For A Good Cry...

I was looking at a blog today by a woman who I was in a moms group with after Noah was born. She had a link to another blog and was highly recommending it. So what do I do but go to check it out?
I spent the next 2 hours crying off and on and being saddened, inspired, encouraged, and any other emotion you can possibly experience...except maybe anger. I don't think I ever felt angry while reading it. Anyways, you should check it out: www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com. The story is heartbreaking, but the woman who writes the blog is incredible. She sounds like the kind of woman you could instantly become friends with.
So go read it, or at least some of it. And have a box of tissues handy. You'll need them.

My Biggest Worry as Mom of Two

I have heard many women say that they don't want to have a second child after their first because they can't imagine loving another one as much as their oldest. This was never a concern of mine. I know from watching my sister and myself that, even being the same gender, there are so many unique traits that make us individually who we are so it's not like you get two of the exact same kid and have to pick which one to love more.

At my 20 week ultrasound I found my biggest worry in having two children. When the technician told us it was a girl, we were thrilled - one of each and we only wanted two kids anyways! How much more American stereotypical family can you get?? (Well, we need a mortgage and a dog and then we'll be set.) Over the next couple weeks I found myself with a nagging thought: What if my problem isn't how do I love a second one as much, but what happens if I love my second one more?

As a woman who does love girly girl things (well, most. I do suffer as a result of pink and purple overload at times because they're not my favorite colors and now I'm surrounded by them because apparently baby girls can ONLY wear pink and purple as newborns) I was flooded with loads of thoughts: I can take Ellie to the American Girls store one day, we can have mom-daughter shopping trips, I can have tea parties with her (yes, I know boys can participate in tea parties as well, but it's not usually a first thought), we will have a bond that is special due to us both being in this mysterious world that is womanhood. Suddenly, all my thoughts seemed to revolve around Ellie's growing up years and I realized with alarm that I had forgotten Noah, my firstborn, the one I'm supposed to worry about loving more.

I struggled with this worry for a long time, especially since Noah is in the "terrible twos" and at times quite challenging. It made it easier to reflect upon my perfect unborn daughter. Then I started realizing many things.

Ellie is a girl. Yes, I will have fun things to do with her that Noah is not going to be interested in participating in, and since I am a girl they are things that I will most likely enjoy doing. However, Ellie is a girl. She is going to have mood swings, PMS, most likely be overdramatic like her mother, and we'll have to pay for a wedding someday. There are things you start to think about with a girl that don't cross your mind when you have a boy. And they are scary thoughts.

Besides that, I love my son. Oh, how I love him strongly. He has taught me the fun of playing with cars and trucks, trains and dinosaurs. He has forced me to loosen up as a mom and person because boys are daredevils (yes, I know some girls who are as well, but I was not one growing up.) He makes my heart stop when he jumps down stairs or I find him climbing places he should not be able to go. He has taught me the fun that comes with a boy and yet he has a sensitive heart as well. He is not a tough as nails boy with no feelings. He is at times scared and he likes to do things on his own terms. My mom was comparing him to a cat today. He likes to be left alone until he is ready to join in. He doesn't want to be forced to interact with other kids, yet when he is ready he has a blast with them. He is smart, but he will reveal that to you when he wants, not when you want him to. He is not a "performer" in the ways of parents showing off what their kids can do. We learned that one the hard way as the more we tried to get him to demonstrate how smart he is, the more he quiets down and retreats.

So not to say that my worry has automatically left, but it is lessening. That's one reason why I am so glad I have missed Noah as much as I have this weekend. I love my new precious daughter, but I have a bundle of fun waiting to storm through the door later and greet me with his infectious laugh and I am looking forward to it.

First Sponge Bath

It was a good weekend for us. My parents took Noah Friday morning so that Tim could go back to work and I could have the weekend to recover and try to kick these headaches. Noah was ready to go and quite excited to see Grandpa and Grandma again and we were thankful for their willingness to have him so soon after they had just stayed with him while we were in the hospital. Tim is meeting my parents tonight after work to pick him up. I have missed Noah since I feel like last week I was either in the hospital or on bed rest and not really able to enjoy seeing him.

Yesterday I woke up without a headache! Today was also a success so it looks like we're getting somewhere. I'll get a very minor one usually in the afternoon or when I've maybe pushed my limits and should be resting, but they're not like they were so praise God! I have noticed a tenderness in my back the past couple days in the spot where they did the epidural and blood patch, so my final opinion - although I'm no doctor - is that it probably was a spinal and tension headache combination. But who cares? I'm feeling better and that's all that matters.

Ellie was a rough sleeper over the weekend. Her days and nights have been mixed up, making for long, tiresome nights for us. Yesterday we worked hard at trying to keep her up during certain parts of the day and evening and it seemed to work because she nursed at 10:00pm, we all were sleeping by 10:30 and she didn't wake up again until 3:00am! It was the most wonderful feeling for us. She then stayed awake until almost 5:00, but hey, we're getting there.

She also had her first sponge bath at home last night (that could have helped with the sleeping I guess.) She cried through the whole thing; I remember Noah doing the same for his first. She smells nice and clean now so it was worth the noise. Start the screaming.Tired out but clean.

We're still getting used to all the pink attire!

She's Here!!

Eleanor Lee Ross was born Saturday, April 19, 2008 at 6:46am weighing in at 7 lbs 7 oz. and 19 1/2 inches long. Here are all the details of her birth story and how our recovery is going so far.


