Earlier today I decided to take a bubble bath while Noah took his afternoon nap. I wasn't really stressed, but really wanted to just let every bit of my body unwind and relax. As I was soaking there, I decided to make a nice meal for Tim. When I was at the conference last weekend one of the workshops I attended was called "What Every Wife Should Know." One of the points was to let your husband know he is loved and appreciated. My husband loves food. I honestly don't know where he puts it considering he is the same size today that he was in Jr. High, but he loves to eat. So I thought to myself, "Hmmm, I will show my love for him through food. The way to a man's heart (especially Tim's) is through his stomach, right?"
So I decide to make Chicken Marsala. I have never made this before, but I like to cook and love a challenge, so I give it a whirl. Now, one thing that I am not confident while cooking is when something says "Heat oil in pan. Cook chicken however much time blah blah blah." I freak out when I see the "heat oil in pan" part because that usually means I will end up burning the chicken because I won't put enough oil in the pan and then it will stick and my meal is screwed up. But today I am confident because I have a vision. My vision is to have Tim walk through the door to find jazz music in the background, a candle lit on the table, Noah happy in his highchair, and a delicious gourmet meal ready to eat. We will talk endlessly through dinner as we sip our wine and dine on fine cuisine from the Cooking Light website. This is what Tim walks in to find:
Noah sitting in the middle of the kitchen wailing because he is hungry and his dinner is not ready yet. Even though the stove vent fan, living room ceiling fan, and living room door are all open and on, there is still smoke everywhere because I put too MUCH oil in the pan and it is now spattering all over the stove top, counter, me, and everything in close proximity. Good thing Noah is in the middle of the kitchen. There is music in the background, but you can't hear it over all the ruckus. The chicken still has a good 15 or more minutes to go. I am ready to break into the wine. Tim scoops up Noah and takes him to his bedroom, probably for fresh air from an open window and because he can tell that I am now stressed.
However, I delivered an outstanding meal. Chicken marsala, fresh green beans, grape tomatoes, and breadsticks. We don't really talk through the meal because Noah is fussy and we're trying to attend to him and give him more food (the boy eats like his father. He actually ate 2 full chicken breasts tonight.) I pour us each a glass of wine. We take a sip and then start to choke. We are not really drinkers in the first place. I enjoy some wines with dinner, but we never buy it ourselves to drink so we are not really connoiseurs. Because of this lack of knowledge we have, I don't know if Marsala is just not good drinking wine or if we just really are not drinkers. I think we are just really not drinkers. But we are eaters, and we ate a good meal. Tim gave it an A+.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
My Struggle
When I thought about having kids, I knew that I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I figured I would have no problem leaving the workforce and devoting my time to my munchkins. I am, as a result, not prepared for the inner struggle I have been having since my son was born. The last 17 months have been like the Pirate Ship ride at an amusement park. I will swing one way in wanting to go to work and put Noah in a daycare and then swing the other way in wanting to stay home, thinking how in the world could I leave my precious child with someone else? I feel sick the entire time I'm thinking about it, much like I do on the Pirate Ship.
I never thought I would actually miss working. I miss the interaction with co-workers, the predictable schedule of being at work at 7:30 am and leaving at 4:00 pm, the feeling of accomplishment when you meet a deadline.
Then I think of all the things I would miss if I went to work. I would miss out on the majority of my son's day. I would miss chubby hands taking my face to give me a sloppy kiss. I would miss the first time he said words, like today when he handed me a wadded up tissue he found and said "Dirty" for the first time. I would pick him up from a daycare only to bring him home to have dinner, play for a little bit, give him a bath and put him to bed.
The struggle! How does a mom balance everything without feeling like she's letting someone down, including herself? If only there were a perfect job, such as a job that provided a daycare in the office. I know that some businesses do this, but I have yet to find one. How about something where I could work from home during nap times but actually have it be a job I enjoy? That would be perfect.
There are so many passions I have, so many things I want to try. I love to knit. I received a sewing machine as a birthday present last month and am learning to use it. I want to make the things that feel trapped in my head. I could make clothes that would fit perfectly because they would be tailored to my body. I love to write. I love to edit grammar and punctuation. I love to plan and organize.
For now, until my perfect job comes along, I will remain at home. I will cherish these couple years that I have to watch my son grow and mature and learn. I will spend time teaching him the alphabet, numbers, words, songs and games. For now, my job is teacher.
I never thought I would actually miss working. I miss the interaction with co-workers, the predictable schedule of being at work at 7:30 am and leaving at 4:00 pm, the feeling of accomplishment when you meet a deadline.
Then I think of all the things I would miss if I went to work. I would miss out on the majority of my son's day. I would miss chubby hands taking my face to give me a sloppy kiss. I would miss the first time he said words, like today when he handed me a wadded up tissue he found and said "Dirty" for the first time. I would pick him up from a daycare only to bring him home to have dinner, play for a little bit, give him a bath and put him to bed.
