Cherishing

I hate death.

Earlier this week while Tim and I were sitting and talking before falling asleep we started to discuss the economical situation our nation is in. I asked him if he thought it was a sign of the end times and he said maybe, but probably not, since God uses hard times to teach us lessons. I told him that I was scared of Heaven. He looked at me like I had three heads and asked why. I tried to explain what I meant - I'm not really scared of Heaven, I just am always nervous about the unknown. He reminded me that the Bible describes Heaven and that I also read the book "Ninety Minutes in Heaven."
"Yes I know," I said. "And I know that Heaven will be better than anything I can imagine and that I will feel no sadness or hurt or anger. I will be able to meet my lost baby and my brother or sister who was miscarried and my niece or nephew who just joined Heaven and also your brother or sister who was miscarried. But I like you...."
"We'll be friends in Heaven," he reassured me.
"But we won't be married. I want to grow old with you. I want to see our kids graduate, see what they do in life, celebrate their weddings and play with our grandchildren someday. I want Jesus to come back...just not until I'm about 85 years old."
This has always been a weird spot for me. I am excited about Heaven and the return of Christ, really I am. I just have a hard time comprehending it all. Sometimes I feel like a bad Christian because, selfishly, I want to spend some more time with my family - this man I have vowed to spend my days with, these kids I labored intensely to have. Am I alone in these feelings?
This past weekend a fellow Cornerstone alumnus died suddenly. He was a friend of Randy and Deidra's, and although I didn't know him personally, I went through college hearing his name often. I also have friends who did know him well and it hurts me to see them grieve. It also is just a reminder that nothing is for certain in life. Each day is a gift, as cliche as it sounds. He was young, not that much older than myself. He was married and now she is a young widow.
And so I hate death. Whether it is my ninety-eight year old great-grandmother, my unborn niece or nephew, or someone I met once or twice in passing. What a month.
I want to slap the kids who do stupid things that put their lives at risk. The teenagers who flirt with alcohol, drugs, tobacco and sex outside of marriage with multiple people. They are just knowingly throwing their health and their lives away for instant gratification, flirting with death constantly. Maybe it would be a quick death in the form of an overdose or DUI accident or maybe it will be slowly killing you by way of an STD or liver disease. I just want to tell them to start using their noggins a bit!
Last night I went to sleep more appreciative of my life, of my husband, of my children. I hugged Tim a little longer and a little tighter. We've only been given one body - take care of it. We have one life - live it well.
And pray for people all over who are grieving those they have lost.