Apparently between the earthquake and the full moon, she knew she didn't stand a chance. We joined our friends, The Lewises, for dinner Friday night at Hearthstone (very yummy) in Muskegon. After returning home, Noah was put to bed and Tim and I settled down to watch our Thursday night shows (since we watch them online we have to wait until the next day to catch up on them.) While watching "Scrubs" I got up to use the bathroom during a commercial break. A couple minutes after sitting back down I realized I felt like I had peed my pants. Now, if you have ever been pregnant, you realize this is not the most uncommon sensation or happening so I didn't think much about it...just headed to the bathroom to see what was going on. While in there I realized I couldn't stop fluid from leaking out of me and called to Tim that my water was breaking. I called the hospital and they asked if it was a trickle or a gush. While replying it was a trickle, I suddenly felt a gush..."Um," I said. "Make that a gush. It definitely broke." They told us to come in within the next half hour to an hour. We called Matt & Jeana, our "on-call labor baby-sitters" for Noah. Jeana was speaking in hushed tones when she answered and when I asked where she was she told me they were at the movies. I told her my water broke and she replied with "I knew this was going to happen while we were here." They booked it over while we were getting our last minute things together. (They did get free passes for the movie after explaining the situation to the employees about why they had to leave.)


Tim and I arrived at the hospital around 10:30 and my contractions hadn't really started. They were completely bearable and 8 minutes apart. The nurse checked me at 3-4cm and 50-60% effaced so I hadn't progressed since my last appointment. Tim and I walked the halls for a loooong time before deciding we should maybe try to get some rest since it obviously looked like it was going to be a long night. We dozed off and on and at about 2:00 my contractions went from 8 minutes apart to 3 minutes apart in an instant. They checked and found me to be only 5 cm dilated. By this point I was in intense pain and all dreams of natural childbirth were chucked out the window after I heard I still had 5 cm to go. The on-call doctor (who was not one of my doctors since all 3 of mine were out of town on the same weekend) decided to start pitocin to help me along. The nurse (whose name was Sonya and was fantastic) got an IV in me but before she could start the pitocin we realized I was making progress on my own...pretty quickly. I begged and begged for the epidural and between 4:30 and 5:00 finally received it. The woman who gave me the epidural poked me 3 times before finding the right spot and got mad at me the first two times I jumped. I wanted to yell at her that if she would get it in the right spot I wouldn't be jumping since I wouldn't feel like a knife was cutting down my leg. I will admit I was pretty mean prior to the epidural and I have a great husband for choosing to love me and stay with me after some of the things I said to him. After the epidural I resumed my old self and was able to relax a bit and even doze on and off again. Around 6:00 I asked them to check me because I was feeling lots of pressure (the epidural only took away the horrible pain; I could still feel the pushing area and my legs) and like I had to use the bathroom. They found me at 9cm and started getting stuff ready. At 6:30 I said, "I really have to use the bathroom or push or whatever this feeling is." The doctor told me to start pushing if I felt like it and after about 15 minutes, Ellie was in my arms. The doctor was certain I wasn't going to tear but then at the last moment Ellie decided to shove her arm out with her head and stretched me out a good deal, tearing me in the process. The good news is that it was along my scar line from where I tore with Noah, so since there are no nerve endings there anymore I am not in the pain I was after the first time around with Noah.


In relation to Noah's labor, Ellie's was a good deal shorter (only 9 hours start to finish instead of 21) however I would consider it more painful since it progressed so fast and went from la-dee-da to intense pain in a minute.

Shortly after the delivery I started developing a severe headache. The thought was that it was a spinal headache from the problems with the epidural and I was started on all sorts of medications and pain relievers. This made me drowsy to the point of falling asleep during conversations with visitors. I feel like a total goofball looking back on Saturday and remembering talking to Christina, then opening my eyes a moment later with her still staring at me expectantly. "I was talking wasn't I?" I asked. She just nodded and was very understanding. Sunday the on-call doctor decided it wasn't a spinal but just tense muscles and took me off everything but gave me a muscle relaxer. Although I felt a little better, I still had a good deal of pain in my head even though my neck was feeling looser.


Monday morning I awoke and as I got up to use the bathroom I fell back on the bed and started sobbing. The pain was so severe and intense I thought I was going to black out. I had to rest my head between Tim's shoulderblades as he led me to the bathroom. I cried as I went to the bathroom and sobbed as I sat in the bathtub with Tim washing my hair and helping me out of the tub and into my clothes. My nurse came in as I was getting back into bed in tears and ran out to get me more pain relief. A couple hours later we managed to check out with me feeling a little better after the medicine kicked in.


That night I got a call from my doctor (who was finally back) telling me that the pathology lab had found inflammation around the placenta, which can be a sign of impending infection and Tim was off to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics. She mentioned that if I had the headache still in the morning then I was to go to the ER and have a blood patch done because she didn't think it was tense muscles like the other doctor did.


I woke up with the headache at its worst and after Tim's brother, Randy, came over to watch Noah we were off with Ellie to the ER. That is where we have spent most of today. They pumped 3 bags of fluids in me and gave me a blood patch. A blood patch is what they do for a spinal headache, which I guess I did end up having as a result of the bad epidural experience. They took blood from my arm and then put it into my back in the spot where my epidural was. This blood then clots up in the spot where the hole is that is leaking the spinal fluid, closing it up. Not a pleasant experience, but it seems to have worked as I am not having pain anymore.

**Update on Wednesday** The headache was back again this morning, though not as severe, so it must not have been spinal related or the clot was knocked loose at some point in the night. We are now just asking for prayers that it goes away quickly and we can know how to combat it.

