled with the size of my family I will ask my husband to get a vasectomy (unless I have a Csection because then I'd have my tubes tied). I want to do what is best for my family and I want to be able to be the best Mom I can be--that is something I don't think I can do if I am constantly pregnant.
Oh...one more thing (good topic). The health aspect. This many pregnancies is so unhealthy for so many reasons. Outside of the direct pregnancy complications, you have a massively increased risk of stroke as well as blood clots. I don't think that constantly putting yourself in that kind of jeopardy is being a responsible parent.
Just my two sense. :)
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