The struggle! How does a mom balance everything without feeling like she's letting someone down, including herself? If only there were a perfect job, such as a job that provided a daycare in the office. I know that some businesses do this, but I have yet to find one. How about something where I could work from home during nap times but actually have it be a job I enjoy? That would be perfect.
There are so many passions I have, so many things I want to try. I love to knit. I received a sewing machine as a birthday present last month and am learning to use it. I want to make the things that feel trapped in my head. I could make clothes that would fit perfectly because they would be tailored to my body. I love to write. I love to edit grammar and punctuation. I love to plan and organize.
For now, until my perfect job comes along, I will remain at home. I will cherish these couple years that I have to watch my son grow and mature and learn. I will spend time teaching him the alphabet, numbers, words, songs and games. For now, my job is teacher.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Where Jealousy Lurks
I heard a quote once that stuck with me, although I am not aware who stated it. "Jealousy is resenting God's blessing in someone else's life and ignoring His blessing in your own." Ouch. I often reflect back on this statement as I feel the green envy creeping into my heart.
I was talking to a friend today who said she was jealous of her sister. She started telling me about how her sister has money, Pottery Barn furniture, and is planning a gorgeous wedding. My friend was married four and a half years ago in not the most lavish ceremony and reception, but one that was full of love. She went on about other things she was jealous of that her sister possessed. I finally stopped her and quoted the statement I shared previously. She was silent. "I have to write that down," she said. After slowly repeating it for her so she could write it, I started quietly reflecting on things that I have been jealous of that my friends have.
My husband and I sold our first house that we adored in a city that we loved where we were surrounded by friends we cherished. For what? We are now living in an apartment we like in a town we tolerate surrounded by people we don't know. Yes, I want to look at my friends back home and be jealous of their houses and good fortunes. However, I have started reflecting on my own blessings.
My husband and I might live in an apartment with our 17 month old son, but we have no mortgage. We used the profit from our house to pay off student loans, so we have no debt. We have vehicles that are paid for, clothes to wear, food to eat, and a roof over our heads. My husband has a job that pays well, and more important, that he enjoys more than any other job he has had. It is not just a career to him, but a passion. How many people can say that their hobby has become a way to make money? I have the opportunity to stay home and care for my toddler, which is something many working mothers would kill for.
Attitude is everything. When we wake up in the morning, we can make or break our day. We can roll out of the wrong side of the bed or the right one. It's our choice. When your friend starts talking about the new job opportunity her husband has received in which he will be making salary money, driving a company car, and receiving awesome benefits, it's your decision how you will react. Will you tell her you're happy for her and then find an excuse to get off the phone so that you can vent your frustration because they'll be in a better financial position than you? Or will you make the decision to genuinely be happy for her, to rejoice with her in a time where God has sent blessing upon them? After you've finished your phone call you can pause, reflect on the blessings in your life, and be thankful for them.
Shine a light where jealousy lurks. Make the decision to have a grateful attitude. In the end it can save relationships, prevent stress, and bring geniune joy.
I was talking to a friend today who said she was jealous of her sister. She started telling me about how her sister has money, Pottery Barn furniture, and is planning a gorgeous wedding. My friend was married four and a half years ago in not the most lavish ceremony and reception, but one that was full of love. She went on about other things she was jealous of that her sister possessed. I finally stopped her and quoted the statement I shared previously. She was silent. "I have to write that down," she said. After slowly repeating it for her so she could write it, I started quietly reflecting on things that I have been jealous of that my friends have.
My husband and I sold our first house that we adored in a city that we loved where we were surrounded by friends we cherished. For what? We are now living in an apartment we like in a town we tolerate surrounded by people we don't know. Yes, I want to look at my friends back home and be jealous of their houses and good fortunes. However, I have started reflecting on my own blessings.
My husband and I might live in an apartment with our 17 month old son, but we have no mortgage. We used the profit from our house to pay off student loans, so we have no debt. We have vehicles that are paid for, clothes to wear, food to eat, and a roof over our heads. My husband has a job that pays well, and more important, that he enjoys more than any other job he has had. It is not just a career to him, but a passion. How many people can say that their hobby has become a way to make money? I have the opportunity to stay home and care for my toddler, which is something many working mothers would kill for.
Attitude is everything. When we wake up in the morning, we can make or break our day. We can roll out of the wrong side of the bed or the right one. It's our choice. When your friend starts talking about the new job opportunity her husband has received in which he will be making salary money, driving a company car, and receiving awesome benefits, it's your decision how you will react. Will you tell her you're happy for her and then find an excuse to get off the phone so that you can vent your frustration because they'll be in a better financial position than you? Or will you make the decision to genuinely be happy for her, to rejoice with her in a time where God has sent blessing upon them? After you've finished your phone call you can pause, reflect on the blessings in your life, and be thankful for them.
Shine a light where jealousy lurks. Make the decision to have a grateful attitude. In the end it can save relationships, prevent stress, and bring geniune joy.
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