Now for the fun stuff: pictures!Getting ready to walk the halls in the fashionable birthing unit gown.

Noah holding his little sister for the first time. Although he is giving us attitude, he absolutely adores her.Noah with his friends, Leighton and Maddie, while their family was visiting us on Sunday.
We're still working on a family picture.

A proud and exhausted dad, mom and daughter.

I Feel the Earth Move Under My Feet

Apparently today is the day for me to use song lyrics as post titles. This one is from Carole King. The one below, I discovered, is from Credence Clearwater Revival, but I screwed it up - sorry! It's actually "there's a bad moon on the rise." Oh, well.
Anyways, this morning I couldn't sleep (welcome to the most recent 3 months of my life.) I tend to get up around 3:30 and not fall back asleep until around 5:30 or 6:00, which stinks because Noah is up around 7:00. So as I awake this morning and sitting in the living room researching the correlation between a full moon and going into labor (I'm a nerd, I know) I felt shakey. I thought I was going to pass out or something. Then I realized our house was slightly shaking. I thought this was all in my head until I looked over at our windows and the blinds were moving back and forth. At this point, not knowing what was going on and not really caring to find out (honestly, I will say my first thought was that somewhere close something had been blown up or exploded and we were feeling effects from it) I quickly put the laptop away and crawled back into bed next to Tim figuring that if we were going to die then I wanted to die next to him. My thoughts and imagination can be slightly dramatic...especially when tired.
My mom mentioned the earthquake in Illinois while we were talking this morning and I got online to check out the news. I felt my first earthquake this morning! Silly thing to get excited about, I know, but when your days are spent with a toddler and waiting for a baby to come...an earthquake can be quite the excitement of the day. I must say, though, that after finding out it was an earthquake I was disappointed it did not shake me into labor. Guess I'll wait on that moon still to see if that comes through for me.
I have LOVED this warm spring weather we're having. We are outside with Noah multiple times a day. Usually I take him out before lunch, after a nap and then Tim takes him outside after dinner until bedtime which gives me a chance to rest inside with some quiet. And having the windows open! Oh, the fresh air...it's so nice to clear out a closed-up-all-winter-stuffy-house. When my niece, Wyndham, was born (3 years ago tomorrow) the weather was warm the day she was born. I can remember swinging by the hospital while Deidra was in labor and wearing capris and a short-sleeve shirt. When she came home a couple days later, we had been dumped on with more snow and it was cold again. I really hope to have and bring Ellie home during some nice weather. I can't wait for her to come! I'm getting impatient...

There's a Full Moon on the Rise

Isn't that a lyric from an old song? I'll have to look that one up later.
Anyways, here is the latest update. I'm still pregnant so membrane stripping can be a load of bull and just a painful experience for some people. I do think it might have helped get some things rolling in that my body is showing some more signs of being prepared.
My non-stress test went well yesterday. I had to stay on the monitor longer than usual because Ellie has slowed down so much the past few days she slept the whole time I was hooked to it. The nurse had to come in and kind of move my belly around and press on it so she would wake up. That did the trick apparently and after another 10 minutes they took me off. When the doctor (a different one than I've had the past couple weeks) came in to review the test with me, she told me that she's convinced I'll go into labor this weekend. Part of the reason is because I am having so many signs it's close and part of it is because there is a full moon this weekend. She said that although she is not superstitious after all her years delivering babies she has noticed the trend that when there is a full moon, there is a packed labor and delivery ward...something about barometric pressure although she doesn't know why it affects a pregnant woman. She said that if I actually make it to my appointment on Monday she will shocked and we'll have to look at a next step to get this baby out. I am NOT having my membranes stripped again so we'll see what she has in mind.
My ultrasound also went well. The tech asked if Noah had a big head when he was born and I told her yes, even one of the pediatricians had commented on its size (NOT a good thing to say to a new mom. I cried because I, of course, thought he was perfect.) She told me to expect another big one, very round she said. Wonderful. Maybe that's why she's not coming out. Yesterday the ultrasound predicted the weight at 8 lb. 2 oz. and had the due date at yesterday - which was obviously wrong as I am sitting here right now still quite pregnant.
So that's the latest. I have no idea how all my kidney tests went and the tech didn't say anything during my kidney ultrasound yesterday so I guess I will find out sooner or later.
As for now...I'm waiting to see about this whole full moon theory.

Ouch!

I had another non-stress test and OB prenatal appointment today. Tim and Noah accompanied me. The NST went great - Ellie gave the reactions they hoped for. I talked to my OB about possibly inducing since my protein is still high (although it has gone down a little bit) and I am concerned about it. She said that proteinuria on its own is not reason enough to induce. After checking me and finding me at almost 4 cm and hearing how strong and how often my braxton hicks are she decided to strip my membranes to "naturally" help things progress. Ouch! That is one painful process.
She told me she wanted me to be tested for a bunch of things related to my kidneys to see if that is what is causing the proteinuria. While saying good-bye she informed me that with how far dilated I am, effaced and how my braxton hicks are, the membrane stripping should take effect and we could have a baby in the next 24-48 hours. Woo-hoo! Although if she is wrong and it doesn't take...I'm going to be highly disappointed.
Stay tuned!

My Dear One...

Today would have been your due date, but back in 2005. It is such a bittersweet day since I know that if you had made it full-term, your little brother, Noah, wouldn't be here with us. I want you to know that I do think of you still and Daddy does as well. He doesn't remember the dates of things like I do, but he said he thinks of you and what you would have been like and how he felt when we found out I had miscarried you. I have never seen him cry in such pain like he did when he called your Papa and Grandma Joycie to tell them what happened.
I may have never felt your first kicks or somersaults and hiccups but I at least got to see your tiny body-though lifeless- on an ultrasound, which is more than what some people are able to experience when they lose their child through miscarriage. I occasionally take out the ultrasound pictures and look at them to keep you close to my heart. I find that I do it less every year, which I assume is part of the healing process.
Sometimes I wonder - since I don't really know how it works in Heaven - if God allows you a glimpse of us. Do you know that you have a younger brother? Or a sister who is supposed to be born soon? I had really hoped that maybe she would come today and share your date. Your cousin, Kailyn, was born on the anniversary of your miscarriage. It was a step of healing for me as I could start approaching the day with a joy rather than grief. I had hoped maybe the same for this day. Not that it would ever erase you from my memory, but I know that you're not sad in Heaven and that you wouldn't mind.
I miss you so much and wonder what you would have looked like or how your personality would have been. I am excited to see you in Heaven one day and be able to spend eternity seeing you.
Love, Mom

Baby Update

I had an appointment yesterday and it went quite well. My protein is still high, but stable in that it didn't change from the week before. I hate going to an office where you have to see 3 different doctors because it seems that one of them is concerned and the other two are kind of neutral about it and you never know what you're going to get! My non-stress test was great. Ellie hates it so she is always especially active during that time which gives them the results they want to see. She also always gets the hiccups when it's being done, which is interesting to hear through the monitor. The doctor checked me and said, "You're dilated to 2 centimeters...oh, wait. If I stretch a little bit you're a at a 3." I'll take the 3, that's much more encouraging. That's 3 centimeters I don't have to worry about while in labor. I'm also 50% effaced.
So at this point in time I'm still supposed to keep doing all the tests and waiting for a baby. Technically there are 2 more weeks but I'm so uncomfortable I'm still praying it happens sooner.

I'm Exhausted!

Today is one of those days where being a wife and mom is exhausting. It's one of those days where you want your mom to be the mom of your household and you want to just be responsible for sitting down to eat dinner with the rest of the family and help clean up a bit afterwards.
I started full-force potty training with Noah today. Last week was our re-introduction week. I would ask if he had to use the potty and he wore pull-ups. He used it about 3 or so times a day. Today...he wore "big boy undies" for the first time. They have Lightning McQueen from the movie "Cars" on them. He was pretty excited about it. He started wearing them around 8:30 this morning and his first accident was just an hour later. He seemed kind of startled by the fact he could feel he was wet and it wasn't absorbed by anything. The rest of the morning went well. He used the potty every hour and was thrilled. After lunch I took him in there again and noticed he had wet a little bit in his underwear. I think maybe he had started and then stopped himself because after he used the potty that time there was a tiny lake in it. He wore a pull-up during his nap and when he woke up it was dirty. He came into my room and announced "My pull-up is dirty. I want dry undies." I felt that was a bit of an accomplishment at least in that he wanted to wear the underwear again.
The rest of the afternoon was a disaster. We quickly made it to the last pair of underwear based on small accidents. I will admit that part of it was due to my being negligent in asking him or taking him to the bathroom because I was trying a new recipe for dinner and it occupied a good hour of my time in which the potty was not part of my thoughts. At the moment he is yelling at Tim because he does not want to use the potty and Tim is trying to get him ready for bed. So although we had a good start to the day...it went downhill by the end. I guess tomorrow is a new day and I will spend this evening washing underwear to get ready for it.
Noah is at such a difficult point in life right now in that he is trying to exercise his independence and what he can and cannot get away with it. He will tell us he wants one thing and then when we get it for him he decides he wants something else. This doesn't fly with either Tim or I and so we tell him he already made his decision and if he doesn't want it then he doesn't get anything. This works in that he realizes we aren't going to waiver...but he has to test EVERY area of life: food, beverages, toys, clothes, anything you can make a decision in. It's exhausting. And yes, I know it will get even harder when I have the baby and there are two children demanding my time.
So between spending half the day in the bathroom or cleaning up accidents, dealing with painful braxton hicks contractions, preparing-eating-and cleaning dinner, and just going through the everyday toddler challenges, I think I'm the one that should be getting ready for bed. Now I just need to see if Tim will read me a story, pray with me and tuck me in.

Oh, this little one...

I had my 37 week appointment today. The doctor went over my protein results from last Friday's 24 hour collection and they were...not good. My protein was even higher this time than last. However, because my blood pressure is still normal (yea!) and I'm not swollen, there is not a way she can diagnose me with preeclampsia. I have to have something else in conjunction with the high protein. So now I am being watched carefully. Instead of just the once a week check-ups, I now have those AND twice weekly non-stress tests for fetal monitoring, once a week ultrasounds to check the amniotic fluid level and I have to do bloodwork and the 24 hour protein urine collections once a week. I was also dilated to just over a centimeter, which is more than I was with Noah at this point although I don't put much stock in how far you are dilated having an effect on when you actually go into labor. I wasn't dilated at all before I went into labor with Noah and I know people who have walked around for weeks being a few centimeters dilated. That's why my doctor in Grand Rapids never even checked her patients until the 39 week appointment. She said too many first time moms are broken hearted. I just figure the more I can dilate now, the less I have to do later, right?
Noah woke up from his nap with a slight fever. He was having a good morning and then right before lunch he curled up in my lap and wanted to snuggle...that's when I started suspecting something might be going on. He practically fell asleep in his lunch, hardly ate, and then asked to take a nap (at that point I was thinking something was definitely wrong.) I was surprised that he didn't nap as long as usual and when he came and woke me up from my nap, his cheeks were extremely flushed and warm and when I felt his forehead he felt warmer than usual. After taking his temperature I put in a quick call to his pediatrician's office to speak to the nurse. She said it was probably a small bug or cold since he has no other symptoms - no cough, no runny nose...just tired and a slight fever - so she had me give him some children's Motrin. I think that actually gave him a small burst of energy, but the rest of the afternoon and evening he was just not himself. He again curled up in my lap on the couch tonight and snuggled. Tim said he was asleep before they were even done with their usual bedtime routine. I hope it doesn't turn into anything more serious.
That's about all new here. I am excited to see my little girl on an ultrasound next Friday (I would like more to see her in person by that time, but we'll see...) My sister told me that ultrasounds are not as exciting late in the pregnancy because by that time the baby is so big you just see a head or part of the body instead of the entire little being. I wish I could see whether or not she has hair.....

Triage and he's back...

We picked up Noah tonight. We met my parents about halfway between in Portland, a little over an hour drive for us. He was thrilled to see us until we put him in the carseat to leave. The rest of the ride home was filled with him either crying or being crabby and angry. Unfortunately, it does usually take a day or two for him to get over his attitude of feeling like we "abandoned" him with Grampa and Gramma, even though he has the time of his life there. Hopefully tomorrow will run smoother than tonight.
Yesterday morning I spent in triage at the hospital. No, I wasn't having false labor or even thought I was in labor (though it would be nice...) I woke up and started to eat a bowl of cereal. Out of nowhere I developed this massive headache and started seeing small white spots all over. The headache was something my doctor had advised to watch for. I was supposed to ride into GR with Tim so that I could drop him off at work and then spend the day visiting people and getting last minute things I need for when Ellie arrives. Since Tim was supposed to be at work before my doctor's office even opened, I decided to call the hospital's birthing unit. After explaining the situation I asked if I could swing in and have my blood pressure checked, decided that if it was normal it was probably some worse than usual pregnancy headache and I could still go in to GR for the day.
We got to the birthing unit and the very nice nurse took us into triage where she then hooked me up to the fetal monitors and the blood pressure cuff. Explaining we would probably only be there for a few minutes, she took my blood pressure which turned out to be great. Ellie's heart rate was also holding steady in the mid-140s. The nurse then left to call my doctor.
She came back and explained that my doctor wanted me to remain hooked to the blood pressure cuff for a short amount of time to check it at certain intervals to monitor it to make sure it stayed low. She also said that since my bloodwork and protein test were now considered "old" (they had been taken 2 weeks before!) I had to get new ones. And I couldn't leave until the results from my bloodwork were processed.
What became a "few minute" check turned into two and a half hours. Tim and I watched "Good Morning America" and after that was done we switched over to the "Today Show" (of whose morning team I really do not like but they were interviewing Whitney Cerak and her family and the VanRyns so I did want to see that.) We watched Ellie's heartrate and the computer also monitor my contractions, which I was glad to see that my pain was actually registered as contractions - they're just not regular yet so they're not "real." The nurse came back and said they had to see Ellie's heartrate accelerate about 15 beats and stay that way for about 15 beats a certain amount of times before I could leave. They wanted to make sure her nervous system is mature by her moving causing her heartrate to go up to make sure everything was working together. This wouldn't usually be a problem except that Ellie had already had an active morning and was at that point sleeping, or at least resting. As soon as the nurse left, Tim tried singing to my belly. I have to confess I grew quickly annoyed by not being in the mood to hear "Row row row your boat" sung at my stomach. So I did what I thought would work. I began to move and sway my stomach as jerkingly as I could from side to side. That did it! Tim told me Ellie was going to be mad at me but I told him as long as her heartrate went up I didn't care where or how hard she wanted to kick me.
Finally, after getting the bloodwork results back and finding everything looked good, seeing an accelerated heartrate a certain amount of times and watching my blood pressure continue to actually lower while we were there...they let me leave. Along with a plastic bag containing the jug in which to collect my urine for 24 hours. Oh, the joy. So while everything else is looking good, I now wait until Thursday to see the results of my protein and whether it is still high like last time.
By then I will be 37 weeks and hopefully she decides to come soon. I don't know how much longer I can wait!

Relaxing Week

I figured I would blog more this week, having more free time to do it with Noah being gone. I guess there just hasn't been much to blog about.
It has been a very relaxing, and at times boring, week. I'm starting to really miss Noah, especially when I call my mom and can hear his little voice in the back. She said yesterday was a hard day for him in that he was highly sensitive and emotional and seemed to be asking about us a lot. I guess the time limit on all of us missing each other is 5 days, which is the longest we've ever been apart. So we might end up getting him tomorrow. We're going to play it by ear.
I got all of Ellie's stuff set up and clothes washed so she can come now. If only it worked like that. I do still have to pack our suitcase but I figure that part is easy, especially since I realize how much I overpacked the first time around. There are splashes of pink around now, between receiving blankets and clothes and whatnot. Tim is almost adjusted to it.
It has been a pretty non-eventful week. Tuesday night I visited with Stephani while the guys went and played basketball. I was able to fulfill the small part of me that once dreamed of being a teacher by helping her grade papers. Last night we bought the carseat (well, we picked it up but my parents technically bought it for us as what would have been a "shower" present if I had any- thanks Mom and Dad!) After we met Matt & Jeana at Barnes and Noble to visit. They asked if we wanted to go to Target and help them start a registry. They're going to do the Babies 'R Us one on their own but wanted to ease into the big store by doing a smaller one and having some help. So over to Target we went. Let me tell you, it is actually harder I think doing a registry for a child who will be about a year and a half because Tim and I were racking our brains trying to remember what they're using or are interested in at that age. Also, it's so much different with adopting from another country because we were saying, "No you won't need bottles because most kids don't usually use them at that age still" and then finding out that in China they don't wean their babies off bottles at as early of an age as we do and so she probably IS still using one. But it was fun and it reminded me of some last minute things I still need to pick up, which I will do today when I head into Grand Rapids with Tim. I'm going to drop him off and visit people, run errands, etc.
Then tonight we have a date! Probably our last one before Ellie is born.
I read an incredible book yesterday (yes, I did have time to read a whole book in a day...) It's called "The Shack" by William P. Young. It's fiction, but it gives you a ton of things to think about regarding God, the Trinity, where is God when bad things happen, etc. It was a book I'm recommending. Go read it. I think you can read an excerpt online at www.theshackbook.com.
So that's about it. We'll get our son back this weekend and then I'll continue to wait somewhat impatiently until this little girl decides to make her entrance.

He is Risen!

Easter was this past weekend. It was an interesting weekend for us overall. Easter didn't seem like Easter so that made it kind of weird. We also attend a chuch that isn't very traditional since they're trying to focus more on relationships than religion and reaching unchurched people (which is what the church should be doing) so that makes things feel different as well. For example, while in Grand Rapids we were used to attending a Maundy Thursday supper, Good Friday service and Sunday morning services where people would greet and respond with "He is risen!" "He is risen, indeed!"
Thursday night Tim read to Noah out of one of his children's Bibles the stories of The Last Supper and the Garden of Gethsemane. Even though Noah isn't totally grasping these things yet, it's important to us that we are starting these traditions and talking to him about God and Jesus at an early age.
Friday Tim read about the cross. Before bed, Tim and I read together (well, I read out loud while he rubbed my back and listened) from the book of Mark. I had just randomly picked that book to read from, mainly because I had opened to it. Neither of us must have read the story of Jesus being arrested from Mark, though, because while reading we both were taken by surprise. Mark 14:50-52 says this:

"Then everyone deserted him and fled. A young man, wearing nothing but a linen garment, was following Jesus. When they seized him, he fled naked, leaving his garment behind."

I stopped reading as Tim stopped rubbing my back and said, "What?! I have never heard that before!" It is so random you wonder what - if any - is the significance of it? Tim thought it was interesting how all the disciples deserted Jesus and yet this young man stays with him, that is until he is seized...in which case he takes off and leaves the garment in their hands pretty much. After discussing it a little bit, as well as laughing at the fact we've never noticed it before, we moved on and read the rest of the events that happened that significant Friday.
My parents came on Saturday afternoon bearing gifts galore for Noah and Ellie. I thought Tim was going to have a stroke when he looked around and said, "Look at all this pink. I've never seen so much pink." After opening gifts and Noah playing hide-and-seek-the-plastic-Easter-eggs with my dad and Tim, we grabbed a pizza and took it to my parents' hotel room. Everyone but me played in the pool. I took pictures. I think we're going to look into swim lessons for Noah. He kept climbing out and jumping back in (with either my Dad or Tim catching him of course.) My mom said, "I think even if no one had been there to catch him, he still would have jumped in." He would have. I know this because last summer whenever we went to the beach we had to have a hand on him at all times or else he would have run straight into the water without us. This year we're investing in a life jacket...and possibly swim lessons....and probably just a plastic pool in the backyard where I can monitor him a little easier.
Sunday morning was church. We went to the early service. Well, Tim had to be at all three, but the rest of us went to the early added service, mainly because it was a Panera breakfast. Not just bagels either - muffins and yummy pastries were there as well. Unfortunately, it was the one morning that week that Noah decided to not wake up before 7:00am so we had to wake him. We told him "Happy Easter" as we turned on his lamp and started pulling his blankets off him. He responded with "No happy Easter." Yes, that's our cheerful child. Now he knows what we feel like when he wakes us up. Tim told me later that he said, "He is risen" to a couple people. He stopped when all he got were blank looks and "um, yeah" as a response.
My mom is reading a book right now called "Pagan Christianity." I'm not quite sure all it's about but I know that she and some friends are thinking about just starting a kind of home church to meet with each other. She made a point of telling me last week that the community group Tim and I are in is more of what a church is supposed to be than what church services are. I was a little, nervous maybe?, of how she would respond to the service since she's been reading this book. While we were leaving she said, "Well, I can see things in your church that the "Pagan Christianity" book talks about, but if I was going to attend a church I would want it to be like your's. It was a very good service and I liked the music. Your friend, Stephani, has a beautiful voice." I guess I'll take that as a good thing overall. It's just very different for me to see my mom with all these new opinions.
So anyways, after they checked out of their room and Tim finished his part in the last service, we went to Bob Evans for lunch. That's right - no cooking or cleaning for us on Easter this year. I think that is what also contributed to it not feeling like Easter though. Afterward we came back to our place, I packed a suitcase for Noah, and my parents were off - taking Noah with them. I thought it would probably only be until Friday but they said they want to keep him until Sunday. Fine by me! This will be the longest we've ever been away from him though. It's usually just a few days, or a weekend. Not 8 days! It has been so quiet around here today that I keep thinking I need to check on him in his room, then I remember he's not there.
Well this has been a very long post. I have a doctor appointment this afternoon so we'll see if the blood pressure is still down. I was lectured by 2 nurses at church yesterday - separately - on how I need to continue to take it easy and rest because preeclampsia could come on suddenly at any time, especially since I'm already borderline. One of them, our friend Josh who is also in our small group, said that I need to stay away from foods high in salt and I should limit my carb intake. I told him I don't really like salty foods, so that part is not a problem, but we might have a problem with the carb intake side of things. So far today this child has been extremely active and I feel like my internal organs are sporting bruises as a result.

Time Out

Yesterday Noah was playing with his little Noah's Ark toy and animals. He put all the animals in the ark and then I saw him peek in and get this little look on his face.
"That's one. That's two. That's three. Time out," he said as he counted on his fingers. I wondered who he was talking to. I soon found out.
He pulled out a zebra and walked over to the dining room chair. He pulled out the chair and put it against the side of the fridge. This is where he goes when he is in time out.
"Time out chair," he told the zebra as he set it down in the middle of the chair. He then walked over to the microwave and (although he can't reach it on the counter) he put his hand in the air and acted like he was pushing buttons (which is where we set the timer.) "Two minutes."
He then came over and sat next to me on the couch and continued to play with the other animals, glancing up at the zebra every once in a while. He never actually got him out of the chair, though and after asking him questions I found out the zebra was in time out because he didn't listen and obey.
They really do pay attention to everything, don't they?

No Bedrest!

Yea! I just came home from my doctor appointment for the preeclampsia tests checkup. My blood pressure was 118/70! That is down quite a bit from last week's 149/86. She did say that my protein is on the high side of normal, which isn't great although it's not high enough to signal preeclampsia which is good. They are going to be keeping a close eye on my blood pressure though since the protein is high.
God answers prayer!

Honesty Can Hurt

Tim and I were watching a show the other day when this lady with skinny toned arms came on the screen. I turned to him and said, "My goal/dream for the summer is to have toned arms. I need you to help me."
He simply responded by saying "As long as your arms don't get more muscular than mine."
"No, no," I said. "I don't really want big muscle arms, just skinny toned arms."
"Your arms are never going to be skinny," he said matter of factly.
I gaped at him. "What?" I can't believe my husband just insulted me.
"It's not in your genes. Think about it. Have your arms ever been super skinny like what you want them to look like?"
I tried desperately to pull up a memory. As if he could read my mind he added, "Besides when you were 12." There goes that one.
He went on, "I'm not saying you can't have toned arms or that you shouldn't try. I'm just saying that you need to be realistic in what you're working for. And that woman on the screen is not built like you. She has twig arms and looks too skinny. But you can and should try to work your arms still. They just probably won't end up looking exactly like her's."
One of the things people hate about my husband is that he can be brutally honest. It's one of the things that draws me to him though. I don't want someone to sugarcoat things or flatter me to be on my good side. I want truth from my friends, from my family members. That's what he gives me.
Even if it hurts sometimes.
I'm still going to work for those arms too. He's just made me more determined.

Yea for the Nashes!

Matt and Jeana are our friends I mentioned yesterday with the very exciting news. I have mentioned them before in previous posts and their wait in the adoption process with China. Yesterday they received the big phone call and today they accepted the referral for a beautiful little girl in China! You can see pictures and find out more information by following this link:
http://www.youbelong.net/emma
We are so happy for them and they should be bringing her home this summer before the Olympics!

Random random

All sorts of things going on here. I'm getting another niece in July. The Ross cousins are starting to become a little more evened out. By the end of July there will be a total of 5 boys ranging in age from almost 8 years to about 8 months and 3 girls with the oldest at just over 3 years and the youngest being a newborn. I also found out some good friends of our's, Jack and Kelly, are also expecing a girl in late July. Little girls are popping up everywhere!
I had my 34 week checkup yesterday afternoon. My measurements and weight gain are good, the heart rate is good...my blood pressure is not so good. I have to be tested for preeclampsia next week so I am a little nervous about that (probably not helping the blood pressure go down at all.) My friend, Sara, from our small group came over this morning with her daughter, Laine. Laine was born 8 weeks early due to Sara having preeclampsia (Laine is now over a year old) so Sara was asking me questions and telling me about her experience. At least I am at a point in my pregnancy where if Ellie had to be delivered early, I am already only 6 weeks out. We - Tim, me, my mom and a couple others - have a feeling she will be coming in early April rather than late since the only "cure" for high blood pressure in pregnancy is delivery. So yikes! Lots to do still and who knows? I could be on bedrest as early as next Thursday afternoon.
Some good friends of our's received some VERY exciting news today but I won't share until they say it's ok. I will say it was the highlight of my day, if not my week.
Some other good friends, Tim and Christina, announced this week they will be moving to Ohio as early as June. That is exciting too, although Tim and I will miss them. We do feel like God just seems to be opening all doors for them to go so it is hard to not be excited for them and this new journey they'll be entering. They'll also be moving down near both their families and it's pretty close to where Tim's parents and Randy and Deidra now live, so we know we'll still see them quite a bit throughout the year.
Noah has been acting up with Tim being gone this week. I mean, Tim is here, he just has been working from early morning until dinner, coming home for about 15 minutes to grab a bite to eat and then he takes off again for another side job until around 10 or 11:00. Tonight is his last night (yea!) so we are looking forward to him being home tomorrow evening to actually put Noah to bed after playing with him for a bit. The funny thing is - Noah is good for me when it's just the two of us at home. It's when Tim is here that he gets the attitude. Tim has to work Saturday as well, so I am looking forward to Sunday afternoon and a chance for us all to relax and be home together.
Well, that's about it. Just a quick little random update but now I'm thinking of heading to bed. I was going to try to stay up until Tim got home tonight, but unless he makes it home by the time I get done brushing my teeth I don't think it's going to happen tonight.
The youtube video below is not really a video - it's just a still picture of a band called Band of Horses while a song plays. The song is a favorite of mine at the moment. It's called "No One's Gonna Love You"(More than I do.) I first heard it on an episode of Chuck (one of mine and Tim's new favorite shows - SO funny!) and love the song. Also - if you're ever looking for a song to get you out of a funk and put you in a good mood, I suggest Paolo Nutini's "New Shoes." Another favorite.

I Didn't Know He Would Cry So Much!

No, not Noah. Tim. This week he is pretty much gone more than home. Hey - I'm not complaining...the work is nice to have back! I'm just getting used to feeling like a single parent for the week and am so thankful that I am not one all the time.
Tonight I was feeling sentimental so I broke out our wedding DVD and watched it. It was just a handheld camera by my grandpa, so there are lots of shadows and the sound isn't always the best...but I'm so thankful to have something to watch from our ceremony.
The actual ceremony (we did a slideshow beforehand) opened with Deidra singing "Ave Maria" and our wedding party walking down. Tim was up front with the pastor who officiated, Bill Blue - my old youth pastor and the father of one of my best friends. He was crying as soon as the first bridesmaid/groomsman couple came walking down the aisle. Then came three more couples followed by our ring bearer - Tim's nephew, Cameron - who had fractured some bones in his foot the week beforehand and had a slight limp. He still was adorable. Our flower girls and ring bearer were supposed to walk up only to the front row and then sit with their parents; we didn't want them standing up front during the entire ceremony. While watching Cameron walking up the steps, handing a ring pillow to Randy (the best man), walking down and then realizing he wasn't supposed to do that and walking back up to get the pillow and down, you can hear one of the flower girls having a breakdown. Yes, my 3 year old cousins, who the night before and all morning couldn't get enough of their baskets and pretty dresses and were soaking up attention everywhere, barely made it down the aisle. Gabrielle took off like a rocket and raced down the aisle to her parents. Racquelle threw herself down in the middle of the aisle and screamed until someone came to get her. Oh, well, it provided laughs.
Switch music to "Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini." I chose to walk down to this song in honor of my grandpa in a way that no one but the female members of my family would recognize. The song is played by a music box in the movie "Somewhere in Time" - an old family favorite because it was filmed on Mackinac Island. My grandparents lived in St. Ignace during the warm weather months and so we spent much of our childhood summers in St. Ignace and the surrounding areas. My grandfather had passed away almost 2 years previous to my wedding and it was a way for me to remember him and have him a part of a most important day even though he couldn't actually be.
Anyways - cue "Rhapsody" and enter me and Dad. I was somewhat crying as I hobbled down the aisle. Yes, hobble. In all my intelligence leading up to the wedding I had decided to have an itty bitty plantar wart removed from the ball of my foot. All I could think about was how I didn't want to go on my honeymoon with this almost invisible wart in a place where no one was going to look anyway. I also didn't want to experience my wedding night with this thing attached to me (as if Tim would even be paying attention to the bottom of my foot.) So the Wednesday before the wedding I went in to kind Dr. Maskill - who I will say did try to talk me out of it until after the wedding but I ignored him thinking it couldn't be that bad - and sat there silent and in intense pain as he held liquid nitrogen against it. Three days later I was still somewhat hobbling in pain if too much pressure was put on the ball. I think by the end of the day my foot was somewhat numb overall.
Tim continued to cry as I came up the aisle. He also cried as Bill began the ceremony. Then again after lighting the unity candle. I think once he realized we were close to the kissing part he got himself together.
I watched myself on the DVD and realized what a goofball I looked like that day. I think I was so nervous I couldn't keep my head on straight. I looked around at people on my side of the church, my bridesmaids, Bill and occasionally at Tim as Tim looked directly at me the entire time. I made silly faces a couple times and had a big cheesy grin on my face the rest of the time. I wonder if he realized that day what a nerd he was marrying!
Ah, well. What do you do? Almost five years later and we're happier now than then although at that time I didn't think we could be more so. Every year for our anniversary we have always been blessed enough to be able to travel around the date and we usually just end up saying it's our way of celebrating. The first year we went to Cancun with my sister and brother-in-law the week after our anniversary. The second year we went to Mackinac Island to attend a "Celebrate Your Marriage" conference. The third year we were in Florida the weekend after our anniversary because Tim was a groomsman in a wedding. Last year was our first actual planned specifically anniversary getaway and we went to Chicago to see Frank Lloyd Wright's studio, house, and the Robie House. This year we are going to be traveling again. We'll be in a gorgeous part of Virginia where Tim's cousin is getting married on our anniversary - May 24. Yes, we'll have a one-month old daughter at the time, but we don't want to miss it and, quite honestly, the younger they are the easier they are to travel with because they sleep all the time!
I can't wait to celebrate our anniversary and look back on what we have encountered in our marriage and how God has grown us.